Pretend You’re Mine

by Black, Natasha L.

  And maybe it was sheer madness, or the coating of vodka blurring my sight, but I swore just then that there was absolute clarity in my mind. That it wasn’t just me with these feelings. Xander had them too.

  “Come with me,” I said before I could stop myself. “Xander, come with me.”

  And for one single hushed set of heartbeats, I couldn’t tell whether I wanted him to say yes or no. That is, until he came into the cab beside me, giving the driver my address.

  Before the questions brimming at the edges of my mind could surface, our lips found each other.

  The cab ride there, getting up to my apartment, it was déjà vu all over again. Only this time I managed to hold back in the lobby.

  In the elevator, we relaxed. Xander’s hand was massaging mine in his pocket.

  “I meant what I said,” he said, looking at me seriously.

  “And I did too.”

  The elevator doors dinged open. Our eyes stared each other down, a daring ‘you first’.

  Xander went first. Our lips slammed together and he strode us out of there. That time, he knew the way to my apartment. It was the other night all over again as we kissed our way inside.

  Until the door closed, that was. Then, Xander paused.

  “Naomi, are you sure?” he asked.

  But his question never made it to my head. All of me was tingling too much already, there was no way to stop it.

  My lips finding his was an answer of sorts. Xander couldn’t stop himself now. His hands went to my ass, kneading the flesh there. His lips and tongue tore and twisted. My hands were reveling in the muscles I could feel even over his shirt, the ones I knew already looked just as good naked.

  How we should’ve been.

  We kissed our way to the bed, and Xander pressed me there with the flat of his palm as he stripped me. One dress strap and then the other. Dragging it down seemed to take long, but once it was off, and my bra and panties had joined , all Xander could do was look at me.

  “You have no idea,” he breathed.

  And he was right. I no idea why he was saying that, remembering vaguely it was something he’d said before. All I knew now was that his lips were going where his gaze had been and they felt goddamn sublime.

  His first kiss was smack dab on my nipple, sensation exploding through me.

  Kiss by savoring kiss, he traced a path down my shaking abdomen, until he’d reached the place that was bursting with the most sensation.

  “Xander,” I gasped.

  “Naomi,” he growled.

  And then his face dove between my legs.

  At first, it was all taunting bites and nibbles on my spasming thighs that had me groaning, a finger twined in and around. And then, the kisses got closer and closer, until they were there.

  His finger pulsed inside me and his lips and tongue lapped at me. Liquid glory raced through me. Fuck, did it feel good.

  I was almost there, clenched on the edge, until he palmed my ass and the orgasm swam through me.

  Xander only let up for the few seconds it took me to recover, and then his lips were back on my clit, his fingers buried deep in my pussy. And then I was coming another time, and another.

  Only when I was a shuddering mess did he let me free, let me curl into his arms.

  Part of me wanted to just lay here forever in his arms, but fair was fair. I reached out to his dick, but I came in contact with his hand instead, stopping me.

  “That was for you,” was the last thing I heard as I drifted off.

  14

  Xander

  Well, hello there….

  My hands automatically tightened around Naomi’s sleeping form. She smelled so good, like a cross between clean laundry and some kind of flower I didn’t know the name of.

  I both wanted her to stay sleeping so I could hold her like this, and I wanted her to wake up, turn her golden head to face mine, and see the sleepy happiness in her eyes.

  I pressed a kiss into the back of her head, and she stirred.

  Crap. I had all of ten seconds to ascertain whether staying in bed with her really was a good idea. Probably not.

  But right now, she was in my arms, we were in bed, and it felt like all was right in the world.

  You were supposed to keep things casual, I reminded myself.

  In one sweeping thought, I was able to assume an eagle eye’s view of the whole situation. How we’d fallen asleep in each other’s arms, how I’d gone down on her so enthusiastically last night. Yeah, this was definitely not casual.

  There was no more time to deliberate over it, because Naomi had turned around to face me. Although the look in her eyes wasn’t what I would’ve wanted. There wasn’t just shy happiness there, there was something else too.

  Uncertainty.

  Which was my fault. I was the one who’d been playing hot and cold with her, trying to push away what we had. Right now, though, the only thing I could think of doing was kissing her.

  So I did.

  When my stomach let out a bad-tempered growl, Naomi giggled. “Hungry?”

  “Depends,” I said, “You got any of that eggs and bacon like last time?”

  “Somebody ate all of it,” Naomi said, fixing me with an accusatory look.

  “Bastard,” I said, with a smile.

  “I do have raisin toast though,” she said. “And marmalade.”

  I fixed her with a dubious look. “You do not have marmalade.”

  She ripped out of my grasp and sat up, crossing her arms across her chest. “And why not?”

  “Just….” I faltered, trying to find the right words. “No one under thirty has marmalade in their house.”

  As she jumped to her feet. “What kind of bullshit generalization is that?”

  “One that comes from a lot of true-life experience,” I said heartily.

  Maybe she was figuring, as I had, the number of hookups I’d engaged in over the past few years. But it was true. Not that I’d gone through every single one of my hookups’ fridges, but still. I’d gone through my fair share.

  And no one had ever had marmalade. It shouldn’t’ve mattered, except that the spread was my boyhood favorite, having grown up in a house where the only good thing there was, was marmalade.

  “Okay,” Naomi said, “Sounds like it’s raisin toast and marmalade for me, and….” her gaze wandered over to me. “Nothing for you.”

  As she began racing away, I jumped to my feet and grabbed her. “We’ll see about that.”

  Naomi broke free of my grasp, although she was giggling.

  She turned to the door and put on a blue silk robe. Unthinkingly, I put on the one beside it, which was soft, although that was where its benefits ended.

  “Seriously?” Naomi said.

  I caught sight of myself in her standing mirror and cracked up. Of course, Naomi looked as beautiful as sin in her Oriental style silk robe.

  Me though? In her pink fluffy bathrobe, I looked like the kid in the bunny costume in A Christmas Story.

  For a few seconds I looked at her and wanted to sweep her up in my arms and rain kisses all over her. But then I shook the thought away.

  The rest of the morning was like last time, except even better. After we ate, we headed out to Naomi’s balcony and climbed into the hammock she had stretched out between the posts. It creaked under our combined weight, but once we settled in, it felt nice. I held her against me and stroked her hair as she lazily drew circles on my chest with the tip of one perfectly manicured finger.

  My brain was a jumble of conflicting emotions. I knew that I was falling for this woman hard, no matter how hard I tried not to. I knew I wasn’t good for her, and yet I couldn’t bring myself to let her go.

  Unwilling to let our time together come to an end just yet, I asked her, "Want to go to Myers Carnival?"

  "Myers Carnival?" There was an odd look on her face.

  "Yeah I…." Ok, so it was random, but it was also a good idea. "It'll be fun."

  Her pause was long
enough for me to reconsider, but then she said, “Yes.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yeah,” she said, her smile giving away nothing, “Let’s do it.”

  We climbed out of the hammock and went in to get dressed. Half an hour later we were driving down the highway, chatting easily.

  The rain arrived just after we bought our tickets, while the frizzy-haired woman behind the concession stand informed us, "No refunds."

  "It's not raining hard anyway," I said, unfurling my umbrella.

  Naomi said nothing and I could tell that her wheels were spinning.

  Walking further in, a collection of sights and sounds assaulted us at once; the cloying far-off merry-go-round tune, the scattered chatter of people-- all of whom seem to be headed for the gates. There was the smell of popcorn, beckoning us further into the park to an unseen stand.

  As I walked, already my shoes dug into the newly formed mud from the rain.

  Looking around, I soon spotted a ride that was thankfully covered. I nudged Naomi. "Bumper cars?"

  She gave the smile I’d been waiting for. "Let’s do it.”

  In line there was a family as well; a disaffected couple with two kids who looked like they’d rather eat their own toenails than be there with their parents.

  Once we all got in, the fun began. The cars were easy to steer and jerky, although the biggest jerks came when car connected with car.

  "Oh, now you're getting it!" Naomi declared as soon as my bumper car connected with hers.

  "We'll see about that," I said.

  I zoomed my car away to take refuge in a clump of other cars which had formed at the opposite end. Every time the bumper cars connected with anything, whether it was a wall, or another car, it made a satisfying zing sound, while the lights around it lit up in a congratulatory symphony of color.

  Just then, Naomi's bumper car slammed into mine. As she raced away, laughing triumphantly, I gave chase.

  The rest of the game was much the same, me slamming into her, her slamming into me, the other family’s’ cars just collateral damage. By the end, Naomi was grinning ear to ear.

  Once we were out, she grabbed my hand. "The swings are right beside here, come on!"

  I let her pull me that way without saying anything. No way was I going to admit that, as much as I'd always loved theme parks, I'd also always had an embarrassing fear of heights.

  As I paused at the edge of the line, her face fell slightly. "Think the seats will be too wet?"

  I swallowed. "Nah. Let's go."

  Once again, the lineup was short, consisting of people who had clearly waited so long that they were determined to get on, rain or no.

  So I only had to endure one cycle of watching the swings creak to life and convey their passengers perilously high, before it was our turn.

  Naomi led us to our chosen chairs. I concentrated on clambering on, holding her hand. Don't think about it, I told myself.

  Because if I thought about just how high we were flying, and just how easy it would be for any mechanical gear, or part of the swing mechanism itself to fail, then I would run screaming from the thing like a crazed toddler.

  And I had no intention of doing that, not with how excited Naomi was looking.

  "It's starting!" she said as the music whirred to life.

  "Here we go," I muttered.

  Don't think about it.

  Which wasn't as hard as I thought, with Naomi's hand in mine as our swings were carried up and up and up. As long as I looked at her, as long as I didn't move my gaze from her sweetly smiling face, then it was okay.

  My whole world was encapsulated in that upturned smile. Sure, there was a bit of wind around us and my feet no longer touched the ground, but if I didn't look, if I didn't turn, then it was almost as though we were only a foot off the ground.

  Yes, I could do this. We could do this, together.

  When we touched down, it took me a minute to compose myself.

  "You okay?" Naomi was standing in front of me, peering at me with an amused face. I pushed off the safety mechanism.

  “Nope,” I said deadpan, then smiled. “I’m fine.”

  It was actually true.

  Naomi leaned in, her lips tickling my ear. “Do you have something about heights?”

  “Who, me?” I said. “Didn’t I mention that my hobby is rock climbing and bungee jumping?”

  “Xander,” she said in a tone, though she was smiling.

  “Hey.” I caught her face in my hand. “Let me have a few secrets, ok?”

  She pouted, and I kissed her.

  “Do you like cotton candy?” I asked.

  Naomi was already headed to the stand, whose sickly-sweet scent reached all the way over to us. “Hell yeah.”

  They had the two blue and pink cotton candy staples – and I bought both. As the rain began to dissolve some, we raced to take refuge under a covered eating area. Only a few cotton candy chomps in, and Naomi realized what I had: “It’s actually better in the rain.”

  “There’s almost no one here now,” I agreed. “The games are a literal ghost town.”

  “Let’s check them out,” I said.

  Naomi wiped a tuft of cotton candy off the corner of her lips. "Aren’t those things a money-pit?"

  “Guess we’ll see.”

  It only took me one throw to see that, yes, the game was slightly rigged and, no, that didn’t mean I couldn’t win. Visualizing my target before I let the ball fly, I threw it as hard as I could and made it.

  “Score!” I pumped my fist in the air as Naomi cheered.

  "Which one?" I asked her, gesturing up to my pick of the prizes, a sea of stuffed creatures hanging over us like some strange Guardian Angels.

  "Are you sure Walter wouldn't just want a toy?" she asked.

  "He doesn't need another stuffed innocent to behead," I said. “Just pick one.”

  “I’ve always been a rabbit person,” she said, as she pointed out the fluffy rabbit to the guy working the game. She turned to me. “Thanks!”

  She kissed my cheek and I slung a lofty glance her way. “Just name him Xander and we’re even.”

  “Oh yeah?” She was grinning again and I was too, although my gaze had already moved on. "Ferris wheel next?"

  Linking my arm in hers, I took a few steps away before realizing that Naomi wasn't following, and that she still hadn’t answered me.

  She had an odd look on her face that, when I opened my mouth to ask about, disappeared as she said, “Better get there fast. Looks like we have a crowd to fight.”

  On our way there, I had to laugh. The ‘crowd’ Naomi had cited consisted of an ancient-looking couple, who hobbled as fast as a slug.

  We got there before them (it turned out they were actually going to a pizza stand), and gave our tickets to a grumpy carny who looked annoyed by life itself.

  It seemed we barely had time to sit down and close the door behind us, before the Ferris wheel was whining to life.

  “I’m liking the cover on these things,” Naomi said, nestling up to me.

  “I’m liking the view,” I said, letting my gaze span out to the cityscape of LA. “Coming here was a good idea.”

  "It was," Naomi said staring on ahead, with a forced sort of focus.

  I directed her face toward the more impressive cityscape. "Look."

  Just then, the Ferris wheel shuddered to a halt as we reached the top.

  I looked at her and a heartbreaking smile crossed her features. I leaned my head down to kiss it away. Our lips moved together as easily as if they'd been doing it forever. When my hands went to her face, feeling the tears, I drew back. "Naomi?"

  Naomi’s gaze was once again lost on the cityscape, wiping away the tears hastily. "Forget it."

  Another tear rolled down, and I took her hand. "Please tell me."

  But now her whole face was crinkled in pain as she shook her head. "It's stupid. I'm just being stupid and ridiculous and…”

  "Naomi," I said firmly.
/>
  She rubbed her eyes. "The last time I was here… It was with …" Her body shuddered. And finally, her gaze met mine. "Him."

  My hands fisted. Him, the one she had described as a ‘shitshow of a breakup’.

  "We came here in the beginning,” she was saying now. “When things were still good. When I still didn't know the real him. When I still thought he loved me."

  Another shudder. Her eyes met mine once more.

  “I’m sorry,” I said.

  Her lips twisted derisively. "Look at me. Just making the same mistakes."

  My hand tightened on the Ferris wheel railing, not caring about its slick wetness. Different responses knifed up my throat, fighting to come out.

  But really, I knew. We both did.

  We were getting in too deep. I watched her cry, feeling helpless, and every bit like the asshole I was.

  I knew that I was falling for her, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell her that. I couldn’t just open my mouth and tell her that this time didn’t have to become a bad memory. But I knew I couldn’t. I couldn’t be the man she needed. The man she deserved. Shit, I barely believed in marriage; in relationships at all.

  I was damaged goods, both from my own experiences and from watching my parents’ sham of a union.

  If I was being honest with myself, I was terrified to end up like them. Terrified that I would turn out to be like my father and hurt Naomi the way he’d hurt my mother. I couldn’t do it. Not to her. She deserved so much more.

  I looked down at the carny to see why we were still sitting up in the air and realized that the dipshit had fallen asleep on the control panel.

  “Oh for fuck sake,” I said.

  “What?” Naomi asked.

  I pointed downward and she broke out into a fit of giggles. The tinkling sound of her laughter brightened my mood immediately and I found myself wishing I could make her laugh like that all the time. It was so much better than making her cry.

  “Hey, asshole! Wake up!” I yelled, trying to get his attention, to no avail.

  Finally, after a few moments, I took off one of my shoes, aimed carefully and dropped it.