Her inner voice was true. She wouldn’t want to wipe out his past, but that was what made him be the person he was now. PTSD and all.
“As much as I want to do what you want.” His murmured against her ear. “I’ve got something special planned.”
Disappointment flowed through her, which was kind of silly considering she hadn’t given much thought to sleeping with him today. All she’d been excited about was to spend the time with him, before she had to go to work and face countless acts of people doing silly things, unnecessary accidents and other tragic events that could work their way into the ER.
However, Buff had organized something nice for her. When was the last time someone had done that for her? Too long ago to remember.
“Okay.” She’d tried to inject some lightness into her response, but even to her own ears it sounded lackluster.
Buff hooked a finger under her chin, lifting it so that she had to meet his gaze. Desire still stormed in their depths and she shivered in response. “Don’t believe for one second that I don’t want to forget all about what I’ve planned, but I want to do this right with you Nadia. You’re becoming important to me and I want to make sure I don’t mess this up.”
How could she get angry and annoyed when he said something like that? She couldn’t and she didn’t want to. “Well, how can I refuse when you put it that way.” She reached up and stroked his cheek. “Thank you for making me feel special.” She finished by going up on her tiptoe, pressing her lips against his for a brief kiss. “Lead on Mr. Buff. I’ll gladly follow you.”
Nadia’s hand gripped his a little tighter as he led her down the rocky path to the blanket he’d set up earlier. Over his shoulder was the cooler he’d grabbed from his truck. When he’d pulled off the road onto the dirt track on the east side of his parents ranch she’d picked that they were going on a picnic. When he’d confirmed she’d clapped her hands in excitement.
“How much farther do we have to go?” she asked. There was no complaint in her voice. Her question was pure inquiry.
“Not much farther, we’re at the border of my parent’s land. We won’t be disturbed down here.”
“You know I don’t think I’ve ever asked what you do. I’m sorry, Buff, that’s really rude of me.”
He squeezed her hand a little tighter. “It’s not like we’ve had much chance to get to know each other well. What with PTSD attacks, tornadoes and concussions, we’ve kind of been pre-occupied.”
Nadia laughed. “Yeah, that’s true.”
The sound of the bubbling creek became a little louder and as they rounded a bend, Nadia stopped beside him, yanking him back a little. He glanced over ready to ask if she was okay, but swallowed the words, he didn’t need to ask. All he had to see was the look of delight on her face.
He took a second to take the scene in front of them, from Nadia’s perspective. He’d seen it on many occasions and was used to the beauty of the little treasure in the quiet corner of his parents property.
With the recent rains the creek was running over the rocks at a quick pace. The tall trees created shade, which was desperately needed in Texas during summer. The blanket was under a tree which a good view of the creek.
“It’s so beautiful,” she said quietly, almost like she was worried that if she spoke to loudly it would break the tranquility of the area.
“It is. It’s at least an hour’s ride from the main ranch house. I used to come out here when I was a kid. I loved the peace of it all.” He’d lost count of how many times he’d ventured down here to sit and watch the water flow since he’d returned home. He considered this his spot. Being so far from the main house and the guest houses, no one ventured out here. For that Buff was grateful, he’d hate to think that this slice of heaven would get spoiled by people traipsing all over it.
“I can understand why you’d come here. I feel instantly calm. It’s going to take a lot to get me to move from here and go to work.”
Buff nuzzled her neck. “Maybe I can talk you to taking your shift off?” That hadn’t been his plan, but it was one he could get on board with.
“Don’t tempt me, but I’m still new I’ve got to make a good impression. Plus I don’t want to let people down by not showing up. They’ll be short staffed and the wait will be extra long for every—.”
Buff placed his fingers over her lips, stopping the flow of words. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have suggested it. You make me wish for things that I haven’t thought of in a long time. Things I don’t think I deserve.”
Her eyes softened at his words. “Oh Buff, you deserve to be happy and wishful.”
He shrugged, not sure he still believed her words, but he didn’t want to cast a dark cloud over their picnic. “Come on, I don’t know about you but I’m starving and I want to make the most of this time before I have to take you back to work.”
Grabbing her hand again, he closed the short distance to the blanket and placed the cooler on the corner. “You can put your feet in the water if you want.”
Immediately Nadia dropped to the blanket and began yanking off her boots. “You don’t have to tell me twice.”
Buff laughed, watching her almost kid like movements, as she placed her socks in her boots and began to roll her jeans up. Looking over, she stilled when she saw him watching her. “Are you going to join me?”
He knew how cold that water could be, even though it was a warm day, the water, for some reason, was always quite a few degrees colder than the air temperature. “Nah, I think I’ll sit back and watch you splash around. Get lunch ready.”
Her eyes narrowed, as though she was weighing up his words and the motive behind them. “Hmm, either the water is really cold and you’re a wimp. Or there are little fish that will nibble the dead skin off my feet and your feet are ticklish so you’ll be yelping like a baby if they decide your feet look juicy.”
For a second Buff looked at her before busting out a big belly laugh. “Those are quite interesting theories you’ve got going on there, Dr. Fletcher.”
“Maybe, so which one is true?” she challenged, propping her hands on her hips. “Is the big bad volunteer fireman afraid of some cold water or some tiny fish?” Nadia was laughing as she finished speaking and he was struck by how carefree and beautiful she looked in his favorite space.
Keeping eye contact with her, Buff toed off his boots before removing his socks. “Guess there’s only one way to find out. Are you ready?” he teased as he finished rolling up his jeans.
Nadia winked at him. “Bring. It. On.”
In two strides he was by her side. “Just remember, Boston.” He leaned in and whispered in her ear. “You asked for this.” He hoisted her up and over his shoulder, her squeal of surprise echoing around the wooded area.
“You’re not going to throw me in fully clothed are you? I have to work later!” Nadia said between screeches and laughs.
“I wouldn’t be so mean—maybe.” Buff walked into the water, grimacing at the coolness flowing around his ankles. He grit his teeth and held his body stiff so as not to giveaway how much the cold had startled him. Adjusting Nadia in his grip so he could lower her to the ground and braced himself. He made sure to slide her body all the way down the front of his. He paid for the move with his body tightening against the zipper of his jeans. At Nadia’s sharp intake of breath he gathered she felt his desire as well.
Buff dangled her above the water. “You ready?”
“Already told you I was.”
Buff lowered her into the water, and waited.
“Oh shit, that’s friggin’ cold.” Nadia gasped and did a little jig, as if that would warm her feet and body.
He crossed his arms and smiled smugly at her. “Not so tough now, are you?”
Nadia stopped dancing around and took a deep breath, he waited to see what she was about to do and say next. “Well it’s bracing, that’s for sure. But, you know, after a while you get used to it.”
Buff chuckled. “Sure you do, Boston. T
hat’s why you’re trying so hard not to shiver.”
In response Nadia leaned down and flicked water at him. The droplets sparkled as the sun caught them before they crashed onto his chest. His cotton shirt was no match for the onslaught and, this time, he couldn’t hold back his gasp or a shudder. “The only reason I’m not throwing water on you is because you have to work.”
Nadia sloshed through the water and wrapped her arms around his neck. Her fresh coconut scent wafted around him and he gripped her waist, keeping her close. “You’re all gentleman, Buff. All gentleman.”
Time suspended between them as they looked at each other. Buff reached up and smoothed a hand over her head, cupping the back of her skull. Angling his head, he kissed her softly. Warmth spread through him, chasing away the chill from his wet shirt and feet. Nadia groaned. He was quickly becoming addicted to that sound. It made him want to see what else would make her groan that way.
His body was fully on board with the idea and the way her hips thrust against his pelvis it seemed she was ready to go on a ride with him as well. Their privacy was guaranteed. No one would stumble upon them if he did want to take the next step. The fact Nadia had to work in a couple of hours was the only thing stopping him from following through with the fantasy.
He broke the kiss. “Boston, I’m so tempted to forget my good intentions and lose myself in you, but the timing is wrong. I don’t want our first time together to be rushed.” He sighed and took a step toward the bank. “We should eat, as I’m going to have to have you back to your place soon so you can get to work.”
“You’re right. I want all that too. Reality sucks sometimes, doesn’t it?” she responded as she followed him out of the creek.
“Tell me about it,” he muttered. His reality sucked big time at the moment. While what he said was partly true, he did want to savor their first time together. What he really wanted was their first time to be without the risk of him falling into another PTSD attack. If that happened Nadia would bring him out, he was sure of that. She’d done it herself the first time they’d met. And after the tornado, he’d pulled himself out because she hadn’t walked away from him.
What he didn’t want was for Nadia to be his crutch. He was the one who had to heal himself and he was going to start that before taking the next step in their relationship.
Chapter 11
“So then you ate lunch and he dropped you home with a chaste kiss on the lips?”
Nadia nodded at Cerise’s question, while she chewed on the sandwich she’d gotten from the cafeteria. Her dinner was a lot less fun than what Buff had supplied for lunch. She’d been so full after the fried chicken and potato salad she’d eaten, Nadia thought she’d be sleeping through her shift.
Once she swallowed her mouthful, she confirmed her nod. “Yep, it was kind of a letdown after the hot kisses we’d shared at our place then at the creek.”
“Maybe they were only hot to you. Maybe he found them lukewarm.” Cerise said, but her eyes twinkled with mischief. Yep, her friend was well on the road to recovery and for that, Nadia was extremely grateful.
“Very funny.” She tossed her sandwich wrapping at Cerise. “I’ll have you know I had plenty of evidence to suggest that he found our kisses more than lukewarm.”
“Hey, I’m sick and injured here, you gotta be gentle with me.”
Nadia rolled her eyes. “Puleese, I’ve heard through the grapevine that you’ve been nothing but a pain in everyone’s ass. Telling them what to do and how to dress your wounds. You know they’re professionals and know what they’re doing.”
Cerise stuck her nose in the air. “I can do it better.”
Nadia laughed at her friends arrogance. “You are too much. Now can we get back to Buff, please?”
“Oh sure, Buff and the lukewarm kisses you shared.”
“Cerise.” Nadia warned.
She held up her hands. “Fine. Fine. I mean if he was with you all the way with the kisses then I don’t think you have anything to worry about. You did say that he said he wanted your first time together to not be rushed.”
“Yeah, he did say that.”
“But?”
“But I feel like there’s another reason why he held back. I wonder if it’s to do with his.” Nadia stopped herself from saying anything more. She had no idea if anyone knew about Buff’s PTSD attacks and it wasn’t her place to blab about it—even to her best friend.
“To do with what? You can’t leave me hanging here, Nads.”
Nadia shook her head. No way was she going to break his confidence. “It’s nothing. You’re right, he probably just wants to make our first time special. His kiss on the lips when we parted was sensible. One touch and he sets my heart racing and I feel so alive.”
“Whoa there, city girl. Are you falling for a cowboy?” Cerise asked propping herself up on her pillow.
Cerise’s question gave her pause, was she falling for Buff? She couldn’t deny that she was definitely attracted to him and she wanted to see what happened between them, but she also wasn’t sure how long she’d planned to stay in Kerrville. Her contract was for a year with the option to renew for another year.
Her initial plan had been to take this job, get a buttload of experience and then apply back to the major ER departments at Boston area hospitals. With the experience she’d gained working in a busy regional ER, she hoped that would work in her favor.
If she got a job in Boston it would mean leaving the friends she’d made here. Friends who were more genuine than the friends she’d had since middle school. Also she had distance from her family. As much as she loved them, they drove her crazy and the pressure to compete with her siblings was tiring. Here in Kerrville she could be herself and she found that she was beginning to like who she was here in Texas. She loved the independence and freedom she had away from the glare of her family. She was needed here.
“Now you’re taking such a long time to answer my question I’m not sure that’s a good thing. What’s going on, Nadia?”
“I like Buff, Cerise. I’d like to see what would happen with us. But I also know that my parents would throw a fit if I told them I wanted to stay here. They figured this job was just a temporary one, and maybe it had started out that way. But now, I love working here. I love who I work with. I love being able to be a hands on doctor that I wouldn’t get the opportunity to be if I’d gotten one of the jobs I’d applied for in Boston.”
Cerise shrugged. “Then stay.”
“If only it was that simple.”
“It really is. You are in control of your life. You make the decisions and I’d say now you’re away from your family, you’re finding that you like your independence.”
“You’re not saying anything I haven’t already thought about.”
“Well then, there you go. Decision made.”
Nadia laughed. “Maybe. But I’m not going to jump in and make stupid mistakes. My parents would have a field day with that.”
Cerise leaned forward and grabbed Nadia’s hand. “Well how about this—I want you to stay. Besides you promised when I get out of here that I can glitterfy you. I’m holding you to that promise.”
“You and your glitter. But yes, I did and I always keep my promises.” Nadia glanced at her watch. “Oh shoot, I’ve got to go. I’m already late.” She leaned over and gave Cerise a quick hug. “I probably won’t be able to pop in again. So I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Yep and hopefully in a couple of days I’ll be home.”
Nadia clutched the doorframe. “I can’t wait. See ya.”
“Bye.”
As she hurried down the hall Nadia went over the conversation she’d shared with Cerise. There were so many things to think about, her career trajectory was a big one. But in her mind her possible relationship with Buff was even bigger.
Relationships had never played a huge part in her life. She’d been so busy concentrating on college and then medical school. She’d had boyfriends who’d turned to lovers, but s
he’d never envisioned a future with them. They’d been for-right-now boyfriends. Buff didn’t fit in that box though. She wanted to know all about him. Why he called himself Buff and not Mitch or Mitchell. She wanted to help him with this PTSD issues. Encourage him to get help, but not force him to. If she pressured him, she may as well kiss any chance of a relationship away.
There were so many factors for her to consider but she was excited at all the possibilities available to her. Her parents may not have thought her move to Kerrville was a good idea. But she did. It was turning out to be the best decision she’d ever made.
Buff wiped his sweaty palms down the side of his jeans. A sense of accomplishment had filled him when he’d made the appointment to see Dr. Valero. Now all he wanted to do was turn around and walk away. Facing his demons wasn’t going to be easy and he wasn’t sure he was ready to really delve into the psyche of his mind. What if he didn’t like what he uncovered the more he talked?
Intellectually he knew that he’d done everything right. He’d saved many lives during his tenure in the army. But had he done enough to help those who he hadn’t been able to save.
His pocket vibrated pulling him from sinking further into the abyss of doubts. He grabbed his phone out smiled when he saw Nadia had texted him.
Hey, I just had a feeling that I needed to send you a text to say you can do it. I know it’s scary but you’ve got this. Can’t wait to see you when my schedule isn’t so crazy. Nadia xxxoooxxx
How the hell had she known he was having second thoughts? That he was about two seconds away from blowing off the appointment and sucking up the fee he’d be charged. He couldn’t let her down. Couldn’t look her in the face and admit he’d been too scared to take the necessary steps to help himself.
They hadn’t seen each other since the picnic because of life and their busy schedules. But they’d talked on the phone and he’d gotten to know her a little better. They’d talked about their families and they’d touched on his attacks. She’d encouraged him to seek help when he’d mentioned he was considering it.
Fighting For Nadia (Police and Fire: Operation Alpha) (Tarpley VFD Book 6) Page 10