by Anna Black
“Is everything all right? Babe? You’re sweating.”
“Yeah. I ran down to the truck because it looked like the dome light was on,” he said, coming up with something quick. “Sure enough, RJ’s door wasn’t closed all the way.”
“Yeah, he isn’t strong enough to close the doors good,” she said.
She smiled at her husband, and he felt like shit. He should have told her the whole truth from the start, and maybe she would have spared his life. She was going to kill him for real now.
Maybe Karen doesn’t want to keep it, he thought, but he knew her, and she was going to want to keep it and want him to be involved. He needed some air.
“Baby, let’s dance,” Leila said.
They hit the floor, and he tried to carry on the rest of the night as if Karen had never revealed her secret to him. He was so deep in thought on the ride home he didn’t hear Leila talking at first.
She tapped his arm. “Ray, babe, where are we going?”
“Huh? What?”
“Where are we going? You passed our street.”
“Did I?” He looked up and realized he did.
“Baby, what’s wrong? You’ve been acting weird.”
“Nothing, babe. I don’t know how I zoned out,” he said nervously.
“Well, you need to zone in and get my babies and me home safe,” she joked. Ray barely laughed.
When they got home, Tabitha was asleep on the couch, and the baby was in her playpen.
“Tab,” Ray whispered and shook her a little. “We’re home,” he said, and she stretched. “You can stay if you like,” he said. She nodded and went right back to sleep.
Leila got the baby to take her up, and Ray went up to make sure Deja and RJ were getting ready for bed. Leila was undressing when he walked in.
“The wedding was nice, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah,” Ray said, unbuttoning his shirt. “I can’t believe y’all pulled it off in so little time.”
“Cause yo’ wife got skills,” Leila said, putting on her robe.
“You sho’ do, baby,” he agreed.
His phone buzzed, and his heart started to race. His gut told him it was Karen. He looked at his phone and saw that it was. He lied and said it was Mario. He told Leila that Mario said his car wouldn’t start, so he had to head back and help him out. Leila believed him. He changed into some sweats, hopped in his truck, and called Mario.
“Yo’, man, what’s up?” Mario answered.
“Man, I’m in some serious shit right now. Where are you?”
“Just pulling up to the house.”
“Look, I just told Lei you were having car trouble. Tell Linda the same thing and get yo’ ass to Jay’s ASAP.”
“What’s going on, Ray?”
“Man, I will tell you when you get there. Just get there now,” he said and hung up.
He debated calling Karen, but he decided he’d talk to Mario first. He got to Jay’s and was happy to see it was fairly empty. Most people that they associated with had gone to the wedding and reception, so he was almost sure he wouldn’t see anyone he knew. He grabbed a seat at the bar and ordered a double Hennessey on the rocks. Tony was back within seconds because the bar only had two other customers. Ray downed his drink and had asked for another when Mario walked in.
Mario took off his coat, threw it over the stool next to Ray, and sat down.
“Ray, man, spill it,” he said and waved for Tony. “You look like you’re about to shed tears. Are the kids okay? Is something wrong with Lei?”
Ray didn’t talk until after Tony served Mario his beer. “She’s fucking pregnant.”
“Leila? Again, man? That’s great. What’s the problem?”
“Karen,” Ray whispered.
Mario set his beer down on the bar. “Karen? I know you didn’t just say Karen. What the fuck, Ray? You said you were not fucking with that woman. How in the fuck did you get her pregnant, man? What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“Mario, you have no fucking idea how I feel right now. I wasn’t fucking Karen, okay? I fooled around with her one night when I first left home, and then I shut it down. About a month ago, right when I went home, I went to her place for dinner. My motive that night was to tell her to kick rocks, but I drank a li’l bit, or let her tell it, a lot of bit, and apparently, I said some shit to her and made some promises to leave Leila and slept with her. I don’t remember that shit. All I remember is bits and pieces.
“I told her that I couldn’t see her ever again, and I couldn’t be her PT anymore, and left. Then I get this shit, right here,” he said, showing Mario the text.
“Wait, if you don’t remember what went down, how can you be so sure that you guys actually had sex, Ray?”
“Man, because I have these images in my head of kissing her and sucking on her tits and shit and her being on top of me. But I don’t remember if the shit was good or busting a nut. I don’t remember shit.”
“Damn, you got that fucked up?”
“Yes. Shit, man, I don’t know. All I know is now I’m fucked. Leila is going to leave me, that’s for sure. I stood in my wife’s face and led her to believe that I never slept with that woman, and now she’s pregnant. I can’t deny that I fucked her, man. What the fuck am I going to do?” Ray lowered his head down and rubbed the back of it.
“Confront her, for one. Make that bitch pee on a stick in front of you, and then when that baby comes, get that kid tested.”
“About Leila. She’s going to hate me, Mario. She is never going to trust me again after this.”
Mario shook his head. “She is going to be angry, but she is not going to hate you. And Leila is not going to leave you.”
Rayshon wished that were true. “I screwed up. I am such an idiot.”
“No, you’re just too nice,” Mario said.
“What do you mean, too nice?”
“You are. You treat the hoes like they’re ladies. Women like Karen are hoes, and that ho set out to get you. Yo’ ass be being so sweet to bitches like her, and now look where you are.”
“Damn, you know me so well,” Ray said, rubbing his head again.
“Look, run by Walgreens, grab one of them home pregnancy tests, and go by there and make her take it. If she resists or gives you excuses, her ass is lying. And if she agrees, don’t trust her to do it alone. Tell her you wanna watch her piss and see if she gets nervous. Now, if she sits and pisses on that stick in front of you, the next move is to make sure you’re the daddy. If I were you, I wouldn’t say shit to Leila until that li’l bastard is born and after the test.”
“Mario—are you fuckin’ insane? If I hide her pregnancy from Leila for nine months and that baby is mine, Leila is going to cut off my nuts,” Ray said, looking at him like he just missed his ride on the short bus.
“And if you hide her pregnancy and the baby comes and that li’l bastard ain’t yours, Leila will never know what happened, nor will she know that you ever fucked around with that bitch,” Mario said, and it made sense, but Ray wasn’t sure if that was going to work. He’d rather Leila heard it from him than Karen telling her, just to be evil.
“I don’t know, Mario. I can tell you I have never been this fucking terrified in my life. What about my kids? How do I sit Deja, RJ, and Rave down and say, you have another little brother or sister because daddy was dicking around on yo’ momma?” Ray said and waved for another drink.
“You won’t have to sit your kids down and tell them shit. You’re thinking too far ahead—Ray, damn, make sure that bitch ain’t lying first, and then your next move is making sure you’re the damn daddy, and then you worry about telling your family. You got that? You don’t tell Leila shit until you’re absolutely sure that you have fathered another child,” he said, and Ray paid for his last drink. He grabbed his coat to leave. Then he ran into the first Walgreens he saw and got a test. He nervously dialed Karen and waited for her to answer.
“Hello,” she softly.
“It’s me. I’m outs
ide. Can I come up?”
“Yeah,” she said, and he hit end. He got up to her door and knocked. When she opened the door, he walked in, and she had her head down.
“You need to take this,” he said and tossed the test onto her coffee table.
“I have the test I took earlier today,” she said, but he didn’t give a damn about the test she had taken earlier.
“Karen, look, I’m not here to play games with you, and you already know the big fucking picture here. Now, this is not a request, okay? In order for me to know that you’re pregnant, you and I are going to go into the bathroom, and you’re going to piss on this stick in front of me, and if you can’t do that, I will get a restraining order against you, and if you come within fifty feet of me, I’ll have your ass arrested. I am married with three kids, Karen, and I don’t need this shit right now,” he yelled, and she snatched the test from the table.
“Follow me,” she said, and he did. She lifted her little nightgown. She didn’t have on any panties. Then she sat on the toilet and ripped open the test. She pulled the cap off with her teeth, pissed on it, replaced the cap, and laid the test on the vanity. Ray nervously stood there. In a matter of seconds, two lines appeared. He waited the full three minutes . . . and there it was . . . a positive result. Ray blinked back his tears, and she stormed out of the bathroom. He came into the living room behind her and had to ask.
“Are you sure it’s me?”
“Yea, Rayshon, how can you ask me a question like that?”
“Karen, this is fucking me up right now, and I have so much to lose over this, so, yes, I’m asking, are you sure you’re carrying my seed? Because if you’re not, I am begging you to stop this right now so that I can get back to my life.”
“It’s yours, Rayshon, and I’m sorry to interrupt your fucking life. Have you stopped to think about how this is an interruption in my life? Have you stop to think about how I’m feeling right now?” she asked with her eyes welling with tears. “You are Leila’s fucking husband, Rayshon, not my man, so ask me what the fuck am I feeling instead just thinking about yourself.”
“Okay, Karen, how do you feel?” he asked and folded his arms.
“I feel alone, and I feel like I fell for the wrong man. I fell in love with you, Rayshon, and as much as I wish I had not, I did. That night when we made this baby, you told me that you cared for me, and you wanted to try something new with me, and then you and I made love—not me, but us. Then you claim not to remember anything that happened!” she yelled, and Rayshon felt terrible for her again.
“Karen, I have told you I’m sorry. I can’t help that I don’t remember what happened, but you know the man I am, and you know I never set out to hurt you. And you know damn well I don’t want to hurt my wife. You have always known how much I love Leila, and if I said something out of the side of my neck when I was drunk, then I am so fucking sorry, Karen. I don’t know how to go home and tell my wife.
“I know you don’t want to hear this, Karen, and by no means am I trying to hurt you, but I am not leaving my wife, and if this breaks up my marriage, there is still no future for us,” he said being honest, and she cried louder. He wanted to console her, but he didn’t want her to not be clear on what he was saying.
“Karen, please,” he said, and he helped her to sit down. “Shhh, don’t cry,” he said because after all, she didn’t get pregnant on her own, but she knew his situation. “Look, I will help you in every way I can, and I will come by and be here for you because it’s clear that you want to keep this baby,” he said because he knew Karen had no plans to do otherwise. “I just need you to keep your mouth shut until I have a test done,” he said, and her head popped up.
“A test, Rayshon? You are asking for a paternity test on our child?” she asked like he was unreasonable.
“Karen, you know I have to ask to be sure. You and I shared one night, and if I break my wife’s heart over my infidelity, trust and believe I have to be 110 percent sure,” he said.
“That’s fine, Ray, because I know this baby is yours, so if you want a test, you can have one,” she said, looking at him teary-eyed.
“Can you please not tell anyone, Karen? I’m begging you,” he said, hoping she’d agree.
“I won’t tell anyone,” she whispered, agreeing. “I love you, Ray, and I’d never intentionally do anything to hurt you. You gotta know that,” she cried.
“I know that, Karen, and thank you. I know that is a lot to ask of you, but I will be here as much as I can, okay?” he said, now holding her.
“Okay,” she whispered and nodded. He looked at his watch. It was after eleven. He needed to head home.
“Karen, I have to go now,” he said, and, of course, she asked him to stay longer. “Just for a little while, but I have to go soon.” She held on to him as if she were a child not wanting to let go of her favorite toy. Ray stayed until after one, and when he got home, Leila and all the kids were in their king-size bed. He took Deja first and kissed her, then RJ, and then kissed him, and last, he put Rayven in her crib.
He stood staring at her little juicy seven-month-old body and wondered if he could love the baby Karen was carrying the same as he loved his own three kids. He fell in love with Deja at the same time he fell in love with Leila. Li’l Ray and Rayven were conceived in love, and the baby with Karen was a one-night drunken mess.
Ray tried not to cry, but he looked at Rayven and wept because his actions would affect his entire family, and Ray wondered how he was going to be able to hide such a huge thing like this from his wife.
Chapter Twenty-eight
Six months had passed, and Ray managed to keep Karen’s pregnancy a secret from Leila, but it was killing him to keep up the charade. He wanted to say something on a million occasions, but he couldn’t let the words exit his mouth. He would stand there wanting to say it, but he couldn’t bring himself to utter the words, “Leila, Karen is pregnant with my child.”
Rayshon was stressed to the max because, for six months, he juggled two homes. He was at Karen’s side more than he wanted to be. She called on him for everything, and he lied over and over again to Leila, trying to keep his baby affair a secret. He and Karen got along great, and at times, he felt close to her, but he still had a hell of a time being happy about the baby because he didn’t want to get all wrapped up and then find out that he was not the father. Just the fact that he knew he lay with Karen was the reason he stood in and did what she needed in case the baby in her womb was his.
He spent hundreds on all the things that Karen wanted for the baby because, just like his other kids had the best of everything, he wanted his baby with Karen to have the same. She still was working her shifts at the hospital, but she was on light duty. And even though she was on light duty, that didn’t stop her feet from aching, so he sat there rubbing her feet because she was seven months’ pregnant, and her stomach was larger than life. Since Karen was petite, all her baby weight was in her stomach, and at seven months, it looked as if it were stretched to the max. From the back, you couldn’t even tell she was carrying, but if she turned to the side, all you saw was belly.
“Karen, you know you won’t get to talk to me for a few days because I’m taking the family out of town.”
“A few days means how many days?”
“A week. We leave for Disney Wednesday and won’t be back until the following Wednesday,” he said, and she held her stomach.
“Well, I hope my son gets to go to Disney.”
“My son will see Disney, Karen. He will get just as much as my other three kids get,” he said, and a bright smile lit up her face. He wondered what he said to spark that.
“Why are you smiling like that?” he asked.
“Because that is the first time you’ve ever referred to our baby as your son,” she said, and he realized she was right. He barely even touched her stomach the entire pregnancy. He’d only touch it if she wanted him to feel the baby move or kick, and then he’d pulled back quickly. He didn’t want
to be connected until he knew for sure. He was only doing what Karen wanted—mainly to keep her mouth shut.
“Karen, if this is my son, I will take care of him, and he won’t get any less than my kids get, but I just have to be sure,” he said, and her eyes watered.
“Well, Ray, he is yours, and I will be so relieved when he gets here so that you can get your test, and then we can move on and act like a normal family,” she said. However, he had no idea what “normal” would be. If this baby were his, his life would be nowhere near normal, he thought to himself. “Come and let me show you something,” she said, struggling to get up from the sofa, so he helped her. He followed her down the hall to what used to be her roommate’s room, then opened the door to a beautiful nursery.
“Wow,” Ray said, seeing where all his money went. Karen wanted nothing but the best for her baby, and Ray spared no cost because he did the same for Deja, RJ, and Rayven.
“Do you like it?” she asked, holding her belly.
“Yeah, this is nice. Fit for my son,” he said, and she smiled. “Look, I gotta go. Leila is expecting me,” he said, and her smile faded.
“Really?” she said, looking at him with disgust.
“Yes, really. I can’t do this with you tonight, Karen.”
“Do what? Stay with me a little while longer? Every damn thing is about what Leila wants and what Leila needs, and ‘I have to do this because of Leila.’ I get tired of hearing that shit,” she yelled.
It was time to set her straight again.
“Listen, Karen, Leila is my wife. You knew that before you hooked up with me, before you laid your ass down with me, and before you got pregnant, okay? You came after me, Karen, when you knew I had a wife and three kids, so don’t try to play the victim. I told you that I would be here to help you, and that’s what I’m doing, and you have to own up to the fact that you went for a married man. I’m sorry, Karen, I don’t know what I said the night we made this baby, but if I had been in my right mind, I never would have told you that I was leaving my wife and kids for you, and I know for damn sure I would have never cheated on my wife and made a baby with you,” he said, and she sobbed.