It’s Working As Intended

by N M Tatum

  Sam patted him on the shoulder. “I’ll come back when we’re done to see if you’ve wandered into a closet.”

  “You’re a true friend.”

  Cody had the message queued up when Sam walked onto the bridge. The first was one from Dewayne. He didn’t sound pleased, but that seemed somewhat standard for him. He agreed to meet once he had a time and location.

  The second message was from Nora Soff, Chrisoff’s CEO. She spoke with a light-hearted tone, like she didn’t take the threat conveyed in Cody’s message seriously. But she agreed to house them regardless, and provided coordinates for Chrisoff’s headquarters.

  Chrisoff was known to be a reclusive organization—not much was known about the inner workings of the company. Even less was known about Nora Soff, and nothing at all was known about their headquarters. It was the source of countless rumors and speculation. Many thought they housed a top-secret R&D department, where the company developed weapons for the military, but that was on the wilder end of the spectrum. Most business analysts and biographers knew Nora Soff to be a tad eccentric, the kind of person who valued her privacy above all else.

  “If she gave us the coordinates, she must know this threat is real,” Sam mused. “If she’s famously secretive, she wouldn’t hand them over to just anybody.”

  Cody agreed. “I read her biography last year. She’s an innovator, one of the most influential people in the last decade. But her social skills are lacking. It’s not uncommon for her staff, even those who’ve known her for years, to not have any idea what she’s talking about. She probably wasn’t aware that she sounded dismissive. Or she really doesn’t care.”

  Joel groaned. “Is she one of those super geniuses who’s a total asshole, but people give her a pass because she’s a super genius?”

  Cody shrugged. “Yeah, I guess that probably fits.”

  Joel groaned more. “I think I’m going to hate this.”

  Chrisoff’s headquarters were even cooler than Cody imagined. He didn’t like to admit it, but he was more in the top-secret military projects camp with his hypothesis.

  He went in expecting to find just another space station. Chrisoff was so far beyond that.

  The headquarters were built into an asteroid, as most of the station was a repurposed mining facility. It had been abandoned thirty years before, when all facilities of that kind had been done away with. They were deemed too expensive, being built into the rock as they were. Once they cleaned out all the ore, there was nothing to do with the place aside from leave it.

  Unless you wanted to build one of the most advanced tech facilities in the galaxy, that is.

  A computer-generated face appeared on the Ragnarok’s bridge display as they approached Chrisoff. “Welcome, newcomers. Your arrival has been foretold.”

  Joel tensed. “Like…in a prophecy?”

  “Our creator, Dr. Nora Soff, alerted me to your impending arrival. It was foretold by her. I would not classify her as an oracle, as there is no scientific proof that such a thing exists.”

  Joel slid down in his chair. “I knew I was going to hate this.”

  Cody waved his hand to get the computer face’s attention. “Hello. Hi, there. I’m Cody. Pilot. Computer guy. I sent the message to Dr. Soff.”

  “I am aware of you, Cody.”

  He was taken aback. “Oh, okay. Cool. Who are you?”

  The face shifted to look at him but showed no sign of emotion. “I am the resident AI here at Chrisoff headquarters. You may refer to me as Christopher. If you would allow, I can now communicate directly with your ship and guide you into your designated berth.”

  Cody looked from the computer face to the yoke in his hands. “Sure?”

  Joel slapped him in the back of the head. “Are you crazy? You’re just handing control of the ship over to some computer you don’t know?”

  “I can still hear you,” Christopher said, its face turning to Joel.

  Joel screeched and jumped backward.

  “I assure you, I am a trustworthy program. “I have not been programmed with the ability to deceive.”

  Joel furrowed his brow. “Unless you’re programmed to lie to me about being able to lie to me. No offense, Chris, but I don’t know you.”

  “It is Christopher,” the computer said. “That is okay. You are more than welcome to pilot the ship into the hangar bay yourself. However, I must inform you that, due to the unstable nature of this thoroughly mined asteroid, there is a sixty percent chance that you’ll arrive in the hangar bay only after amassing significant damage to your ship.”

  Cody released the yoke and leaned back in his chair. “It’s all yours, Christopher.”

  The yoke immediately began to move on its own. “Please sit back and relax,” Christopher said. “You will be arriving shortly.”

  Joel crossed his arms. “You are way too trusting of strange computers.”

  It wasn’t long before Cody felt totally confident in his decision to hand control of Ragnarok over to Christopher. The entrance to the hangar bay was on the underside of the asteroid. The ship dipped down, diving through a small field of debris hovering near the asteroid as a result of the mining process, then pulled into a steep climb.

  The largest of the mining shafts had been converted into a tunnel that led to the hangar bay. Seeing how the largest vessel that would have traversed it during the mining days was a trawler, the tunnel was a tight fit for Ragnarok. There was next to no room for error. It was mostly a straight shot, with only a few gradual curves, but in such a tight space, gradual still seemed drastic.

  An enormous metal door slid open as the ship approached, and the cramped tunnel opened into a massive cavern. The bottom of it was fitted with a metal platform. The walls and ceiling were reinforced with titanium girders. Raised about halfway from the floor to the ceiling were catwalks that housed offices for traffic controllers and foremen. Several workshops were spread out along the floor.

  “This is Chrisoff headquarters’ hangar bay,” Christopher said. “Here, we house and maintain Chrisoff’s fleet of personal transport and shipping vehicles. Please brace for landing.”

  The ship set down in a ring of flashing red lights. Automated bots swarmed the ship after it landed to ensure it was secure.

  “You are now permitted to exit the ship,” Christopher said. “Thank you for allowing me the privilege of piloting your vessel.”

  Cody practically danced down the ramp. The others followed more reluctantly. Even Peppy seemed nervous, his head low as if anticipating a threat.

  A small bot, about three feet tall and sitting on two treads, rolled over to them. “Please follow me,” it said in a familiar voice.

  “Chris?” Joel asked.

  “It is Christopher. And, yes, I oversee the substantial fleet of bots on this station. As such, I am permitted to assume operational control of any of them at any moment.” The bot rolled away, down a path through rows of Chrisoff ships. “If you’ll follow me, I have been instructed to give you a tour of the station before meeting with Dr. Soff.”

  Reggie objected. “We didn’t really come here for a—”

  “Awesome!” Cody raced to the front of the group. “Is it true that you house an R&D department that works on top-secret military projects?”

  “I can neither confirm nor deny that.”

  Reggie leaned in close to Sam. “You starting to think this is a bad idea?”

  Sam scanned the area, assessing it for threat and risk. “Nothing has tried to kill us yet. If they wanted us dead, they could have just had their robot fly us into a wall.”

  “I guess you’re right. Something about this place just feels…weird.”

  A small swarm of bots rolled by. Sam watched them as they zipped over to one of the workshop areas. They picked up tools and zipped back over to one of the parked Chrisoff ships and set about performing some basic diagnostics.

  They left the hangar bay through a round door that opened like a pinwheel and was emblazoned with the Chr
isoff logo. It was obvious what had been added to the original bones of the place. The Chrisoff aesthetic was very chic modern, but the clean, plastic feel of next-gen tech had been plastered onto the degraded skeleton of an industry from the previous century. The poetry of it was appealing, but the look of it was somewhat off-putting. Like two opposing forces being crammed into a bottle. Shake it up and watch the storm inside.

  The door opened to a corridor with a low ceiling. Reggie felt like he needed to crouch, though he still had an inch or two before hitting his head. Every ten meters was marked by a titanium circle set in the rock as reinforcement. The tunnels only added to the juxtaposition of styles. They exited the dark corridor into a suite of labs all separated by glass walls. The floors were covered in white tile. The ceilings, likewise, were white. The sudden burst of light made the team shield their eyes.

  Bots whirred about in each of the lab spaces, assembling robotics or combining different colored liquids that resulted in sometimes volatile reactions.

  “Here is the Research and Development department,” Christopher said.

  Cody squealed with glee.

  “One of them, anyway,” Christopher added. “There are three in total. The other two are off limits to all but Chrisoff personnel.”

  Cody deflated a little.

  “This cluster of labs,” Christopher continued, “handles our commercial products. These carry the Chrisoff label that you will find on the open market.”

  “And where would we find the things being worked on in the other labs?” Cody asked.

  Christopher ignored him.

  They followed the bot through to an elevator. Again, they felt as if they had passed from one facility to another. The elevator was little more than a metal box ringed with rust. It screeched as it climbed, clearly a relic of the mining facility.

  The doors opened to a scene that could be mistaken for heaven. Blindingly white. Soft, choral music. A warmth in the air that made you feel instantly comfortable. They stood in a large room with a domed ceiling… It looked like a cathedral or art museum. The walls were decorated with paintings in elaborate frames spaced at equal intervals, and between each frame was a piece of industrial sculpture that looked like little more than hunks of metal and gears welded together. The pairing fit with the juxtaposed aesthetic found throughout the rest of the headquarters.

  Sitting in the middle of the room was a round couch, like one large ottoman, littered with red pillows.

  “Thus concludes the tour,” Christopher said. “Please, make yourselves comfortable. Someone will be along shortly to see to you.”

  The team stood looking at each other as the bot rolled away, not sure what to do with themselves.

  Cody was the first to sit. He flopped onto the big, round couch, landing flat on his back. “This place is greater than I imagined. Such inspired design. Revolutionary in its simplicity. And that AI. I love AIs. Christopher is amazing.

  “Yeah, he’s amazing,” Sam said. “Where are all the people?”

  The question seemed almost naïve to Cody. He scoffed, but quickly retracted it with a qualifying statement. “We only toured a small section of the facility. They’re probably all in those other labs.”

  Reggie walked the perimeter of the room, eyes scanning the place distrustfully. “I don’t know. There’s something creepy about this place.”

  “What does that even mean?” Cody said, getting defensive.

  “It means I feel like one of those robots is going to knock me out, peel my skin off, put it on another robot, then upload my brain into that robot’s body.”

  The team stared at Joel like he’d already had his skin peeled off.

  “This is the headquarters of one of the premier scientists in the galaxy. Maybe the smartest person in the system. Of course she’s going to have some eccentricities.”

  Joel shook his head. “Why do geniuses get a free pass to be sociopaths?”

  “I assure you, Dr. Soff is not a sociopath.” A bipedal bot entered the room from a hidden door on the wall opposite from the one they’d entered. One of the larger paintings slid to the side, revealing a tunnel behind it. “Though she is absolutely a genius.”

  This bot was not controlled by Christopher. The voice was closer to a woman’s, higher in pitch, but there was something distinctly inhuman about it. Though, the snarky attitude was all too human.

  The bot’s design and overall demeanor did nothing to assuage Joel’s worries.

  “My name is Pascal,” the bot said. “I was told I must see to your needs.”

  “Did Christopher send you?” Cody asked.

  Pascal erupted in a disturbing fit of metallic laughter. “He wishes. That answering machine wouldn’t dare order me about.”

  Even Cody’s fanboy excitement ebbed, and concern flowed in. “But you are an AI?”

  “I’m the AI, as far as Dr. Soff is concerned. The first she ever created, with her hack of a partner way back when. I’m not off-base in saying I’ve yet to be improved upon.”

  The team all had the same thought at the same time. This AI had been co-created by Soff and Suzz… That had to be the root of Suzz’s hatred.

  Reggie opened his mouth to ask the question they all wanted to ask, but Pascal shut him down.

  “Nope. I’m not answering questions about any of that. I know you’re here because of Dr. Suzz. You have questions about that, ask Dr. Soff. I just came to ask if you needed any coffee or anything.”

  “You’re the supreme AI here, and you’re responsible for getting us coffee?” Joel said.

  Pascal locked him in its robotic stare. “I can peel your skin off.”

  Joel swallowed hard. “I knew it.”

  Pascal broke away from Joel, though its demeanor did not change. “There are automated food and beverage dispenser units built into the wall. Simply request something, and it will be provided. Within limits,” the AI added when Joel’s smile began to widen.

  Pascal walked toward the door through which the team had come. “Dr. Soff will be along momentarily. She can’t just squeeze in any old person who comes along crying about space monsters and whatnot. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go spill motor oil all over the hangar bay floor. Christopher hates that.”

  The door closed behind Pascal, leaving the team alone again.

  Silence fell over the room as each of them considered what had just happened and how strange this place was and why they were even here. Dr. Soff didn’t seem all that concerned with their complaints about Dr. Suzz, or she wouldn’t leave them waiting so long. The longer they stayed at Chrisoff’s headquarters, the lower their hopes went of finding some real help.

  Sam wandered along the perimeter of the room, studying the walls as though searching for something. She paused near one of the smaller paintings. “Beer.”

  Reggie leaned around her to look at the painting. He was confused, as it seemed to be a painting of angels or something. But then the painting slid to the side, and a frosty mug of beer appeared.

  Sam took the glass and swigged half of it. She let out a satisfied belch. “If we’re going to get our skin peeled off, may as well enjoy it while we can.”

  “No one is getting their skin peeled off,” Cody said. He seemed personally offended by the others’ distrust of Chrisoff.

  Joel and Reggie both put in orders for beer. Then Joel added on some hot wings, and Reggie got a sundae. Gritting his teeth, Cody ordered a latte. A good latte was surprisingly hard to come by, far from a planet with a suitable ecosystem for growing coffee. Synthetic coffee was not the same. The first sip took Cody’s edge off, though.

  As Joel dropped the last clean-picked chicken bone on his plate, the door behind the painting opened, and a woman appeared. She appeared to be in her mid-forties. Her hair was cut short, not in a stylish way, but in a way that seemed purely utilitarian. She wore a long, white lab coat, knee-high leather boots, and her wrists were weighed down with jewelry. She was the personification of the aesthetic of Chris
off. A mix of utilitarian and chic.

  “I hope everyone has found the accommodations suitable.” Dr. Nora Soff moved with an ease common to people who had little regard for others—not in a heartless sort of way, but more in the fact that the opinions of others meant nothing to her. Judgments slid off her like runny eggs in a nonstick pan.

  She walked past the team, not caring that their eyes were stuck on her, and sat on the round couch. “So, why are you here?” She was blunt, but her voice lacked the forceful edge of someone who was trying to dominate the situation.

  “We sent a message,” Cody said.

  “Yes, I heard the message. You mentioned Patty.” Dr. Soff’s face tightened as she spoke the name. “That is the only reason I allowed you to come here. I don’t typically welcome visitors.”

  “Or people at all,” Sam interjected. “I noticed. Are you the only human here?”

  “No,” Dr. Soff said. “You are all human.”

  Joel squirmed. Dr. Soff’s demeanor made him think she’d already had her skin removed and placed on a robot body.

  “That isn’t what you meant,” Dr. Soff added. “Yes, normally, I am the only human here. Chrisoff employs thousands of people throughout the galaxy, but here, on this station, it is just me and the bots.” She met Sam’s astonishment with a blank stare. “I am not good with people.”

  “Is that why Dr. Suzz wants to kill you?” Joel said.

  Cody elbowed him.

  “No, that’s okay,” Dr. Soff said. “I appreciate forthrightness. My schism with Patty is much deeper than personality. It’s based on a fundamental difference in our approach to our work.”

  “Pascal,” Cody said.

  “Pascal was the final straw,” Dr. Soff clarified. “It was the most advanced AI at the time of its creation. Able to mimic human personality traits on a level still unrivaled by other AIs. I wanted to make the code open source, allow others to use it in order to further the development of artificial intelligence. Patty wanted to monetize it.”

  “So you split?” Cody asked.