As we parted, I had the feeling that I might have gone overboard…thаt what I wanted to happen to my life was unrealistic and that from all the seminars and personal development books I was flying too high in the sky. But, honestly, I believed in every single one of my desires even when I saw the predominating negative response in their eyes. I was not afraid. I even went home more confident. I perfectly remember the moment I got home – the first thing I did was to open a bottle of long-forgotten champagne. I poured myself a glass of the fizzy, hissing drink. And I let myself go. I enjoyed the pleasure of the color in my glass, of the bubbles on the top, popping, crackling with the sound of success, of the tart taste on my palate and realizing I deserved it all. As if they had given their approval. But I wasn’t actually celebrating their positive answer, rather than mine, because when I made the first step along this rocky road I felt with all my being that this was the road I should go on. And that no matter what their decision was, winning would be not in their approval but in my confidence and strength to go that way. I was sure, I was strong, I was happy. Really happy and fulfilled.
Not long later they called me. They invited me to a meeting. While I was waiting, I had already decided on my first step in the business I was going to start. The first step, because I knew there would be more. I made a few very successful ladies’ dress models – from beginning to end. I had an idea, I took a piece of paper and scribbled quickly. I went to a textile shop without thinking too much about it. I just grabbed the materials I felt would be suitable for my models, although there was a great variety of fabrics, colors, and patterns. Without knowing much, I found a tailor to sew the things. I chose her not for what she had in her atelier, but following my gut feeling. And when the models were ready, I was certain they’d sell. They’d sell, and they’d be expensive. I was certain that was what I wanted to do. That it would bring me inner joy and inspire me. I drew up a business plan in a matter of hours. I applied for a drawing course to perfect my skills that had shown up out of nowhere. I planned for various courses to go to until the end of the year – sewing and design. I loved always being at a high level with the things I did. I had a consultation with Daniel, who had given up commerce and was now oriented towards marketing and advertising, and he gave me great ideas on both commerce and advertising. It all happened so fast and easily. I knew this was my path.
When my bosses invited me to their office, all four owners were there. That was a huge honor. Even at our last meeting, when they welcomed me back warmly, there were fewer than four. That surprised me. I couldn’t wait to find out what they had to tell me. I went to the meeting with one of the dresses I had made for myself. It was an elegant, yet slightly extravagant dress. I went with all my confidence that the offer I was making was the best for me and for them. Well, contrary to my initial feeling that they would say no, they accepted. Unanimously. This was a huge honor, a joy, a huge recognition for me. This was the award for all those years of hard work and dedication. Yes, I certainly had deviated from my personal path, I’d neglected myself, my family, my friends, my personal dreams, and goals. But they had seen, realized and appreciated that. We’re talking about people who had seen a lot in the business and were honestly ready to accept all my demands just to have me on their team. The thing that surprised me most, and which also made me very happy was that at the end of our conversation they admitted they knew I wasn’t going to work for them for long in the hotel business, because they were certain that whatever I began would be extremely successful and, with time, I would concentrate my energy on that. But that’s exactly why they were sure they had to participate in it and they would support me. Just before leaving the meeting I told them what my final decision was for my own business, turning around and showing off the work of art I had on myself. I was excited and positive about my future success. I had no doubts.
They proposed a position I didn’t expect, but which suited me perfectly. I had to take on training all managerial staff, starting with those who had occupied my positions. I was grateful and satisfied. I was happy. I was filled with a readiness for success in both new areas opening up before me, without forgetting I was my top priority and that I had to have time for rest, for personal development and for traveling.
And so, the wheel started turning. I definitely loved my job. Or, should I say, I loved my jobs. I worked with pleasure and everything was a piece of cake. I started my own company like a breeze and with the support of the big structure my bosses had things happened without me putting much thought into them. I trusted them, and they trusted me. I did not concentrate too much on the financial, accountancy, and organizational details, and soon I had a huge number of models and a few working shops in the hotels in some of the biggest towns in Bulgaria. I made the design for the shops myself. I organized a team of four or five people working behind the machine without breaking a sweat and I had only the creative work to do. After all the years of working with teams of more than a hundred people, this was like a doddle. In the meantime, I kept coming up with new ideas for my collection.
Whereas for my other job, it was also an amazing pleasure. I had to work with people a lot, but I was good at that. Not everybody welcomed me. There were some who didn’t feel well and didn’t think of me as someone to help them, but as their competition. I knew, however, that if you abide by the principle of fairness, these relations with time will either clear up or get worse, which would then require other measures. My first boss, who taught me everything, was always my example. He had just retired and was no longer part of the company, but I remembered everything he had told me and transferred the knowledge with a softer voice, not as severe as his, but still demanding. I worked a lot with the people, some of them I had to ask to be changed. Not long after, results came. The more I followed my dreams, the easier things happened. A couple of times I almost tripped and fell into the whirlpool of obligations taking up more and more of my time, but I came to my senses on time and avoided it. I knew where I was heading. I knew perfectly well what I wanted from life. From my work. From myself. I had already changed my priorities and I was at the core, not my work.
Chapter 4
The big day came. The show. I still couldn’t believe everything around me was real. It was glamorous. Beautiful. Magical.
The past month went by as if I were in a trance. That’s the word – trance. I was completely stunned. Overexcited. Feverish. The long-awaited moment had come – the presentation of my brand. Officially. More than half a year had passed since we had opened the shops in the hotels. The interest in the clothes was huge even though we didn’t advertise in the beginning since I wanted to see whether people liked the style I was going for. Sure, we opened a few shops straightaway but that was only thanks to the support I had from my bosses, now partners of mine. I would never belittle this fact. I could never let myself think my brand would have achieved all this success without them, or at least not as fast as it did. The outlets were wonderful. Located in the best shops with the top-locations in the biggest towns in Bulgaria. Their interior was all my work too, of course. And I can proudly say they were astonishing. They were chic, stylish and extravagant. Each one was different from the others and the customers liked that. Their concept was very different, just like the concept of the brand. It was important to me for people to come into the shop and feel at home. To feel the welcoming attitude of our staff, to be flattered by the glass of champagne and sweets offered when they entered, to feel enchanted by the pleasant atmosphere, the scents and the savors. One of our strategies was to have detailed information on our customer preferences and choices so that we could offer things close to their likings not only in the shop, but also online. Our customers appreciated all that and we climbed the online charts in no time.
Suddenly, it turned out that the initially planned minimum quantity of the collections was not enough. The shops kept running empty since we couldn’t manage to produce so fast. It didn’t take too long for my bosses, now partners, who were best
at numbers, to ask me to meet for a quick reorganization in setting the number of items. At least that was the start of our conversation. They were people who decided quickly and it was no surprise to me that by the end of the meeting we had a completely different business strategy. Although they believed in me from the beginning, seeing the actual results in black and white made them far more confident in the perspectives lying ahead for this business. They were ready to take a risk, and they were ready to risk it big.
That’s when we decided we’d start producing in much greater quantities, invest in our own manufacturing and in advertising. To do this, we had to make an official debut of the brand.
MyMegan! I didn’t worry much about the brand name. I just felt it. Many would say that naming your brand after yourself is egocentric and selfish. Maybe they’re right. But the truth is this time it was different. When I began this road, when I chose to start my own business, based on something I had no idea I could do just a year earlier, it all happened as if by magic. I didn’t hesitate, I didn’t ponder. I simply started feeling every next step. The more I went along this path, the more I let myself make decisions based on what my heart felt and not on what my mind thought, the easier things happened, the more confident I became that this was not a mistake.
Drawing came out of nowhere for me. I’ve always had a taste for clothes and combining colors and patterns, but to create a new piece of clothing, to choose the fabrics, colors, shapes – that’s something completely different. After that came the other details – the colors of the threads, the buttons and external elements like chains, studs, spikes, rhinestones, which all gave the specific charm MyMegan had. The moment I started with this new vocation, things just poured out of me, as if they were coming from someone else. I was creating with full force. The same thing happened when the moment came to pick a name for the brand I’d started creating and it came on its own. I felt it as if I was naming a part of me. This wasn’t pure business, it was a part of me. A huge part of me I wanted to give to people. That’s how I felt it and I didn’t worry a second about naming my brand after me. I was proud of it. I was proud of myself.
And so, the official brand launch came. As with everything else I just knew how things had to happen and the more I was submerged in the idea, the clearer things got. I needed only one night at home alone to come up with a full strategy and a final concept. Just the things I wanted us to be known for, the things I wanted us to stand out with and the ones people talked about. And that’s how, super-fast, just like everything else in my life, we were ready with the idea, the date and the place. We only had to make it happen.
There was going to be an opening of one of the company’s hotels towards the end of summer. Or rather a reopening. An old hotel with a new vision, a new concept. A new opening. That’s where we were going to have MM’s official start. The cherry on the cake was going to be a glamorous dance fashion-show. I’ve always loved dance show programs filled with effects, costumes, various decor, with their surprise moments. When I found out there was a way to combine the hotel opening with the launch of the brand, I didn’t hesitate a second. For the opening of a hotel, the owners always invested a significant amount of funding. What better opportunity could we have than to redirect some of it to us?
And so, after we began organizing this dear event, that month just flew by. I was so wrapped up in the creative and organizational atmosphere. Ideas kept coming to mind, both for the event itself and for the collections I wanted to present. I had completely forgotten about the unpleasant things with Phillip. Well, I can’t deny I was horrified the first few days after his Facebook activities. His daring and demanding tone…and then nothing. I didn’t even write back. Neither did he. I acted like a complete fool. One, two, three days passed. My initial irritation, maybe even disregard for what happened that night turned into a storm of nerves. I was mad at him. I didn’t understand him. I was mad at myself. I kept getting more and more waves of insecurity. Why did he add me? Did he have any interest in me? Was his PR really his girlfriend, as he’d said at Daniel’s birthday party? Or was he just bluffing to see my reaction? Could it be that after he inspected my profile his initial interest disappeared? Was I too boring and too young, and too insignificant for his excessive experience with women? Was he even still in Bulgaria? Or had he left as suddenly as he’d shown up?
Now, looking back, I think about how every time a man doesn’t pay attention to us, we women tend to focus on ourselves. And we do it in the most hurting way possible. We feel insecure and start looking for reasons to feel negligible and start praising him. That’s exactly what I had involuntarily started doing back then.
I couldn’t gather the strength to talk to Daniel again about Phillip. To investigate. Again. I was terribly worried that starting that topic again would make even the absent-minded Daniel suspicious. And he was way too talkative. Knowing how he wanted to hook me up with any friend of his, I was positive he wouldn’t stay quiet even for a second in front of Phillip and that he’d try to make something happen between us. I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to be the one looking for him. I wished I was the wanted one. This man had hurt my ego.
I realized with all my senses that I was going the wrong way. As self-confident and strong as I was in a professional plan, I was just as insecure and foolish in a personal aspect. No wonder I kept getting into bad relationships. Yes, I went a long way there too, but at a much slower pace. I still had to work on myself, I still had to learn. In a personal aspect, I made baby steps, slowly and insecurely. I could come out of my comfort zone, but carefully. If I can even say that. Or rather should I say in a cowardly way.
I’ve always had honest relationships with people around me and I’ve always realized that the path the ego takes you along is the worst possible one. I worked on this issue for years and I got over a lot of things, I fought with many fears and I had torn so many masks off. But this man…this man brought out the worst in me. It’s as if he pushed all my fear buttons. It’s as if he put me back in my starting position, as if in all these years I hadn’t made a single step in my personal development.
And here I was again, acting, driven not by my inner feelings, but by my ego, by the fear of being rejected, by the thought of what I looked like in the eyes of another.
I didn’t dare ask Daniel again. I didn’t speak to any friend of mine, which was quite unusual of me. I have a few friends, but they are extremely close friends. They know a lot and I trust them completely. I share everything with them because I can count on their honest, even if subjective, judgment and opinion, I can count on their support, but also on receiving a kick in the butt when the situation demands it. But I think I wanted to keep everything related to this man only to myself. I didn’t want to share with anybody. I myself didn’t know why. Maybe I didn’t want to admit something even to myself. Something that if I’d shared with someone, I myself would have understood better. That’s why I preferred to keep my eyes shut.
I don’t know if it was for better or for worse, but the truth is I didn’t have much time to think about everything this man provoked in me. I didn’t have much time, since I’d focused entirely on organizing the show. And, before I knew it, the day of the big event came. Nearly one month had passed since my last contact with Phillip. I didn’t receive anything else from him, but the thrill about this huge step for me – presenting the collection – was greater than anything. And it took over from the thoughts about this provoking man.
I was sitting in the middle of the hall and I couldn’t stop thinking about how grateful I was. This was a dream come true. I knew that I had a lot ahead of me. I knew that I had more new dreams to make come true and that this was but the first step. But, during the past year, so many things had changed in my life. I was honestly extremely grateful. And if the previous four, five or six years had passed by as if in a blur of monotony and busy everyday life in a hurry, then the past year, since the great journey, every month was better than the previous one. I cha
nged so many things, I changed myself. I made one 360-degree turn and I couldn’t stop doing more and more of them, but every new one elevated me to a higher level. I got more and more confidence in following myself, in listening to my intuition. I fought for the boundaries I set for myself and I was true to myself.
I was sitting in the middle of the hall and I felt pure happiness. I was satisfied. A bit tired, yes. But also, ready for all the things I was encountering. And in my heart, I knew everything was just starting.
I was watching the bustling organization with excitement. Just a few hours left to the big start. The people from my team were all set. I was so thankful to all of them. I loved them. Truly. They were part of my dream. With them, I was relaxed, I knew everything would go smoothly. Of course, a lot of the things had been coordinated with me long ago, but the truth is – here too – I’d made a lot of progress. I had learnt to delegate more and more responsibilities, and not by any means just minor ones. I had learnt to let go of control and not need everything to pass through me. I had learnt to trust people. To have unconditional faith in them.
I Choose You, Love Page 4