by Holly Jaymes
So I sucked up my crazy emotions and did my job as Lily’s friend and maid of honor. I was pleasant during the dinner, although I wanted to skewer my sister for asking Pax about my visit to London years ago.
“I remember everything about that visit,” he’d said. Yeah right. He remembered the mistake.
I was glad when the dinner was over and I could get away from Pax. I returned to the cabin that Lily and I zIG sharing at Pine Rest, the resort she’d stayed at duringUUGGUU her exile after the Trask Holloway scanduHXhxiGGgxUgal.
“Just so you know, this won’t be our last sleepover,” Lily said as she and I sat on the couch, looking out on the view of the lake. I was having a glass xxiZof wine while she had tea.
“Oh? You’re about to be married and have a baby. I understand you won’t have a lot of time for me.”
“I always will have time for you.” She leaned her head over on my shoulder. “You’re my best friend. You never doubted me with that whole Trask Holloway fiasco. You supported me when I didn’t know what was goinwpuupp Zcjcccx FF xx co straw keeealwm(&?$$$?$$$$$$$$?$?$..,,,) on with me and Wyatt.”
“I’m a good friend,” I said matter-of-factly.
She laughed. “The best. Now we need to find you a man.”
“Oh God.” I rolled my eyes, and then drank my wine to hide my resentment that she’d interfered with the one man I’d been most interested in. After Pax, I dated other men, but none of them had the unique combination of sweetness, creativity, and sexiness that Pax did. Then again, none of them called me a mistake, so clearly something was wrong with my heart.
“Really. I wish you could be as happy as me,” Lily sighed.
“Hmm.”
“Do you think Pax is happy?”
I nearly choked on my wine. “I don’t know. He’s a rock star who has raving fans throwing their panties at him. I think that’s the definition of happy for a man.”
Lily snorted. “He does have that, but it’s not really who he is. I mean, you know him. Deep down he’s a quiet introvert. He’d rather read a book or play his guitar than have panties thrown at him.”
“Is there something about him that makes you think he’s sad? He looked alright to me.”
“I don’t know. I just want everyone to be as happy as me and neither you or him seem happy. Successful yes, but not blissful.”
“You’re drunk on love,” I quipped.
“Is it annoying?” She grinned up at me.
“Yes. Nearly intolerable.”
Her smile faltered slightly. “I haven’t always been as good of a friend to you as you have to me.”
“Oh?”
“I was a bitch to you for a time. If it makes you feel any better, I treated Pax like crap too for a while.”
I drank my wine and realized that my glass was now empty. I definitely needed a refill.
“I should have known that it wasn’t a real thing between you two. I mean…I get it. Two young, hot people with a few drinks in them, of course you’re going let nature take over. But I know you two. It wouldn’t have led to anything.”
“No.” I really needed another drink.
“I’m glad we all got through that,” she said.
I mustered a smile. “Me too.”
I was glad when we went to bed as I needed the alone time to regroup. It was annoying how much Pax was still in my system when I’d tried so hard to get him out. But I only needed to get through tomorrow and then I’d be home free and away from him.
The next day, I was too involved in making sure Lily was calm and everything was going to plan to worry about Pax. When Victoria’s Song played, I kept my eyes forward as I walked down the aisle to my spot. I was actually proud of myself for not looking at Pax.
I let myself get lost in the love-filled romantic moment of my best friend. Yes, Lily and I had some tough moments, the worst of which was my interlude with Pax, but we’d butted heads before and always remained friends. Now, my best friend was getting married to a man who loved her beyond anything I’d seen, except for Josh’s love for Allie, of course. I remembered joking with Allie when she and Josh got together, asking if he had a brother. Josh’s brother Wyatt was a great guy and a hottie, but we never clicked beyond supporting our siblings’ love for each other. Too bad for me. The Dalton men were real catches.
Because of Lily, Pax and their mother’s celebrity, the reception was held back at the large room at Pine Rest. A ballroom at one of the resort hotels would have been fancier, but it also would have been harder to keep gawkers and paparazzi out.
Even so, the room was decorated like a winter wonderland with lovely white lights and white and silver décor. With the wedding out of the way, the party could begin and we could all relax. Josh made a hilarious yet loving toast to his big brother and my father made a toast reminding Wyatt that he was the sheriff in this town and he carried a gun.
Pax played another song during the first dance and the father-daughter dance, and then put his guitar away and let the band take over. He was very nice to the band, all of whom seemed a little starstruck to be playing with him.
At the request of Mr. and Mrs. Minor, the main owners of the resort and adopted grandparents of anyone who stayed there, the band played a few old standards, starting with Embraceable You.
There was something about weddings that brought out the romance in everyone, as long as they had someone they could snuggle with. Even Sheriff Maddox and his ex-wife, the former supermodel, were dancing cheek to cheek. Me? I hung back in the corner as I had no one, and the few men that might have been eligible didn’t interest me.
The song ended but the standards set continued with Cole Porter’s Just One of Those Things.
“Do you want to dance?”
I startled as I hadn’t been aware of Pax’s approach.
“You want to dance with me?”
He cocked his head. “I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.”
It would have been childish and immature to give him the cold shoulder, so I shrugged. “Sure.” I followed him to the dance floor, telling myself how grown-up I was to let bygones be bygones.
We stood for a moment, looking at each other like neither of us wanted to make the first move. Finally, he put one hand up and the other reached for my waist. I took his hand and stepped closer, putting my other hand on his shoulder.
His scent enveloped me and for a moment I was back in London, walking along a canal. Crap, why does he still have to smell so good? He also looked good. When we were younger, I’d only seen him in jeans or shorts and a t-shirt. Even in his tour publicity, he was always in jeans. Tonight, he wore a tailored suit that made him look sexy as hell. Damn it!
“This song seemed appropriate for us,” he said, his lips a whisper away from my ear. I tried not to shiver as his breath brushed along my neck.
Instead, I perked my ear up to listen to the lyrics that talked about one crazy night that was too hot for it to ever last, and so the couple said goodbye, noting the night was fun, but just one of those things.
I pulled my head back to look at him. His blue-violet eyes studied me and he said, “I’ve had the feeling you’ve been avoiding me.”
“Oh? I don’t know why. I didn’t notice you coming to talk to me.”
He looked down as if he was chagrined. “I wasn’t sure I had the right to.”
“Why not? We’re old friends.” See, I could be mature, even though I’d have liked to have told him what a jerk he was to use me.
He flinched slightly. “Old friend. Right.” He looked over to where Lily and Wyatt were dancing, their gazes caught and holding like they didn’t realize there were other people in the room. I’d had a moment like that with Pax six years ago, I remembered.
“What do you think of Wyatt?” he asked me, apparently deciding to move the conversation elsewhere.
“I think Wyatt is perfect for Lily. He’s solid. He’s smart. And he’d do anything for her.” I realized I was carrying baggage about me and Pax because h
e hadn’t been willing to do anything for me. It was painful, but it was what it was. And I couldn’t really hold it against him that he was choosing his sister over me. Blood was thicker than water, after all. Holding on to my grudge was silly. We’d been young and impulsive. It wasn’t a love affair. It was a hookup. “He risked his job to love her. He even quit at one point and rushed off to find her before she flew off…to see you, I think,” I said.
“He got her pregnant,” Pax said, although he didn’t seem to have any judgment behind it. “I’m sure my dad would have come around.”
“For a guy who writes songs about love, you seem jaded. I mean, look at them. The only other man I’ve ever seen look at a woman like Wyatt looks at Lily is his brother Josh. He looks at my sister like that.”
“It’s great for people who can find it,” he said. “But love doesn’t always last.”
Don’t I know it. “If I were a betting woman, I’d put my money on them to make it all the way until death do they part.”
He nodded. “Good to know.”
The song ended, and I pulled away. “I should check on the cake.”
He nodded. “It was good talking to you, Victoria.”
“You too, Pax.”
He looked like he might say more, but then stopped, so I hurried off to find the bar for a stiff drink, and then to talk to the wedding planner about the cake.
4
A Foolish Idea
Paxiww
There was no shortage of beautiful women in my life. It was true that musicians had access to sexy, willing women at any time. There had been times that I’d indulged in one. But none of them had so captivated me as Victoria did. As she always had from the first time that I saw her as a woman when I was seventeen. I hated that she was under my skin like that because there was no relief from the torture of longing for her. Especially since I’d so rudely left her six years ago.
But something inside me didn’t give a fuck that my brain wanted to let her go. It took one look at her today walking up the aisle in the silvery embellished dress that hugged her curves and the longing started again. All day, I watched her. She was so focused on making sure everything was going right for Lily’s big day. She laughed and joked with her sister and brother-in-law, as well as the other guests. Victoria had this way about her. She had a light that emanated from her.
At the same time, I could see she had walls up. She was lively, outgoing, friendly and yet, I could see it wasn’t completely her. Like she was wearing a mask. I wondered what that was about. Was she always like that? Was it because of me?
At the reception, when the dancing started, I noticed that she’d hidden herself away from everyone else. It seemed absurd that she didn’t have a husband or boyfriend. As beautiful as my sister was, to me, Victoria was easily the most gorgeous woman in the room. I couldn’t stop myself from approaching her. Needing a chance to touch her again, I asked her to dance. I was torturing myself because I knew nothing would come of it, but even if I just got a crumb of a taste, I had to have it.
She didn’t want to dance with me. While she continued to keep her guard up, I could see she was wary of me. I wanted to apologize for the past, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. The song, the old Cole Porter standard about a couple that burns hot for a night and then cools off, felt appropriate.
I’d been sure she was avoiding me, but when I brought it up, she called me out that I hadn’t approached her until then. So maybe I was the one avoiding her. Perhaps I was reading too much into all of this. Fucking emotions were messing with my head.
After the dance, she went off to deal with wedding stuff, and I headed over to steal a dance with my sister.
“You look radiant,” I told her when we started dancing to a more modern slow song.
“I’m so happy, Pax.” She grinned at me. Then her expression turned serious. “Are you happy?”
“Sure.”
“I wish you could be as happy as me.”
I laughed. “I’m not sure that’s possible today.”
She studied me for a minute. “Is it weird to be here with Victoria?”
I shook my head. “No. Why would it be weird?” Could she tell I was lying?
She shrugged. “I know the last time you saw her was… Well, you know.”
A part of me wanted to say, “Yes I know. It was after one of the greatest days of my life that you turned into something sordid and I should have never let you do that.” But I didn’t say that.
“It was a long time ago,” I said instead.
“Do you think I was selfish?”
Yes. Yes, I do, I thought but I kept that to myself as well. “I’m sure it was awkward for you.” I nearly apologized for that except I wasn’t sorry for being with Victoria and while I’d fucked things up, I wasn’t going to express any regret for my time with her.
“It was weird. And just not right, Pax.”
I swallowed the anger. At another time and place, I might have asked what was so wrong about my caring for Victoria. Lily didn’t own me. She didn’t own Victoria. But it was her wedding and I didn’t want to cause her unease.
“I think your husband is eager to dance with you,” I said, nodding toward Wyatt who hadn’t taken his eyes off Lily since I started dancing with her.
She smiled again. “After cake, we’re heading off for our honeymoon. A night in the cabin, and then off to Europe. He’s never been.”
“Spare me the honeymoon details.” I pulled away and handed her back to Wyatt. “I’d tell you to be good to my sister, but I think you will, and of course, my father will do the honors if you don’t.”
Wyatt laughed. “Duly noted.”
I walked away, and unable to help myself, I scanned the room for Victoria. I caught the back of her leaving the large room, heading outside. It was fucking cold out, and I wondered what she was doing, especially since she didn’t have a coat.
I followed her out. She’d made her way along a path to the edge of the lake. She shivered and rubbed her arms as she inhaled the cold night air.
I took my coat off as I approached her. “You’ll freeze if you stay out here too long.”
Again, she startled and I felt bad for interrupting her quiet moment. She turned and gave me her standard smile. “Just needed a little air.”
I nodded as I studied her face. She had features that gave off both an exotic and girl-next-door vibe.
“I forgot to congratulate you on your successful business. I think it’s great what you’ve done,” I said. Maybe if I acted normal, we’d get back to normal. At one time, being with her was so easy. We’d talked about anything and everything.
“Thank you. And you…stopped selling your songs and started singing them instead.”
I shoved my hands in my pockets because I had an urge to touch her. “I guess we both realized it was better to own our talents than sell them to someone else.”
“I guess so.”
We stood in silence for a time. I felt like I should leave her, but couldn’t. “Will you be staying in Eden Lake after the wedding? I know your sister lives here now.”
“I’m heading to Vegas.”
“Oh?”
“Business.” That was the only explanation she gave. “What about you?”
“I’ve got some business too and then I’ll head back to London.” I didn’t mention my own trip to Vegas. Chances were I’d be too busy and then I was heading home. A part of me thought I should change my plans. When would I have another chance to fix things with her? But then I thought there really was no fixing. I could apologize and we could move on. Her forgiveness was the best I could hope for.
A tendril of her upswept hair blew in the wind. Unable to stop myself, I used my fingers to hook it behind her ear.
Her eyes flashed with surprise and something else. I didn’t think it was anger, but I couldn’t be sure.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“For what?”
“For leaving like I did six years ago.
”
She turned to look back out over the lake. “It was probably for the best. Lily was upset.”
“Even so, I should have stuck around. I wanted to.”
She looked at me again. Her eyes had gone softer, like her wall had thinned. Her eyes were bright. Her cheeks pink from the cold. She was so stunningly beautiful; it stole my breath.
Finding my voice to confess even more, I said, “It felt wrong to play your song at Lily’s wedding.” Her breath hitched, and I knew for sure that she’d recognized it. “She heard me playing it once, and decided she wanted it. I wasn’t sure how to deny her.”
Victoria’s gaze jerked away. “You could have told her the title.”
Her words stabbed at my heart. She was right. Even now, I was running away instead of confronting Lily.
“I could have.” I stood next to her, wishing I could say something to make everything alright. But to what end? We were in the same predicament that we’d been in before.
She let out a breath. “My business… It was your idea. I should thank you for that.”
“I’m glad to have inspired you.” I took a breath. “My first hit, All Night in London was about you and our night together.”
She turned to me, once again, her eyes soft. “I’d wondered.”
The breeze blew her hair again, and this time, when I pushed it back, I left my fingers on her jaw, my thumb brushing her cheek.