Forbidden Best Friend's Brother (Forbidden Small Town Bad Boys Book 5)

by Holly Jaymes

  “You have some nerve,” Allie said with venom in her voice.

  Shocked by her tone, and thinking maybe it was Pax, I peeked out the door of the bedroom. Not Pax. Lily.

  “Is Victoria here?” Lily asked.

  “Why? You want to dump on her again. I can be just as mama bear with my sister as you are with Pax, although the difference is, she does need to be protected from you. You’ve fooled everyone, haven’t you. Does Wyatt about you?” Allie said. I had to hand it to her. For being a sweet shy one, she knew how to be a mama bear for me. “After what you did to my sister, you think I’m going to help you hawk your stuff?”

  “I’m here to try and make it right.”

  “Too little. Too late.”

  For a minute, Allie just stared at Lily, and I could see Lily getting more and more uncomfortable. I wondered if I needed to intervene. Lily and Allie were sisters-in-law. I didn’t want to get in the way of their husbands’ relationship or cause strain at family meals.

  “Please,” Lily finally said. “I just want to get to the truth.”

  “Okay, let’s talk about the truth. Did you tell Pax about the time Victoria stood by you, no questions asked, when you were accused of cheating with Trask? She believed you, Lily. She’s the only one who did.”

  Lily flinched.

  “When you needed a pregnancy test and couldn’t get it yourself because of media exposure, who bought them and drove hours to get them to you? Who sat with you while you took them and supported you when Wyatt thought you were lying?”

  “Allie-”

  “Are you having a paternity test? Maybe you should. I mean, when the tabloids find out you’re pregnant and do the math, they could very easily speculate that Trask is your baby’s father-”

  Okay, that’s enough. I didn’t want Allie to fully go to the dark side. I’d nearly done that and it had made me sick to my stomach. Allie was a nicer person than me, so I couldn’t have her lose that part of her. Not for me.

  “Allie.” I stepped out into the hallway. I looked at Lily and wondered what had happened. “I don’t know what I did to make you think I’d betray you-”

  “You stole my brother.” She said it, but she didn’t have a lot of oomph around it. It was almost like she recognized it was a dumb reason.

  “But I didn’t. He chose you.” I cocked my head to the side. “Maybe that’s it, huh? When it comes down to it, you two chose each other.”

  “Someone needs to warn Wyatt then,” Allie quipped. Allie and I weren’t twins, but we sure thought alike a lot.

  “I love Wyatt,” Lily snapped.

  “And I loved Pax.” I let out a breath because I knew this would be fruitless. “I’m going to get my things and head home.”

  “Wait. Victoria. I...I was wrong. I just...I don’t know what happened. When I think of you two...You’re mine. He’s mine. You’re not each other's, and I know that sound ridiculous.”

  “But I’m not yours.” Her word sat like a bitter pill at the back of my throat. “You think I’m your friend because I want to use you. that’s what you said.”

  Her face squicked up and she bounced slightly like she was frustrated that she couldn’t find the right words. “I wish I could blame hormones--”

  “Hormones make you grumpy, not a hater,” Allie said.

  “This isn’t an excuse. I know I was wrong, but you know that growing up, my mom was too busy to really be a mom, and my dad was here. Pax was all I had. Until you. I didn’t want you two together and then cut me out. Or something. I don't’ know, maybe I need counseling. I’ll do it if it would help. You’ve been the best friend to me. Better than I deserve. I know that. I want a chance to prove I can be a good friend too.”

  “What about Wyatt?” Allie asked.

  “What about him?”

  “You said all you had was Pax and Victoria. You didn’t want them together because it would leave you out. You don’t seem to mind leaving them out to be with Wyatt?” Allie had a point, but it didn’t matter. She’d betrayed me just as much, maybe even more since we’d been so close for so long. I didn’t want that in my life.

  “It doesn’t make sense, I know.” Lily looked at me with pleading eyes.

  “Then how do you know you wouldn’t go bonkers again,” Allie continued to push.

  “Allie. It’s okay. I appreciate your coming by and apologizing, but you’re right I deserve better. I wish you and Wyatt all the best--”

  “Don’t Victoria. Let me make this right.”

  “And I know you and he will be so happy with your baby. Now, I’m going home.”

  I went to the guest room, pulled my purse together, and when I’d heard Lily leave, I exited, said goodbye to Allie with a long hug, and then drove back to Los Angeles. I had two hours to purge both Pax and Lily from my life.

  24

  Undeserving

  Pax

  I’d always thought I was a decent person. I wasn’t one of those rock stars that got drunk and tore up hotel rooms. I didn’t fuck all the groupie women. I played music for charity events. But the truth was, I was an asshole. At least where Victoria was concerned, and I truly couldn’t figure out why I’d completely blown up the one relationship that I’d desperately wanted.

  “Do you suppose you’ll shower today?” My mother’s voice came from the kitchen area where she held a mug of coffee. I sat at the window overlooking the ocean with a nearly empty bottle of whiskey where I’d pretty much parked myself when I arrived here several days ago when Victoria, rightly, sent me packing.

  I wanted to blame Lily for all this but it was my fault. Still, I ignored all of her calls.

  My mother sighed. “Have you just started drinking today or have you not finished from when you got here two days ago?”

  Perhaps I would become a cliché rockstar after all, drinking my life away.

  She came over and sat in a chair next to me. For a moment she said nothing. “When your father and I broke up, it took me two weeks before I could even pretend to act normal. Heartache is a bitch.”

  If I felt like this, I could only imagine how Victoria felt. The fact that I’d made her feel this sort of pain increased my guilt. I took a swig of my whiskey to try to burn it away.

  “Do you think I’m incapable of love?” I asked.

  “What?” My mother’s voice seemed truly shocked at the question. “No, Pax. Of course not. I think of all of us, you’re the most loving.”

  I glanced at her with a ‘don’t lie to me’ look.

  “I’m not just saying that because I’m your mom. I believe it. But I also think that you’re careful and not one to easily let someone in. I suppose that’s my and your dad’s fault.”

  I turned to look back over the water. So many times over the last couple of days, I wished a tsunami would roll in and suck me out to sea.

  The door opened and closed. “Oh good, you’re here,” Lily’s voice chimed through the condo.

  “Lily, honey. What are you doing here?” My mother rose from her chair and hugged her.

  “I came to see Pax. He’s not taking my calls.”

  “Let me get you some tea.” My mother went to the kitchen.

  “I don’t want to talk to you.” I was in this miserable state because of her. Well, because of me, but she’d made me doubt Victoria. Made me doubt my feelings. I was such a fucking pussy.

  “I saw her the other day,” Lily said, taking the seat my mother just vacated.

  I shut my eyes. “I know you mean well, Lil, but every time you come around me when Victoria is involved, you fuck things up.”

  “I know.” She sat back and stared out at the ocean. “The first time, in London, I was so mad. I just… Victoria was my friend. You were my brother. If you two hooked up, where would I be?”

  I glanced over at her. “That’s why you lost your shit?”

  She sighed. “I wouldn’t have been able to articulate it then. Or even a few days ago. But I’ve been going over it with Wyatt and he’s helped m
e see it. Growing up, it was you and me, Pax. And then I made friends with Victoria and she was my rock. Our lives didn’t offer a lot of stability, but for me there was you, and once I started modeling and going on my own, I had her. I think I worried I’d be left out.”

  They say that hindsight is twenty-twenty/ What they don’t say is that figuring things out from the past didn’t change shit.

  “This time, coming home and finding out you married her, I don’t know what happened. I was a bitch. I don’t understand it myself. I mean I have Wyatt. God, he and I even had a fight over it. He was like what about me. You have me. I thought I was so together, but I’m really not.”

  “So, it wasn’t about protecting me?” I glanced at her, knowing she was trying to help, but I was just feeling worse listening to her.

  “It was, some. Victoria is a very independent woman who moves through the world with a mask on. She’s fiercely loyal, which clearly, I’m not, except with you. But she’s guarded and singularly focused on her business. I don’t know how you were thinking it would work out, unless you were planning to move back here.”

  “Maybe I was.”

  Lily flinched and then looked down. “I didn’t realize just how deep your feelings ran.”

  “No, you didn’t. You didn’t even ask. You just attacked her.” I set my bottle down and ran my hands through my hair as another wave of guilt rolled through me. “I should have told you to go to hell.”

  She nodded. “Yeah, probably.”

  “You said you saw her… How was she?” A part of me hoped she was moving on. That I was nothing but a minor blip, but then of course, that would mean she didn’t care for me and Lily would have been right.

  Lily let out a self-deprecating laugh. “Allie went all warrior on me, as I deserved. I’m the worst friend ever. She didn’t forgive. And she won’t. I can see it in her eyes.”

  “But how’d she look?”

  Lily closed her eyes and then looked at me. “Gutted.”

  I dug the heels of my palms into my eyes. “Fuck.”

  “So what are you going to do about it?” my mother asked, bringing Lily a cup of tea.

  “There’s nothing I can do,” I said, lifting the bottle to drink again. “I tried and she said no. I can’t really blame her. I’d don’t much like being with me either.”

  My mother rolled her eyes. “You two are pathetic. There’s always something you can do.”

  “You’re not really one to talk about relationships, Mom,” Lily said.

  “Oh, I don’t know. Your dad and I never worked out being married, but through the years, we’ve always loved each other. Always respected each other. And when in similar proximity, spent time together. It’s unconventional, but it works for us.”

  “I wouldn’t take me back. Twice now, I’ve been a fucking asshole to her,” I said.

  “Well, you don’t have control over what she does. Only what you do. Not doing anything because you’re afraid she’ll reject you, isn’t good enough. If you love her, you try, and keep trying until she gets a restraining order..”

  I groaned as I leaned back in the chair and rubbed my hand over my heart, wondering if it would ever stop hurting.

  My mom sat on the arm of the chair Lily was in. “Do you know how I always knew what was going on in your life?”

  “How?” I asked.

  “Your music. You asked if I thought you were capable of love, and I know you are because some of your love songs are so beautiful, Pax. But they were songs of yearning, which tells me you’ve known love and want it, but don’t have it. And then there’s the song, Everyone Leaves.” My mother sighed. “When I heard that, I knew I’d messed up as a mom. Or that I should have gotten you therapy or something.”

  My stomach clenched. I didn’t need my mother psychoanalyzing me.

  “I remember that song. I totally related to it,” Lily said. “Maybe that’s why you so easily let me sway you. Because you’re afraid it won’t last. That she’ll leave you like Mom and Dad did. Like I did.”

  I hated how weak that all made me sound. But I was weak.

  I looked at Lily. “I let you steal her song.”

  She frowned. “God that was true?”

  “I’d written that when she was with me in London. I even named it Victoria’s Song.”

  “Oh God, Pax.

  “It killed me to play it and see in her eyes that she remembered it. And you’re right, she’s guarded, but wouldn’t you be too if you had people like us around?”

  “Look, we’re all flawed,” my mother said. “But you’re not bad people. Even if Victoria never wants to look at you again, the both of you have to make amends because you are good people.”

  “Pax.”

  I looked at Lily. “Don’t just make amends. Fight for her. She loves you. I think she has since we were teenagers. If you love her, fight for her. Let her knock you down a few times and get up and fight again. She may need to see that to know you’re serious.”

  I knew what she was saying was true, but I didn’t know how to fight. I wasn’t the man Victoria deserved and so it seemed cruel to ask for her love again.

  “You can be the man she deserves,” my mother said as if she’d read my mind. “But first, take a shower.”

  Untitled

  Chapter Twenty-Five: One Foot In Front Of the Other

  Victoria

  I sat in my office in Los Angeles, reading through the updated launch plan for Radiance. It had been a week since I’d returned from Eden Lake. I still felt like my insides had been completely gutted, but somehow, I was putting one foot in front of the other. I’d turned my focus on my business and getting Lisbeth on board for our marketing campaign. I did all I could to put Pax out of my mind, although my subconscious would cruelly bring him back in my dreams.

  I hadn’t received any divorce papers, so he apparently figured our estrangement was a good thing in his attempt to keep his image clean. I had Galen set up Google Alerts to notify us of any news about our marriage. So far, there’d been nothing.

  “You should just get out of the marriage,” Allie had said. “He doesn’t deserve your help in saving his image.”

  No, but it took all the energy I had just to get through my workday. I didn’t have anything left to figure out what to do about the marriage. Not yet, anyway.

  So for now, I’d focus on my business.

  “So, what do you think of this plan?” Galen asked, sitting on the couch in my office.

  “It’s good.”

  He frowned, and I knew he was annoyed at my lackluster response. “Why don’t I insist Lisbeth come here to sign the papers and finish the deal? There’s no reason you should go back to Eden Lake, except to visit your sister.”

  I ran my hands over my face as Lisbeth’s request came back to me. “I got invited to do a winter show out there. Dane said it would be a good place to test out some of my new stuff since it’s a small venue but there are often celebs there who can spread the word.”

  “How about you come to my office after your show,” I’d said. It would be a while before I’d go back to Eden Lake. Even Allie agreed to come here to visit me instead of me having to go there.

  “When I’m done there, I’ll be in the studio. I really won’t have a lot of time. I really want to do this with you, but that will be the best time for us to get it done.”

  So, it was with great reluctance that I’d agreed to go to Eden Lake for Winterfest.

  “She’ll be busy,” I answered Galen. I’d see Allie and Josh, meet with Lisbeth, and come home. If I was lucky, I’d avoid Lily, and I was pretty sure Pax was back in England, although there hadn’t been any news about him.

  The Winterfest was a weekend-long event, starting Friday night which was when Lisbeth was going to be performing. I drove over to Eden Lake Friday afternoon, spent some time with Allie. Luckily, she didn’t bring up Pax or Lily. We mostly talked about her pregnancy and plans for the baby.

  That evening, I went with Allie and
Josh to the event. I’d promised Lisbeth I’d watch her show. Although there were resorts with large ballrooms for entertainment, since this was an Eden Lake event, it was held in a local recreation center. The event raised money for local social and charitable groups. The large recreation room was set up to look similar to a nightclub. There were round tables throughout the dimly-lit room and they served wine and fancy finger foods.

  I sat at the table and like I often did, I pushed all my baggage away and attempted to focus on the moment.

  Allie’s hand rubbed my back as she leaned over to me. “Someday, big sis’, you’re not going to always have to walk around with your shields up.”

  I managed a smile although I was pretty sure I wouldn’t ever let them down again.

  The stage lit up and Lisbeth was introduced. Like she’d done in the nightclub in Vegas, she sat alone on a stool with her guitar and sang. Many of the songs she’d done before, but there were some new ones, including one called Love Lights in Vegas.

  “She’s good,” Josh said next to Allie.

  “And she loves Victoria’s Radiance line.” Allie smiled at me.

  Seriously, she was the best sister ever.

  Lisbeth finished her song and then leaned forward into the microphone. “When I started this journey, I was excited to be able to make a living from my music, my passion, but also to meet others who were doing the same. I remember my mother warning me that it could be a disappointment to meet your idols. A couple of weeks ago, I met my biggest idol. I actually spent the entire evening with him along with my husband and another friend, Victoria. Who, by the way, has a fantastic skincare line coming out. Oh my God, my face has never been softer and pimple-free.”

  There was a laugh from the audience, but I didn’t feel any humor. I knew she was about to talk about Pax, and I couldn’t bear it.

  “Anywho,” Lisbeth continued. “So, I met this bigger-than-life rock star and in some ways my mom was right. On the one hand, he was a regular guy, down to earth, you know. Not one of those conceited types. But on the other, he didn’t seem to have a lot of life in him until I saw him with my friend Victoria.”