Have Mercy

by N. E. Henderson

  “You don’t know? You don’t speak to your parents?”

  “I haven’t spoken to my mother since the day Danny was born. I haven’t spoken to my dad since I left for the FBI academy when Danny was two,” she admits, her brows pinching together.

  “I’m sorry they didn’t believe you.” What I really want to say is that I’m sorry I didn’t believe her.

  I don’t say anything else, hoping she’ll continue unlocking the doors to all the secrets I can easily see are hard for her to let go of. I can’t imagine holding on to things, keeping so much bottled up. Then again, maybe what I did was worse. I closed the door as if my past with her never existed. I had to. It was the only way to keep myself from running back to her.

  “I had to get a full-time job, and I did a few months before Danny was born. I forced myself to finish high school early. I knew I couldn’t stay at my parents’ much longer; not when they refused to believe me. My dad told me he would pay for college if I’d just take the classes. I didn’t have anyone to keep Danny while I worked, much less for me to take classes.” She pauses, reading something on her phone, then continues, “There was only one person I truly trusted with my son, only I knew telling her was a gamble. The thing about Anne is that I knew I couldn’t only tell her pieces of the truth. I had to lay everything out if I had any chance on her keeping him a secret”—her head rolls toward me, her warm eyes landing on mine—”even from you.”

  “You told my mom, yet you’re struggling to tell me?” I breathe and shake my head. “I still don’t get it. What were you so afraid of that you purposely kept my son from me?” And why the hell did my mother go along with it? I want to scream that at her, but I don’t. While she is opening up, I have to remain calm and listen.

  “Danny’s safety, for one. Josh didn’t just decide one day he was going to steal a girl, Jamie. He worked for people. He worked for his family. And when he brought me home, he disappeared. The person, the people who assigned that job to him, were still out there. I couldn’t risk anyone knowing about our son. Luckily for me and Danny, your mom not only believed every word out of my mouth but eventually agreed not telling you was a necessary evil that kept people safe. She didn’t want to, Jamie. She has always struggled with that decision. She never told your dad either, and in not doing so, it gutted her even more. She felt in her heart she was making both the right decision as well as the wrong one.”

  “You still aren’t really telling me shit. Okay, you were scared and you convinced my mom to be just as scared, but don’t you think for even one minute that if you had told me, I would have done everything in my power to keep you and our son safe?”

  “And what about Brandon?” she tosses out.

  “What about him?” Does she think I’d abandon my other son? I wouldn’t have done that. I would’ve loved them both. Been there for both.

  “You couldn’t have had both. It was better that I didn’t make you choose.” She swallows then looks away. That’s when I know she isn’t telling me everything.

  “You’re holding something back. I know you are, so just say whatever it is and get everything out in the open. We can’t deal with shit if I don’t know it all.”

  “I know you’re right, but”—her head shakes, telling me she isn’t going to give me more than what she wants me to know—”I can’t tell you all of it. I just can’t, and it’s not because of you. There is someone else I cannot and will not hurt. Not like that. Hate me if you want to, Jamie, but I will not budge on this.”

  “I can’t fucking believe you right now. I don’t know how you think I’m supposed to understand any of this if you won’t talk to me.” I clear my throat from almost choking up. “If you keep refusing to tell me, then I will make Cole or my mother come clean. Don’t make me go down that road, because if I have to get dirty to get to the truth, so help me God, woman, I will.”

  “Do what you have to do.”

  She’s out of the vehicle before I can say another word. I didn’t miss the challenge in her eyes before she got out, nor did I miss the hint behind those brown irises that let me know I won’t like the consequences of my actions if I go through with my threat.

  The thing is . . . what choice is she leaving me?

  28

  — Jenna —

  Maggie replied to my text, informing me the boys and their grandmother, as well as Cole and the other guys, were at an MMA event out at Seal Beach. Danny hadn’t entered any of the matches, so I never planned to attend that one. I had forgotten about it actually.

  With all that’s happened in the last forty-eight hours—well, twenty-four for my boy—I wouldn’t be surprised if he entered one at the last minute. When my son needs to blow off steam, he fights. At least he fights in a controlled environment, so I can’t really get upset about that. Most fighters respect each other, so when he was thirteen and asked if he could do real fights, I didn’t even argue with him or try to talk him out of it. He’d already been taking Jiu-Jitsu since he was four. Muay Thai since he was ten. It was only a matter of time before he wanted to take his training a step further.

  At seventeen, Danny is a force to be reckoned with. He’s earned quite a reputation as a soulless fighter in the ring. He doesn’t show emotion. He doesn’t hold back. He doesn’t let anything distract him from the opponent in front of him. He’s fierce and someone not even seasoned fighters underestimate. Some even say he’s more ruthless than Josh.

  “Where is everyone?” Jamie asks, walking in and closing the door behind him. He sets my keys down on top of the black antique-looking entryway table that’s against the wall just past the front door.

  “Seal Beach. They’ll be home in about an hour.” I head to my bedroom without a backward glance.

  “Why are they out there?”

  “Mixed Martial Arts event.” I sigh, opening my door. “I’m going to clean up.”

  “It’s almost ten,” he says, following me, and apparently not getting the hint that I want to be left alone. “The boys have school tomorrow. At least, Brandon does.” He pauses for a beat, then asks, “Is Danny in the same grade as his brother?”

  I stop, but I don’t turn around. Bending over, I untie the laces of my boots before kicking them off next to my closet. “Yes. The boys are in the same grade and they go to the same school.”

  “Have they always gone to the same school?” He stands in the doorway, his arms raised above his head. The patch of skin between where his T-shirt is lifted and above his low-rise jean doesn’t go unnoticed. The dark hair that trails down his toned stomach makes my mouth water.

  “They’ve only attended the same school since they’ve been in high school, since the start of their freshman year.” My eyes can’t seem to rise above his waist. In my defense, I didn’t get a close look last night when things between us escalated. I mean, we never actually took off any clothes.

  At the sound of his laugh, knowing he’s caught me checking him out, I yank myself out of the Jamie trance, shaking my head and bending down again to rip off my socks.

  “See something you like, baby?”

  I don’t look up when I right myself, knowing I don’t want to see the cocky smile on his lips. Turning away from him, I pull my tank top over my head and drop it to the floor. Before I take a step toward my bathroom, I’m momentarily frozen at the audible gasp of air that comes from his mouth.

  “Oh my God.”

  It doesn’t take a genius to realize what’s shocked him. My scar tends to do that to people that have never seen it, which is why I usually limit my state of undress outside of my team members or Cole.

  “Like I said. The kids will be home in an hour or so. I’m going to take a bath, so don’t expect me to emerge before they get home.” I need a long hot soak in my tub. The last couple of days haven’t been the easiest.

  Jamie reaches me, hooking his arm around my waist and stopping me before I’m able to lock myself safely behind my bathroom door. Pulling me flush with his chest, he squeezes my midd
le and leans his forehead down on my shoulder. “Now I understand Trey’s reaction yesterday morning. I’d forgotten about it. Fuck, Jen, I’m sorry.”

  “I’m fine. Can you let me go?” I push on his arm, trying to get him to release me. I need distance from him. And I need it now. But Jamie isn’t budging. “Please,” I say on a sigh when I feel his head shake back and forth, silently denying my request.

  His head slowly lifts, and I think he’s about to let go when his soft lips land on the spot his head just vacated, kissing my skin. My eyes close on contact with his mouth, savoring the way his lips caress my neck, softly and gently moving upward. Jamie has always been able to play my body just as well as he can play the guitar.

  “I want you. I need you,” he confesses.

  With his free hand, he pulls my ponytail holder from my hair and moves my locks to the side while the arm locked around my waist tugs my ass to his crotch, my butt meeting his erection.

  I’ve missed this type of affection, his kind of intimacy. What Cole offers is never enough, and I’m starving for the only man that can sate my needs.

  I grab onto the doorframe, needing stability. I’m not going to fall; I know he has me, but my knees are weak. I’m going to go down any second if his mouth continues its path across the back of my neck. He pauses when he gets to the center, inhaling, and then his tongue juts out, licking down my spine.

  He unhooks my black bra, pulling the material down my arms and freeing my heavy breasts.

  “You still bathe with apricot body wash,” he says, his hot breath fanning my scorching skin. He inhales once more, drawing my scent in deep. “How I’ve missed this; missed you.”

  When he gets to my scar, he runs his finger from the start down to the end, the pad of his thumb slowly and gently memorizing each marred inch of flesh. Even this is hot. It shouldn’t be, but it is. I hate my scar, but I’m not embarrassed by it. To me, it represents my survival. My determination and strength to come out of that timeframe a stronger, better person.

  Finally, his hold on me loosens and Jamie drops his hand to below my navel. Bringing his other around to my front, he unbuttons my jeans, then pulls the zipper. The material is peeled down my thighs in a slow torture that has my head tipping back, reveling in the pleasure that’s already started coursing through my body. It takes every bit of strength I have to lift each leg so that he can remove my pants. I’m left in only a pair of black, cheeky panties.

  Jamie’s hands glide up my bare legs and his mouth softly kisses the flesh of my butt cheek. “You always had a great ass, but this one . . .” His voice trails off as he peppers more kisses, his mouth going to the other side, showing it just as much attention.

  As a teenager, I didn’t work out or exercise at all unless it was a school requirement. It wasn’t something that interested me back then. Then I was taken against my will, and no matter how hard I tried to get away from him, everything I did was futile. He was stronger, bigger, and I didn’t know how to take him down. Now, working out and training is a part of my weekday life. I’m usually in the gym for one to two hours a night if I’m not working.

  My butt may or may not be something I’ve actively been trying to improve the appearance of for about five years now, and his compliment soars through me. I don’t date, even when Malachi tries to get me to come out and be his wing woman, so hearing things like ‘you’re beautiful’ or ‘nice ass’ doesn’t exactly happen to me every day or even every week. I can’t recall the last time I’ve heard any of those things from the mouth of a man.

  He smacks my ass, not hard but hard enough to bring me out of my thoughts and back to the here and now. “Let’s move this to the bed.”

  He stands to his full height, his body behind mine. Jamie leans down and the soft material of his T-shirt tickles my skin. “You can walk there yourself, baby, or I can carry you. Either way, I’m getting you on that bed, Jen.” His voice is hot as he speaks into my ear.

  I know I shouldn’t let this go any further, but my body is screaming at me for this connection with him again. I shouldn’t, I really shouldn’t, but . . . what’s once more to get him out of my system gonna hurt?

  Like I’ll ever get him out of my system. What a joke that is if I’ve heard one.

  “Jenna,” he draws out, a warning, telling me to move my ass or he will do it for me—literally.

  Releasing the painted white wood of my bathroom doorframe, I turn on shaky legs and step the short distance to the edge of my made-up bed. The material of my duvet is black and matches my soft sheets.

  “Bend over. Hands on the bed.”

  Peeking over my shoulder, I eye him up and down. “You’re overdressed.”

  One side of his lips tip up. “Want me to lose the shirt?”

  “How about you lose everything,” I deadpan, and he smirks.

  Reaching over his head, his eyes never leave mine except for when his T-shirt is pulled over his head, but once it’s off, those indigo irises are back on me just the way I like them.

  My eyes drop to his pants, and when my eyes trail up his inked torso, I stop, taking in the scene in front of me. His flesh is beautifully marked with different shades of black. A ferocious lion with its nose wrinkled and mouth open, baring his teeth, is placed at center mass of his chest, covering all of his stomach. Dropping my eyes to the left side of his lower abdomen, I see the lion cub that’s supposed to represent Brandon.

  No matter how many times I see this particular tattoo in photos, it also chokes me up. I love it. The king protecting his baby. The only problem is it’s missing a cub—his oldest cub. Danny’s place is missing on his father’s skin. It should be there; it should have been there from the start. I’ve always warred with that thought.

  Turning around, I sit on the mattress, my eyes seemingly stuck on his toned torso.

  As if reading my thoughts, he says, “I’ve already decided to add another on the other side, Jen.” He wraps both hands around my neck and jaw, tipping my head back to look up at him. “I just have to schedule an appointment with my guy.”

  “You’ll never understand how hard it was not to pick up the phone to call you. I wanted to tell you about our son. Every day I wanted to tell you, Jamie. Please don’t think this was ever an easy decision.”

  I know there is nothing Jamie wouldn’t do for his children. Doesn’t matter if he had one or ten. He’d love them all with every beat of his heart. I never questioned that.

  “I can see that. But I can also see that you are still keeping so much from me.” He bends down, placing a soft kiss on my lips. Before he pulls away, he sinks his teeth into my bottom lip and I gasp; not because of pain, but because of the pleasure and longing for this moment. “Doesn’t mean you should have though. Doesn’t mean I’ll ever be okay with that decision you made.”

  I regret the time Jamie lost with Danny. I regret the memories I have that he’ll never experience, and I regret that Danny lost just as much as his father did. But I don’t regret protecting my son, or his brother. I’d give my life to protect my boys. At the end of the day, if I had to do it all over again, I’d shred both our hearts beyond repair if it meant keeping Danny and Brandon safe from harm.

  His hands drop from my face, going to the button on his jeans. “Lie back,” he orders me. “We can talk about the heavy stuff later. We both need this right now.”

  But do we? I think to myself.

  Deep down, I know it’s only going to make things between Jamie and me harder.

  I may have my doubts, but they don’t stop me from doing what he wants—what I want. I lean back, my upper body flush with the mattress and my feet flat on the carpet. Jamie’s eyes roam over my body, re-familiarizing himself. It’s a heady sight, watching him watch me. It’s intoxicating, it’s exhilarating witnessing his eyes dilate, liking everything in front of him. I don’t remember ever feeling this wanted before.

  “Do you know how often I’ve pictured you in my head, looking just like this?” he asks, his eyes flicking u
p to mine. His pants drop, hitting the floor, his belt heavy belt buckle making a thud.

  Leaning over, he hooks his fingers into my panties and pulls them down my thighs, then off my legs. Bracing one hand on the mattress at my side, he looks down, and with his other hand pulls one of my legs up until my foot is flat on the bed. Running his warm palm up my calf, goose bumps start to pebble all over me. Jamie nudges my inner thigh, making my leg fall open.

  “This pussy is just as pretty as I remember.” A smile tugs at his lips.

  I like to think it’s more appealing now that I wax it regularly instead of when I shaved it as a teenager. There is nothing worse than the itch the day after shaving to make a girl never want to do that again, but Jamie loved me bare, so I endured.

  He leans deeper, closer, until his lips come down on mine again, his tongue seeking entrance, and I allow him in. Jamie’s hand comes between us, pressing lightly on my chest, between my breasts and moving in a slow path down. Our tongues dance and I lift both of my arms, my hands going to his head and running my fingers through the soft strands of his jet-black hair.

  “You feel amazing,” he tells me, only stopping our kiss long enough to get his words out.

  His fingers run over the folds of my pussy, causing me to suck in air. His thumb follows, going through my lips and sinking inside me. This feels so different than all the toys I’ve used over the years to get myself off, including my own fingers. His thumb is rough, calloused from playing the guitar for so many years.