by Holly Jaymes
As it was, paparazzi would likely be around for Lily, who until recently had a successful modeling career that ended when she was involved in a scandal involving actor Trask Holloway. Nothing had happened, but the pictures were suggestive of an affair, which didn’t sit well with Trask’s even more famous actress wife Aria King. I’d never believed for a moment that Lily and Trask had an affair. But I was one of a small few. I still had some concerns that when it got out that she was pregnant, people would think it was Trask’s and that she married Wyatt to cover it up.
I parked in the parking lot and grabbed the substitute bouquet made from a paper plate and the ribbons from the bridal shower presents. I took a breath, pushing the real Victoria down and plastering on the public Victoria.
I breezed into the sanctuary of the church. “Say, who’s ready to get married?”
Lily rushed to me and gave me a hug. “I am. Oh my God, do you believe it? I’m getting married.”
“I do believe it. Wyatt adores you.” I gave him a wave where he stood with the minister.
“And I adore him. I’m not sure I’d be here without you.”
“Me? What did I do except give you perfect advice? Oh, I do believe I told him where to find you when you were getting ready to fly away from Eden Lake forever with your mom. I never heard…was that a good decision on my part or should I have kept that a secret?”
“You always know what’s best.”
“If that kid is a girl, you’ll name it Victoria, right?”
“And if it’s a boy, will it be Vic?”
I stilled at the deep, baritone voice walking up behind me.
“Pax!” Lily threw her arms around him. “I’m so glad you came.”
“I wouldn’t miss it.” He hugged her. When he released her, he gave me one of his superficial rock star smiles. “Victoria.”
“Pax.” I was so sure I had it together to see him, but my insides were twisting. I was pissed at that because cripes, it had been six years. I really needed to get over all this. “Lily, I’m going to check in with Sasha,” I said, referring to her wedding planner. I didn’t wait for a response before I headed up the aisle to where Sasha had joined Wyatt and the minister, along with Josh.
I only had to get through tonight and tomorrow, I told myself. I was a strong, capable woman running a multimillion-dollar skincare company. I was too strong to let the embarrassment of being a mistake get to me.
2
Going Home
Pax
I’d been to Southern California on tours, but I hadn’t been home to visit family since I was eighteen. My mother and sister sometimes came by my flat in London, but I hadn’t come home to see them. Even over the years, when Lily had told me I should come see Dad, I hadn’t been home. I had all sorts of excuses, but a large one was Victoria Sinclair. If Lily was in Southern California or even New York, chances were good that Victoria would be there, and after what happened on her twenty-first birthday, I hadn’t been able to face her. I was a fucking coward.
Of course, now my time had run out. Lily was getting married and Victoria was her maid of honor. I’d considered booking a tour for the New Year to have an excuse to miss the wedding, but while I was a jerk, I wasn’t that big of an asshole or I tried not to be. Chances were, Victoria thought I was the king of the assholes. She could be right.
I’d flown to Los Angeles two nights ago. I told my agent and the CEO of my record label, Dane Madsen, who was also a friend, that I was coming to Southern California for my sister’s wedding. I figured if there was any other business I needed to get done, that would be a good time to do it.
Dane and I went out for drinks last night and shot the breeze.
“Will you be playing at your sister’s wedding?” he asked, sipping his usual gin and tonic.
“Yes. And I won’t be paying royalties.”
“Just make sure no one records it. There’s nothing like messing up family relations by having your record label sue someone for copyright violation.”
I snorted. “There’s more to life than money, you know.”
He rolled his eyes. “Says the guy who’s always had it and now can bathe in it.” He wasn’t wrong. “Listen, what are you doing on New Year’s Day?” he asked.
“I was thinking of flying home.” I finished my beer and waved to the bartender to give me another.
“Can you spare a couple of days in Vegas?”
Vegas was the last place I wanted to go. Ever. On stage, I could be gregarious and outgoing, but deep down, I was an introvert who’d rather stay home. While I lived in London, I tended to avoid crowds and bright lights. Vegas was all about crowds and lights and bells. I shivered just thinking about it.
“Before you say no,” Dane continued, probably knowing I was going to decline. “I’ve got an up-and-comer. Lisbeth Garner-”
I stopped mid-sip of the bottle of beer the bartender had just set before me. “No shit. Really? You signed her?”
Dane nodded. “Between you and her, I’m set for life. But she’s still raw and new, and I need someone to go with me to talk to her. She’s a little overwhelmed and I thought you could talk to her. You could help her navigate this fucked-up thing called celebrity.”
“I don’t know, Dane. What could I say?”
“She’s a fan of yours, Pax. You’d be helping me out. And since I helped you out when I picked you off the street when you were busking for chump change...”
I rolled my eyes. “I think I’ve repaid you in shit loads of album sales.”
“Still. It would mean a lot to me and to her. It’s just a day or so.”
I did owe him. He did find me. And while he liked to get as many benefits from my talent as he could, he’d also turned out to be a good friend.
“Yeah, alright. Just a day or so though.”
He patted me on the back. “How can the guy who wrote All Night in London, the greatest party song of all time, be such an old fuddy-duddy?”
I shook my head. If he’d known that that song had started out as a ballad lamenting my stupidity with Victoria, he might have changed his mind.
Now I was driving east to Eden Lake. I’d never been there, but knew of it. It was a small mountain town that on occasion was a playground for the rich and famous. Lily told me Tucker McLean, quarterback of the Pacific Coast Sea Lions lived there. Of course, I followed another kind of football now, which Americans called soccer.
Another less famous person that lived there was my father. He’d been the sheriff there for nearly a decade now. In some ways, I thought I was like him. He preferred a quiet life away from the hustle and bustle of the city that my mother craved. Because Lily and I were raised by our mother, we didn’t see him much, although to his credit, he always figured out where we were on our birthdays and would show up. I was sure it was nice for him that Lily and I were twins, as he was able to cut down on travel.
Lily had been better at keeping in touch with him when we became adults. He stepped up when she needed refuge when that asswipe Trask Holloway ruined her reputation. That fucker had the nerve to ask if one of my songs could be used in a movie. That was a big no. There was no amount of money in the world that would cause me to betray my sister.
Victoria flashed in my mind. Fuck. She wasn’t money. And I had a hard time thinking of my being with her as a betrayal to Lily, but since that was how Lily felt, I had to respect that.
I rolled my window down, letting the cool air in. It was surprisingly colder out than when I’d left Los Angeles. The cold did nothing to blast away the memory of Victoria. I remembered the first time I saw her as a woman, and not just my sister’s friend. My mother had taken Lily and me to visit the Sinclairs in Malibu when Lily and I were seventeen. Victoria in a red bikini on the beach was a sight to see. Even today, that image was often the one of choice when I jacked off. The other was London, six years ago, when my fantasy of her became a reality. And just as fast, it became a nightmare.
The one saving grace was that Lily a
nd Victoria were able to salvage their friendship, and Lily seemed to forgive me. Of course, it was easy because I never saw Victoria again. I walked out that morning, and didn’t return until I knew Victoria and Lily were gone. But now, I’d have to see her. A part of me thought I was nuts to be ruminating on this. It had been six years. I’d changed a lot since then. I’d been a fledgling songwriter, making most of my money busking on the streets. I didn’t need to make much because I lived in an apartment my mother owned.
Victoria had been making more than me as a social media influencer, but then she went off and started her own company. A part of me wondered if I’d given her the idea. Either way, I was proud of her. I hoped I’d be able to see her and tell her how much I admired her success. More than that, I hoped I’d grown out of my lust for her, and that she’d forgiven me my cowardice.
I arrived at the church and parked the car. I looked around the place, hoping there were no photographers or reporters. I’d done my damnedest to keep my visit quiet. This was Lily’s moment.
I got out of the car, shocked by the cold and hurried to the church door. I walked into the foyer and then to the sanctuary.
Immediately, I closed my eyes as the sight of Victoria stole my breath. How was it possible she could be even more beautiful than she had been six years ago? Her hair was still long, cascading in waves down her back. My fingers twitched at the memory of running through her long mane of hair, of wrapping it around my fist as I thrust inside her.
I swallowed and made my way up the aisle toward them, giving myself a pep talk to not say something idiotic.
Victoria had that million-kilowatt smile as she looked at Lily. “If that kid is a girl, you’ll name it Victoria, right?”
“And if it’s a boy, will it be Vic?” Inwardly I kicked myself. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to refer to the name she didn’t like as my first words to her. If I hadn’t fucked her six years ago, it would have been the perfect opening, but now it was stupid.
“Pax!” Lily threw her arms around me. “I’m so glad you came.”
“I wouldn’t miss it.” I hugged her. When I released her, I managed a smile. “Victoria.”
“Pax.” She smiled too, but it wasn’t that mega-brilliant one. “Lily, I’m going to check in with Sasha.”
I wondered if she was getting away from me or just giving me and Lily time together. Probably the latter. My guess was that Victoria never even thought about our one perfect day in London.
“Did you bring your guitar?” Lily interrupted my thoughts of Victoria.
“Ah…yeah. It’s in the car.”
“I want you to play the processional before the bridal march. Just like we talked about.”
I shook my head. I hadn’t wanted to play that song to begin with, but now that I was here with Victoria in the room, playing that song felt wrong. I’d come up with the tune during her visit six years ago and finished it later while I was feeling guilty for how things went down and for not standing up to Lily. Then again, maybe Victoria wouldn’t have wanted me to stand up to Lily. We’d both been in agreement that she wasn’t to know what had happened between us.
“Pax? Hey, Pax.”
“Sorry. Long day,” I said to explain my being distracted. “How about Canon in D? That’s the traditional song.”
She rolled her eyes. “I’ve got Pax Ryder playing at my wedding. I want a Pax Ryder song, especially one that’s never been recorded or played in public.”
What were the odds that Victoria would remember the tune? Probably null. “Okay. Let me get my guitar.”
I went out into the cold, grabbed my acoustic guitar and went back into the church. I joined Lily with a man I suspected was her fiancé and another older woman who was likely the minister.
“Pax, this is Wyatt. Wyatt, this is my rockstar brother, Pax.” Lily beamed as she looked at Wyatt.
I extended my hand. “Great to meet you. You sure you know what you’re getting into here?” I nodded toward my sister.
“It’s too late for him to change his mind. He knocked me up.”
Wyatt’s cheeks reddened. “I’m sure about her. Completely.” He looked at her in a way that convinced me he was sincere. This might have been a shotgun wedding, but I suspected there would have been a wedding eventually, baby or not.
“Oh, Dad, you made it,” Lily said, looking past me.
I turned to see my dad coming up the aisle. It had been a while since I’d seen him. He looked a little older, but still fit and strong.
“Pax, son, how are you?” He gave me a hug.
“Doing good, Dad, and you?”
“Good. Good. I’m glad you could make it to your sister’s wedding.” I wondered if that was a dig at me for never coming to visit him.
“Oh, there’s Mom,” Lily said.
“Pax, honey. Look at you.” My mother walked up the aisle much like a queen. She’d always had a poised regal demeanor. She and my father’s relationship didn’t make any sense because they were complete opposites, and yet, when they were together, it was easy to see that they still cared about each other. Their goals in life turned out to be more important than their relationship though.
“Hi, Mom.” I kissed her on the cheek.
“Look at you in a suit,” she said to my dad. “I was sort of hoping for the uniform.”
My dad blushed which was embarrassing so I went to tune my guitar while the minister and wedding coordinator told everyone else where they needed to go.
“Dad and Lily, you’re at the back of the sanctuary. Victoria, you go join them.” The wedding planner pointed to the back of the church. I glanced over as Victoria made her way up the aisle toward the back. She was wearing a navy dress that didn’t seem fancy, and yet on her, it looked like a million bucks. “Wyatt, you're up here with Josh. Ms. LaCoeur, you can sit in the front pew over here, and Mr. and Mrs. Dalton over on this side,” the wedding planner ordered. “Pax, you’ll start by playing the processional and Victoria, you’ll come down the aisle. Now, when she reaches here,” the planner said, standing to one side of the minister, “Pax, you’ll change to the wedding march, and then Lily and Sheriff Maddox, you’ll come up.” The wedding planner continued to walk through the logistics and then it was time to practice.
I took a breath, and then began to play the tune that had come to me six years ago after a spectacular day with Victoria.
I’d played the first eight notes or so, when I looked toward Victoria. She was making her way down the aisle, but then she stalled and looked at me. There was confusion, then recognition. For a moment, I thought I saw pain and I was about to stop playing, but then her expression went blank and she focused straight ahead as she continued. I felt like shit. I was glad when she reached the front and I could change to the wedding march.
The rehearsal went well and then we all headed out to some resort where a dinner was set up. The place was rustic and out of the way, which according to Lily was why she chose it. It would be too easy for me to be recognized and cause a stir if I stayed at one of the main resorts.
There were several tables set up for the wedding party. I was at the one with Lily, Wyatt, his brother Josh, Josh’s wife, Allie, who I remembered from the summer at the beach years ago, and, of course, Victoria.
“So Pax, how does it feel to be back in California?” Allie asked while we were seated. She was next to Victoria who was directly across from me and I couldn’t stop staring at her.
“I’ve been back before, but that was work. It’s nice to be with family and old friends.”
Victoria’s jaw tightened.
“When was the last time you saw family or friends?” Wyatt asked me.
“I used to see Lily and my mom whenever they were in Europe.”
“Last time I saw you, I think you were still a kid,” Allie said. “But you saw Victoria since then, right?”
Victoria cast her a scathing glare. I wondered what that meant.
“Yes. It was her birthday,” I confirmed, wishin
g I had something stronger than wine in my glass.
“You remember that?” Allie asked.
“Is there more wine?” Victoria asked Wyatt who’s had the bottle in front of him. He handed it to her.
“I remember everything about that visit.”
Victoria’s gaze shot to mine and I hoped she could see that I felt like a jerk for how things were left six years ago. I didn’t get a chance to find out as my dad stood up to make a toast.
After the rehearsal dinner, I was directed to a cabin to spend the next two nights. I was glad for the solitude. I found the liquor cabinet and poured myself a drink, and sipped it as I looked out over the lake. The sky was clear and the moon hung like a pearl, casting an ethereal glow over the water.
I just needed to get through the wedding and then I could get away from this place. I was now glad that I’d made plans to go to Vegas. I had a good excuse to leave.
Finishing my drink, I went to bed and hoped for a dreamless night, but I knew that was too much to ask for. Victoria often haunted my dreams, so it was a done deal that she’d show up tonight. In my dreams she was fiery and sexy, and this night was no different. I woke early the next morning, hard as steel and frustrated as hell. Like I often did, I wondered what would have happened if I’d just told Lily the truth. That I cared for Victoria. That I liked being with her and wanted to see where it would go between us. I hadn’t done that, so my chance to be with the one woman who I couldn’t get out of my system had passed.
I got out of bed, showered, giving into the lust with a less-than-satisfying jerk session, and then put on my suit and worked to steel my nerves to deal with the guilt and Victoria’s cool aloofness. Then I was out of this place, heading to Vegas and leaving the angst behind. Leaving Victoria for good.
3
Being Mature
Victoria
Seeing Pax was harder than I thought it would be, which was frustrating because after six years, it shouldn’t have been so difficult. I ignored how good he looked in his slacks and white shirt, his hair cropped shorter, and the groomed stubble on his face. Instead, I put on a brave face and made it through the rehearsal. I stood at the top of the aisle, ready to walk down it, then Pax started to play and my heart stopped when I recognized the tune. Victoria’s Song. Or that was what he called it five years ago when he wrote it. Had that just been a lie? Was it a song he normally played to get into a girl’s pants? Now he was playing for Lily’s wedding. It was stupid, but I couldn’t help but feel like she’d once again taken something from me. But Pax was never really mine. And that song, he’d probably forgotten what he’d told me about it.