Becoming the authentic you
Now is the time when you’ll start shaping your character and what kind of person you’ll be later in life. Take control of your life; don’t just react to what life throws at you. Take time out, think carefully about what kind of life you want for yourself, what your values are, what you value in other people and what your ideal life would be. Make plans to live that ideal life and then do it.
This decade is the launching pad for your life. If you can establish yourself on a firm foundation right now, learn the skills that you need, create a circle of supportive friends and maintain a good relationship with your family, you’ll be setting yourself up in the best position to continue through to the next stage, and that one is a real spinner. If you thought your twenties were high-energy, just wait – you’re in for the ride of your life in your thirties.
Quick tips for your twenties
Start becoming more self-reliant so that you can look after yourself throughout your life without having to rely too heavily on others.
Find a mentor or role model. It could be someone in your family, a colleague, or someone you meet along the way. Ask questions, watch how they conduct themselves and be aware of their values and how they apply them to their everyday life.
Move on from friends who drain you or who are negative or toxic.
Travel if you can – even if it’s just to the next state.
Get rid of possessions that are no longer useful.
Discover more about yourself – this is the time when you work out what kind of person you are, what you hope your life will be and how to work towards those elusive goals.
When you leave the family home, try to stay close to your family. They are important.
Start saving for your retirement.
So, you’ve finally reached your thirties. It’s not as bad as they said, right? Hopefully you’ve landed here with only a few debts and a passion for living simply. If you have, you’re in the driver’s seat. If you do have heavy debt, there is still a lot you can do to untangle yourself before it strangles you. If you can set yourself up properly here, if you budget and pay off debt instead of adding to it, you’ll be fine.
Building your family
Statistics tell us that if people haven’t become attached in their late twenties, now is the time they start settling down. There is something about our thirties that compels us to find a partner, settle down, take stock of our lives, mature and, for many of us, start having children. If you don’t live with a partner, all the same things apply but there will only be one income and you will make all the decisions.
If you haven’t already dived into marriage or parenthood, talk to your partner in depth about what you both want. Some people don’t want children, others want many. Some assume there will be one parent at home raising the children. Others believe children can be looked after in childcare or by an accommodating grandparent while the parents work to pay off the home. Don’t assume you know what your partner is thinking – this is an important part of your life and you need to talk about it. And it is better to work out your strategy early, rather than waiting until things aren’t working out how you want them to. No matter what you choose to do – stay at home to raise your children, work from home, go out to work, or some combination of these options – this decade will be dotted with times you’ll feel overwhelmed and tired. It goes with the territory, but it has the potential to make you stronger and more resilient. One thing I know to be true: working as a team, especially when times are tough, bonds you to your partner like nothing else. Hardship teaches valuable life lessons.
Working as a team, especially when times are tough, bonds you to your partner like nothing else.
Starting a family can be a minefield of conflicting messages and influences. But if you have a close relationship with your partner and if you live true to your values, your thirties will be when your family shapes itself into a firm and supportive unit. Be a role model for your children. That is the most important thing you can give them – it’s more valuable than any toy or fancy bit of electronics. Give of yourself to your children and you’ll get the best back from them. Your children see you when the outside world doesn’t; they see you behind closed doors, when you aren’t on your best behaviour. Those are the times they learn how to behave because they’ll do what you show them.
Developing financial security
What you do now could set you up for life. If you have the means to buy a house and it makes financial sense, do so. Whatever you do, choose wisely. Staying within certain frugal parameters can give you a home that you love without burdening you with debt that will take your entire life to repay. If you pay off your mortgage as fast as you can, living in your own home can give you a feeling of security right through to your older years. If you’re not already in your own home but intend to be at some point, start making plans to save for a house deposit. It’s better in the long run to save a hefty deposit rather than a meagre one, or – and I hope you don’t do this – borrow the entire amount. Step up and save a large deposit. Even if it means waiting a few more years to buy, you will pay much less interest over the course of the loan.
There are so many things you can do now. If you’re married or living with a partner, work out a savings plan. If you are both working, try to live on one wage and use the other one to save a house deposit or repay the mortgage. Living on one wage is a wonderful strategy to live by. If you can do it you’ll be debt-free much faster. This is a time of sacrifice. You’ll work hard, go without, regret decisions made, wish you’d done things sooner, or never, but in the long run, if you stick to your plan, you’ll come out of this decade stronger, more self-assured and convinced that you can attain your goals.
Working towards your future
The thirties decade is all about consolidation. It’s about bonding as a family, establishing priorities and boundaries, working towards common goals, becoming the person you want to be and, again, being very careful with debt. There is always a money trap waiting to spring, so be careful, know your limits and stay strong. Refusing the temptation of excessive spending is good for your soul as well as the bank balance. Although you might hear otherwise, being thrifty and saving your money is not being cheap or miserly. It’s a mindset that will help you achieve your goal of living well and being content. If you hear criticism, remember your goals and stay focused. By staying true to your values you can become self-confident and feel a sense of enrichment that will carry you through those times when your friends can’t quite work out where you’re coming from.
As you grow older, you’ll care less about what others think. If you’re sure the way you’re living is right for you, never be put off. There will be times when you question your choices; that’s good! Don’t forget to have fun along the way and look for the beauty that each day holds. Sometimes it’s difficult to find when you’re so busy, but it’s always there. This way of life should be full of opportunities for relaxation, enjoyment and learning. Grab them every time they crop up.
Quick tips for your thirties
Shop at thrift shops for clothes and children’s needs.
Stop using disposables unless you absolutely have to – especially nappies. Modern cloth nappies are comfortable for babies, can be reused for all your kids and don’t add to landfill. And, according to statistics, you’ll save about $3000 per baby using cloth nappies rather than disposables.
Don’t get into the habit of giving your children expensive gifts and clothes. Your children want to spend time with you and to feel loved – that is the most precious gift available, and it can be given every day.
Declutter and give away or sell things you no longer use or love.
Be a role model for your children.
Learn how to knit, sew and mend.
Do an audit of your own assets and liabilities – do you need your second phone, cable TV, a second car? Get rid of everything you don’t need that is adding to your cost of living.
Funding your retirement
If you’re working, you will be putting a set amount of money into your superannuation for your retirement. You can add more if you wish and receive tax benefits for doing so. It’s a wise investment.
I want to make two important points about funding your retirement:
If you are debt-free, you do not need as much as most investment brokers say you need. For example, Hanno and I live well on less than $30 000 a year.
Keep all your superannuation funds in one account. Each time you change jobs throughout your working life, make sure you have the details of your chosen superannuation account to give to your new employer.
Growing into your life
As you age you’ll realise that you don’t have to please everyone around you. You mature, and part of that maturity is to be content with what you have and what you are. This is the time of life when your children have grown out of their highly dependent stage and with that you get more time to yourself. You get an inkling of how things will be when your children leave home and make their own lives. You’ll have the time now to learn new skills and develop your hobbies – cooking, painting, sewing, gardening, hiking, camping, or a hundred other things – and get enjoyment from the things you choose to do.
If you don’t have children, you probably have a group of friends you rely on. Make sure you put time into your friendships so they continue to nurture and support you as you grow older. You’ll probably be more financially sound now and if you’ve been paying extra on your mortgage, now is the time you see the results of that. If your finances are in order you might decide to travel or take up new hobbies. Whatever you do now, stay on track while you do the things that make you happy and fulfilled.
If you choose to live like Hanno and me, it’s the time to develop your home and land so it can support you in later life. If you haven’t already done so, you might add chickens to the backyard, or bee hives, aquaponics, a couple of milking goats. Of course, you should learn all you can about whatever you add. Do you need more fences? You should do that now. Whatever requires strength and energy, do it now because later, you’ll have less money, your strength will start to decline and you’ll wish you had thought to do it earlier.
If you’re hoping to retire with some degree of self-sufficiency, now is a good time to concentrate on learning all the relevant skills – if you haven’t already. You’ll need to know how to bake, make jams and preserves, mend clothes and shoes, and grow vegetables and fruit. If you’re a couple, it’s a good idea to divide the chores and learning between you, each taking the things you enjoy doing. I like doing the inside tasks like cooking and sewing and Hanno enjoys being outside, so he does the vegetable gardening and home and yard maintenance, and I am the homemaker. You and your partner might find that the opposite works for you.
Quick tips for your forties
Check the state of your superannuation. Make sure it’s all in one fund and if it isn’t, move it to the one you believe to be the most successful and stable.
Know your children’s friends.
Show your children how to make green cleaners, how to treat stains, and how to wash and iron their clothes. There are instructions for making cleaners in the Housework chapter.
Do some volunteer work.
If you want to be self-sufficient, or close to it, when you retire, start reading about the skills you’ll need.
Continue to educate yourself. Find books that will show you what you need to know, and blogs to see how ordinary people live from day to day.
Declutter and get rid of everything you don’t use or want in your life.
What you’re aiming for at the end of your fifties is to have your children out in the world, working and set up in their own homes. You’ll want your mortgage to have been paid off and your home to be supportive and comfortable, and you’ll want to have learned the skills you need to help you live the way you have chosen. If you can say you’ve successfully done that, then you are set because soon you’ll reach the time when all your work pays off. You can retire, do whatever you want to do every day, and live life to its fullest measure.
Auditing your home
This is the final stage of your working life so you’ll be paying off debt, checking that you have the assets you need to go into the later stages of life, and ensuring that your home and car are in good order.
Do an audit of your home while you’re still earning money. You’ll need to look at it in a different way now – you want it to support you in your older years, not be a burden. Now might be your last chance to change what you don’t like and what doesn’t work for you. Look at your furniture – is everything in good order? You might need to replace a few items. Thrift shops are full of old or antique furniture that may suit you – furniture that was made to last many years. Even if you have to have things recovered, revarnished or repainted, you’re likely to end up with a sturdier and longer-lasting piece than you would buying cheaply made new furniture.
If you want to live in a smaller house when the children leave home, think carefully about the type of home you’ll need. What facilities and services will be available over the next twenty years? Take your time with this decision and be mindful of how you want to live in retirement. Do you want a vegetable garden and chickens? Will you use your kitchen more or less? Do you want a sewing room or a shed? Do you want to be on one level or will you cope with stairs when you’re older? You will have to keep all these decisions in mind when you look for your new home.
Decluttering again
You need much less in your home when the kids move out, so it is a great time to declutter again. You can give them some of your odds and ends as they leave home and start living their own lives. If you want to keep pieces of furniture or dinnerware in the family but no longer need these things in your home, maybe your children would be keen to be keepers of these treasures. Give away or sell everything else you don’t need.
Teaching your children
Children need to be taught life skills all through their lives, and their teens and twenties are no exception. Now you’re at the pointy end, you have to reinforce what you’ve been teaching them all their lives. Now it really counts. As in previous stages, make sure you are a good role model for them and always be the kind of person you want them to be. This is the time when you teach them about being a good and fair employee, talk to them about treating their friends and acquaintances with respect, and help them further develop self-respect and confidence.
There are also the practical skills like saving, driving, shopping for groceries, storing food, cooking and looking after their own clothes (how to wash and iron them, for example). Even if you’ve encouraged saving and focused on money management before, now is the time to reinforce it because there will be a lot of peer pressure to spend. This can be the most difficult time for a parent, but it’s also the most rewarding. If you can send well-adjusted, confident children out into the world, fully equipped with the life skills they need, as well as the formal education of schooling, you will have given your children their very best chance of a happy and successful life.
Quick tips for your fifties
Learn all you can about what you want to do in retirement. This might be the ideal time for art
or sewing classes, or for asking your friends to teach you how to knit, crochet, replace a tap washer, change a tyre, or any other activity you might want to take up to support your life.
Become a mentor or role model. Offer to help others learn the skills you’ve gained over the years.
If you’re making the transition from cooking for a family to cooking for two, or just for yourself, you might need to look through recipe books for new ideas.
Declutter again and get rid of everything you don’t use any more.
Think about your financial future before you leave work. Do some research and work out the finer points of your post-work life and how you’ll fund it. If you will be on a pension, go to Centrelink now to ask about it, and what discounts and rebates go with it.
When you think about it, the only time working and middle-class people get to do exactly what we want every day is on holiday and after retirement. I guess we have a fairly free and easy life in childhood and as teenagers, but even then there are people telling us what to do and when to do it. Retirement, whenever it happens, is all about freedom: the freedom to do exactly what you choose to do each day, the freedom of time. And even though the weekly wage stops, if you’ve gone through several simple decades and arrive at retirement’s door with no debt, no mortgage, a roof over your head, money in the bank, some investments or a pension, you’ll be fine. If you have chosen not to buy a house, or have never had the opportunity to do so, make sure that where you are living now allows you long-term tenancy and security. If it doesn’t, or if you know you’ll have to move in the future, do it now, before you get older. Strength will start to decline in this stage and it’s best to get the physical work over with sooner rather than later.
Down to Earth Page 3