Soul's Journey
Page 25
out, if I could only get there.
I grabbed a large rock for support and stepped out on the far block. As I placed my foot on it, it gave way. I was glad I had had the foresight to hold onto the rock near the edge, or I would have plummeted to my death. I pulled back quickly to reestablish my balance as I watched the rock fall to the darkness below and disappear. I listened for the sound of the block hitting the bottom, but there was no sound at all. I sat down against the rock wall to think about what I was going to do next.
My mind wandered to all that had happened in the last few days. I thought it was strange how everything seemed to present itself, so that I would learn exactly what I needed out of every experience. Ryan was right after all.
The pressure in my head reminded me to quiet my mind to receive a vision. As I relaxed and focused on nothing, the vision came in clear. It was Max, and he was smiling.
“I’m proud of your progress, Jordan. You have arrived at the steps of intuition. This is supposed to teach you to calm your body and mind so that you can listen, and receive all that your intuition has to offer.”
“What does that mean?” I asked. “Why can’t you just say… go here and do this? I find all of the riddles confusing.”
He smiled; “I’m trying to teach you how to step inside of yourself, so that you can listen to your gut instincts and find your way out.”
“Why can’t you just hand me a map? It would be so much easier.”
“You’ll gain great personal strength and insight when you get out this way. Isn’t that what you had written on your life plan after all?”
“How did you know I wrote that?” I asked.
“We’ve set this up so that your list will be fulfilled before it is over. You will become stronger, more determined, and self-sufficient. From this point on, your life as you know it will be different in a wonderful way. Each block that you move across will activate the inner strength, and intuition that resides within.”
“How do I get across? Didn’t you see what happened when I stepped on the last block? It fell away and disappeared into the blackness below.”
“Center yourself and then ask for the symbol that vibrates at your body’s frequency. You will see a symbol inside of your mind’s eye, and then take the step to the block displaying the same symbol. If you’ve listened to your intuition the step will hold; if not the block will fall.”
“How do I listen?”
“Quiet your mind. The information will come,” he replied as he disappeared from sight.
What I really wanted was a map that said step here; step there. Nevertheless, I could see this wouldn’t be coming the easy way, so I had to work it out intuitively. I sat and contemplated the conversation I had with Max. I decided I would try to do what Max directed. As I sat, I remembered all of the things that my sister had said about me. I knew she’d been right. I was exactly what she had said I was; everything made sense now. I had never taken risks until this point; I was always frightened of what the outcome might be. Part of me just wanted to lie down and give up, but the thought of dying here was the motivation for moving forward. I would find the strength in myself to conquer this situation.
I quieted my mind and asked, “What step do I take?”
I instantly saw a symbol in my mind’s eye, but almost immediately, I started to doubt what I saw. I ignored the first symbol, and I thought I would try the second symbol that came to mind. I stood up and walked over to the blocks. I saw the symbol that I originally received in my mind’s eye, but the second symbol that came to me was beside it. I decided it was too easy to go with the first one, so I determined it should be the second.
I sat on the edge for security, and put my foot out on the second block I had seen. As my foot landed on the top, I felt it sink a little under my foot. I placed more weight on it until all of a sudden it gave way and fell.
I heard a familiar voice say, “The first symbol is always the intuition the second is a thought. Your thoughts will make you fall.”
Taking a deep breath, I repeated my first experimental step with the original symbol I had seen in my mind’s eye; the block seemed to hold. I tried putting as much weight on it as possible without actually stepping on it. Then, the moment of truth arrived. I would have to trust and commit to stepping on the block. I let go and stepped out into the unknown.
The block held my weight as if it were part of the ground I had just left. When my balance was reestablished, I quieted my mind, and asked for the next symbol. As I stood, my body seemed to vibrate, and heat up in a way I had never felt before. I tried to focus on the next symbol, but it took a few minutes of waiting before I saw it in my mind’s eye. Just like the first step, I saw one symbol followed by a second. I laughed and thought to myself, I am not going to repeat that scary lesson twice. I chose the first symbol.
With every step I made on the blocks, my body vibrated and heated up more. I started to work up a real sweat. I was not sure if it was the fear of falling, or the energy I received from the symbols. I was amazed at how quickly the information came to me once I shut down all the mind chatter. I never realized how much incessant chatter occupied my mind on a continuous basis. I must have cleared my head at least a hundred times to get the symbols that I needed not to fall to my death.
When I finally reached the solid ground on the other side of the chasm, I lay down and gave thanks to mother earth for the substance of solid dirt under my feet. I didn’t pay attention as I was crossing the forty-four blocks, or I would have been aware of how stiff, and sore my body had become. My body now demanded a few moments of rest.
Understanding The Past
As I looked around my surroundings, I noticed that the walls were now rock again. I was hoping for a sign that said exit, but to my dismay, there was none. I noted an opening off to the right and hoped it might lead me out. After catching my breath, I stood up, and walked over to it. I continued inside only to see that it was an L-shaped closet with no hangers, or clothes. I moved forward to the back thinking there might be a symbol or something that would help me find a way out, but nothing seemed to say ‘exit this way’.
I turned around and started walking back out when the noise started. I was afraid to move, but also terrified not to, when the opening in front of me became a rock door. Pushing on the surrounding walls, I realized quickly that I was trapped, in a square box, at the end of a small closet, in an underground maze. Could this become any more claustrophobic? Bad luck had been my life story as of late. Panic should have taken over, but curiously, it did not. Automatically, I closed my eyes and centered my mind on relaxing and awaiting the instruction that I knew would appear.
I opened my eyes to find that the wall in front of me had symbols on it similar to the throne room. I realized that this test would be completely different because without a challenge there is nothing gained. I now knew this all too well, and I was hoping that I would get the code to freedom, but in the end, I resolved to master the lessons that were waiting.
I could sense nothing concerning the significance of any of the symbols. It was as if my intuition was drawing a blank. The seconds turned into several minutes when I finally saw a picture of Ryan touching the symbols in the octagon shaped room with his hands. He had relayed to me what the symbols had shown him, so I too moved my hand to touch the first symbol. As I touched the symbols, the vision appeared in my head. However, it was not what I assumed the symbol would be - it was a memory taken of my own life. I saw myself at six years old, sitting on the swing and feeling sad because I hadn’t been invited to a fellow classmate’s birthday party. I felt like an outsider, a loner… a nobody.
I removed my hand quickly, and placed it on the second symbol. The next one took me to a time in my life where I was seventeen and dating a boy. He was twenty years old, and I had secretly dated him behind my parents’ backs. I remember how I felt used, and not good enough, when I heard that he was sleeping with several kinky girls from the next town. I remember being the laughing stock when
all my classmates whispered behind my back.
I removed my hand and placed it on the next stone. I saw a picture of my eighteenth birthday. I really wanted to celebrate because I had found my teenage years very difficult, and decided it was my turn to let off some steam. My friends drank too much so I ended up driving their puking, drunken butt’s home early. I was disappointed to say the least.
The fourth block was different again. It was a picture of me working at the coffee shop. I saw one of my co-workers crying, begging anyone who would listen to trade work days so she could have Christmas off, and spend it with family. I agreed to work for her if she worked for me on New Year’s Eve so I could attend a friend’s party. She agreed so I held my side of the agreement. I discovered shortly after, that she had a blind date instead of a family function. New Year’s came and I was working again because she called in sick at the last minute. I was consistently allowing myself to be taken advantage of.
I started to cry. It was obvious that these were the days of my life, and they were depressing. I couldn’t take anymore. Not only was I tired, lonely and scared, but now I was saddened by the life I had created for myself.
Max appeared smiling, “Jordan, you do have a tendency to take things the wrong way.”
“I don’t understand what you’re trying to show me. I realize that my choices have not been in my best interest, but this feels cruel,” I said.
“You could look at the same situations instead, and see great growth for yourself,” he said.
“I allowed people to use me, and now I’m forced to relive the mistakes, and decisions that aren’t flattering to my character.”
“Let’s look at it again from a non-emotional perspective,” he replied.
“Take a look at the first vision about the little girl on the swing. When you step into the emotional perspective, the child on the swing is feeling that she wasn’t good enough to be invited to the party. When I looked into the situation of the birthday girl, I could see that her mother only allowed her to invite four people to her party. The child didn’t leave you out on purpose. She only had so many spots to fill, and the others were closer friends than you were. This is the point in your life where you thought that being a people pleaser would make you feel more likeable in your life. So I ask you, are you happier as a result of making that decision?”
I thought about what he said and replied, “NO, I feel more alone, and neglected than I did at that age.”
“Let’s look at the next picture. You had a boyfriend who was older than you were, and you tried to please him to keep him interested. You did everything that he wanted to make him happy, at your own expense. You were too eager to please, which then made him feel like you were suffocating him. From my perspective, his family life was toxic; his father consistently strayed on his mother. So how was he to learn what a normal relationship was, when he didn’t have a respectable role model? You assumed that he strayed because you weren’t good enough, but the fact of the matter is he strayed because it was all he knew.”
I laughed; “I had no idea his father was like that,” I said. “It all makes sense now. I don’t see it the same way as I did before.”
The next picture was your birthday.
“You felt disappointed that your friends never allowed you to celebrate your birthday, but you have always taught your friends that you don’t matter. You consistently put yourself last when you are with them. They assumed that you were following the same path as usual. If you had let them know what your plans were, they wouldn’t have taken you for granted. You have consistently allowed your