Several days after our reunion, we had not told anyone about my change of plans about my trip, which was almost finalized, I proposed to Phillip that we leave together instead of canceling it. The idea came to me spontaneously one evening while we were making dinner and I heard him canceling viewings of hotels in several different destinations in Europe. After all, he had decided to start the hotel project in Europe, but he didn’t want to be away from me and preferred to postpone this project indefinitely.
Then it occurred to me that we could combine his professional engagements with my already planned creative inspirational trip in an experience we both deserved – to spend more time together. He found this idea magnificent. We were both excited because we knew how good and refreshing it would be for both of us. Although we were determined to be together, we could still feel the grime that had gathered in our souls for such a long time. We both believed that this traveling would act as a detox for our hearts and minds, so that we could start anew and move in the single direction that our souls desired.
We didn’t need a lot of time, because most of the arrangements had already been made by me, and Phillip adjusted his business in such a way as to be flexible. The journey was incredible, we saw so many beautiful places. We came across interesting stories, new food and drinks. We met different people. We were both bursting with new creative ideas. I came up with so many fashion concepts that I wondered how I would be able to fit all of them into the new fashion line. Of course, we also looked into interesting, different, unusual hotels, which was both useful for his work and mine. I was in constant contact with the architectural and design departments in our hotels and the bosses gave me the green light for several new projects. I just had to come up with the idea for the presentation of the new collection and already had a few crazy ideas for a grand, mind-blowing MyMegan Party.
Phillip was no less engrossed in his own projects. Both of us were a volcano of energy and ideas. He kept on researching the history of the places we visited. He looked at buildings and consulted lawyers, architects and marketing specialists. Two locations were his favorites, but he liked both of them equally and could not set his mind on which to be a priority and was even ready to develop them in parallel. He sought my help about ideas for the opening and design and I was flattered, knowing that his company had a plethora of experts. I could see that, as much as I admired his energy and love for his work, his admiration for my enthusiasm and creative potential was equal. We complemented each other perfectly and we had a clear grasp of what our capabilities and deficiencies were. By now we knew each other well enough to be able to appreciate all our qualities and to accept the weaknesses and to offer support.
We traveled across Europe for about a month. We were both ablaze with ideas and desire to work but, at the same time, were inseparable and had been blessed with the greatest gift we could imagine after what we had been through – attention and love. We held hands constantly, we were always looking for contact, physical, emotional, even visual. We sought each other’s opinion all the time, not worrying that we would express disapproval at times. The rare moments when our opinions differed (indeed, our mindsets and way of thinking were similar), both of us stood up for our own thesis. And if we couldn’t manage to win the other side over, then at the end we showed acceptance and tolerance towards the different opinion. There was no tension, no resistance, no rejection. Surprisingly, I did not nag about what had happened in the past. There was not a single moment when I experienced the need to get back at him for hurting me, to rub salt into the wound for how he had treated me, to want revenge by hurting him. Yes, somehow, I had managed to open a new page and leave everything from the past right where it belonged – in the past.
More than once we had discussed past events: how we acted, how we felt. But it seemed that we had come to terms with each other’s choices and mistakes and had forgiven and forgotten. We had forgiven ourselves as well. Now we were free to speak, think, and remember everything calmly. Without tension. Without anger. Without guilt.
I personally felt very mature in my relationship with Phillip. Thanks to his very intuitive nature, he could sense each time when there was pressure building up inside of me from the very beginning. Increasingly, I felt reassured to share with him immediately everything that bothered me. Sometimes, even I could not discern what was amiss, but could feel that a problem might arise. And each time I mentioned it to Phillip I could feel his serenity – because he knew what was going on in my mind, and there was no need to be constantly alert. At times like this, I realized that he was also beginning to relax and was ready to believe once again that everything would be fine and that there was no need to fight constantly, to constantly pay the price for the mistakes he had made.
Dana was due to give birth any moment now. Phillip had left for America two weeks earlier and I was going to follow him. He wanted to introduce me formally to Dana and his grandmother. He wanted me to be there for the birth of his child. He had talked about it with Dana and she even called me to invite me personally. This was a great surprise for me. Dana sounded wonderful on the phone, saying that she felt very well. This was quite reassuring for me, because the whole situation was unusual, to say the least. I could see that Dana’s attitude towards me was crystal clear and positive. She had accepted Phillip’s choice and was happy with the events at hand. I believe that she too was reassured when she sensed my feelings towards her and the child.
They still hadn’t come up with a name. But when I talked with Dana on the phone, suddenly she suggested that I become her son’s godmother and name him. She said that she fully understood that I would be an important part of his life and that she would be happy to bestow on me this honor of becoming his godmother. I accepted with enormous gratitude and admiration for this brave woman. Only a few days remained until the due date and, little by little, I started to panic, thinking about the responsibility I was assuming with the child’s name.
Phillip was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. He tried to look calm, but I knew him better than myself and found his reactions and unsuccessful attempts to conceal his trepidations sweet and funny. My man was going to be the father of another woman’s child. And I was supposed to name the child. It sounded scary and disturbing. But I had embraced this situation wholeheartedly, so it didn’t trouble me. Even my brain, which was restrictingly walled-up and confined by my previous experience, had started to accept the idea.
After more than two months of being together with Phillip everything looked perfect, but these few weeks seemed endless. I truly loved him. He loved me back. We were wonderful together. We both knew it. The support, the calmness, and the strength we bestowed on each other were enormous and ever so needed. It’s true that I had my work, my engagements that could distract my attention when he was absent but, regardless, I found it difficult to cope. I was impatient to go to Phillip and meet his world. To support him in this huge step he was about to make that would turn the world upside down once again. But I was ready now!
Yes, we do live in a world that is different, where families are not what they used to be. To be a child of divorced parents, and for your mother and father to have moved on with different people is not something unheard of. More often there are families with many children and different blood ties. So, we were on the verge of a tremendous change after the birth of this small being, and it was going to have all these people in its life that loved and supported it. I was ready to be part of this extended family and to allow the child of the man I loved to become an enormous part of my heart too. I sincerely hoped to be able to win over even a fraction of his.
Oh, and finally. Right during the night of the birth, I had an incredibly beautiful and magical dream. This was the first night Phillip and I spent together in America. The same night I had met Dana. When I saw her, I extended my hand for a handshake. I was extremely worried about this meeting. Whereas she simply pushed aside my extended hand and directly hugged me. And started crying. She was very e
motional because of the expected birth that could happen at any moment now. Regardless, I could feel her total acceptance of the situation…and of me. I was tired from the flight and the jet lag and expected that would sleep like a log. But I woke up in the middle of the night fully conscious and with total recollection of the dream I had had. Plus, I knew what name to give to the child. And I genuinely hoped that Dana and Phillip would like it: Phoenix.
The Phoenix is a magical bird with multi-colored, bright, flaming feathers. It is a harbinger of Divine will, since it has the ability to fly between the realm of the Gods and the earth. The legend about the Phoenix tells us how, when the moment comes for it to be burned, the old bird is released and reduced to ash and a beautiful new bird is reborn from these ashes. So as to give way to the new, firstly it has to pass through fire and shed away the past and the old. The Phoenix is a symbol of rebirth, immortality, of the new beginning. The Phoenix appears on earth only with the purpose of helping people. Its advent is associated with the dawn of a new era. In all the legends, the Phoenix is a symbol of the ’Choice of Love and of Life’. That most cherished life.
I Choose You, Love Page 34