by Robyn Nyx
Heather looked hard at Louie before she answered. “Of what might be between us. You bring some, some…need out of me that I’ve never heeded before. The way I acted at the Bluebird—I’ve never been that way before. I was out of control and so…vampy.”
Louie laughed so hard she almost spluttered her tea all over the table. “It definitely felt like you were a pro at getting what you want.”
Heather’s eyes, which had been full of light, seemed to darken slightly, and her smile disappeared.
Louie wanted to reach over the table and rest her hand over Heather’s, but instead she pressed her thumb into her palm as if rubbing a pain away. “Did I say something wrong?”
“No, not really. You’ve just got to the other personal question I needed to ask you.” Heather took a sip of her coffee and placed the cup down carefully.
“Sounds ominous,” Louie said, filling the silence with what felt like an expected response. She had no idea what subject Heather was about to broach.
“Do you know someone called Mia?”
The mention of Mia’s name felt like a gut punch, and Louie rocked back on her seat. A week of such good fortune had to be equalized with something totally unpleasant to keep the universe in balance. She’d gotten so carried away with how great everything was going that, for a long moment, she’d forgotten Mia inhabited the same town. But why would an ex worry Heather? “I do. We used to be partners, in bed and in music.” Louie didn’t see the point in disguising the truth. She had nothing to hide, and Heather had nothing to worry about. She and Mia were finished. Mia had made it quite clear when she left with everything that her fascination with Louie was over. She’d used Louie to get one step closer to her dreams and decided she was no longer useful. Louie chose not to listen to the voice that was trying to convince her that Mia did actually love her once.
“Did you part as friends?”
Louie huffed. If she were a dog, her hackles would’ve raised. “She took all my savings, tried to sell the guitar my mom had scrimped and saved to buy, and left me with a heap of debt.” She looked down at her hands, white-knuckled and gripping the table. She stretched them out and tried to relax. “I don’t think the term ‘friends’ applies.” She smiled but was aware it probably looked as false as it felt. “I’m sorry. It’s still kind of raw.”
“Then what I’m about to say will be more like dragging sandpaper over your wound than ointment.”
“What do you mean?”
“She told me that you…that you got violent when you were drunk.”
Louie’s eyes widened. She couldn’t believe what she’d heard. And the way Heather said it battered her heart like a piñata with a thick chunk of timber. They didn’t know each other too well yet, but surely she couldn’t think that Louie was capable of something like that? “It was nothing like that. I could never hurt anyone, let alone the woman I loved.” Beneath the abject panic, Louie tried to reason that Heather was asking the question because she was interested in getting to know her better. She wanted the slate clean and everything out in the open. That was fair. It was honest. But she needed to take care of Mia running her mouth off. She looked up at Heather and tried to read her expression, but she was giving nothing away. “I know it’s just my word against hers, but that’s all I have. I can only hope you believe me.”
“I’m sorry, Louie. I had to ask, and you should know what Mia’s saying about you.”
Louie nodded. “I understand.”
“You need to have a conversation with Mia to stop her from spreading any more vile rumors,” Heather said. “You’ve just secured a lucrative contract with one of the biggest stars in this city, but Savana will drop you like a hot coal if there’s even a whiff of a scandal. And Donny might even blackball you with every publishing house in Nashville.”
Louie sighed and shook her head. “I don’t know why she’d say those things. Unless she’s just trying to cover her own back. Maybe she thinks I’ll tell everyone what she did to me.”
Heather shrugged. “You’re probably right. She does like to be the center of attention. Plus, everyone always wants to hear salacious gossip. They don’t care if it’s the truth.”
“Do you know where I can find her?” This wasn’t a conversation she wanted to have over the phone where Mia could end the call at any moment. Louie didn’t want to see her, but it was clear their meeting was unavoidable. She began to feel anxiety grip her gut. If she didn’t relax, she’d soon be doubled over in pain and have to blame the food. She closed her eyes briefly, tried to imagine the discomfort as the enchanted branches of a tree, and slowly unpicked the grip of the tendrils around her stomach. She pulled the pain away, tossed it to the ground, and watched it dissipate into silver smoke. She opened her eyes to find Heather looking at her intensely.
“She usually goes to see the Song Suffragettes every week at the Bluebird. The next one is tomorrow, and I expect she’ll be there. I can ask my friend Emma if she could find out for sure. I could probably get you her number, too, if you want it?”
Louie smiled, thankful that Heather clearly wasn’t the kind of person to believe trash talk. “I’ve got her number…and her cell.” She didn’t have Louie’s contact any more. She’d changed her number as part of the process of getting over her when Mia had left. Louie reminded herself that Heather had asked her out for coffee and decided to park the Mia issue until later. It was talk of Mia that had distracted Heather a few minutes ago. And right now, Louie wanted to savor this, the first time she finally had Heather to herself. “Do you want to give me your number while you have your phone out?”
Heather flicked her hair back and dug into her handbag. “I’ll give you my business card because we’re going to be working together, and Savana likes to work beyond regular office hours so we might need to contact each other about that.”
Heather placed the card on the table and pushed it toward Louie. She picked it up, entered the number into her cell, and began to tap out the message, I want to kiss u right now. Heather glanced at her phone when it vibrated to let her know she received a message. Louie could see her own number, but the content was hidden.
“Is that you?” Heather asked and raised her eyebrow.
Louie shrugged. “Just giving you my number the easy way.”
“And I suppose it says ‘test’ or something similarly professional?”
“Of course.” Louie sipped her tea and waited to see if Heather would give in and read it. She didn’t. “Change of subject then. You were saying that you’d made an ass of yourself?”
“Is that what I said?”
Heather looked coy, making Louie think she’d probably let Heather get away with anything if they ever got around to dating. “Something like that. But I get the pressure you’re under, Heather. And I understand that you have to be careful at Rocky Top. Did you know the VP who was fired well?”
“He was my mentor. Aaron brought me into Rocky Top and taught me everything he knew. He was preparing me to be his successor, but it was never supposed to be under these circumstances.”
Heather’s sadness emanated so strongly Louie could almost feel it. “It must be hard for you, staying there in that position.”
Heather tilted her head and offered a tight-lipped smile. “I’m paying my dues and building my reputation so I can start my own label.” Her eyes brightened. “I want to be able to sign a talent like Gabe and get his voice out there.” She leaned back in the booth and looked upward. “And I want to stop hiding who I am.”
Louie couldn’t imagine how hard it was for Heather. Looking the way she did, Louie had never had the option to hide. And she faced people’s reactions to that every day. But would she have been so quick to come out if she could pass as straight and her career had depended on it? Louie’s mom had drilled it into her to accept herself from the first moment she’d been bullied at elementary school for being different, but how much less confidence would she have in her sexuality if she had been what society proclaimed as typi
cally feminine and almost everyone around her detested lesbianism? “Is Nashville ready for a label like that?”
“It wouldn’t be mainstream, and it wouldn’t have to be. I don’t see myself earning millions of dollars and being the biggest label on Music Row. But it’s a couple of years away yet, and who knows how things will have changed by then.”
Heather sounded optimistic, and Louie wanted to believe things would be better for everyone in Nashville, but change happened very slowly. And it could so easily be rewound with the wrong people in power. What if things didn’t pan out the way Heather envisioned them? “What if it doesn’t change? Would you stay in the closet forever for the sake of your career?” Louie felt sure she couldn’t handle that, even for someone as wonderful as Heather seemed to be.
Heather straightened in her chair. “Haven’t you ever wanted something so bad that you’d do almost anything to make it happen?”
“I’ve wanted someone so bad that I’d do anything for them,” Louie replied, her voice tinged with the melancholy she couldn’t shake when she thought of Mia’s betrayal.
“So when you’ve finished this gig with Savana, you’d be prepared to have a closeted relationship with me?” Heather didn’t wait for an answer. “I don’t know what the future holds, Louie. I just know what I want from it in terms of a career and a label. That’s all I’ve been focused on for the past five years. I wasn’t expecting…you.” Heather inched away when their legs touched beneath the table. “I have to go.”
A waitress came to their table. “Can I top up your coffee?” she asked.
Heather stood and pulled her handbag close. “No, thank you. I have to get back to the office.”
Louie held her hand over her own cup of tea and shook her head. She had no words. She couldn’t figure out what was going on between her and Heather. One moment it looked like they were going to give it a go, and the next moment, Heather was categorically saying there was no possibility of them dating. Louie hadn’t been in the closet since…well, ever. She felt like she might be prepared to date Heather behind closed doors. For a while perhaps.
“I’ll see you at the office, then,” Louie said as Heather began to walk away.
Heather turned and smiled, but it didn’t seem like the emotion behind her eyes backed up her expression. “Of course. I’ll let you know when Savana wants you to start.”
Louie didn’t reply. Savana had already said she wanted her in the next day. She wanted to start work on her new material as soon as possible. Heather was all business in a click of her patent black heels. Louie sighed and slugged back the rest of her tea. Black, like the mood Heather had managed to put her in.
Chapter Twenty-one
“Damn it,” Heather said as a drop of green curry sauce landed on her light gray sweats. “That’ll never come out.”
Emma chuckled. “Like you, then?”
Heather picked up the nearest cushion and tossed it at Emma. “That’s not fair. But I could very nearly have outed myself today.” A romanticized blurry-edged picture of Louie’s face came into Heather’s mind. She’d wanted so bad to lean in and almost kiss her, and according to Louie’s text, she’d wanted the same.
Emma was guiding a forkful of noodles into her mouth but dropped it noisily onto her plate. “What? Tell all. Right now.”
“I was in a tiny café in East Nashville, so I guess I was relatively safe. But Louie was close, and I could smell her perfume—”
“Cologne.”
“Whatever. She smelled great, and her eyes were so soft and gentle, like I could hide from the world and be safe in them. I was saying to her how I didn’t want to hide forever, and then I found myself wanting to move in for a kiss.”
“Whoa! What happened?”
“Nothing. I did nothing. I somehow managed to go from talking about my dreams of owning a label to flouncing off saying I wouldn’t let Louie get in the way of what I’d been working toward for five years. She must think I’m either crazy or a complete bitch with how I keep blowing hot and cold.”
“You’ve got it bad for this one, don’t ya, Feathers?” Emma scooped her discarded fork back up and shoveled the noodles into her mouth.
Heather nodded slowly. “I’m attracted to her, yes. But I don’t know what to do about it. One minute I think that we could date behind closed doors and the next I think it’s too risky. And now Louie’s going to be working with me for maybe the next month, and I can’t do anything about it.”
“Because of your plan.” Emma stated it matter-of-factly.
“Partly. But some of me doesn’t want to wait that long. There’s something between us, and that part of me wants to see where it goes before I hit my thirties. I might not get financing for my record label for another couple of years.”
“As soon as I hit the big time, Feathers, I’ll finance the shit out of your plan. I suppose the other part of you is being overly cautious and wants to keep Louie as far away as possible to prevent temptation. Like you’re Eve, and Louie’s your snake.” Emma sucked in a noodle, but some sauce escaped and smeared her chin. She wiped it with the back of her hand and kept eating.
“And you wonder why you’re single,” Heather said and laughed.
Emma raised her eyebrows and brandished her fork in Heather’s direction. “I’ll have you know that I choose to be single.”
“Really? So about last night…” Heather was sure there was something Emma wasn’t telling her, and when she chewed on her lip, Heather knew she was on to something. And she wanted to talk about something other than her indecisiveness and lack of courage.
“What about it?” Emma washed down a mouthful of food with a hefty gulp of white wine.
“I get the feeling you’re hiding something from me. I’ve told you a hundred times I’m not the jealous type.”
Emma placed her plate on the table and sighed. She leaned back on the sofa, pulled her legs beneath her ass, and turned to Heather. “I think I’m having a midlife crisis.”
“Aren’t you a bit young to have one of those?”
“I’m serious. I suddenly feel a little bit more…mortal.”
“Any idea what’s brought this on?” Emma was only thirty-two, but Heather wondered if she’d be hit with the same melancholy when she ventured into her fourth decade.
“I guess I thought I’d have achieved my dream by now.” She held up her hands as if to stop Heather from interrupting. “I know you’re going to say that you’ll sign me as soon as you have your label, and that you can’t believe Rocky Top wouldn’t sign me. But it’s not just the music.”
Emma being this serious was such a rarity, Heather began to worry. “Is it a health thing? Are you okay?” Tens of different scenarios and health scares rushed into Heather’s consciousness. She couldn’t lose her only real friend.
Emma grasped Heather’s forearm and squeezed lightly. “Wow, calm down. Don’t put dirt on my grave just yet.”
Heather put her hand over Emma’s. “I’m sorry. You’re being cryptic, and it’s freaking me out. What happened last night?”
“I was with Tim.”
Heather relaxed back into the couch, not realizing how tense she’d become. “And how is he an indication of a midlife crisis?”
“Because I was gripped by loneliness and ended up dialing a booty call.” She put her head in her hands and groaned.
“You know you can always call me.”
“I know, Feathers, but this wasn’t your average, woe is me standard loneliness. This was bone-deep loneliness. This was ‘Oh my God, I’m going to spend the rest of my life alone’ loneliness.” She blew an errant hair from her face and her shoulders sank.
Heather put her food down, draped her arm around Emma, and pulled her in for a hug. “You’re not on your own feeling that way, Em. It gets me some nights when I go to bed alone and when I wake with no one beside me. I guess you and I aren’t built to be single.” Heather rested her head against Emma’s. “And I don’t want to be that way. I’ve got an
awesome best friend, I’m developing the career I really want, and I’ve got a kick-ass little house that I love. It pisses me off that something inside of me feels incomplete, like I can’t be happy without a woman in my heart.”
Emma unfurled herself from Heather’s hug and retrieved her wine glass. “Were you content when you had a woman—if you can remember that far back?”
Heather punched Emma’s shoulder lightly. “Hey, that’s mean. True, but mean.” Heather rubbed her forehead and considered how she’d felt in those relationships. She’d been there in body, sure. And she thought she’d been there in mind and heart, too, but maybe she hadn’t. Maybe that was why they’d failed. “I suppose I wasn’t, otherwise I’d still be with someone, wouldn’t I?”
“And are you happier or about the same without them?”
Heather shrugged, picked up her glass, and swirled the wine around the base. “I hadn’t really thought about it. I think I’m happier. I like being independent and not having to run my plans past anyone but myself. No one’s ever supported my dreams and ambitions before, you know? Not even my family.”
“Then it’s not just any woman you need. It’s the right one.”
“How did this become about me? I thought we were working out your midlife crisis.”
Emma smiled and wiggled her eyebrows. “Talking about me makes me uncomfortable…Maybe we should try sharing a house. We could become old spinsters together and know we’d never be alone.”
“Run that plan by me when we’re fifty, and I’ll think about it. There’s way too much man-traffic in your life for me to consider sharing with you. Men are stinky, but Tim might be the exception. How did he react to your late-night booty call?”
“Well, he didn’t turn it down, which I hadn’t considered until I’d already dialed his number.”
“I sense there’s a ‘but’ coming.”
Emma nodded. “We had sex—and it was as amazing as it always was—but then he wanted to talk.” She gestured air quotes around the word talk. “Why? I mean, most men would have just turned over and fallen asleep exhausted after the workout we had.”