by Chance : Poison & Wine, book 2

by Sigal Ehrlich

  I take a breath, feeling a bit unstable on my feet. I grab for the counter and lean on it, wishing the sudden pain away. “Sure,” I say, but my voice comes out weaker than intended. My boss doesn’t catch the fluttering in my tone and carries on, filling me in on the topics I missed from yesterday’s management meeting. A wave of nausea washes over me just before cold sweat breaks on my forehead and upper lip. I grip the counter stronger with my hand, afraid my knees are about to buckle any minute now.

  I close my eyes when a sharp pain slashes through me, and when I open them, my boss’s lips keep moving, but the sounds coming out of his mouth are stretched and heavy as if he were speaking underwater. When the next sharp pain hits, my legs give in, and I fall into a black, still abyss.

  I open my eyes to an unfamiliar, softly lit room with white walls and machinery. It takes me a few moments to make sense of the place, finally realizing it’s a hospital room.

  “Hello, Victoria.” I shift my head to the sound of the soft-spoken man. He looks at me with a warm cadence, which starkly contrasts his crisp white robe and the chart pressed to his chest. “How do you feel?”

  “The pain is gone,” I say in a raspy voice. I wet my lips, looking at him.

  “My name is Nate. I’m your nurse.”

  Just as I’m about to speak, Liam, my sister’s boyfriend, enters the room, followed by my sister. “I thought you might be waking up,” Liam says as my sister runs to my side. Anna takes my hand in hers when Liam tells the nurse that he’ll take it from here. “Vicky, how do you feel?” he asks.

  I nod, searching my sister’s eyes. “What happened?” I ask next.

  “You fainted at work after excessive bleeding, and they brought you here,” Liam begins before explaining the treatment administered when I arrived at the ER, but I don’t listen and turn to my sister.

  “The baby?” I ask. The look on her face is my answer before Liam confirms it out loud.

  I lost the baby.

  Devastated, I look at Anna as her eyes mist up. Not a beat later, my mom appears at the door, and when our eyes meet, tears start pouring down my cheeks.

  “What did you tell them?” I ask my sister a couple of hours later when she tells me the girls are coming to visit me.

  “I told them that you’d be happy to see them,” Anna says, fluffing my pillow for the millionth time.

  “Bean, I swear if you touch the linen one more time,” I say. She holds her hands up in surrender. “I’m not telling anyone what happened before I talk to Ricky,” I say. He doesn’t know anything yet, not that there was a baby to begin with, and not that I lost it. After trying to reach him so many times with no luck, I decided to talk to him when I’m back home, face-to-face, even if I have to fly out to LA.

  Anna nods. “I don’t think anyone is going to ask questions. They just want to see you.” And before she manages to finish her words, Panda marches in, carrying a couple of brown bags.

  With no preface, she leans in to leave a noisy smooch on my cheek and hugs me. Kayla follows suit, the hug thing sans the kiss.

  “No alcohol, right?” Panda asks, pulling out a wine bottle from one of the bags.

  “Of course not. We’re at a damn hospital, you nutjob,” Kayla counters. “What are you doing?”

  Panda proudly shows me the bottle of rosé, pointing her finger to where “non-alcoholic wine” is written in white letters. She puts the bottle on the table by my bed and moves on to produce recyclable cups from the bag. There are three brown cups and one huge pink one. That one isn’t recyclable, and it’s abnormally large.

  “That’s some large-ass mug,” says Kayla, who jumps to sit on the bed by my side.

  Panda produces a rectangular box out of another bag in her hands and says, “Just like dicks, no cup of rosé could ever be too big for me.”

  And just like that, I laugh again.

  It’s Anna’s turn to laugh next when she sees the next item Panda pulls out of the bags. Kayla and I join Anna and laugh as Panda puts an electronic fishing board game next to me on the bed. It’s one of those kids’ games with bubble fish opening and closing their mouths.

  “I don’t know about you, chickens, but drunk fishing always makes me happy,” Panda declares.

  I go first because, as Kayla puts it, I’m the patient of honor. We take turns fishing, talking, and laughing. My friends are the best distraction a girl can ask for.

  “You’ve got to be kidding me,” Kayla says when Panda turns to open a bottle of real rosé.

  “What?” Panda shrugs. “It’s totally kosher. The patient is drinking the kiddy version; we can have the real thing.”

  “Is that what I think it is?” Liam asks as he enters the room, eyeing red-handed Panda.

  Panda hides the bottle behind her back, grinning. “You saw nothing, Dr. McHottie.”

  Liam blushes a little and rolls his eyes. He steps over to me and cocks his head.

  “I’m fine.” I smile at him.

  He nods and heads to the door, but not before a short detour to leave a kiss on the crown of my sister’s head.

  Somewhere between the third time I win the fishing game and the second bottle the girls polished, Mom pops by with enough food to feed a small army . . . of Vikings.

  “I swear I can’t fit another thing in me,” Kayla groans. When Anna offers her another of Mom’s cookies, she says. “Well, if you insist.”

  I laugh and repeat her words. “I swear I can’t fit another thing in me. Well, if you insist. That sounds like something you say during sex.”

  We all laugh.

  Anna grins devilishly and says in a breathy tone, “It’s so nice when we all come together.”

  “Are you going to eat that or just look at it?” Kayla says, and we erupt in another wave of laughter.

  “I can’t decide which I like best, sausage or meatballs,” Panda adds.

  “What’s going on in here?” Liam asks, popping his head into the room . . . again.

  Anna laughs and explains, “Things you can say in bed and during dinner, like, it takes so much time to prepare, and it’s over so quickly.”

  Liam laughs, winking at her. “Just like, I like the taste of your sister’s better.” He laughs harder when a paper cup my sister throws at him lands on his forehead. “Ladies,” he adds, wearing his physician persona. “Twenty minutes more, and then let Vicky rest, okay?”

  You Can’t Just Do This

  “You should move to LA, man. You practically live here now,” Joe, a new friend who’s a drummer, says.

  I take a bite of my burger, contemplating the idea. I’ve been spending more and more time away, working, and let’s face it, avoiding going home. In an ideal world, each time I went back home, I wouldn’t feel like a backstabbing ass when it comes to my friends, my former band members, and I’d be with the woman I love. But none of this is an option, so maybe moving out here isn’t such a bad idea.

  “There’s a free space in my apartment building. My friend is a real estate agent. I can call him now. What do you say?”

  “Sure, why not?” I put the rest of the burger on the plate. It wouldn’t hurt to have a look.

  Joe gets his phone out to call his friend when mine vibrates on the table by my plate. Not many people call me these days, what with changing my number. I didn’t send out a collective message about my new number. After the leaking of my old number, I’m more cautious about giving away my new one. Noticing Kayla’s name on the screen, I answer immediately.

  “Hey,” I say.

  “Hey, when are you back?” she asks.

  I frown. Kayla should know that. She’s staying at my place till I return next week. “Next week, nothing changed.”

  She sighs. “Listen, the reason I called, umm, Vicky is in the hospital. I thought you’d like to know.”

  Blood freezes in my veins. “What happened? She okay?”

  “I think she’s fine, but she isn’t really giving us any details about what happened. They’re keeping her overn
ight for observation. That’s all I know.”

  My heart is beating itself out of my rib cage. “Thanks, K.” I end the call and immediately look up the next flight home.

  “Appreciate it, man.” I pat, side-hug Liam, who pulled some strings for me to visit Vicky after visiting hours.

  “No problem,” Liam says and directs me to her room.

  I softly knock on the door and open it. Somewhat sleepy, Vicky turns her head to where I stand, and the expression on her face makes me want to wrap her in my arms and keep her there forever. She’s even paler than usual with the backdrop of the white sheets. She’s still breathtakingly beautiful, yet she looks fatigued.

  I walk over to the bed, stare trained on Vicky’s, not missing the turmoil of emotions in her eyes.

  By the bed, I send my hand to cover her cheek. “Hey.”

  “Hi.” Her eyes glaze when she replies shakily, and my heart squeezes so hard it aches.

  “What happened? Are you okay, Vic?”

  She starts to say something, but her voice breaks like she’s in great pain.

  “Vic, what is it?” I ask, my throat constricting. “Babe, talk to me. Please. Just talk to me.”

  I watch her for a stretch, waiting for her to say/do something, so I’ll be able to follow her lead. With the way things were left between us, I don’t know what to do. I needed to see she was okay when I grabbed the first flight out but didn’t plan beyond that.

  She breaks the silence with, “So you’re off the hook, absolved from any act of nobility.” Followed by a humorless smile.

  My brows squint when I ask, “What are you talking about?”

  If ripping off a Band-Aid was a literal thing, it’s what she does next. “I had a miscarriage this morning.”

  My hand flies up to cup my mouth as I try to make sense of what she just said. I watch her, stunned, at a loss for words. A million and one thoughts running havoc in my mind.

  “Please don’t ask if it was yours. There was no one else,” she says next.

  I hook my finger in my necklace and run it slowly from side to side. “You were . . . pregnant? With my baby?” I say the words, and they sound foreign coming out of my mouth. I blink at her, dumbfounded. I clear my throat to speak, but when she breaks into a sob in front of me, looking shattered, nothing matters. I round the bed and climb in to lie on my side, pulling her into my arms and hugging her close. I just hold her silently while my mind all but shorts, processing it all.

  Just when I think she’s fallen asleep in my arms, Vicky says, “Ricky?”

  “Mm?”

  “I tried calling you the moment I found out, several times, and couldn’t reach you. I even went to your grandfather and to your apartment. I really tried to tell you.”

  “My phone number was leaked, and I had to get a new number and cancel the old one,” I explain, still utterly stunned.

  “I love you,” she says next, kicking my heart to my throat. “And I’m so sorry. So sorry for . . . everything. I was a total mess right from the start, and it’s unfair to you. You didn’t deserve any of it. My indecision, pushing you away when you were nothing but genuine and caring and now this . . . I’m so sorry. I don’t blame you for giving up.”

  I keep silent, holding her closer.

  “I’m such a crazy monster,” she says, shaking her head.

  “My crazy monster,” I say with a smile on my lips. “And I never really gave up on you, Vic.”

  She turns in my arms to look at me. “I owe you one more apology. I’m sorry I lied to you when I said I was on the pill.”

  My jaw ticks. “Why did you do that?”

  Vicky holds my stare. “I mean, in the heat of the moment, saying that I was on the pill made more sense than explaining that I’m unable to have kids.”

  “Vic,” I say softly.

  She smiles bitterly. “I’m damaged goods.”

  “Don’t say that,” I say. “But then you got pregnant.”

  “I had PID, pelvic inflammatory disease, when I was very young. If diagnosed early, it’s a condition that can be treated, but since it’s rare in young children, it’s one of the last things doctors look for. By the time they realized that’s what I had, the damage was irreversible. When I was older and got it tested again, they gave me a two percent chance of ever getting pregnant.”

  “I’m so sorry, Vic,” I whisper, threading my fingers through hers.

  “Thinking I couldn’t have it all caused so much pain that I stopped wishing for it and focused on other things, doing all I could to stay away from . . . a serious relationship and all the things it leads to. I know that there are many other options to have a family, but logic doesn’t always work when your heart is broken.”

  “You wanted the baby?” I ask softly.

  Her voice breaks again when she answers, “Yes.” She closes her eyes, a tear trailing down her cheeks. “It hurts so much.”

  I’m gutted seeing her this way. Her defenses completely gone. Completely shattered. Nothing fucking matters anymore, just her. “We’ll try again, then.” I’m shocked by how naturally that just came out of my mouth, and it’s not just out of a need to comfort her. I’ve never believed in something more. Yeah, I want a future with her and everything it entails. I really want it.

  Vicky raises her eyes to mine, searching, bewildered. “You’re everything to me,” she whispers. I lean closer, sealing my lips on hers, and for the longest while, I hold her in my arms till she falls asleep.

  Quietly, I extract myself from the bed. I adjust her blanket and watch her sleep, thinking about how what I feel for her is too powerful. I’d do anything to make her happy. To make her mine. With the thought in mind, I walk out of the room and close the door behind me.

  With my gut wringing with determination, I reach for my pocket and pull out my phone.

  “Patrick?” Amanda answers on the first ring.

  “Hey Amanda, is it a good time?”

  “Sure, what’s up?”

  I clear my throat. “I’m sorry for doing this over the phone, but it can’t wait. I’m afraid I won’t be able to follow through with the publicity side of things. I’m going to keep a clean public persona from now on. No more fake dates or publicity stunts. From now on, it’s just the real me. I’m in a committed relationship, and I won’t have anything or anyone jeopardize it. Also, I want my partner’s privacy respected, or I’m done. She can’t get hurt in any way because of who I am.”

  Amanda’s reply is served with a voice cold as ice, “Patrick, you can’t do that. You can’t just decide.”

  My heart is beating fast, and my jaw is about to snap with the tension. “I just did.”

  “You signed a contract.” I’ve never heard Amanda fuming, and I feel sorry for that and somewhat ungrateful. Nevertheless, Vicky comes first.

  “Sue me then.” I exhale. “I don’t want to do it this way. I value you and everything you do and have done for me. I want to work with you and owe you so much, but we should revisit the terms. My private life will remain private. I am with someone, and I don’t want to drag her into this. I’ll do whatever you need me to do, but the shenanigans have to stop. It’s up to you. I’m here if you’ll still have me under these new terms.”

  “You can’t just—”

  This time, I am the one to cut her off. “Too late, Amanda. I am.”

  24 hours later.

  I hug Vicky firmly to me as we walk out of the hospital. We leave behind something that will change us forever, a wound that will never fully heal, but take something of great value with us, the next chapter of our lives together.

  LinkedIn Official

  “I still can’t believe you managed to persuade not one but the two of them. You’re good,” I tell Ricky.

  “What can I say? Women can’t say no to me.” He grins at me with that smile of his that no one with a pulse can resist.

  When I was released from the hospital earlier this morning, and he said he wanted me to stay with him, I laughed and s
aid, “Try to run that by my sister or mom. Good luck with that.” Yet here we are. Anna and Mom didn’t stand a chance.

  Sitting on the sofa with a blanket over my legs, I face him. I reach for his hand, running my fingers over his tattooed ones. I contemplate the past twenty-four hours, lifting my eyes to his.

  “Babe,” I say, and he responds with a brilliant grin. “How on earth will we make it work?” I ask, wishing away the looming gray clouds of his contract and the public.

  “We’re doing what we should have been doing from day one. We’re together for everything it stands for,” he says, pulling me to him. Slowly, he leans back to lie on his back with me on top of him.

  “Ricky, how?” I ask softly. “We tried it before, and—”

  He cuts me off, not letting me go there. “It’s going to be different this time.” My brows knit as I study him. “I talked to Amanda and told her I’m in a serious relationship and that I’m done with—”

  My eyes widen with panic. “You did what?”

  He nods. “Vic, it isn’t worth it if I’m going to lose you again.”

  “Have you lost your mind? You’re risking everything for me?” I shake my head vehemently. No, he can’t do this. “You need to call her and make things right, now! Plead. Grovel if needed.”

  He tips forward to kiss my mouth shut. “I can’t even begin to anticipate the outcome, but I’m willing to take the risk. I’ll find another agent.” He shrugs, though I’m sure the consequences of what he’s done worry him, at the very least. “Whatever the consequence, I’ll deal with it.” He grins at me. “Worst-case scenario, I could always put on a suit and a tie and join the family’s firm.”

  I don’t smile. “You can’t act on impulse. This isn’t a joke. It’s your life.”

  “Exactly,” he tells me. “My life. Our future.”

  The ache in my heart is too much. My love for this man . . . it’s overwhelming! I cup his face with my hands. Everything before was a substitute to him, my life, my career. It all feels so much more complete with him. “God, I love you, you foolish, crazy boy.” And I kiss him with all the emotions flooding me.