Crazy Stupid Bromance

by Lyssa Kay Adams

  “I’ve never, I mean. No one has ever . . .” She shut up and bit her lip.

  His face lost all traces of amusement. “You’ve never had oral sex?”

  She shrugged. “Not on me. I mean, not done to me.”

  The look on Noah’s face couldn’t have been more disgusted if she’d told him she’d switched alliances from Finn to Poe. “What the fuck is wrong with the men of this country?”

  She barked out a laugh as he suddenly blocked her against the counter with his arms. Boom. Her nipples pebbled and her thighs began to sweat.

  His mouth dipped to her ear. “Did you like it?”

  “I thought that was obvious,” she panted. The heat of his breath made her weak and wet.

  “Want me to do it again?” His tongue dipped into the cave of her ear.

  “Yep,” she squeaked.

  “Good,” he breathed, lips now tickling her throat. “Because knowing that I’m the only man in this whole goddamned world who knows how good you taste makes me want to do it over and over again.”

  “You—You think I taste good?”

  “You are a fucking delicacy,” he growled, lips now hovering over hers. “And I plan to feast on you every chance I get.”

  He devoured her mouth and then released her with a swat on the butt.

  Alexis laughed and pushed him away. “Who is this man in my kitchen, and what you have done with my mild-mannered Noah?”

  He winked at her, and her entire body went up in flames.

  “I wish I didn’t have to work today,” she yawned, carrying her tea to the table. She sat down and drew one leg up on her chair. “But since I was off Friday and Saturday, I can’t justify another day off, even if it’s Sunday.”

  Noah shoveled another bite of cereal into his mouth. “I have about a thousand things to catch up on too. I wish I could cancel every one of them.”

  “New clients?”

  “Old ones who can’t train their employees to stop opening phishing emails.”

  “I love it when you talk nerdy to me.”

  He tipped his cereal bowl and drank the rest of the milk. Even that was sexy. After putting the bowl in the dishwasher, he joined her at the table and slid his phone toward her. “I started a grocery list. Add whatever you need. I’ll get it after I finish work today.”

  Her heart ping-ponged in her chest as she glanced down at the list. “Steel-cut oats?”

  “Those are for me.”

  “Planning on eating breakfast here a lot?”

  “Yep.”

  “That’s awfully presumptuous of you. We haven’t even been on a real date yet.”

  “What’re you talking about? We’ve been on a million dates.”

  “Not as a couple. Not since we’ve started, you know . . .”

  He jerked his eyebrows. “Doing the oral thing?”

  Her cheeks got hot again.

  Noah sighed dramatically and leaned back in his chair. “Fine. Will you go out with me?”

  “Depends on where you take me.”

  “Your bedroom?”

  “I can do that.”

  Noah grabbed the seat of her chair and dragged it close to his. He took her hands and tugged her forward until she willingly straddled his lap.

  Things were just getting good when her cell phone rang.

  Noah nipped her collarbone and then let her go with a groan. She jogged into the hallway where her phone was charging. The number was from Huntsville.

  Her pulse skyrocketed as she answered. “Hello?”

  “Alexis? This is Jasmine from the transplant center.”

  Her breath lodged in her throat. “Yes, hi.”

  “I’m calling to tell you that we got the second round of compatibility tests back.”

  Alexis looked up to find Noah hovering in the doorway, eyebrows furrowed.

  “Okay,” she said on a breath. “What’s the verdict?”

  “You’re a genetic match.”

  The roaring in her ears made it hard to focus on what Jasmine said after that. Something about scheduling her for the final tests to make sure she was healthy enough for the surgery. Something about needing to do it in the next couple of weeks and it would take two days.

  Alexis finally thanked her and hung up.

  “What’s wrong?” Noah asked, walking closer.

  “That was the hospital.”

  He stopped short. “And?”

  “I’m a genetic match.”

  Noah dragged his hand over his hair. “Now what?”

  “She wants me to come down for two days of testing to make sure I’m healthy enough for the surgery.”

  Noah stared at the floor, jaw hard and clenched.

  “I have to do this, Noah.”

  “I know.” His breath shook as he lowered his forehead to her shoulder. “How can I help?”

  “Can you come with me?”

  “You even have to ask?”

  She kissed him. In five seconds flat, her T-shirt was on the floor. Thirty seconds later, he backed her to the couch and his mouth was on her breast and she was moaning his name. Twenty seconds after that, Noah dropped to his knees in front of her splayed legs.

  She lost track of time after that.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  This was her favorite way to wake up.

  In the ten days since they’d returned from Memphis, Noah had spent every night in her bed and awakened her the same way every morning. It started with a kiss on the shoulder as his arm snaked around her waist. Then a slow, exploratory caress followed until she was fully awake, and then it always ended like this—wrapped up in each other, spent and sweaty, and deliriously happy.

  Noah kissed her deeply, still buried inside her. With a groan, he wrenched his mouth away and burrowed his face in her neck. “Don’t make me get up.”

  Alexis ran her hands up his spine. “Sorry. But I have a lot to do to get ready for the tests.” They were going to drive down to Huntsville tonight and stay in a hotel, because she had to be at the transplant center in the morning to start the physical evaluations. “And you have to help Mack with the seating chart.”

  His groan this time was of the disgusted kind. He rolled off her. “I can’t wait for this wedding to be over.”

  A laugh bubbled from her chest as she curled against his warm side. Noah picked up her hand from where it was splayed between his pecs and brought her fingers to his lips. “Are you packed and ready to go, or do you need to come home again before we leave?”

  “I’ll take all my stuff to work so you can just pick me up there.”

  Noah yawned. “I think the guys are going to pick me up here for wedding shit. Then I’ll run home to pack a few things before coming to get you.”

  Alexis kissed his jaw. “You’re a good man, Noah Logan.”

  He turned his head to catch her lips with his. “You make me want to be a good man.”

  Alexis melted on the inside. Noah wrapped his arm around her shoulder to palm the back of her head as he kissed her again. Soon, he rolled her onto her back, and his hand began its exploration again, and—

  “Shit.” Noah froze, eyes wide, unblinking, and staring off to the side.

  “What? What’s wrong?” Alexis followed his stare. Beefcake was beside the bed, paws perched on the mattress as if he wanted someone to pick him up.

  Noah’s Adam’s apple bobbed. “If I move slowly, maybe he won’t hurt me.”

  “He’s not going to hurt you.” Alexis patted the mattress. “Come on, Beefcake. You can do it.”

  Noah rolled off her and managed to throw the comforter over his naked lap just in time. Beefcake leaped onto the bed, lumbered over Alexis, and went straight for Noah.

  Noah held rigidly still, not even breathing, as Beefcake stepped gingerly onto his chest.
r />   “Oh shit.” Noah gulped.

  Alexis scratched Beefcake behind the ears. “Good boy,” she cooed. “Noah is our friend.”

  The gravel of a deep purr vibrated through his thick fur. Eyes closed, Beefcake began to knead his front paws into Noah’s chest.

  Alexis gasped. “Awwww . . . look at that.”

  Noah swallowed hard. “Wh-What’s he doing?”

  “It’s called making kitty biscuits.”

  “It’s called tenderizing the meat.”

  “It’s a sign of affection.”

  Beefcake began to purr louder as he folded his legs under him and settled into a rectangle on Noah’s chest.

  “A full meat loaf,” Alexis whispered, emotion choking her.

  “What the hell does that mean?” Noah hissed back.

  “That’s what you call that cat position. A meat loaf. They only do it when they’re truly relaxed and content.”

  Beefcake was the picture of relaxation—eyes closed, purring with a steady motor, head lowered. “Pet him,” Alexis whispered.

  Noah’s hand rose slowly from the mattress and hovered above Beefcake’s back. Then, inch by inch, he lowered it until his fingers brushed Beefcake’s fur. The purr became a rumble.

  Alexis lowered her cheek to Noah’s shoulder and sighed. “My two favorite men. Friends, at last.”

  * * *

  * * *

  Alexis was still melty and deliriously happy an hour later when she sat down with Jessica at a bistro table with her laptop and her daily planner. Two of the part-time college students who worked there manned the counter. It was past nine, so the worst of the morning rush was over. Still, she wanted to keep the meeting as short as possible. Even taking two days off for the physical evaluations was going to be tough, and she had an intimidatingly long to-do list to get through today. She shuddered to think how much she was going to have to do if she actually went through with the surgery. She’d be off work for a minimum of ten days.

  Jessica pushed a plate bearing a scone and a cup of cut-up fruit closer to Alexis. “I haven’t seen you eat anything.”

  Alexis popped a grape into her mouth as she pulled out a copy of the schedule she’d put together that morning. “Let me know if this works for you. Liv and Mack are both available to help out anytime you need it.”

  “Beth and I can handle it,” Jessica said. “Don’t worry.”

  “If anything comes up, just call me. If I can’t answer, call Noah. He can get messages to me.”

  “Seriously, Alexis. We got this. You just focus on what you need to do.”

  Alexis closed her planner and ate another grape. “Thank you for pet sitting.” Jessica had agreed to stay at her house while Alexis was gone. Beefcake wasn’t exactly kennel material. He had a tendency to pee on cats he didn’t know. “He’ll be mad that I didn’t bring him to work today, but just give him a treat, and he’ll get over it.”

  A ding from the café door interrupted. Alexis glanced over and then quickly back with a smile. Bob Brown, the head of the East Nashville district business council, shuffled forward with an apologetic gait.

  “Hey, Bob. What’s up?”

  “Good to see you, Alexis. Wish I was here under better circumstances.”

  A tinge of alarm shot through her. “What’s wrong?”

  He handed over an envelope. “Didn’t want you to see this in an email.”

  Alexis opened it and pulled out a single sheet of paper. Bob stood nervously by as she scanned the words.

  “Oh, for God’s sake,” she breathed, looking up at Bob. “Is this for real?”

  “’Fraid so.”

  Jessica reached for the paper. “What is it?”

  Alexis tried to keep the venom from her voice. “Karen actually did it. She filed a complaint against me. I have to answer to the zoning board.”

  * * *

  * * *

  Noah took a shower at Alexis’s house and did an hour of work while he waited for the guys to pick him up. He’d left his own car at home last night, so he’d have the guys drop him off there after they helped Mack, though he still had no idea why it was so difficult to assign people seats for a wedding.

  There was a knock at the front door just as he was shutting down his computer. He crossed the room, opened the door, and found Colton and the Russian standing there. “You could’ve just texted that you were here,” he said.

  “The Russian has to pee,” Colton said, brushing past Noah as he walked in. He paused in the entryway and looked around. “Cute place. It totally looks like her.”

  “Shut up.”

  “All I said was cute place.”

  “It was the way you said it,” Noah scowled. “And how the hell would you know what looks like her?”

  Colton raised his hands and his eyebrows. “Chill, dude. I know there’s always the threat of me stealing your girl because I’m me, but she’s all yours.”

  Noah stepped back to let the Russian in. “Bathroom’s over there,” he said with a nod around the corner. As the Russian wandered off, Noah glared at Colton. “If he has to do more than take a piss, I’m holding you personally responsible.”

  Colton shrugged and headed toward the kitchen.

  Noah shut the door. “Where are you going?”

  “I’m looking around.”

  “Just don’t touch anything.” Noah hung a left into the living room where he’d been working. He shoved his shit into his backpack and walked into the kitchen to find Colton peering in the fridge.

  “What are you doing? Get out of there.”

  “I’m hungry.”

  “You can’t just take shit from her fridge!”

  Colton swung the door shut. “There’s nothing good in there anyway. Just a bunch of weird shit.”

  “It’s not weird. She’s a vegetarian.”

  Colton’s gaze landed on the red harness hanging from a hook by the door to the garage. He grabbed it and let it dangle suggestively from his fingers. “Kinky. What exactly do you and Alexis do?”

  Noah yanked the harness away. “It’s a cat leash, douchebag.”

  “A cat leash?” Colton laughed. “You’re kidding.”

  “Beefcake needs regular exercise.”

  The toilet flushed, and a moment later, the Russian wandered into the kitchen. “Where is kitty?”

  “Hiding. He doesn’t like strangers.”

  Colton suddenly froze. “Wh-What is that?”

  Noah followed Colton’s terrified gaze. Beefcake had appeared out of nothingness, a furry, motionless apparition at the end of the hall. A dark silhouette with glowing eyes.

  “That’s Beefcake,” Noah gulped. Morning truce aside, he was still sort of afraid.

  “No,” Colton breathed. “That can’t be Beefcake. There’s no way that’s a cat.”

  “That is no cat,” the Russian said, reverence in his tone. “That is a majestic animal. Like Siberian tiger.”

  Noah inched along the wall, feeling with his fingers until he found the hallway light switch. Golden light flooded the space, and Colton let out a scream. Because Beefcake had somehow teleported ten feet forward.

  “Pretty kitty,” the Russian cooed, dropping to one knee.

  Noah held his breath as the Russian crouched low and held out his hand. Beefcake rolled at the Russian’s feet and began kneading the air with his paws.

  “What is that noise?” Colton asked.

  “He’s purring.”

  “That’s a growl. He’s going to kill us. You actually put a leash on that thing?”

  “He can’t be let out on his own anymore. He kills birds.”

  “I’d be more worried about him luring a small child into the sewer.”

  The Russian made an awww noise and dropped his hand to the exposed fur of Beefcake’s belly.

&nbs
p; “Don’t!” Noah cried.

  But it was too late. Beefcake sprang like a trap in the woods. He wrapped all four legs around the Russian’s arm and bit his hand. The Russian shrieked and stood, the cat hanging from his forearm.

  “Bad kitty! Bad kitty!” The Russian waved his hand in the air, but that just made Beefcake dig his claws in deeper.

  Noah smacked Colton’s arm. “Do something!”

  “What the hell am I supposed to do?”

  “I don’t know! You’re a cat owner! Get a treat or something!”

  “Like what? A baby?”

  The Russian bellowed like a man who’d been shot and dropped to one knee with a desperate plea. “Help me!”

  Noah smacked Colton again. “Meat. Get meat.”

  “You said Alexis is a vegetarian. There is no meat!”

  “I am the meat,” the Russian cried.

  Colton ran to the fridge and dug around. He returned with a piece of cheese. “Beefcake . . . here, kitty kitty.” Colton waved the cheese and approached slowly.

  Beefcake sniffed the air, finally releasing his teeth from the Russian’s hand.

  “That’s it. Good boy,” Noah crooned.

  Colton held the cheese close to the animal’s face and then threw it into the hallway. Beefcake dropped to the ground and lumbered after it.

  The Russian held his injured arm against his torso and stuck out his lower lip. “Kitty is mean.”

  Noah ran his hand over his hair. “Kitty is hungry.”

  “Why the hell does she keep a cat like that,” Colton grumbled, inspecting the Russian’s wounds.

  “That’s just Alexis,” Noah said. “She has a soft spot for ugly and lonely creatures.”

  “I guess that explains why she keeps you too.”

  Noah flipped him off.

  Colton tugged the Russian toward the sink. “We need to clean these scratches.”

  “I’ll get the first aid stuff.” He went into the bathroom where Alexis had insisted he clean his own Beefcake wounds and grabbed the first aid kit under the sink. When he returned, the Russian was wincing as Colton dabbed a wet paper towel to the scratch on his hand.