It’s Working As Intended

by N M Tatum

  Not yet. Just a little further.

  The void of space was replaced with a void of a different sort, one that felt like a prison instead of the vast emptiness. They were suddenly encased. The jarring transition kicked Cody in the neck.

  It was just the kick he needed.

  He activated the airlock, dumping the Pyrethrum X-735c into the lophius’s mouth. Then he punched the thrusters, shooting Ragnarok forward. The jaws began to close, attempting to seal them in. The very thing that would have sealed their fate was what sealed the lophius’s.

  Ragnarok pitched starboard and flew through a crack in the creature’s teeth. The lophius’s mouth closed behind them… And then the bombs went off.

  The lophius’s head turned a pale blue as chemicals seeped from its closed mouth. It became a living statue, frozen in its own body, but still charging forward.

  “So, that was cool and everything,” Joel said. “But it’s still coming at us like a giant, frozen battering ram.”

  Cody pulled a hard reverse, slamming on the brakes and spinning Ragnarok around.

  “Sam, get back to the turret and punch a hole in that thing,” he directed.

  “I’m already on it.” Sam fired, hitting a wide circumference in the center of the creature’s forehead. Cracks snaked across the area, forming what looked like a spiderweb right between its eyes. A spiderweb, or a target.

  “It’s all you, Joel.”

  Cody dove the ship, ducking far below the creature and opening a clear line of sight.

  Joel locked on with the massive cannons. Everything turned white.

  When the blinding light was gone, a headless lophius floated, limp, the force of the blast not only devastating it but halting its forward momentum completely.

  Joel sat back in the gunner’s chair, staring out at the thousands of pieces of lophius skull, still coated in ice, glistening with the light of the stars. It was disgusting and beautiful.

  He smiled. “This was exactly how I imagined this ending.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Testifying before the Space Commission is not something video games can prepare a person to do. Reggie had sweated through his shirt before he even stepped into the hearing room. But the team had designated him as their spokesman. He was the face of Intergalactic Pest Control.

  As much as he did not want to do it, he couldn’t deny that he was the best choice. Joel would have said something grossly inappropriate. Cody would have sputtered something overly complex until it devolved into nonsense and he passed out. Sam probably would have stabbed someone. With her eyes, at least, if not her sword.

  It felt like he’d been taking questions for days, though it had only been two hours. The commissioners had surprisingly little that needed clarifying. As Reggie had prepared his testimony over the last few days, the story felt too large, unwieldy. He stumbled over the details even though he’d lived them. It didn’t seem like he’d ever be able to wrap it all into one neat, easily understandable package.

  But, after he finished giving his account—from the first ShimVen outbreak, to Cody’s growing suspicions of Layton’s involvement, to confronting Dr. Suzz and, finally, destroying the monster lophius—the commissioners simply nodded as they chewed on the ends of their pens, or fingered the rims of their water glasses.

  Reggie breathed his first sigh of relief, though it was short-lived, as he knew the questions would follow.

  He breathed his next sigh of relief when the commission chairman said, “The commission has no further questions for you, sir. Thank you for your testimony.”

  But Reggie almost choked to death when the chairman pointed past him and said, “But I have one for you.”

  Reggie followed the point of the chairman’s gavel to Sam, sitting suddenly rigid in the gallery.

  She said nothing. She stood and walked past Reggie, waiting until she reached the podium to breathe.

  The guys cringed before a word was spoken.

  The chairman leaned forward, putting all his weight on his elbows. “Miss, there is one thing about all this that I don’t understand.”

  “Just one?” Sam said.

  The chairman laughed, to the relief of the Notches. “Granted, this is one of the wilder stories we’ve heard. But most of it is understandable once you get past the flash. It all boils down to simple human motivations: revenge, greed, and self-preservation. But you…” He sucked air in through his teeth. “You, I don’t understand. Through some carefully worded BS, I can determine your previous line of work. I did some intel work before this appointment, and I think I may even have a profile that could be attached to your name. Though I can’t prove it. There’s never been a photo taken of her face.”

  Sam felt her cheeks burn hot. She hadn’t even thought about the fact that she wasn’t wearing her mask.

  The chairman continued. “That mercenary was one of the best and highest paid, sought after by the elite. To give all that up and become an exterminator… Why?”

  Sam mirrored the chairman’s posture. “Like you said, Mr. Chairman—simple human motivation.”

  She left the table without waiting to be dismissed.

  Reggie squirmed. The breach of protocol made his stomach twist in a knot.

  “One final question, then,” the chairman said. “You all plan on continuing your business? The Space Commission is always looking to expand its list of available contractors.”

  Joel stood before Reggie could answer.

  “You’re goddamn right we do.”

  The End

  Sarah’s Author Notes

  January 28, 2019

  Thank you for reading. Thanks for supporting the books. And thanks for being awesome.

  Rats! Yes, we put rats in this book. Actually, as it usually tends to happen, I took inspiration from my life and put it in this book. This summer, I woke up in the middle of the night to hear my cat scurrying around the entertainment center. I’m used to this cat’s antics and responded with a very terse, “What the fuck are you doing?”

  The cat had brought a gigantic rat into the house at three o’clock in the morning. The little shit was cowering behind the television, making it difficult for the cat (that I’d like to offer to any of you readers), to catch. That’s why my feline gave up and went to bed, leaving me to deal with a plague carrying rat.

  I nearly burned the house down in an attempt to get the beast out. I am no pest control service. After chasing the rat around with a broom and screaming at the top of my lungs, I convinced the rat that my home was no place for him.

  The next morning, slightly traumatized by the event, I decided to make the best of the situation. I sent Michael a picture of the rat when it was hiding in my drapes (yes, I took a break from chasing to take a picture so that I had proof). I told Michael that in our next Intergalactic Pest Control book that I wanted to include ninja rats. And that’s where stories come from.

  In a way, I think that writing about these evil rat has helped me to deal with the trauma of waking up to find my own cat had betrayed me, bringing the enemy into the house. I still tense at night when the cat door opens, wondering what pests the little fucker is bringing into the house. Yes, I could lock the cat door, but that would require too much work. And where’s the fun in that? You all need stories and those come from crazy shit that happens in my life.

  Thank you again for reading and making this job more fun!

  Michael’s Author Notes

  January 29, 2019

  THANK YOU for not only reading this story but these Author Notes as well.

  (I think I’ve been good with always opening with “thank you.” If not, I need to edit the other Author Notes!)

  RANDOM (sometimes) THOUGHTS?

  I have no rat stories, thank God.

  I like how Sarah curses at her cat. Personally, I think that is a normal expression for cats (the little fuckers think we are the slaves in this relationship and it just annoys me.)

  The title of this book, It’s Working
as Intended, was chosen after a heavy amount of research (total lie) and required days of concentrated focus. Ok, total bullshit, it took him (speaking about myself in the third person) maybe thirty minutes of research and an hour of squirrel time.)

  All of our titles have something to do with gaming (as is appropriate), but we didn’t have as easy a time on this book as the previous two.

  The original meaning has to do with the (soon to be a person of scorn) engineer who is part of the team who releases a huge game.

  And the game is screwing up, usually in a manner that INFURIATES the players. Said engineer is probably receiving a shit-ton of flak from the fans online, and finally he bursts into flames and says…

  “It’s working as intended.”

  That engineer will suddenly find out what it means to be Engineer Flambé.

  As the Internet roasts his ass alive.

  AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 DAYS

  One of the interesting (at least to me) aspects of my life is the ability to work from anywhere and at any time. In the future, I hope to re-read my own Author Notes and remember my life as a diary entry.

  Javier’s Restaurant, Aria Hotel, Las Vegas

  I’ve been back three full days from my trip to Australia, Bali, Singapore, Bangkok, etc.

  I feel like my mind spaces every once in a while as I try to work. (If the words in these Author Notes here do not make sense, that is why. (Editor’s note: Whew! I thought you were going to blame it on me!)

  If they do make sense, there is a 50/50 chance it is because the editor fixed them since she took pity on me for my sleep being all messed up from jet lag. (Editor’s note: You’re a good man, Charlie Brown!)

  While I went to ONE (1) Tex-Mex restaurant on my trip (The Mexican in Bangkok, which was excellent), I would say that Tex-Mex is vastly underrepresented on that side of the planet. In fact, Hispanics as a people are few and far between over there.

  I didn’t notice that fact, but my wife did. She’s originally from El Salvador, and I suppose a bit more sensitive when she realizes NO ONE is Hispanic around her.

  So, the takeaway from that is, go to the Mexican; totally worth it. The Tuk-Tuk ride? Not so much. It was fun to have experienced it once. The other two times made me worried that I was on a roller-coaster with a vast disrespect for common-sense safety rules.

  It would have officially sucked, I thought as I held on for dear life, if I died at the beginning of a career I’ve wanted my whole life due to becoming a speed bump on a road in Bangkok.

  FAN PRICING

  $0.99 Saturdays (new LMBPN stuff) and $0.99 Wednesday (both LMBPN books and friends of LMBPN books.) Get great stuff from us and others at tantalizing prices. Go ahead. I bet you can’t read just one. Sign up here: http://lmbpn.com/email/.

  HOW TO MARKET FOR BOOKS YOU LOVE

  Review them so others have your thoughts, and tell friends and the dogs of your enemies (because who wants to talk to enemies?)… Enough said ;-)

  Ad Aeternitatem,

  Michael Anderle

  Acknowledgments

  Sarah Noffke

  Thank you to all the readers out there who have supported my books. I wouldn’t be here writing this book if it wasn’t for you. It still shocks me that you all like to read my books. I waiting to wake up and realize this was all a dream.

  Thank you to everyone at LMBPN for all you do to get the books to the readers. Thank you to Michael for all the support and opportunities. Steve, I couldn’t do this without your shepherding. Thank you to the editorial team and Jen for making me sound better. Thank you to the JIT team for always swooping in at the last minute.

  Thank you to Jess and Jurgen for being my first readers. Your feedback is so helpful. And more than anything, I appreciate your friendship.

  Thank you to my amazing support network of friends and family. I have been blessed with so many wonderful friends who nurture me and also supply awesome fodder.

  And lastly, thank you to my daughter.

  Books By Sarah Noffke

  Sarah Noffke, an Amazon Best Seller, writes YA and NA sci-fi fantasy, paranormal and urban fantasy. She is the author of the Lucidites, Reverians, Ren, Vagabond Circus, Olento Research, Soul Stone Mage, Ghost Squadron and Precious Galaxy series. Noffke holds a Masters of Management and teaches college business courses. Most of her students have no idea that she toils away her hours crafting fictional characters. Noffke's books are top rated and best-sellers on Kindle. Currently, she has thirty-three novels published. Her books are available in paperback, audio and in Spanish, Portuguese and Italian. http://www.sarahnoffke.com

  Check out other work by this author here.

  Ghost Squadron:

  Formation #1:

  Kill the bad guys. Save the Galaxy. All in a hard day’s work.

  After ten years of wandering the outer rim of the galaxy, Eddie Teach is a man without a purpose. He was one of the toughest pilots in the Federation, but now he’s just a regular guy, getting into bar fights and making a difference wherever he can. It’s not the same as flying a ship and saving colonies, but it’ll have to do.

  That is, until General Lance Reynolds tracks Eddie down and offers him a job. There are bad people out there, plotting terrible things, killing innocent people, and destroying entire colonies. Someone has to stop them.

  Eddie, along with the genetically-enhanced combat pilot Julianna Fregin and her trusty E.I. named Pip, must recruit a diverse team of specialists, both human and alien. They’ll need to master their new Q-Ship, one of the most powerful strike ships ever constructed. And finally, they’ll have to stop a faceless enemy so powerful, it threatens to destroy the entire Federation.

  All in a day’s work, right?

  Experience this exciting military sci-fi saga and the latest addition to the expanded Kurtherian Gambit Universe. If you’re a fan of Mass Effect, Firefly, or Star Wars, you’ll love this riveting new space opera.

  *NOTE: If cursing is a problem, then this might not be for you.

  Check out the entire series here.

  The Precious Galaxy Series:

  Corruption #1

  A new evil lurks in the darkness.

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  The Soul Stone Mage Series:

  House of Enchanted #1:

  The Kingdom of Virgo has lived in peace for thousands of years…until now.

  The humans from Terran have always been real assholes to the witches of Virgo. Now a silent war is brewing, and the timing couldn’t be worse. Princess Azure will soon be crowned queen of the Kingdom of Virgo.

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cidites Series:

  Awoken, #1:

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  The Reverians Series:

  Defects, #1:

  In the happy, clean community of Austin Valley, everything appears to be perfect. Seventeen-year-old Em Fuller, however, fears something is askew. Em is one of the new generation of Dream Travelers. For some reason, the gods have not seen fit to gift all of them with their expected special abilities. Em is a Defect—one of the unfortunate Dream Travelers not gifted with a psychic power. Desperate to do whatever it takes to earn her gift, she endures painful daily injections along with commands from her overbearing, loveless father. One of the few bright spots in her life is the return of a friend she had thought dead—but with his return comes the knowledge of a shocking, unforgivable truth. The society Em thought was protecting her has actually been betraying her, but she has no idea how to break away from its authority without hurting everyone she loves.