by Cole, Fiona
21 Ian
“Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you?”
Carina didn’t turn to face me, but I could see the tension in her shoulders as she slipped her earrings in. “We don’t have anyone to watch Audrey, and I don’t want to bring her around that many people.”
“We could find a stranger on the street.”
She gave me a deadpanned look in the mirror. “Very funny. Besides, I won’t stay too long. Just enough for everyone to stare and make comments about the poor ex.”
“Nonsense. More like the sexy as fuck ex.”
I lived for the way she tried to hide her smiles when I complimented her. She looked down, and the long tendrils framing her face fell forward, begging me to tuck them back.
Before I could, she faced her reflection and pulled her shoulders back like she was preparing for battle. “I won’t be long.”
When she turned, I was there waiting, forcing her to take a step back and bump into the dresser. “You look beautiful.”
We were so close I could feel the small puffs of breath escaping her red-painted lips. “Thank you.”
I made a fist to keep from grabbing her and tugging her close. It had been a week since I’d touched her, tasted her, felt her and each day got a little harder than the last. I knew she felt it too. How could she not when it was like a living, breathing giant in the room with us.
It became just a matter of time for when one of us snapped—and I knew that when we did, I couldn’t go back. I couldn’t let her hide from it anymore, even if it only ended in a serious conversation about where we stood. This limbo wasn’t good on either of us.
“I should go,” she whispered, stepping around me.
I followed her out of the room, grabbing Audrey on the way. “Remember the rules, young lady. No drinking and driving, call every thirty minutes, so I know you’re safe, and no drugs.”
“Very funny, Dad.”
“Oh, you want me to be your daddy? I can get into that. Maybe some spanking.”
“How can you say that while holding your daughter?” she laughed.
“Easy. Little Miss Audrey doesn’t know what Daddy is saying and doesn’t care as long as it comes in a happy voice. Do you, baby?”
She shook her head at my baby-talk and grabbed her purse. “You two behave.”
“I guess we’ll have to cancel the house party then.”
“We’ll see you later,” I said, waving Audrey’s little fist.
As soon as Carina left, I swept into action. I was a man with a plan and didn’t have time to waste.
Watching Carina prepare to attend this wedding had been painful. She would never have asked me to go, but I knew she dreaded going alone. Thankfully, I was a proactive kind of guy, so I’d already messaged my parents to see if they would be able to watch Audrey.
As soon as they’d given me the go-ahead, I packed a bag for Audrey while Carina was showering. I quickly changed into my suit, choosing a silver tie to match Carina’s dress and headed out the door.
“Thank you so much for this,” I greeted my mom.
“Of course,” she said, taking Audrey. She smiled down, and Audrey rewarded her with a gummy smile.
“We just got back last night,” my dad said behind my mom. “A little heads up would have been nice.”
“It’s kind of a spur of the moment idea.”
“That’s typical,” my dad grumbled.
I hadn’t seen my parents since right after Audrey had been born. They’d visited the hospital and then left for another country, and maybe some of that resentment had been brewing because hearing my father’s displeasure was too much.
“I know this may shock you, but I’m trying to be there for someone. It may be spur of the moment, but I saw Carina needed me, and I’m going to be there planned or not.”
“Did she ask you to come last minute?”
“No, but being there for someone doesn’t always require to be asked. Not that you’d understand.”
“Ian,” my mom protested.
“No. No, Ian. You both may be okay with checking boxes and not showing up, but I’m not. I want to build my family with Carina. I want to be there for both of them no matter what. Nothing I have going on with me will come between that.”
“You never wanted for anything,” my dad defended.
“Except my family. How many Christmases did I spend alone? How many missed birthdays. It was like you didn’t care.”
“Ian, we didn’t mean to,” my mom said softly, her eyes filling with water.
“That’s not what this is about right now, and it’s not something I’m trying to make you feel guilt over. But I have my own family to think of now, and I can’t have Audrey growing up feeling like a burden, who feels like the only way she can see you is when you feel she’s worth it. I want you in her life, but not at the cost of her happiness.”
My father stood with his jaw clenched, but not looking at me. It was the closest thing to regret I’d ever seen from him.
“Of course we want to be in Audrey’s life,” my mother said. “And maybe…maybe we can cut back on some trips. Be there for her—for both of you.” She looked to Dad for confirmation and even cleared her throat when it took too long. “Right, Santo?”
“Right.”
It wasn’t much, but it was enough for now. I didn’t have complete faith in a change, but at least they knew where I stood and that I was done accepting less.
And it was enough right then because Carina needed me, and I intended to be there.
* * *
Carina
I sat in the car as long as possible. I’d left the house almost an hour ago, and I just sat there, breathing through the worst-case scenarios rolling through my head.
In the silence, with no one to admit it to, I wished for Ian. I wished I wasn’t alone. I wished for him to be there to hold my hand and walk by my side, whispering in my ear that I was the sexiest woman at the wedding.
But I was stubborn and didn’t ask, convincing myself I could do it on my own. My stubbornness was really getting in the way of a lot of things. My stubborn fear that by letting Ian in I’d only get hurt again. My stubborn pride refusing to talk about all the times he set my body on fire. My stubborn mind holding me back from giving my body what I wanted.
I was tired of it.
Really, I was just tired of fighting it.
Not that Ian would let me keep pretending nothing had happened.
“Ugh,” I groaned. “Get over yourself, Carina.”
Talking to myself in the car was the last straw. There were only five mere minutes until the wedding started, and I needed to get in there.
Stepping off the elevator into the opulent lobby, I looked side to side figuring out where to go.
“It’s about damn time, woman. I thought I’d showed up at the wrong wedding.”
My heart thundered in my chest at the deep voice behind me. It couldn’t be? Maybe my crazy mind had conjured a mirage of him to make myself feel better. I prepared myself to find nothing when I turned—prepared to laugh at myself for hearing things.
But when I spun on my heel, the most beautiful man I’d ever seen stood with his hands in his pockets, waiting for me. He looked stunning in his dark suit. His white, snowy shirt stark against his tan skin and black suit. I took slow steps forward like if I moved too fast, he’d vanish.
“You okay?”
His gray eyes sparkled like silver, matching his tie, and I wanted to sink into him. “You’re here.”
“Sure am. I left Audrey to spend a night at the Bergamo mansion with Grandma and Grandpa. Seemed like you could use a sexy date.”
His assured smile and wink made me laugh, and I almost choked on it. I was sure laughing, and happiness would have been the furthest thing from my mind.
“You’ll do…I guess.”
“You guess? Baby, I’m grade A prime meat, the perfect arm candy to prove you’re the happiest woman here.”
I stood le
ss than a foot from him and let his presence wash over me. Something eased in my chest. More than just not being here alone.
A lingering pressure from being alone, for not having someone show up just for me in life, lightened.
Ian had shown up for me and that had me swallowing around tears.
A countdown ticked in the back of my mind, but we had a wedding to get to. Now wasn’t the time to acknowledge the fact that I was inching closer to something big I wouldn’t come back from. Something like giving in to this need for Ian.
“Shall we?” I asked, holding out my hand.
“We shall.”
His large palm slipped in mine, and for the first time all day, I could breathe. People stared when we walked in, but none of it mattered.
Instead, I was immersed in blue and white flowers, candles and dim lighting with soft music and love pouring out of every person. Especially the happy couple I’d just watched pronounce their vows to each other. It’d been a beautiful ceremony with many happy tears. Not from the masculine couple on the altar. No, they were way too manly and only allowed choked voices and long pauses to collect themselves.
Hell, I’d even shed a tear myself. Ian had been gentleman enough to not call me on it. Instead, he’d remained by my side. He never asked me how I was doing or if I was okay, which I knew half the guests at the wedding were dying to know.
Poor Carina. It must be hard watching her ex-fiancé get married.
No, Ian hadn’t given me pity looks or even tried to boost me up. He stood by me like a sentinel.
Now, we sat at a table with Erik and Alexandra, awaiting the happy couple’s arrival at the reception. They’d been shocked to find Ian by my side, but Erik smiled and patted Ian on the back, muttering, “Good choice,” as we sat down.
“So,” Alex started. “How’s living together?”
“Great,” I answered.
“The worst,” Ian said at the same time.
“What?” I jerked my head to the side to scowl only to find him smiling.
“I’m kidding,” he reassured, resting his hand on my knee, sending a flurry of butterflies to my stomach. “She’s the best roommate I’ve ever had.”
“Hey, now,” Erik protested.
“What? She has boobs, and you never cooked for me.”
“Ian!” I admonished.
He cocked a brow, and I knew zero apology would come from him. “I’m not going to sit here and pretend you don’t have an amazing rack. It’s true, and you should be proud of it.”
I tried to hold it back, but a laugh broke free.
“So proud,” he continued, a devious glint sparking like a flash of silver in his eyes, “maybe you should walk around topless.”
“Jesus, Ian.”
“It’s just a suggestion.”
Erik ended that train of conversation, thank God. “Have you had a better roommate?” he asked me.
“Almost all of them,” I deadpanned.
“Hey!” Ian protested, and I quickly smiled his way to let him know I was joking. “Would it help if I walked around topless? Oooo—let’s do topless Tuesday. Audrey would love it. She hates clothes.”
Alex and I were both laughing behind our hands, and Erik was shaking his head at his best friend.
Topless Tuesday talk was put on hold when the happy couple was announced and came parading in, holding hands in dark tuxes and matching radiant smiles. Jackson held Jake’s stare as he kissed his hand before pulling him into his arms for their first dance.
I watched with an ache in my heart that I had grown to accept. I was so unbelievably happy for them. Rationally, I knew that Jake and I would have been unhappy together and that things worked out perfectly with Audrey in my life. But rationality doesn’t care about your heart. Rationality doesn’t stop the pinch each time you see what hurt you. It can only dim it. But having their happy ending literally surrounding me, rationality didn’t stand a chance.
Taking a deep breath, I looked out the corner of my eye to the left, taking in Ian’s profile. He must have noticed me staring because his hand crept across the small gap between our chairs and wrapped his large, calloused hand around mine. Meeting his eyes, I gave a forced smile before watching the couple dance around the floor, not removing my hand from his.
“I think,” Ian said right against my ear, sending chills down my spine, “Billy Idol’s White Wedding should be our first dance when we get married.”
“What?” I whisper-yelled, jerking to face him. I expected to find his signature smirk letting me know he was joking, and instead, found expecting eyes like he was waiting for me to agree, and my jaw dropped.
“Come on. It’d be a hit and shock everyone. I’ve already shown you my sweet moves.”
His hips swiveled in his chair, mimicking the hip thrusts he did around the house. I huffed a laugh but was too shocked by his statement to do more than that.
“Ian, we are not getting married.”
And then the smirk appeared. “I know, but it took your mind off them.”
Blinking, it took me a minute to process his words. I looked around the room to find the dancefloor empty and the couple sitting at their table. He’d distracted me. He’d noticed my discomfort and distracted me. It was such a typical Ian move, yet it came with a warmth seeping deep into my bones and had a fire burning up the back of my throat. “Thank you,” I whispered.
“Anytime.” He patted my hand and turned back to the table. “Now let’s eat. I’m starving.”
Like the rest of the wedding, the meal was delicious. The night moved quickly. The cutting of the cake, toasts, and speeches given, before the dancing finally commenced.
Ian and I were standing at the bar when Jake and Jackson finally came by.
“Hey, gorgeous,” Jackson greeted, wrapping his big arms around me.
“Hey, handsome. Beautiful wedding.”
Jackson had been the catalyst to the end of mine and Jake’s relationship, but in the time he’d been part of that relationship, I’d grown close to him. I hadn’t loved him like Jake, but I’d still loved him. Now, we were just three close friends who shared a painful past but didn’t let it define our future.
“That would all be Joanne’s doing,” he said, talking about Jake’s mom.
“Carina.” Jake pulled me into his arms and held me for a while. “Thank you for being here,” he said against my neck.
I had to swallow the lump in my throat. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
A throat clearing behind me broke us apart, and I turned to find Ian awaiting introductions, all humor and jokes missing from his eyes.
“Jake, you know Ian. And Ian, this is Jackson.”
Handshakes and congratulations were exchanged. Ian was stiff, and as soon as his hand left Jackson’s, it went to my waist, pulling me close to his side.
“Make sure you save a dance for me,” Jackson said.
“We’ll see if I let this wild woman out of my arms,” Ian joked, but a hard edge cloaked the light words.
A part of me wanted to be embarrassed about how possessive he was acting when we weren’t even a couple, but in that moment, it felt good to have someone to be possessive over me. Even if it wasn’t real.
“Well, I’ll leave you to it,” Jake said. His eyes flicked between the two of us before giving me a knowing smile. Except he didn’t know. Because Ian and I weren’t a couple.
Ian led me to the table only to set our glasses down before pulling me out on the dancefloor.
He twirled me out, my silver silk dress flowing around my legs, before pulling me back into his chest.
“I may have to do that again so that I can see the peep show again.”
I scoffed. “That was hardly a peep show. At most, a thigh.”
“The most delicious thigh I’ve ever seen.”
Biting my lip, I held back a sigh, heat blooming on my cheeks at his compliment. My dress was a floor-length wrap that—when moved the right way—exposed a slit that reached my upper
thigh.
“You look beautiful,” he said smoothly, holding me so close to him, I could feel the words rumble in his chest.
“You don’t look too bad yourself. Your silver tie matches your eyes perfectly.”
“I was just trying to match you. I wanted it to be like prom night all over again. Sorry, I forgot the corsage,” he joked.
We settled into a comfortable silence and moved around the other couples on the dancefloor. We were in a long stretch of slow songs and the way his thighs brushed against mine, the way his shoulders flexed deliciously under my touch, they could have played slow songs all night.
Something about the comfort of his arms around me, or the way he saw the hurt that still lingered, had me confessing. “It’s my fault, you know,” I said, staring into his chest. “It’s my fault that he left me.”
When he laughed, I looked up to find one eyebrow arched high. “How’s that?” he asked.
Slicking my tongue across my lips, I took a deep breath, about to admit what only the three of us knew. “I invited Jackson into our bed.” Ian gave barely any reaction beyond that arrogant, all-knowing eyebrow lowering. “I could feel the distance between Jake and me. Or maybe it was harder to lie to myself about the fact that we were just friends, staying together because it was comfortable. But it was my crazy plan to have him join us in the hopes of masking it all with sex.”
“You had a threesome?” Now both his eyebrows shot high.
“For a while.”
“So, this wasn’t a one-time thing. A wild night?”
“No,” I said slowly, waiting for the judgment.
Like the Cheshire Cat, his lips curled up, and his silver eyes turned charcoal. “You dirty girl.”
I was so shocked by his reaction, a bark of laughter escaped, and I looked around to see if anyone noticed. But it was still just us like we were in our own bubble.
The smile slipped, and his eyes turned serious, his hands tightening on my waist. “It’s not your fault, Carina. He made those decisions when he could have said no.”