Penne Dreadful

by Catherine Bruns

  The insurance money was mine to do with as I pleased though. I’d donate a good share of it, but I planned to set some aside for a new project—something I’d been dreaming about for a long time.

  Dylan had worried that his illness might take him from me too soon and wanted to make sure that I was well provided for financially. He’d tried to think of everything ahead of time so that I’d never want for anything. As with his paperwork, he’d been meticulous about every detail. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I realized I’d never have what I truly wanted more than anything else—him.

  My cell buzzed again, and I wiped my eyes and glanced down at the screen. The number was local but not one that I recognized, and I prayed there wasn’t a reporter on the other end. Word had already leaked about Anthony, Butchy, and the pizza parlor’s dealings. No doubt Sam would follow. With hesitation, I pressed Accept Call. “Hello?”

  “Tessa, it’s Vince. Vince Falducci.”

  He was about the last person I had expected to hear from. “Hi.”

  There was a long pause. “Look, I wanted to apologize. When I found out you were Dylan’s wife, I was pissed off. I guess I blamed him for the restaurant going under, when in truth, I should have blamed my so-called partner instead—and myself. I was a schmuck who let myself be taken advantage of. I didn’t have my eyes wide open, and that wasn’t fair to you.”

  “There’s no need for you to apologize.”

  “Yes, there is. You have my word that I wasn’t involved with Anthony’s side business either and knew nothing about what happened to Dylan. I—” He stopped to catch his breath. “I feel like a complete idiot. This is the second time I’ve been screwed over. I didn’t even know about Anthony’s goings-on at the restaurant until a couple of days ago when I first became suspicious.”

  Doubt hung heavy in the air, and I was silent, not knowing what else to say.

  Vince must have guessed my thoughts. “I have only been back at Slice for a few weeks, since right before Dylan died. Anthony first recommended Dylan to us as an accountant a couple of years ago. Before I even knew what happened, the place had closed down, and I decided to come back here. You must think I’m a real lowlife.”

  I exhaled sharply. “Let’s just say that I’m not exactly in a position to criticize anyone. Dylan knew about Anthony’s side business and was blackmailing him. He did have his reasons, but that still doesn’t make what he did right. You really didn’t know?”

  “No, I didn’t. Honest. I don’t condone drug dealings. The entire family is torn up over this.”

  I had no doubt. It wasn’t my place to judge Vince, and if Gino said he was clean, it must be true. “Thank you for letting me know.”

  There was another awkward silence. “I’m truly sorry about what happened to your husband. It was a complete shock when the cops came to my door in the middle of the night to tell me what Anthony had done. Frankly, I hope he rots in jail for a long time. Are you and your cousin okay?”

  “We’re fine, thanks.” I was about to hang up when another thought occurred to me. “What are you going to do with the place?”

  His voice sounded puzzled. “Excuse me?”

  “I heard you own Slice. What are you planning to do with the building now?”

  “I haven’t really thought about it yet,” he confessed. “Are you interested in buying the place?”

  Excitement soared through me. Oh heck yes, I was interested. Suddenly, my dream was once again within reach, the perfect restaurant that Dylan and I had been working toward. I tried to steady my voice. “It depends on the price. I don’t have much money to sink into it. The building alone needs a lot of cosmetic work.”

  “Perhaps we can work something out,” he said. “I might be willing to lease it to the right person. Say, oh…someone who’s a fantastic cook and I know would do the place proud.”

  My body tingled with excitement as I did a silent little happy dance. It was a good thing Vince couldn’t see me, and I struggled to keep my voice on an even note. “That would be wonderful.”

  “Would you like to meet me for coffee later?” he asked. “How about we get together at Java Time, say, at three o’clock, to discuss this further?”

  “I can’t today. How about tomorrow?”

  “That works for me.” Vince paused for a moment. “I’ll look forward to it.”

  I sat very still, enjoying the happiness blooming in my chest. How I wished Dylan was here to share in this moment. Sadly, he wasn’t, so I tried to relish the thought alone.

  Yes, it’s finally happening. I’m going to have my very own restaurant.

  Twenty-Nine

  I picked up my phone and called a cab. There was somewhere I needed to be and no transportation available after my Toyota had been half submerged in a river. I’d have to go car shopping tomorrow.

  After changing into comfortable jeans and a wool sweater, I had barely enough time to get downstairs before the cab’s horn tooted from my driveway. Except for a slight headache, I felt fine. I promised Luigi that I’d be back soon, but he didn’t seem concerned.

  I opened my front door and was surprised to see Matt on my doorstep, a yellow taxi idling behind him in the driveway. Then I noticed the flowers in his hands. Oh, no. My heart started to beat a little faster, and I gripped the doorknob tightly in my hand. I didn’t want a scene with him. What was he planning now?

  I took a deep breath and smiled. “Are those for me?”

  He nodded shyly and held out the bouquet of white and pink chrysanthemums. “I never sent flowers after Dylan…died. Ellie at the Flower Girl said they meant sympathy…and friendship. I miss being friends with you, Tessa.”

  I tried to ignore the mournful look in his eyes. “Ellie certainly knows her flowers.” The arrangement was beautiful, full of large, fluffy blooms and wrapped with a blue silk ribbon. The sentiment was sweet, but I didn’t take the flowers and gave him a shrewd look instead. “Before I got married, you sent me a text that said I’d be sorry if I went through with my wedding. What did you mean by that?”

  Matt’s cheeks burned bright red as he bowed his head. “In hindsight, I know how that must have looked, but I only meant you’d be sorry you broke up with me, that you’d miss me one day.” He stared up at me then, a slight smile on his lips. “It turns out I’m the one who’s sorry. Sorry that I messed things up so badly. I’m sorry, Tess…about everything.”

  I gazed into his wide hazel eyes and saw genuine sincerity there. With a sigh, I took the flowers from his outstretched hand. “I accept your apology, Matt.”

  “You do?” He sounded stunned.

  The taxi tooted its horn again, and I looked past Matt’s shoulder to wave at the driver in a just-one-minute gesture. “Yes. It was a long time ago. Water under the bridge now.”

  He looked slightly relieved but shifted his weight from his right to left foot—something I remembered him doing when he was nervous.

  “Listen, would it help if I talked to Lila for you? I’d be glad to tell her there was nothing going on between us, that you had nothing to do with Dylan’s—”

  “She’s gone,” he said abruptly. “She left and took the kids with her.”

  His face was full of pain, and it saddened me. “Oh…I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault. We’ve been having problems for a while. This investigation was the straw that broke the camel’s back.” He cleared his throat. “But it’s fine. Maybe I can convince her to try counseling. In the meantime, I still get to see the kids.”

  I patted his arm awkwardly. “I’m glad to hear that. If you’ll excuse me, I really have to get going.”

  Matt glanced back at the taxi, then at me. “Right. Of course. Sorry to keep you.” He stepped off the porch, then looked at me again. “Please take care of yourself.” His eyes twinkled. “Not that I should be worrying though. The word around town is that you�
��re pretty good with a pot of tomato sauce.”

  Boy, news traveled fast in Harvest Park.

  He waved at me again before trotting toward his car parked across the street. With a smile, I watched him drive away. I truly hoped for his sake that he and Lila could work things out. Matt wasn’t a bad person. He’d made mistakes in life—like Dylan, like me. No one was perfect. Hopefully, he would learn from them, and his life would be better for it.

  I closed and locked the door behind me. Flowers still in hand, I gave the cab driver my destination and then settled back in the seat, thinking about all the things I needed to do today—cash the check, grocery shopping, and laundry. Maybe tomorrow night I would take my mother out to dinner instead of her treating me. There was something else that I needed to do right now though—an event that I’d been putting off for over a month, and it couldn’t wait any longer.

  No one else knew about the secret I’d kept since Dylan’s death. My mother might have become suspicious in the last few weeks. She would casually ask how I liked the roses or peonies she’d placed by Dylan’s headstone. In return, I would mutter some lame reply about what a beautiful color they were.

  The truth of the matter was that I had not been out to Dylan’s gravesite since his funeral. It had been too difficult, too painful and permanent for me. But I had realized that this was only putting off the inevitable. After the last few days, I’d become aware that I could no longer avoid the past. Facing it would help me find my way to the future.

  Besides, there were a few other things that I needed to say to my husband.

  Thirty

  The cab drove through the open metal gate slowly as the driver gave me a questioning look in the rearview mirror.

  “This is fine here,” I assured him. He told me the amount, and I added five dollars for a tip.

  “Thank you, miss.” To my surprise, the driver seemed concerned as he watched me. “Do you want me to wait for you?”

  I shook my head. “Not necessary, but thanks.”

  He gave a perfunctory nod, and as soon as I stepped out of the vehicle, the cab drove away. I planned to stay here for a while and could always call another cab or ask Gabby to come and get me. The bookstore was closed on Sundays, and she’d said last night that she planned on sleeping in and binge-watching television, but I knew she’d be available if I needed her.

  The sun cascaded down on my face, and a gentle breeze whipped my hair around my shoulders. For a November day in Upstate New York, the temperature was mild, hovering in the low fifties, quite a change from last night’s icy cold water and the below-freezing temperatures. That was one of the beauties about New York weather. It might be ninety degrees one day and forty the next. Unpredictable, the same as life.

  I was ashamed that it took me a minute to recall where Dylan’s grave was. Two rows up. That’s right, isn’t it? Leaves crunched beneath my sneakers. As I went down the second row, my memory kicked in, and then I spotted the beechnut tree. Although bare now, it had still been in full bloom on that awful but mild October day. There wasn’t much else I remembered about the funeral, except the sickeningly sweet smell of flowers that had permeated the air around me. They say that grief helps a person to block out certain memories. I’d tried that mechanism for a while, but no more.

  Dylan’s resting place was at the end of the row. The entire cemetery was peaceful and sedate, with no one in sight. Snow would be in the air soon, and it saddened me to realize that most people didn’t come out as often to visit their loved ones during the winter months. Or, if they were like me, they avoided coming at all. My Catholic upbringing had originally reassured me that it didn’t matter if I came to visit because only Dylan’s body was buried here. His spirit lived on elsewhere.

  I knelt on the damp ground, running my hands over the smooth, granite surface of his headstone. I laid the flowers alongside it. They were lovely and perfect for this moment. This was the first time I’d seen the stone, since it hadn’t been ready in time for the funeral. As the undertaker had promised, it looked beautiful. My fingers traced his name, engraved in raised black letters. Dylan Lawrence Esposito. Born November 15, 1987. Died October 6, 2018. Devoted husband, son, and friend.

  That was all it said, but it was more than enough.

  Devoted husband. Yes, he had been that. There was no doubt in my mind that he had loved me as a person desires and needs to be loved. Still, the lies and the secrets would weigh on my heart forever. I didn’t know if I could ever fully come to terms with it, but maybe I wasn’t supposed to.

  “I don’t understand why you thought you had to do those things. You could have told me the truth. If you got sick, I would have taken care of you. Every minute of every day. That’s how much I loved you.”

  Defeated, I allowed myself tears one final time. As they rolled down my cheeks and onto his headstone, the wind began to pick up speed, and a glorious array of yellow, red, and orange leaves whirled around me. Dylan knew how much I enjoyed the leaves in autumn and how I could stare at them falling from their branches for hours on end. We’d done that one autumn when we’d visited the Poconos in October. Dylan and I had spent an entire day sitting on the porch of our rented cabin, holding hands and sipping hot apple cider while watching the leaves. A lump formed in my throat at the memory.

  That day, I had told Dylan that watching the wind make the leaves dance was one of my favorite things to see. At this moment, the leaves were dancing. For me, at Dylan’s grave. Maybe this was Dylan’s way of letting me know that he was okay, and I would be too.

  “Luigi and I are fine,” I assured him. “I may even be able to open our restaurant soon. Things are starting to fall into place. I’m much stronger now, so there’s no need for you to worry about me.”

  I waited, but nothing happened. He was so vivid in my mind—his blond hair blowing in the wind, and those clear-blue eyes the color of the sky on a cloudless day. With a smile, I remembered those obsessive-compulsive habits of his that could drive me to distraction but were all part of his charm and another reason why I had loved him. Life without Dylan would prove to be very different from what I’d known before.

  “Happy birthday.” I touched my hand to my lips and then to his headstone. The wind died down, and the leaves finally settled on the ground. As I rose to my feet, I saw a man leaning against a tree, watching me. My heart gave a jolt.

  Justin was unshaven, his dark hair adorably messy. He was wearing a gray jacket the exact color of his eyes. His expression was somber, and I remembered that I was not the only one who had lost someone they loved. Losing Dylan for him must have been the equivalent of my losing Gabby, something I couldn’t bear to think about. No matter what happened, we would always be drawn together because of our mutual love for him. Maybe it was meant to be that way.

  He smiled but waited for me to come to him. “I knew you’d be here. Are you okay?”

  “You remembered.” My voice came out in a breathless whisper.

  Justin nodded soberly. “Of course. I’m glad you finally came. I know it wasn’t easy for you.”

  I stared at him. “You knew it was my first time here?”

  Justin placed his hands on my shoulders. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Right after Dylan’s funeral, I came out here a few times. Today is the first day I’ve been here in over two weeks. It doesn’t mean that you don’t care, Tess. Everyone handles grief differently.”

  “Thanks. I needed to hear that.”

  Justin pushed a loose piece of hair back from my face. “Last night I went out looking for you myself and drove to Slice. When I saw all the commotion, I was afraid you were mixed up in the middle of it, but then Gino called to say they’d found you and Gabby.” His jaw hardened. “I was so worried about you.”

  “You saved our lives. If you hadn’t found my driver’s license, no one would have known—until it was too late.”

  A shadow lifte
d from his face. “Does this mean you’re not mad at me anymore?”

  I shook my head. “I understand why you didn’t tell me. You were honoring a promise to a friend.”

  Justin’s tone was gentle. “I guess we’ll never know what was running through Dylan’s mind, but you should always remember how much he cared about you. Do you think you can forgive him?”

  It took a few seconds for me to respond. “Yes, but forgetting will take a long time, maybe forever. I can’t dwell on it any longer though. I need to move forward with my life.”

  He covered my hand with his. “I’m happy to hear that.”

  There was a question in his eyes that he dared not ask, but nevertheless, I felt I should address it. “I care for you very much. Next to Gabby, you’re the dearest friend I have, but I can’t promise you anything else right now. It’s too soon for me.”

  Justin’s smoky eyes observed me thoughtfully for a moment, then he leaned down to place a light kiss on my forehead. “I’m a very patient man, Tess. Especially when it’s something that’s well worth waiting for.”

  I lowered my eyes to the ground and had no response for that.

  “I know how much you loved Dylan and that you aren’t done grieving for him,” Justin continued. “But I’d like to be there if you need a shoulder to cry on, or anything else, for that matter. It’s the thought of you not in my life that’s unbearable.”

  I reached for Justin’s hand, and he squeezed mine in return. “Okay, enough serious talk for now.” I smiled, pulling him forward. We walked toward his truck together in comfortable silence. “I’m free today.” Laundry and grocery shopping could always wait. “What would you like to do?” We both needed something to lighten the mood and rid ourselves of the heartache that threatened to descend upon us again.

  “Hmm.” He grinned at me sheepishly. “I did get this text a little while ago from an incredibly beautiful, talented woman who offered to make me dinner. So I might not be free after all.”