CONVICT: An Unfit Hero Novel

by Faiman, Hayley

  I smooth my short light green dress down. It has small pink rosebuds all over, and it’s off the shoulder and straight across the chest with a fold-down neckline. It looks very nineties, or at least what I’ve seen of nineties fashion from old movies. It’s form fitting, hugging my rounded belly and showing it off, proudly. I no longer feel ashamed of this life that I carry, not with Rylan at my side. I’m proud of this life that we’re building, of this child.

  “Nothing about this is traditional,” I remind Lulamae.

  She snorts. “Ain’t that the truth. Clarence will ride with you, I’ll follow behind,” she announces before she walks away.

  Together me and Clarence walk toward my car. I jump when I see a man standing next to my driver’s side door. He watches me intently. Clarence pulls me to the side, and behind him slightly. I don’t look away from this man though. I know who he is, not just because I’ve met him before, but because I could never mistake him, no matter how bad he looks he carries a bit of beauty to his features that I crave. He’s Rylan’s father.

  “Heard Lula. You marryin’ my son?” he asks.

  Clarence growls, but I wrap my fingers around his and give him a gentle squeeze. “I am. Today,” I nod.

  His eyes roam over me and he lifts his lip, almost with a look of disgust. I don’t care though, he can think whatever he wants to, about me, about my life, I don’t mind. He isn’t the first person in town to be disgusted by me, and he won’t be the last. He’ll also never be as disgusted with me as I am with myself. He doesn’t matter. What he thinks about me doesn’t matter. The only person’s opinion that I value is Rylan’s.

  “Be good to my boy,” he announces. I open my mouth to reply as he turns away. He takes two steps, then stops. “Won’t be darkening his door. He’s cleaned his shit up. Should have known he’d be better than I ever was. Better than his mama ever was. He’s too much like Wyatt and his family. Be good to him, though.”

  He leaves, and when he does, I’m speechless. “That man ain’t never done anything decent in his life. Except this moment right here,” Clarence softly says.

  Looking up, I give him a watery smile. “I hope he stays away,” I breathe.

  In a perfect world, I would hope that he would clean himself up for Rylan’s sake, for this baby’s sake. In this world, in the real world, I know that he’s too much like my mother. The best that I can hope for is that they will all just stay away—for good.

  Clarence nods. “He will. One thing about him is he sticks by his word. For a junkie, it’s not common, but he’ll stay away, and he’ll keep that woman away too.”

  We don’t say anything else as we both slip into my car. Clarence drives us to the courthouse and my thoughts about Rylan’s father disappear with each mile closer to my future—to my soon-to-be-husband. My belly flutters with nervous excited butterflies.

  I’m not scared about saying my vows to a man that I haven’t been dating for long, instead, I’m beyond excited. I should be terrified, but I’m not. Rylan is it, he’s the one. I don’t know how I know, I just do. He is everything I never thought I wanted, yet everything that I know I need. He makes my world shine when it used to be dull and gray.

  “You ready?” Clarence asks as he shifts the car into park.

  I turn my head from staring out of the side window and my breath hitches. Rylan is standing in front of the courthouse doors. The building is several stories high and made of stone. It’s downtown, in the middle of the town square, and yet all of the grandness of the building doesn’t compare to the man who stares back at me.

  He’s wearing a black long sleeve button-up shirt that is rolled up at the sleeves to his elbows. His work jeans and boots. His hair is as neat as I’ve ever seen it, slicked back, but still a little too long. His tattoos on display from his forearms to his hands and then peeking out from the collar of his shirt. He looks absolutely perfect. He looks breathtaking. He looks too good to want someone like me, and yet, his eyes are focused on me as if I’m the only person on this entire earth.

  He’s mine.

  I’m his.

  We belong to one another.

  Two shattered hearts. Two shattered souls. Two broken people coming together to hold onto one another. To love one another. To love this child. To have a first chance at happiness.

  “I’m ready,” I breathe. “So ready.”

  My eyes never leave Rylan’s. I try not to run toward him, I try not to, but I fail. Launching myself into his arms, I’m thankful when he catches me. His lips are turned up into a smile as he stares down at me.

  “Hey there, sweetheart,” he grins. “Marry me?” he asks.

  “A million times yes,” I whisper.

  He lowers his head, his lips brushing mine. “C’mon, I’m ready to make you Mrs. Lindsay.”

  Taking a step back, his fingers lace in mine and we walk into the courthouse. Wyatt is there with a couple that is obviously his parents. They smile kindly at me, then I watch as the woman rushes toward Rylan.

  “We’re so proud of you, we’re so happy for you,” she rasps as she wraps him in her arms.

  Rylan clears his throat. “Thank you, thank you for being here,” he says, his voice sounding gruff and rough all at the same time.

  Together, with my family of Lulamae and Clarence. Along with Rylan’s family of Wyatt and his parents, we head toward our future. We don’t know what tomorrow will bring. We have no clue what will happen for us. I know, without a doubt that whatever it is, it will be wonderful because we will have each other. We will have this love and I know deep in my heart and soul that it will last a lifetime.

  Epilogue

  RYLAN

  SEVEN MONTHS LATER

  I hold Reese a little closer to my chest as we walk down the street. Only two months old, he’s the smallest thing I’ve ever held in my hands. He still scares me to fucking death on a daily basis. Just being in charge of him, of his safety and his well-being. I don’t know how I’m expected to keep him alive, I mean without Channing, I probably couldn’t.

  “Gonna go and sit over there, have a Coke,” I murmur, dipping my chin to look down at her.

  Channing’s hair is pulled up into a messy knot at the top of her head. Her eyes have dark circles beneath them, and yet, she’s still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. No matter what she looks like, she’s gorgeous to me. Always and forever.

  Settling in a seat at the outside restaurant, I watch Channing slip inside of the little boutique. We’re having a family day today. Spending the day in Fredericksburg, enjoying the little German town. It’s a warm summer day, and I’m glad that we’re able to get out for a few hours together.

  The waiter stops by and asks for my order. Without a second thought, I order a Coke and a basket of chips with a side of queso. I know that Channing will want to have a little when she’s finished looking around.

  The sun shines down on me and my boy. He’s that too. Mine. Reese Lindsay. Lifting my hand, I run my fingers over his small fuzzy head of hair. Lowering my mouth, I press my lips to the top of his soft head. Closing my eyes, I inhale his sweet baby scent.

  I hear a noise, something sounding like a gasp for air. Lifting my head, I look up only to come face-to-face with the man whose life I ruined. He’s standing with two people that I know. The three of their faces are images that will forever be burned in my brain. Their faces, along with hers, will forever be part of me, they are unforgettable.

  “You bastard,” the woman seethes. Her husband wraps his hand around her bicep and gently pulls her against his side.

  I don’t move. Frozen by the eyes of the man that I stole from. I did that too. I stole his future, his wife, his family—his happiness. Now, the undeserving bastard that I am—I have it all and I left him with nothing.

  “I had so many words for you. So many things I wanted to say if I ever saw you again. I knew that I would, I knew that I would eventually cross paths with you,” he says, his voice even and calm.

  �
�Rylan?” Channing’s voice cuts through the thick tension that is swirling around.

  Standing to my feet, Reese still tucked in close against my chest, I tear my eyes from the man’s to search for my woman. She glances between the three people, then back to me. I see dawning in her eyes when she immediately realizes who they are. Pain slices across her features as she hurries toward my side. I don’t deserve her support. Not in this moment.

  “That your woman?” the man asks, his jaw set hard.

  “My wife,” I say once I’ve cleared my throat.

  His eyes focus on Channing. I watch as he swallows, his throat working though I assume it’s tight as fuck with emotion. There is nothing I can say to ease that feeling. I have thought about that day, about what I did, a million and a half times. Then, when I met Channing and then Reese became part of my life, I thought about it even more. There is absolutely nothing that I could say to change my actions, or that would even sound genuine.

  “Your wife and your child,” he says, his voice flat as his eyes swing back over to me.

  I hold Reese a bit tighter, my hand resting on the back of his little head. “Yes. My wife and our son.” I don’t clarify that Reese isn’t biologically mine. There is no reason to do that, not right now. “I-I’m sorry,” I rasp.

  His brows furrow, he takes a step forward and I hold my breath, wondering what he’s going to do next. “Do you use anymore?” he bluntly asks.

  Shaking my head, I almost tell him that this isn’t his business, but that would be a lie. It is his business. At least that part of me is very much his business. “I have a job in construction. I have a wife and a family. I understand the ramifications of my actions. I live with it every fucking day, and I know that you do too. If I could take it all back, I would, in a heartbeat I would. I’m trying to be a better man than the boy that I was. I’m clean, I’m sober.”

  He lifts his chin. The woman sobs against her husband, but I can’t look away from the man. The man that I stole from. The man whose life I ruined. The man whose wife and child I needlessly murdered.

  “I’m glad. Take care of them,” he says, swallowing thickly again. “Come on,” he says to the couple next to him.

  “But…” The woman trails off.

  “Mom, no. She wouldn’t want us to harbor anger. He’s changed, he’s a new man. That’s what she would want. She wouldn’t want to die in vain, and the way I see it, she didn’t,” he murmurs.

  Channing takes a step toward him. I hold my breath as she reaches for his forearm and squeezes. “She didn’t. She absolutely did not die in vain. Rylan saved me. I didn’t know that I needed saving, but there he was, doing just that. Without him, I don’t know where me and Reese would be.”

  The man holds Channing’s gaze for a moment longer, then as quietly as they appeared in front of me, they disappear. Without another word, they walk away from us, huddled together as they attempt to lean on one another for support.

  Channing looks up to me with watery eyes, I’m unable to speak. Slowly, I sit down in my vacated seat, worried that my knees are about to give out at any given moment. Closing my eyes, I let my head fall back as the sun shines down on my face. My heart races. My hands feel sweaty, and I start to tremble.

  I knew the moment was inevitable. I always knew that I would run into the family that I ruined. I had just hoped that it would never happen. Channing slips Reese from my hold and sits down next to me. We stay in silence for a while as I allow the sun to beat against my face, as I attempt to calm the fuck down.

  “He was understanding, Rylan. He forgives you,” she whispers after the deafening silence.

  Lifting my head, I finally open my eyes and look over to her. “Then he’s a better man than I could ever dream of being,” I announce.

  She flinches before she tips her head to the side. “What do you mean by that?” she asks. So innocent, my wife. So goddamn innocent. I wish that she could always be this way, and maybe to me she always will be, fuck if I know.

  “I mean. If he killed you or Reese, I don’t care if it had been five days later or fifteen years later. I would kill him on sight. Nothing, no amount of him changing as a person could stop me from making him pay for his crimes.”

  Channing reaches for my hand, wrapping her fingers around my forearm, much like she did to him just moments ago. “No you wouldn’t, Rylan. You would know that acting out like that isn’t what I would want. You would forgive him, because you know that’s exactly what I would want you to do. You would do that, just like he did, you would do that for me.”

  I shake my head. “Okay, sweetheart.”

  Her eyes widen, which causes me to smirk. She’s so goddamn cute. “Are you okay?” she asks, her tone serious and concerned.

  I inhale deeply then let my breath out with a groan. “I will be, yeah. I just, I still feel so fucking guilty. I wish I could change what I did.”

  Her fingers flex against my arm. “If you ever don’t feel badly for what happened to that poor woman, then that’s when you have a problem on your hands. You’re doing the right thing, though. You’re living your best life, you’re honoring Reese by staying clean and sober. By working hard and changing the path that you had been on at one time.”

  Reese. That was her name. The woman that I killed. Her child unnamed, but her name was Reese Willows. When Channing found out her first name, she was adamant that our baby would honor her in that way. I wasn’t sure, but when Reese was born, I knew that he had to have her name. She saved me. Just like he did.

  Both of them saved me for different reasons. She saved me, though it cost her life. A debt that I could never repay. A debt that she didn’t deserve. He saved me, when I walked out of those prison gates, and he still saves me every goddamn fucking day—him and Channing.

  CHANNING

  Rylan is lost inside of his own head for the rest of the day. I don’t push him. I don’t ask him to talk or discuss his feelings. The guilt is back, it’s eating at him and I know that it will just take time for him to work through it all. Eventually, he will come back to me, he always does. His phone rings and he jumps slightly as he reaches for the device.

  “Hello?” He pauses then I see his lips twitch. “Yeah, we’ll be by in about an hour,” he states. I look up at him but don’t ask. I already know that he’ll tell me, and he does, almost immediately. “Wyatt wants us to drop by. Says there’s some big interview that Beaumont is supposed to be doing that’s on TV.”

  “I think he just wants to see Reese,” I grin.

  He shrugs, his own lips turned up in a smile. “I think you’re absolutely right. Let’s go.”

  It takes us less than an hour to drive toward Wyatt’s ranch house. Even after seven months, I’m still in awe that he let us rent his house and he moved out to the country. Wyatt has been nothing short of absolutely amazing. He still swings by and picks up Rylan on his way to work every day, which is the only way we were able to trade in my old car for a newer more stable one.

  The one-story small ranch house comes into view after driving a few miles down a long dirt road. The property is gorgeous. Trees, grass, cactus, and rocks litter the area giving it a shady and peaceful presence. I would love to live out here one day, away from everyone, trapped in a bubble all of our own.

  There is another vehicle in the drive, and I smile. It’s Ford’s pickup truck. “Looks like a little party,” I smile.

  “Would be if Beaumont and Louis were in town, I’m sure.”

  “Where are they?” I ask as I slip from the car.

  Rylan is already out of the front seat and bent over in the back unclasping Reese from his baby carrier. I’m surprised he doesn’t take it in, but he hardly ever uses it anywhere but inside of the car, or the stroller. I’ve never asked him why, but he always just holds Reese against his chest. And Reese, he’s happy being right there with him, which is probably why I don’t even broach the subject.

  “Beaumont is in Hollywood for this interview thing, and Louis is in Vegas g
etting ready for some big fight. Ford is having a party next weekend for the fight,” he mentions.

  Stopping in my tracks, Rylan stops as well and slowly turns to face me. He looks positively confused, but I feel the same way. “You weren’t going to let me know about the party?”

  “I wasn’t planning on going.”

  I take a step closer toward him, tilting my head to the side. “Why?”

  He clears his throat, his eyes softening and focused on me. “It’s guys only. I didn’t want to leave you for the evening. You’re home alone all day long. The weekends are my time to help you out more often. I’m not leaving you and Reese. I’ve never left you if I didn’t have to, haven’t you noticed?” he asks.

  Tears well in my eyes. Lifting my hand, I cup his cheek. “I’ve noticed, baby,” I breathe. “I’ve noticed everything you do for us.”

  The shadows from earlier fade away in front of my eyes, I watch them disappear and in their place is the sweet gaze I’m used to seeing every day. He dips his chin. “Maybe I can just bring Reese for a bit, give you a little alone time?” he asks, his lips pressed against my own.

  I hum. “Next weekend?” I ask.

  He grunts, his tongue peeking out to taste my mouth. I allow him, and I relish the way he tastes against my own tongue. “I go to the doctor on Friday,” I breathe. He hums, clearly not understanding my meaning. “Go play with the boys, then come home and you can play with me.”

  His head jerks, his eyes wild as he looks down at me. “Oh, fuck. Seriously?”

  My smile widens and I nod with a small giggle. “I should have the all clear.”

  “Christ,” he hisses. “How about I skip the fights?” he asks as he bounces on his toes.

  Shaking my head, I can’t help but laugh a little harder. “I’ll have a nice relaxing evening. You’ll be at Ford’s then you can come home, and we can finally be together.”