by Jewel E. Ann
“What? No. She’s not going to say anything to anyone.”
“You shouldn’t have said anything to anyone. It wasn’t supposed to happen like that. Not while you’re a student here.” He stands, running his hands through his hair while pacing the tiny windowless office.
That’s it. I’m calling Carley as soon as I get home. Someone needs to be happy that I’m in love, that I saved myself for the man I want to marry. I’m nineteen for God’s sake. We were two consenting adults. Bodhi’s a guidance counselor, not my teacher or principal. What’s the big fucking deal?
“Your not calling or texting has nothing to do with someone finding out. You regret what happened. Don’t you?”
“No.” He stops, resting his hands on his hips, chin dropped to his chest.
“Well, that’s a convincing answer. Nothing about your defeated posture would ever lead me to believe that you regret what happened.”
“It’s not black and white, Henna. What do you want me to do? Tattoo your name on my forehead and fuck you on the lunchroom table?”
“No.” My lips twist. “We’re not even allowed to sit on the lunchroom tables. And I don’t know what the weight threshold is for them.”
“Henna …” He rubs his hand over his mouth.
I stand, making my way around his desk. “Are you grinning, Mr. Malone?” I pull his hand away from his face, revealing his grin.
“I’m serious, Mr. Malone. If we broke one of the lunchroom tables, Principal Rafferty would not only expel both of us, she’d report us to the police for vandalism. Besides … I’m not ready to let you inside of me again. I’m going to get a graduated series of dildos in various sizes to prep that area a little better. If you know where you’d fall on a chart compared to the approximated mean penile dimensions … that would be helpful.”
He attempts to wipe another smirk from his face before I see it. “Go bust someone else’s balls. I have work to do.”
Someone knocks on the door. I back up a safe distance.
“Come in.”
“Mr. Malone, I need to talk to you,” Danielle, a girl in my class, says.
“Okay. Henna was just leaving.”
Keeping my back to Danielle, I grin. Bodhi maintains his neutral guidance counselor smile as his gaze returns to me, but something in his eyes changes, a spark of adoration that I’m certain only I can see. I mouth, “I love you.”
He returns a barely detectable nod and a tiny twitch at the corner of his mouth.
“Hey, Danielle. Keep an eye on Mr. Malone. I caught him sitting on his desk. He has no regard for school property. We’d hate for him to get caught by Principal Rafferty.” I flash her a smile without looking back at Bodhi.
Before she shuts the door, she says, “Yeah, Mr. Malone. Principal Rafferty is a real stickler about that stuff.”
I giggle.
*
“HEY, BARRETT.” I carry a batch of my favorite cookies up the ramp to the Malone’s porch.
Bodhi’s not home from school yet. Just as well. The cookies aren’t for him.
“Hey, young lady.” He sets his can of pop on the table next to his wheelchair.
“What did you say?” a lady calls from inside the house.
“Talking to my young friend, not you, Etta.”
“I thought we were friends.” She looks out the screen door at us.
I give her a shy wave with one hand while I hold the cookies in my other hand.
“We’re friends, Etta, but sorry … I can’t call you young when you’re older than I am.”
She shakes her head, tightening her gray-haired pony tail at the nape of her neck. “He’s a pill. Good luck, young friend.” Etta walks back in the house.
“Brought you some cookies.” I hold out the plate.
Barrett eyes them. “They smell like the good kind.”
Of course he can smell them. Carley thinks they smell disgusting, but she sure likes how she feels after eating one.
“My favorite cookies.”
He takes one. “Thank you.”
I sit next to him.
“You’re not having any?”
“I brought them for you. I have school work to do tonight.”
“Freshman year?”
“Seni—” I swallow my answer and cough to buy a few seconds to get my shit together. “Sorry … yes. Freshman. Just some online classes. I’m not really ready for college full-time. Next year I’m going to travel.”
“Travel, huh? Where to?”
“The world.” I shrug. “I have this restlessness. It’s not something that I’ve always had, but my accident changed something for me, and I just can’t be part of the herd anymore. I’ll go crazy.”
Barrett stares at me. I’m sure I already sound crazy or just like a typical young person with no direction whatsoever. “If I could get up out of this wheelchair and walk, I’d sell everything I own and buy a boat to travel the world … and I’d never look back.”
“YOLO.”
“You only live once.” He nods. “You going for a ride today?”
“No. I’m a little sore from Angelina.” And your son.
“I’ll have Duke get you a padded seat for the saddle. And he probably needs to adjust the stirrups so you can spread your weight more evenly between your legs and your bum.”
And how about sex with your son? What do you recommend to ease that pain? I smile. “Thanks. I’d like that.”
“Here comes trouble.” He nods to Alice as Bodhi pulls down the lane.
“I love his van.”
“Really?” Barrett sounds surprised.
“Really.” And I love your son too.
Bodhi gets out, slinging his bag over his shoulder and loosening his tie. I’ve never seen anything so sexy in my life … except naked Bodhi.
“Henna here likes your van. You should let her drive it sometime.”
Bodhi’s lips purse as he walks up the ramp. “Hmm … I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
“When a pretty young thing like Henna shows interest in your van, you should jump on that opportunity. Ask her out on a date or something like that.”
“I don’t date.” He gives his dad a look. I can’t quite decipher it.
“And I don’t have a driver’s license.” I give Barrett a tight grin when he shoots me the same incredulous look he gave me when I said I liked Bodhi’s van. “My accident happened around the time other kids my age were learning to drive and getting their permits. I went to physical therapy instead. Walking was a pretty big accomplishment.”
I hold out the plate of cookies to Barrett. He winks at me and takes another cookie. It’s our wordless exchange that I know, at least in part, how devastating it is to not know if you’ll ever walk again.
I did.
He didn’t.
And that’s just the suck ass part of life.
“Teach the girl how to drive, Bodhi.”
Bodhi glances down at me. “How about I make dinner instead?” He returns his attention to his dad.
“Too late.” Etta comes out the door. “Chili’s in the Crock-Pot. It should be ready in about an hour. You’re welcome.” She pinches Bodhi’s arm before heading down the ramp. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight and thank you,” Bodhi says.
“Well, there you go. You have an hour to start Henna’s driving lessons.”
“Etta just left. I can’t leave you.”
Barrett holds up his hands. “I’ll be right here, being good.”
Bodhi seems conflicted. I don’t know what to say.
“Go.” Barrett takes the cookies from me.
“One more is your limit. Okay?” I warn him.
He winks. “Yes, ma’am.”
“We’ll be right back.” Bodhi keeps giving his dad a look.
“And I’ll be right here. Promise.”
Bodhi nods slowly and heads down the ramp while I follow him. He opens the driver’s door for me. I hold back my scream because BODHI IS LETTING ME DRIVE
ALICE!
I fasten my seatbelt and look over at him as he continues to hold the door open. “Bodhi Malone, I have never loved you as much as I do in this very moment.”
“Don’t kill Alice.” He lifts a brow in warning just before shutting the door.
I start Alice.
“Whoa …” He jumps in and fastens his seatbelt. “You need to wait until I’m ready for you to start her.”
“Dude, I’m in automotive class. I can start a vehicle all by myself.”
“So you’ve never driven a car … like at all?”
“Well …” I put Alice in drive and ease up on the brake.
“Well what?”
“Nothing.” I wave to Barrett and he waves back.
“Both hands on the wheel.”
I smirk, placing both hands on the steering wheel as we crawl down the gravel lane.
“Let’s go to that old road that runs just north of your house. Very little traffic.”
I nod, pulling out onto the main road.
“Good job.”
I chuckle. “Thanks, teach.”
“You’ve driven a car before, haven’t you?”
“Driven. Borrowed. Stolen.”
“Henna Eve …”
“Bodhi Kaden …” I mock him. “Before you go all guidance counselor on me, the stolen car was not technically stolen; it was borrowed. But the owner and I disagreed on that little detail, so it got reported as stolen, and I did a little community service and wrote a long letter of apology. No biggie.”
“What have I gotten myself into?” he mumbles.
“Tell me about Alice. Why did you choose her? I mean … you know it makes you undeniably irresistible in my eyes, but she’s a lot of awesomeness for the average guy.”
He shrugs. “She was my mom’s.”
“I would have loved your mom.”
Bodhi nods. “She would have loved you too.”
That gives me more than a moment’s pause. It’s a beautiful sentiment that makes me feel incredibly special.
“Why does leaving your dad by himself for an hour freak you out so much? I saw the looks you gave him. What’s up with that?”
“He’s unpredictable.”
“I’m unpredictable.”
“He can be a danger to himself.”
I know what he means, but it’s not my favorite topic because it hits close to home. “Well, that ramp is a little steep. Is it up to code?”
Bodhi misses my humor. Instead, he stares out his window. “Where are we going?”
I park at the entrance to the Phillips estate.
“I’m not ready to meet your parents.”
“Let’s go.” I climb out and open the gate.
“Henna?” He follows me.
“Hush. We have less than an hour.” The gates open. I look back and offer my hand.
He shakes his head.
“You’re not meeting my parents.”
Bodhi wastes another thirty seconds of not trusting me before taking my hand. I guide him down a trail to a breathtaking lookout area probably forty feet above the stream. A fallen tree connects our hill to one on the other side of the stream. I step up onto it and start walking across it like a balance beam.
“Henna, don’t do that.”
“Come on.” I stop and hold out my hand again.
“No. I can’t die today.”
I grin. “I can walk across this blindfolded. Wanna see?”
“No. I want you to come back here.”
“You swim with sharks. That takes big balls and good balance.”
“That’s different.”
My head tilts to the side. “I’ve seen your balls. They’re huge.”
He fights a grin.
I put my hands on my hips, not fazed at all by the forty-foot drop below me. “Okay. Let’s say you die. Then what?”
“Then I won’t be able to take care of my dad.”
“So your sister has to do it.”
He doesn’t respond.
“Right?”
Bodhi nods once.
“The school hires a new guidance counselor. I find someone with a name cooler than Bodhi but that still sounds stellar with Henna.” I hold out my arms, palms up. “There you go. Now you know.”
“Know what?”
“That life will go on if you die. Don’t sweat it. Everything is temporary.”
He eats up another few minutes with his worry. I shrug and make my way to the middle where I squat and straddle the trunk, letting my legs dangle in the cool air. A grin pulls at my lips when he steps on the end of the log. Looking only at me, Bodhi walks with the ease of a cat to meet me in the middle. He straddles it, facing me. I glance between us at the carved letters in the log.
Henna +
Bodhi traces my name with his finger then glances up to meet my gaze.
I smile. “I carved it a week after I started to walk again. But …” I swallow back the emotions that come with the memories. “I couldn’t balance very well. Sadly, I didn’t care. If I’m honest, I wondered what it would feel like to fall.”
“Why? You were finally able to walk again.”
“Yes, but everything hurt. Walking. Sitting. Going to the bathroom. Rolling over at night. Just … everything. And while I wanted to walk, my reasons for it were much more different than what everyone thought.” Giving him a sad smile, I lift a shoulder. “Just as I started to fall from this very spot, my stepdad, Zach, grabbed my arm. I didn’t know he followed me. But my mom asked him to keep an eye on me when she couldn’t because she said …” I drag in a shaky breath of courage. I’m not that person who wants to die anymore, but the memories of that person will never disappear. “She said I was a danger to myself.”
A slight flinch pulls at Bodhi’s brow.
With my finger, I trace the plus after my name, over and over. “Zach straddled the tree right here, holding me with my back to his front. I cried for the life I thought I’d never have. Who would love me when I hated my miserable existence? I was addicted to pain meds, a year behind in school, and in spite of it all, I was expected to have this gratitude for just being alive. Do you know how hard it was for me to not throat punch everyone who told me to look at the bright side?”
Bodhi scoots forward until our knees touch.
“Zach pulled out a pocket knife and handed it to me. He said I needed a goal, and he told me to make it personal, completely selfish, and a pivotal moment in my life. So I carved this because I knew if the day ever came that I finished it, it would mean that I was okay. More than okay. It means that the pain paid off. I’m still here, and…” I pull the keys out of my pocket and use one to carve Bodhi “…it means someone loves me.”
When I finish, he takes the keys from me, wearing a grin as he glances down at the creek. It’s entirely believable that I would accidentally drop them. I match his smile.
Bodhi grabs my hips and slides me so my legs rest on top of his. It steals some of my balance, but I know he’s got me. I wrap my arms around his neck.
“Bodhi plus Henna,” he whispers.
“Henna plus Bodhi,” I whisper back a second before he kisses me.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
WE MAKE IT another week without our secret leaking to the powers that be.
Another week of watching Bodhi play his role as Mr. Malone during my third hour study hall.
Another week of me visiting Barrett after school each day to share edibles or share a joint.
Then I get my period.
Yay me.
I spend my after-school hours during period week at home getting high and eating chips while watching TV. I inherited my mom’s awful periods.
Yay me again.
What I’ve discovered is that I don’t have a needy boyfriend. Bodhi seems to love spending time with me, sexless time, but when we can’t be together, he’s focused on his dad, the ranch, or school responsibilities. It’s a fascinating experience dating a true adult. I’m handling it surprisingly well.
<
br /> “I’m done.” I announce after fifteen minutes of silence in Bodhi’s office.
He looks up. “Done?”
I sigh. “With the thing I had going on last week.”
Wrinkles line his forehead as he shoots me a funny look. “You mean your period?”
I roll my eyes. “Yes.”
“Oh. Well …” He studies me. “Congratulations?”
I snort. “You’re such a nerd.”
“How are your grades?” His hands do their awkward fumbling over the keyboard, then he pauses. “Straight A’s. Good job, Henna.”
“Does that earn me a reward?”
He leans back in his chair, fingers laced behind his head. “Such as?”
Damn … he’s so sexy.
Bodhi narrows his eyes in suspicion, and most likely a little distrust, when I move from my chair to the door. “Henna … no.”
I lock the door anyway.
“I could get fired for having a student in my office with the door locked.”
“If you get caught. You know everyone knocks. They don’t even try to open the door until you respond.” Prowling toward him, I slip off my denim jacket. “Remember that night at your house … on the stairs?”
He shakes his head. “Not here.”
“Carpe diem, Mr. Malone.” I slide off my fitted neon yellow tee, revealing a black lace bra.
Bodhi’s Adam’s apple makes a slow dip as his eyes flash to the door. His nerves are palpable.
I kick off my flashy gold sneakers and unfasten my ripped jeans and shimmy out of them, luring Bodhi with my flirty grin. His lips part and I want to taste them, tempt them, and drive them so crazy they can’t help but devour me.
“Henna …”
“Miss Lane.” I sit on the edge of his desk. He rolls back in his chair just enough to accommodate me. “Today I’m Miss Lane, and you are Mr. Malone.”
His gaze homes in on the apex of my legs as I plant each foot on the arms of his chair.
“The thong is new. You like, Mr. Malone?” I lean back on my hands, tossing my dark auburn hair over my shoulder.
The indecision on Bodhi’s face has a way of slicing into my heart. He’s twenty-six. No twenty-six-year-old should have to bear the weight of the whole world, but he does.
“You know…” I slide my finger under the thin strip of material and pull my thong to the side “…forbidden can be sexy.”