by Karen Binnie
Chapter 21
The fresh air hit my face as if I had plunged into cold water, refreshing my heady thoughts. Days had passed since the party that changed my life. I trudge slowly over to the rock beside the river to gather my thoughts, memories of a normal life, seventeen with my whole life ahead of me but now the future, a black void? All my hopes and dreams seem lost, dead along with dad. Thoughts of him wash over my brain, he had finally seemed at peace in our new home, his business was ticking along nicely as far as I could tell and he had seemed more settled. A smile creeps across my face as I remember how he would spend Sunday in the garden with Bill the old man from next door, dad had never took to gardening and had been happy to let Bill lead the way. They are a nice old couple that live in the rented house beside ours, with no family of their own to fuss over, Margaret delighted in inviting us over for dinner every Sunday. I remember that first time and the look of horror on my face when the roast beef was carved, Margaret was such a nice old dear, she took it well though and from then on I always tucked into the best nut roast I had ever tasted.
I look up at Jez pacing at the cottage door and wonder what lies ahead in his future. Up and down, up and down past the entrance he paces stopping once to listen at the door.
“What is it?” I ask interrupting his thoughts.
“Oh! nothing.”
He continues to pace, his worry difficult to ignore as he chews at his finger nails, I smile inwardly, that’s exactly what I do, something is clearly troubling him.
“Jez?”
“What?”
“What’s wrong with you, you’re making me dizzy, won’t you sit down.”
He stops briefly to glance in my direction, he ignores my questioning face, his expression gives nothing away, he is lost in his thoughts and so the pacing begins again.
There are sounds from the villagers beyond and the slow trickle of water behind me, there is nothing to do but sit and wait the agonising silent despair knawing our bones. I want desperately to talk to Jez, just the two of us now, I’m not a patient person and cannot bear the silence any longer, I reach out to him with my thoughts, I’m surprised at what I find.
“Oh!”
“Damn it Jol, do you have to do that! get outta my head.”
“Ssshh you might wake Eldeen, I’m sorry Jez, it’s just your pacing, I was worried, it gets lonely over here in the silence you know. I, I didn’t know you felt that way?”
“Well that’s what you get for going where you’re not wanted, some thoughts are private you know!”
I am wounded but appalled at the look of hurt I have caused.
“But does Cooper know how you feel, I’ve seen the way she admires you in her eyes, maybe…………”
“SHUT UP!” he shouts, my mind barely able to withstand the force.
I have touched a nerve and have made my one remaining friend angry, he’ll never talk to me now. I didn’t mean to upset him, I turn my gaze back to the river and sulk, I can actually feel my bottom lip jutting out like a baby, I’m angry at myself now for being such an idiot. I try and convince myself it’s all Jez’s fault, he’s the sensitive one, what is his problem? It’s not a crime to be attracted to someone.
“Look I’m sorry Jol, it’s just a shock that’s all, it would never work, she could be hundreds of years old for god’s sake, it’s just wrong and besides we’re related.”
“Oh!”
“Hah! yes and what about you and Al’ice, it’s just dawned on you too.”
“Al’ice is different.”
“How? how is your situation any different to mine?”
He doesn’t know the truth but how can I tell him when I haven’t even told Al’ice yet how I feel. Yes I am attracted to him, when I first saw him at the party I couldn’t tear my eyes away, I never knew who he was then and knowing the truth now makes no difference, he has churned up feelings I thought uncapable of. I can feel Jez glaring at the back of my neck, expecting an answer, I wish Al’ice were here now, longing to know if he is safe, I miss him so much, Oh God! I’m falling in love, falling in love with my cat.
Jez growing impatient at my silence, “You can’t answer me can you, cause you know it’s true.”
OK Jez, this is one reality check you’ve got all wrong, well I’ve got news for you. “It’s not the same, we are not related in the same way, Al’ice was adopted.”
“What!”
“No Jez, please, I’ve said too much, it was not my place to.”
He is staring at me in disbelief, first he thought he was all alone, then discovers he has a brother and now this! I shouldn’t have opened my mouth, I feel my panic wash over him as he realises the enormity of my outburst.
“No, I, I won’t say anything.”
“Promise?”
He walks away from the entrance and towards me, taking my hand in consolation.
“Why should I cause you more pain than you’re already in Jol, I know the pain of losing both parents and on top of everything else…………………”
I’m so grateful for his comforting words, I fling my arms around his neck and without warning all my pent up emotion releases the floodgates. I feel his body tense but I don’t care, right here, right now, he’s all I’ve got. His body relaxes and his arms pull me into a comforting embrace, holding me tight I know he breathes in the scent of my hair but I don’t care, I just need to be held.
“Thank you” I manage at last as I try to steady my broken voice.
He gives no indication of feeling uncomfortable, I take the warmth from his closeness and let it comfort me as my sobs subside. Despite our close link Jez manages to hide the fact well of his overwhelming desire to protect me.
“Am I interrupting anything?” asks Al’ice, much to our surprise.
I cannot part myself from Jez quickly enough, wiping at my tears, the joy of his return etched clear to see.
Al’ice is leaning against the front of the cottage, his arms folded, he looks a little anxious and angry, I hope he has not read too much in what he saw.
“Jez, a word if you don’t mind” he commands as he cocks his head in the direction of the cottage entrance.
“Jez, be careful” I warn through my thoughts.
“What? you scared of what he might do? some relationship you’ve got, where’s the trust?”
His words cut me deeply as I watch him follow Al’ice into the cottage, how can he be such a comfort to me one minute and so cruel the next, but was he right? If there is no trust between Al’ice and I then what future do we have? Future, I hate that word now, up into a year ago I had a future, a career all mapped out, I realise now life is not certain. Al’ice belongs here with his own kind, was I stupid to even hope we had a future together? Then I remember the last time I talked to Gran, we make our own choices in life, choose the path you take with care, do not rush into anything but embrace life and above all be happy. I thought it had been a kind of mixed up statement at the time, now I’m not so sure, would Gran approve of my feelings for Al’ice? maybe so. Perhaps I should let fate guide the way, perhaps even Tadge, if he can be found, will know what’s best.
Al’ice stepped aside from the door and allowed Jez to enter first, he clenched his fists ready, expecting Al’ice to attack him again.
“How has Uncle been?” he asked calmly.
“Not a sound, except his heavy breathing.”
“Jez, I want to thank you for taking care of them both whilst I was gone but I have one more favour to ask of you.”
He was stunned by the remarkable calm of his brother and felt a little intimidated in his presence. Al’ice had acted like a man, not a young fool, he had been only too ready to fight back from the attack that never came, he nodded and waited for the request.
“Please wait here with uncle, I wish to speak with Jol, we shall walk for a while, I know you can hear great distances and I wish the conversation to be private!”
Jez nodded his agreement and smiled to himself,
he could easily close his ears, he did not want to hear their conversation, curiosity now would only fuel his jealousy of what they shared, and if she needed him, well they had their secret connection.
My anxiety surely threatens my sanity as I will everything to be alright within the cottage.
Al’ice emerges, blinking in the sun as he looks in my direction searching for me by the waters edge. I wonder if my worried face mirrors his own darkest thoughts, whatever they me be as he walks cautiously over. Taking both my hands in his, I tense at his grave expression, what can it mean? He looks so sad, I long to kiss him and tell him everything will be alright but I can’t. At last he smiles, just slightly, a hint of the Al’ice I had got to know in Kamerrean.
“Can we walk?” he asks, leading me away from the cottage and the river. Before I can answer, he is already leading me away in the opposite direction and the part of this land I am yet to explore.
He’s holding my hand tightly as if scared to let go, my heart is racing with anticipation of what he wants, hoping that Jez has not betrayed his promise as Al’ice leads me towards the craggy mountains I see every time we leave the cottage.
Jez watched them walk away as he probed Jol’s mind, he could not detect her thoughts but sensed her intrepidation. There was a cough behind him, “Eldeen are you alright?” he asked.
“Jerimiah, is that you? Where are the others?”
Jez swallowed hard as the old man called him by his correct name, god how he hated it, he was surprised at how alive Eldeen had sounded and pulled back the curtain to investigate.
He nearly jumped out of his skin as Jez thrust the curtain aside, “what are you doing? You’re not supposed to enter my chamber.”
“What the hell are you doing? I thought you were sick?”
They both eyed each other warily, Jez stood beside the curtain and witnessed Eldeen sat at a desk with large sheets of yellowed paper which he was scratching words upon with the sharp end of a feather, he could not see any ink though, the words appeared miraculously.
Eldeen put down his quill and heaved a heavy sigh, he motioned to the bed beside him, “you may as well sit Jerimiah, I will explain.”
He passed one of the parchments to his nephew as he sat at the edge of the bed and began, “you have discovered my secret, even Cooper and Al’ice are not aware of what I write, I wish you to keep my secret.”
“Well tell me what this is and I’ll think about it.”
“You are most gracious to your old Uncle” and he gave him a wistful smile.
“Since we came to this land long ago, I fear for the future of our people. This is an account of our homeland Kamerrean and how we came to be on this planet, do not look so startled Jerimiah, surely it must be obvious to you now that we come from the stars, such magic as ours rarely exists in your world. Since your arrival I have made amendments to the text, my brother no longer lost, has returned in the image of his son. Our story must be written for future generations, the others must not know until I have finished the scrolls, I do not want them to fall into the wrong hands.”
“Then why tell me?”
“You were the one who invaded my sanctuary, remember? I only wish I knew more of what happened to my brother.”
Jez felt the bulge in his jacket and thought about the conversation he had earlier with Jol regarding his book.
“Here maybe this will help, but I want it back.”
Eldeen took the small black book from his hand, looking from the book to Jez questionably.
“What is it?”
“It was my fathers, take a look, I’m sure you’ll make more sense of it than me, but I want it back.”
Eldeen opened the cover and gasped at the first words to befall him, then as he read each tiny page in turn, his eyes filled with water, his emotions overwhelmed him.
Jez felt awkward, blokes weren’t meant to cry, he coughed and changed the subject.
“So, you’re not ill then?”
Eldeen raised his eyes from the page and stared right into the soul of his nephew.
“I am weak, you do not believe me? exhaustion fills me when I perform magic, my breaths are not much longer for this world Jerimiah, if I had known about you, alas it is not to be, do not blame an old man for his choices, Al’ice will be my successor and a fine one at that.”
“He was adopted?”
“You know of this, the knowledge troubles you?”
Jez thought for a moment, what difference did it make? None really, he already knew he did not want to stay here forever, the life too simplistic for his liking and no modern technology.
“Nah! not really.”
Eldeen nodded as if understanding his thoughts.
“You gonna tell me what dad wrote in his book?”
“Yes Jerimiah, I have a little strength left, please let me continue, these new revelations must be written at once, remember not a word, I will tell you later when I am refreshed.”
“Yeah well, you just remember to give me it back once you’re finished.”
Jez watched him as he unfolded a new scroll untainted with words, for a moment he sat quill in hand as he contemplated his translation of the truth. In a crazy frenetic dash, his hand moved swift and graciously, a blur before his eyes. Beads of sweat began to fester on the old man’s brow.
“You sure you’re alright?” asked Jez.
Eldeen managed a nod without flinching from his task. He felt strangely humbled by his action, letting the old man see his book, Julianne had been right about revealing his treasure of knowledge. Jez rose from the bed and returned to the main room, careful to pull the curtain behind him, he could not see Jol and Al’ice in the distance, he listened but the slow trickle of the river was all that he could hear, no wait voices, it was talking from the village, how he wished he could understand his father’s language.
Al’ice almost had to drag me up the side of the mountain along a well worn path, having a dislike for sporting activities I find I’m not as fit as I should be. We stop and rest between two peaks and I’m a little embarrassed at just how out of breath I am. Al’ice is patient with me and suggests we wait for a moment to savour the view of the deep valley beyond, what a gentleman! I try to remain calm yet still he raises an eyebrow as a wheeze accompanies my short breaths, I won’t let on that my ribs are killing me, like someone is stabbing between the bones, I hope my lungs recover soon. I smile through the pain and lean against the rock to savour the view as suggested, before me is Scotland, the savage land of the brave.
The expanse of land before me is breathtaking, the deep stretch of brownish land encased by snow capped mountains, with a small river winding through the valley below. I am surprised to see a small cluster of cottages further down, almost a mirror of our safe haven in the skies, the people are like ants milling around and I step back for fear of being seen.
He stands behind me now with his hand on my waist, I can feel his hot breath on my neck as he speaks.
“Do not be alarmed my angel, there is an invisible barrier see,” he holds his hand forward and touches a solid mass naked to the eye, a wall blocking the way ahead, “we will not be detected by the Celts.”
My heart is racing at the sound of his sweet musical voice, his hand feels so comfortable upon my waist, these few precious moments alone and I forget all my troubles as if I belong here, with him.
“Al’ice, what year is it for the people of Scotland?”
“It is around 1296 if my calculations are correct.”
That date, where do I know it from? Ah yes.
“Oh! Do you know of the man William Wallace?”
I’ve seen Braveheart twice, it’s brutal yet a beautiful love story, of course they say it is only based on fact and adapted for Hollywood, I can hardly believe I am here in Scotland around his time.
“Yes, I have heard tales from the south of this man, I hear he is a giant, wild with rage against the English, how do you know his name?”
I can see t
he image of Mel Gibson, his face adorned with blue and smile.
“He is a legend to the Scottish people, in my time. He will go on to fight the English in many battles, fighting for the independence of Scotland.”
“They are a fearsome yet proud people, does it not bother you, their hatred of the English?”
“It is not the same in my time, hatred has mainly become what the Scots call friendly banter. I suppose if I were to meet them now it would be different.”
I feel at ease as we stand here admiring the view, I guess there is another purpose to this visit but he remains quiet by my side. To break the growing tension in the air from his reluctance to speak, I step forward and touch the barrier, leaning against it with the palm of my hands and look down at the steep craggy edge of the mountain. I don’t like heights but my invisible barrier holds fast raising my confidence as I hover on the brink admiring the view.
It is as I remember, seeing a similar landscape before when dad brought me to Scotland following the accident, quality time together he had called it, we travelled the book fairs together lost in our love of books. The evenings spent talking about the books we found, not once discussing the truth behind the pain, suppressed by us both. Of course, I have never seen Scotland from up this high before, only on picture postcards but the desolate scene is similarly breathtaking.
Lost in my thoughts I forget our purpose as the memories of that trip are so vivid in my mind. Suddenly the wall breaks away from me and I vaguely make out the shout from behind, the fear in his voice echoing mine as the rocks are rushing toward me, heightening my senses. My eyes close as I fall, the sensation replaced with a strange calm, I suppose one could say the acceptance of death.
Al’ice had stood beside Jol at the barrier, drinking in her sweet smell, how he longed for things to be different, he wanted Jol, needed her, but it had to be her choice, normally so confident and assured, the turmoil of his feelings were alien to him. His hand rested gently on her waist, he wondered what she was thinking, he longed to turn her in his arms and kiss her with all the passion boiling in his heart. How could he be so selfish? only thinking of himself when there was Dallon. Lost in the own troubled waters of his mind, the unthinkable happened, Jol was slipping away from him, through the impenetrable barrier, falling to her death.
The anguished cry leapt from his mouth without warning but Jol slowed, her descent controlled as he watched in awe the bubble of light grow around her. She hovered gently towards the bottom of the rocks and onwards to the softer ground, his Jol had performed enchai. He stood in wonder as his throbbing heart calmed from the sudden turmoil, she would be safe, albeit in the realm of the Celts. At the last moment the bubble burst and she landed in a heap amongst the mud and gorse.
Holding his hand to the barrier, Al’ice muttered the words to allow his access through and started to climb down across the rocks, his movements a blur so as not to be detected by the others below him.
He could not tell if she was hurt but to the right of his vision a man droving cattle was heading in her direction, he had to be quick, one move from his angel and she would be detected.
The calm dissipated, washing away from my body as I found myself lying down, I thought my eyes would open onto the realms of heaven but instead I slowly found my senses, both my mind and eyes struggling to focus on what had happened, it was much the same feeling as after my apparent fit.
My nostrils try to close on themselves as the rancid smell meets them, this is no heaven I realise as my fingers grope at the sloppy mess beneath me, from the smell it had to be a mixture of mud and cow dung and my stomach flips in disgust.
I struggle for resistance against my soggy bed and freeze at the sound of a hollered grave voice in the distance, as the bushes beside me move. There is a shuffling noise, then snuffles at the gorse bush, the voice hollers again and the beast moves on. Fear keeps me still, lying in my stinking pit, what the hell happened? I cannot remember. The soft ground cushions my body but the smell, shit! It’s unbearable, I have to move.
I dig in my elbows and start to raise my head when Al’ice appears at my side, holding his finger to his lips to silence me as he looks down my body, feeling gently with his other hand for any breakages, whilst keeping down out of sight as the drover passes by.
When the coast is clear he whispers softly.
“Are you hurt?”
“I, I don’t think so.”
He places his arm behind my shoulders and helps to push me on my feet with his other hand behind my elbow.
“Ow!”
“What is it?” he asks with genuine concern.
I look down at the mess I’m in, soaked from my cess pit bath.
“It’s my ankle, I think I’ve sprained it or something.”
He sits me down on the drier land and runs his hand down the back of my calf, his fingers gently caressing my skin through the sludge, until he reaches my ankle.
“OW!”
“I am sorry Jol, I do not think it is broken.” His gaze wanders upward across the steep mountainside, “I can carry you but this way is not good, it is quite steep and we may be detected if we are too slow, there must be an easier way.”
At last I begin to focus on my surroundings, the stinking cess pit behind me and the gorse and rocks above, glancing at the mountain top it’s easy to see why the Celts never investigate, the incline is swathed in a body of thick cloud growing darker as it rises, who in their right mind would venture that far into the cold, the cold and desolation. I look down at my ankle and spy my mud sodden feet.
“Where are my shoes?”
Al’ice ignores my question and slips his arm through mine and around my back, the other hoisted under my knees and before I can protest, he skulks off to the left keeping his body low as he carries me.
“You stink” he says wrinkling his nose as we round the corner out of sight from the valley, setting me down on a rock whilst straightening his back, kneeding the muscles with his fists.
“Thanks!” I reply, “I know!”
My hair is matted with the foul mixture, I feel my cheeks burn as I add, “I need a bath.”
“I am sorry Jol, I do not know how you fell through the barrier, this has never happened before.”
“Take all your girlfriends there do you!”
I realise what I have blurted out in a moment of insane jealousy, I swear my face looks like a tomato now, thankfully he might not tell through the mud.
Al’ice smiles back at my predicament, his eyes sparkling for just a moment.
“You should have fallen to your death, what did you do?”
“I don’t know, I don’t remember.”
“SSSHHH! There is someone coming, we cannot be detected.”
He holds his body tight against the huge rock face and sneaks a look.
“It is one of those stupid beasts, the Celt will come searching, we best be off.”
He lifts me in his arms again with little effort thankfully, I love being so close to him but my odour is distracting from the moment.
“I can hobble you know, I must weigh a ton, perhaps I can heal myself, I could try?”
He gives me the smile again.
“Not a good idea, I think you have done enough for one day, we better move fast as you are in definite need of that bath!”
Back at the cottage Jez heard Al’ice’s strangled cry, something was wrong, he looked to the curtain obscuring the old man and then back to the mountain ahead.
“Jol, is everything alright?”
He waited for an answer, she did not reply.
Jez bit his lip, desperate to investigate, he moved towards the curtain, he would tell Eldeen and Ow! as he stepped his ankle sent pain shooting up his leg, he sat down and undid the lacing on his boot, the skin did not hurt when he touched it, maybe he had trapped a nerve, he went to stand again, again the pain. Behind him the curtain pulled back and Eldeen stood glancing out the door towards the mountain.
“You
heard it?” asked Jez.
For a moment Eldeen stood staring as if in a trance, then he looked down towards Jez.
“You have hurt your ankle?”
“It feels fine but I can’t walk on it.”
Eldeen had briefly communicated with Al’ice and knew of their plight, what concerned him now was the connection between Jez and Jol, it was clear Jez could feel her pain as he had once felt the pain of his beloved Venur. He knelt before his nephew and touched his ankle, if he could heal Jez then Jol may be fine, if it worked.
“Please allow me to remove your boot Jez.”
He watched as the old man gently removed his boot and sock then holding his ankle he muttered under his breath, Jez felt his skin burning hot like a thousand hot needles dancing across his ankle. Eldeen lifted his hand and fell back against the earthen floor.
“Are you ok?” asked Jez.
Eldeen managed to speak in barely a whisper.
“I need my medicine Jez.”
Jez jumped up without thinking and poured some tea, adding a drop of the liquid Cooper had given him, he helped Eldeen to take the drink, then realised his ankle no longer hurt.
“You fixed my ankle?” he asked as he helped the old man on to a seat, “I should go and see what is wrong, will you be ok?”
Eldeen took a few deep breaths then placed his hand on Jez’s arm.
“No need, I have spoken to Al’ice, all is well.”
Jez eyed him suspiciously as the colour came back into his cheeks.
“Why do you do magic when it makes you sick?”
“Ah! Jez, it is what we call enchai but this was merely an experiment, I shall explain later if it worked but tell me, how long have you been able to communicate with young Jol?”
At last Al’ice and I re-emerge into the sunlight back on the safe side of our mountain, not far from the clearing and the timeline, the darkened cloud hangs unseen behind the barrier we have just passed through.
“Put me down Al’ice, I think my ankle is better.”
He obeys my command as I gingerly place the weight back on my bad ankle.
“That’s weird it no longer hurts.”
“Perhaps it has healed itself.”
“Maybe” I say, wiping at the mud on my face which has already began to harden and crack against the sun’s rays, “I need to get to the river before I bake in this stuff.”
Al’ice stands tall, watching silently as I stride forward, the mood was all wrong but he had not yet told me the purpose of our little excursion into the unknown and I had forgotten all about it in my distress. He grabs the back of my elbow, spinning me round to face him.
“I have something to ask of you” he finally blurts out.
“Yes”
“What?”
“My answer is yes”
Al’ice seems clearly puzzled.
“You know not yet what my question is.”
I step back aware of how foul I smell, but take his hand in mine, I’m surprised when I realise he is shaking.
“Al’ice? It’s ok, Cooper explained, I will tell Tadge to give Dallon his life, I do not want to be saved.”
“Oh! Yes that question.”
“That’s why you’re so worried isn’t it?”
He grabs me in a huge bear hug, rocking me from side to side, ignoring the stench, he speaks softly into my ear.
“You do not want to be saved? I want you to be safe, this is so difficult for me to ask this of you.”
I can feel his tense muscles in our embrace.
“Al’ice I would do anything for you, you must know that.”
He pulls away quickly and holds me at arm’s length with his hands, those gorgeous green eyes begin to sparkle once more, melting my heart. Al’ice stands silently staring into my soul, there is something else troubling him.
“Al’ice, I will help Dallon, I promise you, but there’s something else isn’t there?”
He parts his lips a fraction as if to speak, his eyes glow even brighter if that is at all possible, I am dazzled by his presence.
“I, I want, …………….no, it must wait, this is not the right time.”
He pulls me closer, his hand moving slowly down across the mud caked skin until he is holding me by my fingertips, his touch sends shockwaves through me.
Looking down at my dirty hands he adds, “Come we must return, the river awaits you!”
He starts back, holding his hand out to steady me, I am routed to the spot, just for a second or two before I regain my composure, my racing heart steadies as I feel there is a moment lost and my face slowly returns to its pale shade.
In his dreams, Jez saw a girl engulfed in the flames from the beasts mouth, screaming echoing through the night, he tried to run forward to free her from the savage beast but he was unable to move and powerless to save her. He was repulsed by the sight before him, how could this be? What kind of evil was this?
A cool cloth swept across his troubled brow soaking up the beads of sweat. Was this his angel come back to watch over him?
“Jerimiah are you all right?”
Opening his eyes he found Cooper knelt beside him, “I believe you had a bad dream”
“NO, It was a bloody nightmare!!” he replied. “How did you find me here?”
“I told you Jerimiah you were brought in following an accident.”
Jez blinked his eyes and saw the old nurse, his angel beside him, he had sworn it had been Cooper, he remembered her vividly and remembered her name but from where?