by Jewel E. Ann
Tears run down my face, but not just from the pain of him inside of me. I cry because he knows that I gave it to him—not to Warren, not to Leo, and not to a hundred other opportunities before him.
“Forever,” he says over and over as he kisses the tears from my cheeks and slowly begins to move inside of me.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Bodhi
SHE’S EVERYTHING I can never be. It’s all I think as I watch her sleep. She’s also Hell, and taming Hell is a job for the Devil. Right now, I feel like the Devil—stealer of innocence, breaker of rules, keeper of lies.
“Bodhi …” She stretches her arms above her head, arching her back.
I remain on my side, propped up on my bent elbow, admiring the way the early morning light dances along her fair skin.
Henna’s blue eyes flutter open, making her look ethereal with her red hair fanned out around her on my white sheets. I grin, fighting with the guilt I feel for not feeling more guilt over what happened last night.
“Good morning.” I press a featherlight kiss to her lips.
She smiles and it chases away all the misplaced guilt. I do believe we are meant to be … something. I just feel bad for her that she’s destined to experience this part of life with me. As long as I’m tethered to my own unfortunate fate, I can never give her the life she deserves.
And Henna deserves everything.
“I love you, Bodhi Kaden Malone.”
I grin, a really damn big one. It takes superhuman force to not jump on the bed and bang my chest. This girl in this moment is mine, and I’m over the fucking moon about it. I don’t know if I’ll have a job on Monday, or if she will hate me tomorrow, but right now … we are perfection.
Bodhi and Henna.
“Say something.” She bites her lip, concealing her grin as she pulls the sheet up to cover her breasts. “Don’t just stare at me with that cocky grin, looking all perfectly messy and utterly intoxicating this morning.”
My grin intensifies as my fingers brush away a few strands of hair from her face.
“Seriously … Say. Something. I haven’t woken up in a guy’s bed before. I don’t know what the protocol is. Do I get dressed and leave? Should I not have stayed? Do we have sex again?”
“I love you.” Pulling her into my arms, I bring our naked bodies flush. She nuzzles her face in my neck and slides a leg between mine.
“I won’t let you get fired.”
“Shh …” I kiss her head, tickling her back with my fingertips. “We’ll deal with your guidance counselor later. He’s kind of a dick anyway. Today we’re—”
“Henna and Bodhi.” She giggles.
“Yeah.”
“Was it …” She pulls back just enough to see my face. “Good? Last night?” Worry wrinkles her nose. “I mean, I just sort of lay there while you um … did your thing. Because it um …”
“Hurt?”
Rolling her lips between her teeth, she nods.
“I’m sorry. Was I too rough? I tried not to be, but it’s also really hard to go slow at a certain point.”
“No. It’s …” She shakes her head.
I love that my untamed Hell has fire in her cheeks, that our intimacy makes her blush. I love how a woman who could rule the world surrenders her confidence to me—trusts me with her complete vulnerability.
“I’m worried you didn’t enjoy it.”
I exhale a laugh, eyes widening. “Henna, you don’t have to worry about that.”
“But I do. I just laid there trying not to grimace. In my mind, I was so turned on by what we were doing. You inside of me. Us. But my body refused to cooperate. I just watched the clock, counting down the minutes until it was over. That’s not sexy, Bodhi. It’s like having sex with a corpse.”
Rolling onto my back, I chuckle, covering my eyes with my forearm. “I haven’t had sex with a corpse, so I can’t confirm or deny anything, but I’m inclined to say it was not at all like that.”
She rests her head on my chest, tracing the outline of my abs. “Well, you were incredible. Dare I say the best I’ve ever had?”
I laugh, smoothing my hand over her hair. After a few moments of silence, I ask the question. “What happened with Warren?”
Turning her head, she drops light kisses to my chest before peering up through her long eyelashes at me. “I said no.”
“You said no …” My mind plays with the meaning behind her words. “Did he ask?”
She rolls her chin against my chest, side to side. “Not exactly. It just sort of naturally went in that direction.”
I hate hearing this, but not knowing will eat me alive. “How far, Henna?”
On a slow blink, she returns her gaze to my chest. “Pretty far.”
My stomach tightens, and I have to remind myself that I pushed her away. “But he stopped the second you said no?”
She nods, regret pulling at her brow.
“Then that’s all that matters.”
Henna scoots up, lining her body on top of mine, grinning when she feels my uncontrollable dick stiffen beneath her. “That’s all that matters?” Her face hovers over mine, canted a fraction to the side.
“Yep.”
She shakes her head. “That’s Mr. Malone talking. My Bodhi would need to know every detail.”
“Then your Bodhi is an idiot.”
“Careful … call him names like that and you’ll have me to deal with.”
I smile. “Oh, Henna … I thoroughly enjoy dealing with you.” My hands slide down her naked body, palming her ass.
She wrinkles her nose, giving me another head shake. “No dealing with me today. Too many parts of my body have been dealt with a little too much in the past twenty-four hours. I’m going home to shower, numb the pain with a tasty snack, and binge-watch Riverdale while wolfing down a bag of chips.”
I hate that she’s leaving me to go get high. I also hate that she has pain that requires her to crave the numbness that marijuana provides.
“On the stairs … did I hurt your back?”
“No.”
“Henna …”
She brushes her lips over mine and whispers, “The stairs were my favorite part.”
I grin while cupping the back of her head and kissing her. “Well, you were my favorite part.”
Henna giggles. “I should get going before your dad wakes up.” Easing off me, she sits on the edge of the bed and hisses in a tiny breath.
“Sorry.” I don’t know what else to say.
Glancing over her shoulder, she returns a half smile. “It’s only partly your fault. Angelina worked out that area pretty good before dinner.” She stands.
We stare at the streak of blood on the bottom white sheet.
“That’s embarrassing.” She cringes, trapping her lower lip between her teeth.
It kills me to see her flushed with embarrassment over this. “It’s beautiful.”
Her gaze finds mine. I sit up, swinging my legs off the bed while pulling her to stand between them. Henna rests her hands on my shoulders, gazing down at me like I’m her whole world. And I want to be that for her, but it comes with this huge responsibility that scares the living hell out of me because I don’t want to ever be her disappointment—but that’s inevitable.
“It’s beautiful,” I repeat, pressing a soft kiss between her breasts.
Her fingers slide up my cheeks and into my hair, caressing my scalp.
My mouth navigates to her breasts, taking the utmost care to be gentle with her. “It’s us …” I softly blow on her wet nipple, eliciting tiny bumps along her skin. “It’s Bodhi and Henna.” Moving lower, I trace her navel with my tongue before continuing south. “It’s life …” The tip of my tongue finds her clit.
“Bodhi …” She breathes, curling her fingers around my hair.
“I’m not going to hurt you,” I whisper over her skin, working my way back up her body. I’m just showing her that I can be gentle. When she leaves, I want her to crave my gentle touch, not fear
that every time will feel like the first.
She bends down and kisses me, framing my face with her hands. “I hate you for being with…” her throat bobs “…other women when I promised I’d find you.”
“I hate myself too.” My chin drops to my chest. They weren’t just a means to fill a sexual need; they were a way to try and forget about Henna. I’m so fucking stupid because this woman is eternally unforgettable. How could I not know this?
“But I love you more.” She slides her finger below my chin and tips my head up to look at her.
I don’t deserve her, and time will remind me of that. But right now, I want her and that’s all my selfish ego cares about. “I love you too.” I stand, looking down at my beautiful Henna. The pad of my thumb traces her lower lip. “I’ll get the rest of your clothes. I think they’re near the stairs.”
A blush crawls up her neck. I’m totally good with her thinking of us and what I did to her every time she sees a flight of stairs. I know I sure as hell will think about it.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Henna
“I HAD SEX.”
Juni glances up from her coffee and phone screen as I walk into the main house dining room, freshly showered and primed for my afternoon high. It takes edibles a bit to find their way into my system. So for now, I grimace while taking a seat at the table.
She studies me with a cautious look. “It hurts that badly?”
“A horse.”
“Please don’t tell me you had sex with a horse. Or at least tell me the horse is in reference to a stud, but a human one.”
I chuckle as Fiona gives me a warm smile and sets a cup of coffee in front of me. “Thank you.”
“Okay, back to the horse sex story.”
“Yes. That.” I take a sip of coffee and add more sugar. “I can only have this conversation with Juni. My mom would be way too disappointed in me. Are we clear?”
Juni gets this nauseous expression.
I roll my eyes. “No. I didn’t have sex with a horse.”
She relaxes. “Then Juni is all ears.”
“I’ve ridden Angelina, this beautiful horse at Bella’s Stables.”
Juni pauses mid-sip. “Down the road?”
I nod. “It’s like cycle class; there’s a definite breaking-in period.”
Juni laughs. “I’ve done both, so I completely understand.”
“Well, after a long ride yesterday afternoon, I had dinner with the stable owners.”
“Oh, that’s nice. I don’t know anything about them.”
“An older gentleman, fifty-ish, I’d say. He’s in a wheelchair. His son lives there and takes care of him.”
“It’s weird how you can live so close to people and know nothing about them.”
“Weird. Yes.” I sip my coffee. “But you and Zach travel a lot, and we live completely gated off from everyone around us, so we’ve probably missed the neighborhood potlucks.”
Juni shakes her head, grinning. “Moving on …”
“I had sex with the owner’s son.”
“Oh … that’s …” She twists her lips. “Random? You’ve known Warren for years, then you go and have …”
I grin, knowing she’s thinking exactly what I’m thinking—Dad.
“Tell me the story.”
Juni shakes her head. “It’s your story day, not mine. I’ve told you mine a million times.”
“And I’ll ask you to tell it to me a million more times.”
“Henna, you’re a romantic.”
“I’m not.” My head inches from side to side. It’s possible to love a good romance without being a romantic. I ignore the tiny detail that I happen to be so in love with Bodhi Malone right now my heart will never find a normal rhythm again.
Every time she shares this story, I wonder how she can look at me and not think of my father. I’m a spitting image of him. If she hadn’t shown me the video of my birth, I’m not sure I’d believe I’m really her daughter.
She smooths her silky blond ponytail over her shoulder, taking a big breath. Nearly twenty years earlier, my mom fell for a young drummer at the inaugural Coachella, a music and arts festival in California.
“It was a stifling hot day …” she begins. I love the way her face lights up when she tells the story, almost as much as I love the story itself.
Sexy, redheaded drummer eyed tall blonde at the front of the stage.
Tall blonde stalked sexy drummer after the final act.
Sparks flew.
A few mind-altering drugs may or may not have been involved.
Sex in the shadows behind the stage.
No condom.
A baby girl named Henna was born nine months later.
I frown, loving and hating the next part.
“The band broke up. Your father enlisted in the marines and proposed to me on the same day.”
“You said no.” I sigh, always wondering “what if?”
She curls a few strands of hair behind my ear as her mouth turns up into a bittersweet smile. “He wanted his career. I wanted mine.”
“But you both wanted me.”
She nods a few times. “Yes. And we wanted each other, but …”
“You were a temporary love.”
Mom bops the end of my nose with her finger and clucks her tongue once. “Exactly. Timing guides our lives more than love. Love is just an emotion—timing is our destiny. Missed opportunities. Serendipity. Fate … it’s all about timing, not love.”
“You still love Dad.”
She returns a single nod. “Always.”
“But you love Zach too.”
She presses her hand to her heart. “Eternally.”
My mother has loved two men, just in different times. I think that will always be my favorite part of the story.
“Don’t call me a romantic.” She knows I’m a realist. “But … I want to love like that. And I think I may have found it.”
“Henna …” She leans over and kisses my forehead. “Live, my beautiful butterfly. Love freely, but don’t ever let it anchor you. Don’t ever choose love over life.”
“What if I can have both? Like you?”
“Is this guy you just met willing to let you find yourself? Is he going to follow you to the far corners of the world and let you be you … or will he try to clip your wings?”
I focus on my cup of coffee.
“If you just met him, you can’t possibly know.”
“That’s the thing … I didn’t just meet him.”
“No? Does he go to your school?”
I grunt a bit of sarcasm. “As a matter of fact, he does.”
“Why didn’t he ask you to homecoming?”
“It would have been frowned upon.”
“By whom?”
“I’m pretty sure everyone.”
Her head jerks back. “Why?”
Scrunching my nose, I glance up at her. “He’s the guidance counselor.”
Remaining statuesque, she blinks quickly several times. “Bodhi?”
“Yeah.”
“Jesus, Henna … you had sex with Mr. Malone.”
“No.” I shake my head. “I had sex with Bodhi. We’re going to let Mr. Malone stay out of it.”
Juni chokes on a laugh, resting her elbows on the table while rubbing her temples. “You’re high.”
I bob my head side to side. “Not completely, but I’m getting there.”
“If you guys get caught, this ridiculous Mr. Malone isn’t Bodhi and Bodhi isn’t Mr. Malone thing isn’t going to work with the principal and the school board.”
“We’re not going to get caught.”
“Henna …” She shakes her head, giving me a solid dose of mom disapproval.
I knew I shouldn’t have trusted her to keep Mom out of this.
“You thrive on breaking rules, taunting authority, and proving that you can get away with murder. I know you … and you’ll let it slip to someone because what’s the fun of doing something forbidden if no
one knows about it? We have gotten you out of a lot of sticky situations, but we can’t protect you and Bodhi from the possible ramifications of this.”
The bad news? She’s overreacting. I should have told Carley instead. Maybe I will later, and she can give me a timeline for how long it will be before I don’t dread having sex again with the man I love.
The good news? The more Mom drones on, making me sound like a completely irresponsible rebel, the more I don’t care because I’m starting to feel totally chill about everything.
“Don’t sweat it. Everything is temporary.” I smile on a content sigh.
She shakes her head. “You’re going to learn the hard way on this one, but I’ll remember to repeat those same words back to you when everything falls apart.”
I nod slowly. “Okey dokey.”
Juni stands, pressing a palm to my cheek, a sad smile steals her perfect lips. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so incredibly sorry that you have to spend so much of your life checked out from reality.”
I shrug. Reality is overrated when I’m not with Bodhi.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
MONDAY MORNING. THIRD period.
I take long strides to Mr. Malone’s office. We haven’t talked since Saturday morning. It’s not that I’ve been waiting to see if he calls or texts me—like a test—but if it were a test, Bodhi would have a solid F.
“Good morning,” he says, keeping his attention glued to his computer screen as I close the door, drop my bag, and sit in the chair opposite his.
“Good morning, stranger. Ever heard of a phone?” Okay, I suck a little at not starting shit that doesn’t need to be started. I blame it on my youth, an excuse I plan on riding until I’m thirty.
“I’m not texting you. We don’t need a traceable record.” He leans back, folding his hands on his abs.
“But you can use it like a telephone.”
“Traceable.”
“Wow … have you been talking with my mom?”
“Jesus, Henna …” He cringes. “Please don’t tell me you told your mom about us.”
“I told Juni, but my mom butted in and took over our conversation.”
He shakes his head, like he’s trying to clear it. “Cut the Juni and mom crap. Why would you do that? You want to see me lose my job?”