“I am sorry Calen. I don’t know why I came so suddenly. I thought I was already over them. Since I am here with you most of the time around me and your scent is all over the place, I already don’t have the nightmares. I don’t have these feelings when I am interacting with the people in our pack so I don’t know. I don't understand why.” I told him I was really worried and afraid. I don’t want to put him again in the position he was a few months ago when he had to go with me everywhere. When I was first a few weeks in the pack and everything seemed new and unexplored and I was not sure I would handle it, he had to go everywhere, meet everyone and do almost everything with me.
“Today is your birthday and Maat would get specific powers over you. You would start to emit her energy as your private aura the same as we all do. Moreover, your wolf is unique so I expect her to emit a unique aura. On top of that the bond that you would start to feel and which you have no idea what you should expect. Another thing is the moment you would stand in front of the pack as my Luna during the ceremony and you would be forced to shift once again in front of everyone. There are a lot of new things coming ahead which you could change or avoid and I simply think it was overwhelming for you. I shouldn’t let you alone the day before your birthday. It is my fault princess I should have expected that these days would be hard and difficult for you but I got careless and forgot. I am really sorry for yesterday's absence, princess. I am sure it would not be like that if I would be in the pack.” He apologized to me so deeply and sincerely I wanted to cry again. It was not his fault but mine. I was the broken one. I was the one with the deep scars inside which I couldn’t let go. Maybe I could but at the same time, I was afraid to let go that I might lose the precious feelings I had for my parents and my pack.
“You don’t need to apologize. I should be the one saying sorry to you. I already locked you with me several months ago when I first came to the pack and the pack members arrived here. For almost a month I didn’t leave the room or if I did you had to be by my side. I don’t want you to live like that. You deserve more, way more than I could offer and I hate myself for that.” I was sobbing already at this moment. I felt terrible for being such a bad mate and a bad person. I want to protect him and protect this clan but at the same time, I feel so powerless and useless. I feel overwhelmed with everything that might yet come no matter if I could affect it or not.
“You are absolutely perfect the way you are princess, never forget that. I would not change anything about you, never ever.” He told me with the unhidden passion and love in his voice. He moved one of his hands to lift my chin up so I could see straight into his eyes. He kissed me deeply. The kiss was lasting only for a few seconds and I could feel my body craving for more, not only the body but my mind too. I don’t know what kind of drug he was to me but definitely, the one that keeps you going no matter how many times you were broken, shattered, and destroyed.
“I love you Reina Elain Indegard. I love the way you couldn’t imagine now but I swear to our Moon Goddess once we reach the exact hour you were born you would understand. Once the mate bond is established between us fully and you would be finally connected to me the way I am connected to you now, you would feel the love I have for you. You are my world, my life, my moon, and my stars. You are everything to me Rei and this would never change.” He told me and another tear fell down on my cheek. I didn’t know how he could be so romantic and careful about me. I didn’t know where he was taking the exact words that always worked so well on me.
“I love you Calen. Not because of the bond or because you are my mate but I love you for those months you spent with me even without the fully formed bond. You made the time to know me and deal with my problems like they were your own. I love you for the person you are. I really don’t know how I would feel once the bond is there and I am afraid to lose these precious feelings I have now.” I told him truthfully. I was afraid that this love I have for him now would be removed and replaced with the mate bond. I was afraid to lose the love I have for him with the fake one that is pushed on us through the bond.
“These feelings would not change Rei. The bond is not pushing you to love someone. Yes, it is difficult to ignore the person because of the bond but the bond itself doesn’t create love. You could ask Emily or Tamara about it. You could ask any mated women in this pack and they would tell you the same. The bond is telling you, who is your true partner, who is the second part of your soul but it doesn’t put the love into your heart. You need to connect with that person and get to know each other. You need to build the love the same as we did. The only thing easier when the bond is fully formed is trust. You know that you could fully trust that person and you could open yourself.” He explained to me and I did understand at least I hoped so. He kissed me one more time while stroking my hair and I wished once again to stay in this position forever.
“Where did you go yesterday anyway?” I asked him when I finally felt strong enough to speak to him and once, he broke our kiss. “I had some business in the company that actually brings the money for our pack. We needed to transfer headquarter closer to our current pack, so I went to business partners and offered them some new projects here in this area. We would use the town as the base for our business so I would not have to travel away from that often. Just to the town and back and everything could be done from there.” He informed me. I actually never asked him how they are earning the money. Seemed no one from the people in the pack was actually going out the pack land which meant no one had work outside the pack. To sustain life, they needed to earn money somewhere, somehow but I decided now was anyway not the time to ask about it so I left it as a conversation for another day.
“I see. I hope everything went well for you and the plans would be good.” I somehow put together a few words since I really had no idea what exactly I should reply to since I was not planning to ask further about the business.
“I guess you are hungry and thirsty. Go take a shower princess and we would go get something to eat. Oh, and I was thinking about the Luna ceremony, let’s leave it for now. Soon would be Christmas then New Year so I guess we could postpone the ceremony. Let’s focus first on you and Maat because I am sure she would show us some nice and amazing powers, and then we could focus on us and in the end the Luna ceremony. What do you think?” I knew he was offering this just to make it easier for me and don’t overstress me or make me overthink. Focusing on one thing, especially if that thing appears as a problem in my mind is better than trying to solve many problems at the same time.
“I would love that,” I told him openly and with the forced smile. ‘You have the whole day. We were born shortly before midnight today so you could enjoy the day and celebrate. I would inform you like one hour before and I guess it would be better to go to our cabin.’ Maat informed me and I agreed with her.
“Maat told me that we have almost till midnight before the maturing process starts and before the bond between us is established,” I told Calen, and for some reason, he had a scary smirk on his face. I definitely did not like this one because it meant he was planning something.
“It means that for the whole day I could steal you for myself, the evening we could have a birthday party and before midnight I would just take you to some private place. That’s actually awesome timing for me and for my plans.” He told me with the devilish sparks in his eyes. I was afraid to ask him what exactly he was planning and I was sure that I didn’t want to know, no I was not sure, half of me was actually burning to know what the hell did he prepare and the second half just wanted to run away and hide.
“I don’t think there is a chance that you would tell me your plans, right?” I asked him curiously and with hope but I was not surprised when he slightly shook his head as our current position allowed him and simply denied the request. “I thought so,” I added before I pulled myself away from the hug going to the wardrobe and searching for something to wear. Outside was already snow freezing cold but thanks to the nonstop work of the pack member
s the snow inside and around the pack was never too heavy. The next day the snow was falling down. They cleaned it perfectly so we could easily walk around from the house to house and so on. They also brought the special car to clean the road we had to the city so at least once per month I was still going to the city. Well, I was driven always by one of the warriors in the car since Calen was really against me running or walking around in the snow but I didn’t mind. The warrior always dropped me at Rosie’s and left us alone so I could simply spend the whole day with her. I managed to even bring her some presents for Christmas on my visit last week. She was actually so pleased and happy to see me since usually during the winter I never came to the city before.
I took insulated pants with the shirt and heavy hoodie and of course clean underwear and headed to the bathroom. Calen didn’t follow, he actually refused to see me naked except the very first moment he saw me several months ago. Not like he didn’t want to, I was sure he wanted to especially feel his member against my core or belly so many times I already couldn’t count it but he simply wasn’t so sure about himself and his self-control, this was at last what he told me.
“Don’t take too long princess or I would freeze here alone in the bed.” He joked with me when I closed the door of the bathroom. “You are smoky hot my love, there is no chance that you would ever freeze but if by some magic you would I am sure I have some amazing tools to unfreeze you in an instant,” I called to him back from the bathroom and I knew he was already trying to burn the door that was separating us. He knew exactly which tools I meant.
“Such a young and innocent yet so spoiled and dirty mind.” He commented and I could feel the burn on my cheeks. Damn, he always knew what to say to make me feel inappropriate or completely ashamed, not bad ashamed, the one that really makes you blushed from head to toes.
“The only thing I regret now is that I couldn’t see those blushed cheeks princess.” He added and I wanted to open the door and just provoke him by showing myself. Wait, maybe I should do that, anyway already today I am eighteen. Well, I didn’t have the courage to take off everything so I kept my lacy bra and panties and opened the door. “You wanted to see my blush? So, there you go, you might check how much I am blushing you perverted Alpha.” I told him while opening the door and standing just like that right in front of his eyes. I could see him lick his lips the moment his eyes landed on my almost naked body. “You have no more words to say?” I asked him teasingly. His eyes turned from the icy blue to the eyes of his wolf and I knew that I was playing with the fire right now but I didn’t care. No matter how fast he is I was sure I would close the door before he would be able to reach me. “You have no idea what you are doing princess.” He told me but I knew that this voice was not only his. His wolf was going dangerously to the surface. I knew Thoth would never hurt me the same as Calen and I knew that both have actually amazing self-control but since the very first moment he landed his eyes on me he never saw me in the underwear or without any clothes on me since then. And seeing someone in a swimming suit is different, especially if you are wearing the lacy underwear which I had right now.
The moment he started to move on the bed I simply pulled the door closing them again and locking them to make sure he would not burst inside. “So be a good boy next time and I would not provoke or tease you,” I told him but I knew that those words would have actually the completely opposite effect.
“Just wait when you get out of that room princess. Just wait.” I knew it was an empty threat. At least I hope it was.
Chapter 36
REI’S POV:
‘Two hours.’ Maat informed me about the due time I had before my birthday took the place and I meant literally. For our wolves, it is not important the day we were born but the exact hour. They receive the blessing or at least I understood it like that when Maat tried to explain it, from the Moon Goddess and they become fully matured. They are able to mate with their wolf partners and in some rare cases, they inherit some special powers.
‘Thank you.’ I replied to her. I felt a pressured hold on my hand and turned to Calen standing beside me. I know it was my birthday party and I wanted to enjoy it; I swear I really wanted but… There were always some buts in my life and honestly at this crucial moment my but was to stay just alone with my mate. I could not wait to feel what he described to me in the morning about the mate bond. “You are not enjoying the party.” He announced to me instead of asking.
“I do, somehow,” I replied to him not completely lying. We were standing beside the food table away from the crowds which means it was not that bad. Some of them, from time to time stopped by to wish me a happy birthday and for little chit chat. I especially enjoyed the talk with Lily. For some reason, she feels more open and less shy when she is with me and I liked that. I liked that I actually have a calming effect on someone else and I am not counting Calen because I have a natural calming effect on him thanks to our mate thing.
“Would you do me a favor, my Lady and dance with me?” He turned to me pulling me closer to him so instead of standing in front I was now facing him. He had his unbelievably irresistible smirk on his face and despite the urge to say no, I said yes.
He led us right into the middle of the circle they created in the social area. The sofas and chairs were moved to the wall and in between them the tables with the foods and drinks. The dancing floor was made in the middle. The area was not big enough to hold everyone inside but it was not necessary. Not everyone decided to celebrate my birthday and I was not blaming them. I was their future Luna but that doesn’t mean they have to stay here and celebrate with me. Also, some were here earlier evening and already left meanwhile others arrived later. So, the people here were changing during the evening.
When we reached the middle, he pulled me, making me turn around my own axis and once again I ended up in his arms. How he controlled me was a pure mystery for me. “I don’t know how to dance,” I told him shyly and he could sense that it made me feel uncomfortable because I didn’t like it when people were staring at me. Once I would start to move like an idiot around pretending, I am dancing for sure it would bring unwanted attention.
“You don’t need to princess I would lead you. Just stay close to me and relax. Same as I just turned you around, I could lead you the same while dancing. Just trust me, would you?” He looked at me with those icy blue eyes and I had to admit I was lost in that gaze. “I would,” I told him with a smile. He placed one of my hands on his shoulder and second into his own hand and pulled me closer so I could feel the heat of his body.
He was right. The moment he swung left my body was automatically pulled with him. The first few moves I had the feeling that I am walking around instead of dancing but in the end, my moves became smoother. I had to admit in the end I did enjoy that a lot and deep inside I hoped that we would dance like that more often.
“I feel hot,” I said after a while and he was smiling down at me. “I bet you do. Let’s go get a drink?” He offered me and I nodded. I didn’t know that dancing would be so exhausting and would make you drink like a camel. I drank two cups of the juice the moment we got to the table. He was just laughing at me.
‘Half an hour Rei. We should be going if you don’t want to create commotion here.’ Maat informed me and I was shocked. ‘Just a minute ago you told me two hours.’ I replied to her and I could not believe that the time flew so fast. ‘You were enjoying herself during the dancing and I did not want to destroy the moment but don’t worry I would stop you soon if you would not stop dancing.’ Maat told me. ‘Thank you, Maat.’ I replied to her with a smile. “We should be going Calen,” I informed him and he nodded to me.
We simply sneaked out of my own birthday party and only our closest friends knew where we were going. “Put this on you. Today is extremely cold outside.” Calen told me, handing me a jacket with the soft fur inside. I felt like being in the wolf form wearing that jacket, it was really soft on my bare skin since I was wearing just the shirt with the short
sleeves. “Where did you get this jacket?” I asked him and he put a smirk on his face. “I am not gonna tell you, this jacket is actually one of your gifts.” He told me and checked it again. The color was dark blue the same as the water under the waterfall where I was usually meditating. It was the perfect fit and gently tight around my waist and chest to copy my curves so I guess there was something for both of us when I was wearing this jacket.
“Ready to run?” He asked me and I didn’t answer him. I put a smirk on my face and directly started running in the direction where my cabin was. I knew I had no chance to be there first but at least I had a head start. In a few seconds, I already heard him right behind me. “I still don’t understand why you are trying so hard to outrun me, princess.” He laughed and the next moment he was far in front of me.
I don’t know how long he was inside the cabin before I finally reached there but it was nicely warm and I heard the fire in the fireplace. There were candles around and he also prepared some other food and drinks only for us. The gentle music was playing in the background and I had to say that those slight changes in the decoration also added to the good atmosphere. It looked romantic and beautiful.
New Beginning : A Beautiful Ethereal Creature (Spirit Wolf Book #1) Page 24