“Words are just that, Channing. They are just words. Just because they’re used to describe the people we are, it doesn’t mean that they define us,” I explain.
She shakes her head, obviously not really hearing me, or not wanting to. She’s too stuck in her own self-disgust at her situation. “They define me, Rylan. Words describe and define the person that I allowed myself to become,” she whispers.
I can’t believe I’m having this conversation in the middle of the goddamn grocery store, but here I am. Dipping my chin, I catch her gaze, and hold it, hold onto it, refusing to let it go. “I am an ex-con, I’m a criminal, I’m guilty, and I am a murderer. To some, I am evil and I deserve to rot in a cell. Are those the words you use to define me? The man who shares your bed?” I demand, my voice harsh and a bit louder than it should be.
“Never, you’re the best man I know,” she whispers.
Lowering my head, I press my lips against hers and gently kiss her. She sighs, her body melting a bit against my own. “You’re the best woman I know, Channing,” I murmur against her lips. “The kindest, most selfless, sexiest, sweetest woman I know. Those are the words I choose to define you. Not what some know-it-all, cunt in town chooses to use. Their opinions don’t mean a whole fuck’ve a lot to me, and they shouldn’t to you either.”
She nods, though I’m not sure if she believes my words. She will. One day she will believe me. She’ll see that she isn’t what these narrow minded bitches make her out to be. She will see that what she was, was a manipulated girl.
He targeted her. He knew her background and he knew she would feel special with his attentions. It’s what they do. Abusers, pedophiles, fucking assholes. No matter what they’re defined as, that’s what they do. Channing is innocent, unlike me, she doesn’t deserve the town’s labels and bullshit words thrown at her.
We finish our shopping, though Channing is much more somber. She doesn’t check her prices as much and seems to just want to get the trip over with. I don’t say anything. I want to take her home, lock her away in our own little place of solitude and show her just what she means to me. I want to make her forget everything else in the world.
CHANNING
After unloading the groceries, I stand at the open refrigerator door and just stare at the contents. My cabinets and fridge have never been so full in my entire life. Not ever. Rylan made this possible. Without him, I would be continuing to buy one meal at a time, hopeful that I have enough for dinner the next day.
“You making that pizza tonight?” he asks from behind me.
Turning around, I see him sitting at the small bistro table, a smile on his lips. We found a store made take and bake pizza, all fresh ingredients. It is almost twice the size of a five-dollar deal pizza, for only eight bucks. It was a screaming deal and it looked so good, my mouth watered as soon as I saw it. I almost want to wait, afraid to eat it too soon, wishing to maybe savor it a bit, but the look on Rylan’s face tells me it’s exactly what he wants tonight.
“Sure,” I smile.
Turning back around, I take the pizza out of the fridge and slide it onto the countertop while I preheat the oven. “Everything okay at the doctor? I wish I could have gone with you. I’ll probably never be able to go, though, not with my schedule,” Rylan mumbles.
I turn to the pizza and begin to tear the plastic wrapping off from around the pie. Nodding, I start to speak, keeping the information about the photograph to myself, at least until I can get it out of my purse for him. I tell him almost everything that I did at the doctor. He doesn’t need to know about me peeing in a cup, but I do tell him the instructions the doctor gave me, and what foods to avoid, not that I’ll have a taste for swordfish anytime soon.
Once the pizza is in the oven, I walk over to my purse and take the little picture out. Pressing it against my chest, I make my way over to Rylan. He watches me, his head tipped to the side and a curious look on his face. I don’t blame him, I have the biggest smile on my lips, one that I can’t hide, even if I wanted to.
“You know they did an ultrasound?” I ask.
He doesn’t speak, only shakes his head. I set the picture on the table and slide it toward him.
I watch as he reaches out, his fingers only touching the corner of the flimsy paper.
“Where’s the baby?” he asks, his voice sounding almost horrified.
Leaning over, I point at the little baby blob. “This is the head, and this is the body. These little things sticking out are the arms and legs that are beginning to form,” I explain, showing him exactly the way the doctor showed me.
He doesn’t say anything right away, his eyes only focus on the picture in front of him. I wonder if it’s too soon. We’ve moved so fast, maybe seeing it like this is too much for him—too real. I know that even with myself, it felt like a ton of bricks crashing into me, it’s reality now. There is human life inside of me, growing.
“Wow,” he exhales. “C’mere.”
I move closer to him. Rylan spreads his legs, grabbing ahold of my hips and tugs me between them. Without a word, he lifts my shirt over my belly. I watch, unsure of what to do. Lifting my hand, I run my fingers through his hair, gripping it a bit when I do.
He tilts his head back, his eyes staring into mine and I immediately melt at the look on his face. His eyes are a bit glassy, his mouth open slightly in awe, and his face is so slacked and soft that I find myself even more attracted to him in this moment.
“This is ours,” he mutters. “I know it’s not really mine, but at the same time, it is. It’s beautiful, Channing. You are beautiful.”
“How are you this sweet of a man?” I ask, the words tumbling from my lips.
He grunts. “I’m not sweet, not to anyone but you.” He grins.
Smiling, I lower my head and brush my lips across his. “I don’t think that’s true. Your cousin loves you, and you were nicer to your parents than you had to be,” I point out.
He grunts again, this time it’s against my mouth and I press my thighs together. His hands squeeze my hips and he tugs me down until my ass lands against his leg. One of his hands leaves my hips and slides up my spine to twist in my hair, he angles my head and I whimper when his mouth slams against my own.
His tongue fills me, tastes me, and I allow him inside, to take from me—all of me. He’s right. This baby is his, I am his—we are his. Lifting my arms, I wrap them around his shoulders and press closer against him. He groans at the same time the timer on the oven rings.
Slowly, I back away from him, reluctantly I stand on shaky legs before I quietly walk over to the oven. Bending over, I take the pizza out and place it back on the cardboard round before bringing it over to the table. Rylan’s eyes track my every move.
When I return to the table with plates and the pizza cutter, he smiles. Reaching across, he slips the pizza cutter from my hand and I watch him cut perfect triangles. He places four slices on my plate, then five on his own.
“I can’t eat all this,” I point out.
He snorts. “I bet you can, sweetheart. Feed our baby.” He winks.
“The doctor said eating for two was a wives’ tale. He told me to eat just like I normally would, and not to overindulge,” I explain.
Without a word, Rylan reaches over, taking a slice from my plate and holds it up to my mouth. “Bite,” he grunts.
I open, taking a bite. He smiles, and takes a bite of his own. He feeds me. I eat every single bite on my plate, because he feeds it to me. It’s sexy, intimate, and downright orgasmic. I’ve never wanted him as badly as I do right now. By the time I’m finished eating, I’m ready to pounce.
“Let’s go to bed,” he grins, his eyes darkening.
Standing, I brush my hands off on the paper towel I’m using as a napkin, then reach for the plates to clean up. Rylan wraps his hand around my wrist. “Go take a shower or a bath. Whatever you want. I’ll clean up,” he offers.
“Really?” I breathe.
He shakes his head with a smirk.
“Yeah, sweetheart, really.”
Leaving him alone in the kitchen, I walk toward the bedroom. Is this really going to be my life? Can this be real? I feel like a hammer is about to drop. Like this couldn’t possibly all be true, and yet, it is. Granted Rylan isn’t perfect, but then again, neither am I.
A man is offering to help me raise a baby that isn’t his, you don’t find men like that just any day of the week. He is special. Beautiful and special. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world, and every time the niggle of something going bad enters my mind, I tamp it down, because this good is beyond anything I’ve ever thought possible.
Chapter Fourteen
RYLAN
I stand out on the back patio. There’s a warm Texas breeze that blows around me, signaling that the weather is changing. We don’t get much of a winter around here, but when we do it can get bitter. I inhale deeply, wondering if we’ll get anything from the hurricane that is forming in the Gulf.
We’re far enough away from the ocean that we don’t need to evacuate or be overly concerned when one hits. However, we’re close enough that it will rain heavily, and there will be flooding in some areas. My phone rings. I dig it out of my pocket, frowning when I see that it’s Wyatt calling. We’re going to meet up with him in just half an hour, I wonder what’s so important it can’t wait.
“Hello?” I ask.
“Hey, just wanted to let you know we’re on standby to leave,” he announces.
“Standby to leave?”
He chuckles. “Yeah, if this hurricane hits and it does what they’re projecting they’ll need us at the Gulf to restore power,” he explains.
Clearing my throat, I lift my hand and run my fingers through my hair. “I didn’t think I would go with you guys,” I murmur.
“It won’t hit until Monday, so we’ll probably leave Tuesday, maybe Wednesday. Which means you need your Class A license on Monday. You think you can pass the test?” he asks.
I clear my throat. “Yeah, probably.”
“Won’t be a problem, will it? Your legal shit?” he asks.
Chuckling, I shake my head like he can see me. “Not going to be a problem, Wyatt. I completed my court-ordered rehab inside. I did my full sentence so I don’t have parole or any of that shit. I’m good, cousin.”
“Okay. Just wanted to let you know, and technically you’re not supposed to be drinking while on standby, so it’s a dry night for us.”
I hear the door close behind me and I turn around. Channing is standing on the porch. Her long hair is braided down her shoulder, her face clean of makeup as usual, and fucking beautiful. My eyes travel down her body and my cock presses against my zipper.
She’s wearing a low scoop white tank top, it’s tight on her small rounded belly and stops at her hips. Clearing my throat, I look at her indecently short cutoff jean shorts. Her long legs are bare and she’s wearing a pair of worn brown boots that hit the middle of her calf.
“Don’t drink anymore, Wyatt so you don’t have to worry about that,” I mutter, unable to take my eyes from Channing.
“See you in a few, then,” he grunts before he ends the call. I shove my phone in my pocket but don’t move.
Her gaze finds my own, and she holds it as she slowly walks toward me. I can’t get enough of her, but right now, in this sweet fucking country girl getup, I want to turn her back into that house and fuck her again.
“Are you ready to go?” she asks, fiddling with her keys in her hand.
I hum, taking a step toward her, reaching out and wrapping my hand around her waist before I tug her against my body. She places her hands on my chest and tips her head back to look up at me. Dipping my chin, I brush my lips across hers.
“I’m ready to be inside you again,” I growl, flexing and pressing my hard length against her hips.
She exhales, her mouth parting slightly. “I want that too. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anyone else, ever.”
Brushing my lips across hers, I leave my mouth pressed against her own before I speak. “Thank fuck because you’re stuck with me, sweetheart,” I rasp.
She giggles softly, her hands sliding up my chest to wrap around the back of my neck. “Thank goodness,” she breathes.
I slant my head to the side and kiss her. I don’t wait for an opportunity to slip my tongue inside of her mouth, I take it. I take her and own her, and I’ll keep doing it, for as long as she’ll let me. Nibbling on her bottom lip, I slowly break our kiss. Looking down, her lips are swollen, her eyes heavy-lidded and she’s staring at me looking completely lost.
“You ready to go, sweetheart?” I whisper.
“Yeah,” she nods. “Anywhere.”
I grunt. I would go anywhere with her too. Anyfuckingwhere she wanted to go. “Let’s go,” I say, lifting my chin.
Walking over to her car, I open the driver’s door and wait until she’s safely inside before I close it behind her. Then I jog over to the passenger side. I’m actually a bit excited to get my license again on Monday. I may not have my own car, but being able to drive Channing around when we’re together will be nice. It feels unnatural to let her drive—completely fucking unnatural.
“Are you okay?” she asks once we’re backed down the drive and on the way to the bar.
Reaching across the car, I wrap my hand around the back of her neck and give her a squeeze. Her fingers tighten against the steering wheel. My eyes flick to them, then back up to her profile. “Wyatt called. He thinks we may have to go down to the Gulf in a few days because there’s a hurricane about to hit. He just wanted me to be prepared and asked me if I was ready to test for my license on Monday. I have to be able to drive a bucket truck down there,” I explain.
I watch as she bites the corner of her lip, my eyes glance down at her fingers and I notice her grip loosens on the wheel. Flexing my fingers against her neck, I wait for her to respond.
“Can you? Get your license, I mean?”
“Pull into the parking lot, let me explain something, yeah?”
She nods as she turns the wheel and guides the car into the gravel parking lot. Once she shifts the car into park, she lets out a breath and turns to face me. I keep my hand around the back of her neck, needing to touch her in some way.
“I completed my full term. I could have been paroled early. Good behavior or some shit, but I didn’t want to be. I felt like I deserved my full sentence, and then some. I completed a twelve-step program and now that I’m out, I’m considered free with no probation requirements or anything like that,” I explain.
She doesn’t say anything for what feels like an excruciating long moment. Then she finally speaks, and once again I am blown away by this woman that I don’t deserve.
“You did your time, all of it, and you’re working hard on being better than the man you were when you went inside. I am so amazed by you, Rylan. So amazed, and you want me? Me? I don’t understand it, but I’m not going to question it, not ever.”
Leaning across the center console, I shift my hand from around her neck to cup her cheek. Then I lift my other hand, to cup her other cheek. I press my lips against hers. The kiss is hard, and fast. I want to deepen it, but not here, not now.
“I don’t deserve to even breathe your air, sweetheart,” I rasp. “One day you will discover that, too. I hope you don’t hate me when you do, but know that every second at your side is a goddamn gift.”
She smiles against my mouth, her lips pressing against my own briefly. “Let’s go inside, I want to meet your friends.”
Chuckling, I pull away from her and search her eyes with my own. “You’ve made me a pussy, Channing,” I announce, shaking my head a few times.
Her lips turn up into a big grin. Without a word, she pulls away and climbs out of the car. I watch her for a brief second before I climb out as well and walk over to her side. Sliding my hand around her waist, we walk side-by-side into the bar.
“Oh hey, can you get in here?” I ask once we reach the front door.
&nb
sp; She smiles. “They serve food. I just can’t drink, not that I could even if I wanted to,” she points out, placing her hand on her stomach.
CHANNING
The bar is hazy with smoke, and I frown thinking about inhaling all of that second-hand smoke for the next few hours. Rylan and I show our IDs and I’m stamped with red ink on the back of my hand which serves as a marker for the bartender so that he doesn’t serve me alcohol.
“It’s too fucking smoky in here for you,” Rylan shouts over the country song blasting throughout the bar. “Let’s go get the guys and we’ll go outside,” he announces, lifting his chin toward a round table with several men sitting in a circle.
I’m afraid to look up into the men’s faces. I can only imagine what they’ve heard about me in town. It’s not a secret any longer. Especially now that random people have decided to spew their hate toward me in places like the grocery store. I knew it would come out eventually, everything does in this town. I had just hoped it wouldn’t right away.
Rylan’s lips touch my temple, and I tilt my head to the side to look up at him. “Outside,” he announces.
I answer him with only a smile and together we follow the line of men outside. Once we’re there, I inhale a deep breath and am thankful my lungs have clean air again, and my baby.
“Sorry about that, Channing, I didn’t even think about the smoke when I invited y’all,” Wyatt announces.
Looking over at him, I try not to blush. I smile and shake my head slightly. “Nothing to worry about, I didn’t think about it either. I better start thinking about stuff like that.” I shrug.
CONVICT: An Unfit Hero Novel Page 11