Blood Faith

by Kara Sharpe

  Xavier isn’t sure which of them he’s talking to.

  Then there’s the familiar bloom of blood in his mouth, the thunder of the pulse, Adrian’s hand in his hair pulling hard enough that a human would be objecting to the pain but Xavier just growls and sucks, drinking deep, taking the pain and the pleasure both as he gives them in turn.

  24

  ADRIAN

  Every nerve in his whole body is lit up with a pleasure so good he’s not entirely sure where it ends and the pain starts. Everything is just sheer overwhelming sensation. He is drowning in it. Every swallow Xavier takes is another bolt of bliss down Adrian’s spine. He can feel a climax building already.

  “Don’t you dare fucking make me come,” he manages to gasp out. “I’m not finished with this.”

  Xavier breaks away from his throat, mouth smeared with red. Adrian lets go of his hair and grabs his arm instead, dragging him through to the bedroom where he’d been held when he first arrived.

  The handcuffs are still where Xavier left them on the nightstand, the key glinting beside them.

  “I’ve had it with everything being on your terms,” Adrian spits, pushing Xavier until he’s lying on the bed and then closing the cuff around his wrist. “This time I’m taking the lead.”

  He knows in his heart that it’s a hollow idea, that Xavier could break the cuffs with barely any effort at all. But that fact that he’s conceding control to Adrian is its own kind of rush.

  It’s an intoxicating thought to know that this is freely given, this stillness as Adrian strips them both of their pants and climbs on top of Xavier, fucking himself down without caring whether Xavier’s getting any pleasure from it as well.

  Adrian rolls his hips, bending down to press his mouth to Xavier’s before beginning to move in earnest, riding him greedily.

  Xavier’s looking up at him with bright, sharp eyes. Adrian doesn’t know how to read that gaze. Some part of him knows that he should be afraid of such intense scrutiny, but he realizes that he’s not afraid at all.

  There’s no part of him that he doesn’t want Xavier to see, not even the worst and most secret things locked up inside him. Adrian doesn’t care that all of him is laid bare, and that’s a terrifying and infuriating thought.

  Fuck, he loves Xavier’s dick. It fills him up so perfectly. Adrian feels like he was made for Xavier to fuck him, like his whole body was built just to take this cock. He feels like he can’t breathe when Xavier’s inside him.

  Everything’s too much. If he tries to speak now, Adrian knows his voice’ll slur, blood loss and mounting desire making a wreck of him. But he speaks anyway.

  “Wanna to feel you come,” he tells Xavier. “Wanna be filled up with it.”

  Xavier’s thrusts up are erratic, but Adrian does his best to drive down to meet them, all sense of rhythm lost. He moans and clenches as he feels Xavier spend his release inside him, lets his own orgasm crash into him like a tidal wave.

  His hands are shaking as he unlocks the handcuff.

  25

  XAVIER

  He’s in too deep.

  He let Adrian handcuff him to a bed. He gave the young man absolute trust over him. Xavier could have fought him off, of course, but knew that he wouldn’t have to. That this was a safe vulnerability.

  But there’s no such thing as a safe vulnerability. Look at what happened to Emelie, enchanted by her humans and exposed as a result, wearing a patch over one eye, left grieving for the lost humanity of poor Lennon, now doomed to an endless night like the rest of them.

  This… affair, if it has truly evolved into such a thing, is dangerous. Not only for Xavier but for Adrian as well.

  Adrian deserves better than this life. He deserves a better fate than the one awaiting him, should they continue this folly.

  Adrian crawls back onto the bed beside Xavier, still looking shaky. Xavier reaches out and touches his face, wanting to memorize it, struck by the impermanence of it, how fleeting life is.

  No matter how often he learns the lesson, it breaks his heart anew every time.

  “What’s that look for?” Adrian asks, voice as shaky as his hands.

  “You deserve so much more than this,” Xavier says quietly. “A full human life, away from all this darkness and violence and blood.”

  Adrian sits up, featuring pinching into a scowl. “Maybe once. Maybe when I was a kid. But I didn’t get it then, and I’m not that kid anymore. Now I’m an adult, and now I get to make my own choices. I earned that.”

  He sighs, running a hand through his hair. He looks very tired. Xavier wants nothing more than to hold him, to keep him safe from the dangers of the world. But Xavier himself is one of the worst of those dangers, isn’t he? One of the worst monsters in the dark.

  “If you want me to have everything I deserve, whatever that means,” Adrian says. “Then you gotta do the same, okay? You need to try to not be so afraid of caring about people. Everyone dies, Xavier. Nobody gets out of this alive in the end. But… it’s worth the pain. I know it’s hard to believe that, but it’s true. It’s worth the pain.”

  “I’m not the one of us who’s afraid,” Xavier pushes back, Adrian’s gentle words making his gut roil. “You say that you deserved better when you were younger, but do you really believe it? You burn with shame whenever I bite you, the guilt at how good it feels is like a beacon glowing out of you.”

  That brings a high flush to Adrian’s cheeks instantly, exactly the kind of shame that Xavier’s talking about.

  “But it’s all right, Adrian. It’s all right for it to feel good. Those things that happened… they weren’t your fault. You aren’t to blame for anything your brother made you do.”

  26

  ADRIAN

  “Shut up! you don’t know what you’re talking about!” Adrian shakes his head so hard he feels a little dizzy. “It’s not the same at all!

  “Don’t you get it? How dirty I felt, how filthy I still feel inside sometimes when I wake up, before I remember that it’s all in the past now. How bad and—”

  “I survived a war that killed many people I loved,” Xavier reminds him. “And now I survive on the blood of the living, helping the Queen of this city’s vampires control her domain. You think you’re the only one who sometimes feels they’ll never be clean? Like their soul is tainted?”

  “But you’re not tainted,” Adrian counters immediately. “Nothing could stain you. You’re… it’s like you’re this beacon in the dark. Sometimes… sometimes I look at you and it seems like you’re the only thing in the whole world that’s not made of muddy water. You’re the only thing that’s clear. I know that sounds more Fatal Attraction than it does fairytale romance, but it’s true.”

  Xavier smiles gently. “I’ve heard Winter and Emelie make enough obsessive declarations of undying devotion to one another over the years that you’d have to do a lot better than that before I started thinking you were creepy.”

  The lightness in his tone should help Adrian feel a little more grounded, less like he’s about to fall apart, but he suspects he’s too far gone for anything to stop the tears that’re already starting to drip heavily onto his cheeks, each droplet fat with sorrow.

  “Sorry. This is so lame,” he apologizes, voice wavering terribly. Xavier simply gathers Adrian into his arms and holds him close, letting him cry and cry.

  He can’t help it. He thinks he might be weeping to make up for all the times he was empty inside, too numb and blank to find any tears for the things that had been done to him. He’s not numb and blank anymore. He’s full, too full, spilling over with sobs that won’t stop, the only thing holding him together the implacable strength of Xavier’s arms around him as he shudders.

  Later, when Adrian’s all wrung out, feeling that strange calm that comes after intense emotion, he sits unmoving on the closed lid of a toilet seat. He’s too exhausted from crying to move much, his body leaden.

  They’re in the main bathroom of the apartment, rather than the one
off Adrian’s room. The size of this one is pretty ridiculous, with a huge shower and two sinks and a stand-alone bath big enough for multiple people.

  It’s the bath that Xavier’s turned his attention to, the taps running full blast to fill it with steaming warm water. Adrian watches as he adds a small trickle of scented oil to it from a bottle resting on the edge, making the whole room smell slightly herbal and relaxing.

  Adrian lets Xavier guide him into the tub, pulling him down so his back is flush against Xavier’s chest. He lets himself be cradled like that, too weary to feel embarrassed at what a useless deadweight he’s being. Just… just for a minute, he’ll let Xavier take care of him.

  The shampoo Xavier soaps gently through Adrian’s hair smells faintly of lavender, not the old-lady-powder kind but fresh and green and alive, like a field in sunshine with the breeze blowing through the plants.

  He wonders if Xavier misses sunshine, misses the soft growing things of the daylight world. Nature at night feels very unlike its daylight counterpart.

  The water makes Xavier’s preternatural flesh seem as warm and soft as Adrian’s own, enough so that, just for a moment, Adrian can pretend that they’re the same.

  After the bath, they go into Xavier’s room instead of Adrian’s. The bed’s actually smaller, hilariously enough. Just a regular double. But that’s okay, because Adrian wants to be close to Xavier, wants to be able to keep touching him. It’s like Adrian told him — sometimes it feels like Xavier’s the only thing that’s real.

  Xavier kisses him, letting Adrian lie there and be adored. His body’s still open and slick from their angry round with the handcuffs, and Xavier enters him slowly and carefully, so carefully.

  “Bite me,” he pleads when Xavier nips playfully at his earlobe. “Properly, please.”

  He needs it to hurt, he can’t take it like this, with everything easy and unhurried. It feels so good and safe that Adrian can feel his tears threatening to start again.

  He doesn’t know how to cope with it feeling like this. It’s too much, it’s not just sex anymore and he’d rather die than call it making love. “Bite me,” he begs again. “Please.”

  Xavier hesitates.

  “I need it, I… I can’t…” Adrian says, clutching at his arms.

  “Okay, okay,” Xavier soothes, bending his head to Adrian’s throat.

  But when the bite comes, that’s gentle too. It’s nothing like the awful memories that haunt Adrian’s dreams. It’s just closeness and warmth and the two of them, joined together, connected.

  Adrian arches up, voice cracking on a long low sob as he climaxes. Xavier holds him through that, too.

  27

  XAVIER

  He’s going over income projections with Emelie when both their phones chime simultaneously with a message from one of her agents.

  Katerina has been apprehended.

  Xavier looks at her, watches as her visible eye lights up viciously with the prospect of vengeance. It’s one of the most primally predatory expressions he’s ever seen her wear, though he can’t say it isn’t warranted.

  A moment later, the bloodthirsty look fades, a calmer and sadder expression replacing it.

  “Lennon should decide what’s an appropriate punishment,” she decides.

  Even though Lennon isn’t one of her kept humans anymore, Xavier knows that she still considers him to be hers, and it’s inspiring to see the way that she’s going to trust his choice in this, the way she gives him agency over the terrible trauma that was done to him.

  He needs to do the same for Adrian. He needs to give Adrian choice over what his life looks like. It’s the right thing to do, even if it isn’t what Xavier wants.

  Xavier’s phone rings with a call from Nova, as Emelie goes to find Lennon and speak to him.

  “We’re bringing the car around to take you to where we’re holding Katerina,” Nova says.

  “All right, we’ll be there,” Xavier agrees.

  He follows Emelie, who’s speaking to Lennon and Winter. “I’m going downstairs for a moment,” he tells her. “Nova’s bringing the car around. I’ll meet you at it in just a few minutes.”

  Then he takes the stairs down to his own level. Adrian is still in bed, still dreaming. There are dark hollows beneath his eyes, but his expression is peaceful. When Xavier kisses his cheek, he smiles in his sleep, then slowly opens his eyes.

  “You’re back quickly.”

  “On my way out, actually,” Xavier explains. “I wanted…” he lifts one of Adrian’s wrists to his mouth, unable to resist taking a small taste. He wants to memorize it, to learn it off by heart so that he can cling to the memory in moments when he needs it.

  He knows this will be the last time he ever has this ambrosia on his tongue, and the preemptive pain of that loss makes his heart ache terribly.

  “Here.” Pulling away from Adrian’s wrist, he puts the key fob into his hand. “I won’t be back until later. You… you’re welcome to leave whenever you wish.”

  If that is what you wish, he desperately wants to add, but stops himself. He’s done enough harm. It’s time to let Adrian go.

  Emelie and Lennon are waiting with Nova in the car when Xavier gets there. Emelie, clearly catching the edge of the scent of Adrian’s blood still lingering around Xavier, gives him a saucy grin. Xavier doesn’t smile back.

  They are all very quiet on the ride to where Katerina’s being held.

  Katerina is restrained but looks unrepentant, annoyed about being caught but otherwise no different to any of the other times Xavier has seen her. He suspects it’s bravado; Lennon can call for her death and none would contest the ruling.

  Of course, knowing Lennon as he does, Xavier isn’t surprised when the ruling comes.

  “Expulsion. I want her and all her associates gone, never to return under this Queen’s rule,” he says. It’s lenient but fair, as punishments go. Xavier simply hopes none of them will come to regret Lennon’s soft heart some day in the future.

  Emelie nods, clearly expecting him to answer as he has. “All right. You heard him, Katerina. You, I want gone tonight. Your top brass — Davis Bell, Fiona Green, Lee Cutler, Jake Conway — they have to be out by the end of the week. Any other associates you have, vampire or human, all of them out by the end of the week as well.”

  One of the names stirs a twitch of recognition in the back of Xavier’s head, but he doesn’t put two and two together until Katerina is walked past him, restrained between two of Emelie’s guards, and she gives him a lascivious, nasty smirk.

  “You smell like that bratty little jailbait brother of Lee’s. How do my leftovers taste?”

  He growls at her, hands curling to strike out and claw at her, rip her flesh apart. It’s only the clear ring of Emelie’s voice that stops him.

  “Xavier! Lennon has decided expulsion over death. Now we must all abide by it.”

  The car ride back to the apartment is a subdued one, though not as quiet as the one to the ruling.

  “Do you know how we got her?” Emelie asks Xavier. She’s lying across two seats, her head resting on Lennon’s thigh as he strokes her hair.

  “How?”

  “We went after Davis. He’s the one she’s closest with, you know. Her Xavier.”

  “I don’t appreciate that comparison very much,” he says dryly. She ignores the comment.

  “I know you worry about how weak my love of Lennon and Winter makes me,” she goes on. “But it’s my strength too, you see? Because it makes me understand better than anyone that everyone, even the ones who seem like the strongest enemies, are vulnerable in some way. Everyone loves something.”

  “You’re going to have to let me in to my place,” he confesses. “I gave Adrian my fob.”

  When she lets him out of the elevator on his floor, the apartment is empty.

  28

  ADRIAN

  It’s disturbingly easy to slip back into his life, as if he was barely in it to begin with.

  He tells
his boss at the bookshop that it was an emergency, that he’s sorry, that he would have sent word if it had been possible.

  He thinks his boss assumes that he was in a psychiatric ward, which is ironic because now that everything is back to normal, life settling into the same small, stable routines he’d created for himself, now is when Adrian feels like he’s in serious need of an inpatient stay in a mental hospital. He can’t settle back into his old habits at all.

  Why isn’t he glad that the whole thing’s over, that he’s free? Isn’t this the best of all possible endings?

  No. It feels awful to admit to himself, but something is very wrong. He feels empty and bleak. Everything seems hollow and colorless, like the old three-dimensional world got replaced with a black-and-white cartoon while he was away.

  ‘Away.’ Hah. That’s rich. While he was kidnapped.

  God, he’s losing his mind. That’s the only explanation for it. Only a crazy person would be homesick for captivity.

  And the sickest part is, it doesn’t even matter that Adrian’s turned into a total fucking lunatic, because he isn’t even welcome in his cage anymore. Xavier made it pretty clear that he wanted Adrian gone. Going back and begging isn’t going to change that.

  Adrian feels like he’s drowning, and when an email pops up in his inbox one evening it feels a little like being thrown a rope.

  To: Adrian

  From: Lee

  Some stuff’s come up and it looks like I’m gonna be moving at pretty short notice! Do you feel like coming along? Fresh city, fresh start!

  29