Crimes Most Merry and Albright

by Larissa Reinhart

  I gasped, released my stranglehold on Nash's shoulders, and turned around fully. "Remi, what are you doing?"

  "Getting the smoky smell out. Letting the Jacks in." She scrunched her nose. "What are you doing?"

  "Keeping Miss Albright warm," said Nash quickly. He reached to pat one of the dogs that bounced around our legs. "I thought it smelled like smoke."

  "I forgot about the flue, but I won't next time." She eyed Nash and jerked her chin. "It looked like you were biting Maizie's neck."

  "Nash is not a vampire," I said, imagining Remi's next project. "Anyway, it's none of your business and you shouldn't be sneaking in on me like that."

  "Y'all shouldn't be kissing in my living room. I'm going to tell Daddy."

  I flushed. "Daddy knows that Mr. Nash and I are dating."

  "He shouldn't be dating you in our living room." Remi stamped her boot. "You're supposed to be watching me."

  She was right. Here I was all wrapped up in Nash and not even paying attention to my baby sister. "I'm sorry. We were just talking about —"

  "I'll leave you now." Nash picked up his hat and winked at Remi. "I'm sorry, too. Don't get your sister into too much trouble. And you stay out of trouble, too."

  He ruffled Remi's hair, pulled the patio door shut, then strode toward the foyer. I watched, running my thoughts through our conversation about the death necklace. I jerked from my reverie and sped toward the entryway, passing Nash, to halt in front of the tree. In the living room, the dogs barked and yipped then stopped. Remi had quieted them to listen.

  "You didn't have to see me out." Nash zipped his leather bomber jacket.

  I pushed my lips into a smile. "What will you tell Ms. Wonderly?"

  "I'll think of something." He pulled open the big wooden door and turned, tugging his fedora brim. "Take good care of Remi."

  The door closed and I spun around to study the tree. The possible symbol for vigilante violence hung between a silver deer and a tin croppie. It was safe. Hopefully Nash hadn't spotted it.

  I trusted this man with my heart, but for some reason, I didn't trust him with this necklace.

  Four

  #You’reAsCharmingAsAnEel

  Remi slid through the French doors, then tiptoed toward the tree, shimmied under my arm, and leaned against me. "What are you looking at?" She cocked her head, studying the tree.

  "I love Christmas trees," I said. "Some people might think it's weird to have a tree full of hunting ornaments, but it reminds me of Daddy, so I like it."

  "That's why we each get a tree," said Remi. "But mine's not weird."

  I held back my thoughts on her ornament hanging methods. "Your mom's kitchen tree is super cute with all the metal cookie cutters hanging on it."

  "Usually she hangs cookies on it, but they got eaten this year." Remi patted me. "It's okay. Next year, you'll know better."

  A piece of wood popped in the fire, and above us the doorbell chimed a heavy gong. I shrieked and Remi jumped, landing on my foot. Wincing, I freed my foot from beneath her boot heel.

  "Is it Mr. Nash?" she said.

  "Maybe." But I had a feeling he was in a hurry to return to the office to learn more about the client who wanted my bullet necklace. I checked the monitor by the door. A group of three men stood on the porch.

  "That's not Nash. How'd they get to the front door? The gates should be closed." I immediately regretted my words.

  "The alarms." Remi's voice pitched to a high whine. "You didn't turn them on and now the Grinch is here. He must've heard about my trap."

  "It's not the Grinch." But I had turned the alarm on. I peered at the dark system panel.

  "Oh, good,” said Remi.

  I spun around, too late. Remi had already opened the door. It creaked, swinging wide, and an eddy of snow blew in on an icy gust. A middle-aged man in a wool trilby and trench coat crossed the threshold. Two men had flanked him, and as he moved forward, they filled the doorway behind him. Involuntarily, I slid backward and pushed Remi behind me, holding her with my left arm. I hesitated, glancing at where the open door rested against the wall. It felt impolite to walk over to grasp the handle, particularly with Remi now clinging to my waist.

  "Good day, Miss Albright." The man had an odd accent I couldn't place. "I'm a big fan."

  "Thank you, but I don't—"

  Moving forward, he held out a gloved hand for me to shake. "I'm Rudolph Gentz. I am sorry to show up on New Year's Eve, but I need your help."

  "He's not Rudolph. It's the Grinch," whispered Remi, peeking around my back. "His skin is green.”

  Beneath the gray herringbone trilby, his chalky complexion almost looked green. His pallor made a startling contrast to his dark eyes. Despite his pastiness, he was tall and solidly built. But it wasn't his size that dominated. The air seemed to vibrate around him. His presence seemed to fill the room.

  I gripped Remi's arm. "What do you want, Mr. Gentz?"

  "May I?" Not waiting for my reply, Gentz strode into the foyer to warm himself by the fire. His cohorts followed, shutting the door behind them. Facing the fireplace, he said, "It's so chilly outside. But the sun should be out soon."

  Shocked by his presumptuousness, I floundered for words.

  "Is your father home, Miss Albright?" said Gentz, slowly pulling off his gloves. He shoved them in his pocket and turned from the fireplace.

  "No, come back later," said Remi.

  "She means he'll be back later." I pressed Remi closer. "Did you need to talk to my dad? Are you a business associate?"

  "I hope to do business with him. I want to purchase something from him, at a very good price."

  "Today? It's New Year's Eve. Kind of a holiday?"

  "It can't wait. My employer wants it very badly. Before the clock strikes twelve, so to speak. So he sent me all they way to Georgia to see if I could retrieve this special gift. He just learned you might have it. As it’s still morning, I think it shouldn’t be a problem getting it to him in time."

  Remi popped her head from behind my back. "Why didn't he get it for Christmas? Is it because his heart is two sizes too small?"

  Gentz forced a raspy heh-heh-heh chuckle. "Very cute, this one."

  "What is this thing your employer wants?" I dreaded the answer. Was he also working for Ms. Wonderly's ogre of a boss?

  "The same thing Mr. Wyatt Nash's client wants. Surely, you suspected there'd be other interested parties." Gentz smiled, showing his teeth. He could do the fake smile, unlike Nash, although Gentz's was creepier. "I understand you gave it to your father a long time ago. Perhaps you know where he keeps it?"

  What was going on with that necklace? It was just eighteen long, brass bullets, each tied to the woven leather cord. Heavy as Hades when you wore it paired with a bandolier of bullets and a rocket launcher on a frigid soundstage that was mostly green screen.

  To be honest, although I'd told Nash all that stuff about not wanting the necklace to become a symbol of vigilante violence, I'd mostly wanted to keep it as that special father-daughter gift it was meant to be.

  This was what happened when I tried to sound intelligent instead of honest.

  "Why now?"

  "The fifth anniversary of Warhead Girl is New Year's Day. It also marks the year the story was set. The writer thought a cataclysmic event would happen tomorrow."

  "You know your movie facts," I said. "But you have some trivia confused. The comic it was based on was written about fifty years ago. The screenwriter kept the original date, even though it didn't make much sense that within five years, a country called Nuke would begin a global war."

  Gentz chortled his disturbing heh-heh-heh giggle. "Yes, the Supreme Commander. My favorite character."

  Weirdo. The Supreme Commander was a fanatical evil dictator. "I meant why are you looking for the necklace today? Why not a year, or a month ago, or even yesterday?"

  "Perhaps you aren't aware that in recent entertainment news, another studio has announced they are making the sequel. Someone t
old reporters this sweet story about you giving your father the necklace."

  "I no longer pay attention to that sort of gossip. Usually it’s not true.” I lifted my chin.

  "That's unfortunate. Your father still has the bullet necklace, though?"

  "I knew it. He's here for the decorations. I've got to save the roast beast," screamed Remi, ripping away from my hold. She charged down the hallway.

  "Remi," I called, then stopped. Hopefully, she'd lock herself in her room and I'd calm her down later.

  Gentz nodded at the two men. They'd remained so quiet I'd almost forgotten them. Henchmen. They were too skulky and lurky in their winter trench coats to be business associates.

  The shorter of the two men — Igor, if there ever was one — jerked his head. The taller — Must be Oddjob — followed him down the hall to the back of the house. The same direction in which Remi had just proceeded.

  "Hey, what are you doing?"

  "We're retrieving your sister for you. For her safety." Before I could make sense of his words, Gentz grabbed my arm and plucked my phone from my back pocket. "Now go get the necklace."

  Five

  #Igorit

  I didn't bother fighting him for my phone but ran after Remi. As much as I didn't want to leave Gentz alone in the foyer with the deer cartridge necklace hanging in the tree, I feared for Remi. Not only for her safety, but with that new slingshot, she could do a lot of damage.

  To the house. People. Dogs. Maybe to herself.

  Remi had dashed down the hall that opened into the kitchen. Through the kitchen, another hall led to a wing of bedrooms. A cacophony of barking dogs grew louder, and I knew she had opened whatever door had barred the Jacks from an earlier escape. It made it hard to hear where anyone else had gone. Five ebullient Jack Russell terriers bounded past me toward the foyer. I skirted the long pine table and benches. A lone Jack stood on top of the table, helping herself to a plate of cookies.

  "Get down, Teeny," I hollered, running past. The little white and brown spotted dog looked up, leaped off the table, and followed me toward the bedroom wing. "Remi, where are you?"

  In the hall, the doors stood open. I took the first right into the master bedroom. The taller of Gentz's henchmen, the one I dubbed Oddjob, rifled through Daddy's closet. He glanced behind his shoulder, spotting me, but returned to pawing through my father's things.

  "Hey," I screamed. "Get out of there."

  The little dog growled. Like a windup toy released, Teeny sprang forward, leaping at the man. Oddjob kicked, but the dog hopped over his outstretched leg, barking.

  Panic gnawed my stomach. I ran for the wall near the bed where a panel for the alarm system had been installed. I tapped in the code. The panel remained dim. I punched in the code again.

  "No. No. No." Hells. They had somehow disabled the alarm. Okay, new plan.

  Oddjob cursed and Teeny growled. I glanced behind me. The man had a metal lockbox under one arm and tried to shake off the Jack Russell with the other. She bared her teeth and snarled, then leaped to bite the man's inner thigh. Oddjob howled and dropped the box to pry Teeny off his leg.

  "Good girl," I yelled, running for the door. "Police are on their way."

  It was a lie, but I had to find Remi. I took a quick turn through the remaining bedrooms, calling for her, then charged back through the kitchen hall. I skidded to a stop in the wide foyer.

  The shorter henchman, Igor, held Remi around her middle. She kicked and flayed her arms. Next to the fireplace, the French doors to the living room had been shut. Behind the doors, five Jack Russells barked and sprang at them, crashing against the glass.

  "Put her down," I screamed.

  Standing before the double doors, Gentz held a small canister in his hands. "Miss Albright, we found your sister for you. You need to call off your dogs. They're quite loud."

  "Remi, are you okay?" I rushed toward her.

  "I recommend you stay where you are." Gentz waved the canister. "It's just pepper spray, but it would be quite horrible for such a small child to experience. She’s very unruly.”

  "I'll get you, Grinch," said Remi, wiggling in Igor's arms. "Just you wait."

  "Put her down," I pleaded. "She's not going to do anything."

  Oddjob jogged into the foyer, carrying the metal box.

  "Why are you doing this?"

  "We only want that necklace," said Gentz. "It's very simple."

  I closed my eyes briefly. It was just a stupid movie prop. But why were they going to these lengths to get it? "It's not in that box. Put Remi down and I'll tell you where it is."

  Gentz nodded at Igor. The henchman released his hold on Remi, who dropped to the ground, then rolled, pulling something from her boot.

  "You're not stealing our trees," she cried and pulled back the elastic band on her slingshot. A rock zinged through the air, past Gentz, and smacked the glass on the French door. A crack appeared. Then began to splinter into a spiraling web.

  "Remi," I gasped.

  The air seemed to still. The dogs stopped barking. Like us, they watched the widening crack. Teeny bounded from the hall, yipping. Ten human eyes and ten dog eyes noted her trajectory.

  "No." I vaulted forward to catch her. She bounced over my arms and smacked into the French door. The glass shattered. Bellowing Jack Russells hurdled through the window frame. Teeny jumped into the living room, shaking off glass.

  Remi spun and fired her slingshot at the men.

  "Stop," I yelled.

  "Grab her," hollered Gentz.

  Barking dogs bounded about the foyer like a load of spilled bouncy balls. Remi jumped onto the fireplace hearth, aiming her slingshot at the men. Gentz whipped his hat off, swinging it in front of his face as missile-like pebbles zinged through the air.

  I reached for Remi but Igor knocked me aside. She lifted a log from the firewood rack and swung at him. Igor ripped it from Remi's hand. I sprang from the floor and stepped on a dog's tail. The Jack howled, darted forward, and bit the man's ankle. I bowled into Igor with my shoulder, knocking him away from Remi, and snatched the wood. The Jack Russell jumped and caught the man's hand in his teeth.

  "Call off the dogs," yelled Gentz.

  "Call off your dogs," I hollered and seized Remi around her waist. I hoisted her onto my hip and threw the wood into the fireplace. The log crashed into the burning wood, knocking the stack loose. Burning logs and embers rolled out of the fireplace and crashed onto the granite floor.

  "For shizz's sake," I cried.

  With Remi flopping against my hip, I kicked at the logs. Remi pushed off my shoulder and jumped to the ground. I let her go and grabbed the fireplace tongs. "Get out of here, Remi."

  Behind me, the dogs grew louder. Something crashed and a dog yelped. I turned, swinging a smoldering log clenched in the tongs. The tree tipped precariously. Remi had darted beneath it and was trying to hold it up.

  "Remi, get out of there," I yelled.

  "Grab her," said Gentz.

  Oddjob kicked at the snarling dogs who tore at his pant legs. The dogs bared their teeth and lunged. Igor limped toward the tree, dragging a dog clamped to his calf. Teeny lay at Gentz's feet, whimpering. He aimed his pepper spray at another Jack who barked and hopped around his feet.

  I swung the log at Igor. The wood crumbled in the tong's grip. Burning embers flurried. Charred bits flew. Pieces of burning log fell to the stone and the henchman hot-footed over them. Losing his balance, he fell into the tree.

  "I can't hold it," yelled Remi.

  The tree crashed onto the floor, landing on the burning log. Remi popped out and ran down the hall. Three dogs took off after her. The tree smoked and crackled. The man shrieked and crawled out from under the tree. The remaining two dogs yipped and bounded over the broken glass into the living room.

  I gazed, horrified, at the tree stand. Lying on its side. No water puddled from it. The tree was as dry as week-old turkey.

  Gentz grabbed the man's hand, pulled him to his feet, and l
eaned over the smoking tree. A flame shot up and he reared back.

  "We forgot to water the tree," I cried. I glanced around for something to put out the fire and was yanked back. Oddjob gripped my elbow. He threw his arm around me, pinning me.

  "Where is the necklace," screamed Gentz. "Tell us now."

  The tree popped and sizzled. Another flame licked up, consuming a wooden rainbow bass ornament.

  "It's on the tree," I cried. "We use it as a decoration, you—"

  He slapped me. "Idiot."

  My eyes burned hotter than the cheek he'd just slapped. "Take it and get out."

  "Let her go."

  We glanced from the burning tree to the doorway where a large figure stood. Teeny yipped, sprang from her prone position, and ran to the figure, barking. Sniffed his leg. And rubbed against him.

  Nash stepped into the foyer. His blue eyes burned beneath the brim of his hat. One hand unzipped his coat, and another reached inside. "I'm armed. Touch her again and you're dead."

  I kicked backward, whacking Oddjob's shin with the heel of my boot. His arms loosened. I shimmied from his grasp and ran to Nash. He gripped his .38 Special in both hands. Jerking his chin, he motioned me to get behind him.

  "They want the necklace, too," I said.

  Unruffled, Gentz held up his hands. His men put up their hands and moved toward their boss.

  "I assure you that's all we want. Then we'll leave and not return," said Gentz.

  "Where's Remi?" Nash's eyes didn't leave the three men.

  "She ran toward the kitchen."

  "Call the police," Nash's voice remained steady. "Your security system is dead."

  The tree snapped and crackled, another flame licked out. Ornaments tinkled and dropped to the granite, clattering in a sad symphony.

  "I've got to get something for the fire." My throat constricted, and not just from smoke filling the room. "They took my phone."

  "My inside pocket," said Nash. "Then get a fire extinguisher."

  I patted his jacket, reached inside and pulled out his phone. "What's your password?"