by E. C. Land
“I may not have spoken to you but that doesn’t mean I haven’t watched you. Seen the way you are around everyone. My daughter included. You know her mom died. Well, she died the day Melody was born. I never got to tell her bye or anything. I loved her with everything I am and felt a part of me died with her. I swore on her grave I’d never love anyone again.” I could feel Chaz’s pain as he spoke of Melody’s mom.
“Then you come in and damn it, I didn’t want to know everything about you. To have you in my life. I didn’t want to feel the things you draw out of me. Your laughter brought a light back to all of our lives that we haven’t had in a long time. What I’m trying to say, Bethany, is there’s no way I could stay away from you. Especially after hearing that siren call of your voice as you sang that beautiful song.”
What do you say to something so sweet yet heartbreaking? His admission that I’ll never be able to be what he needs. I won’t be able to measure up to Melody’s mom in his eyes. No matter what he says.
Why does this life have to be such a bitch? Don’t we all deserve some sort of happiness?
Chapter 10
Chaz
My heart breaks for this woman in my arms. I can all but hear the fucked-up thoughts running around in her head. The way the light in her dissipates says it all.
She’s giving up on the fight.
It’s why I started telling her about Jamie. I never talk about the woman I’ve loved for so long but talking about her to Bethany seems natural. Like I could talk to her about anything. Even standing in the shower holding her naked body to me.
When I’d come up to check on her, I’d heard her screams of anguish from the hallway. Rushing into Bethany’s room I found her on the shower floor sobbing. Stripping down to my boxers I opened the door and stepped in. I immediately took her in my arms to soothe her. I could feel her pain as if it were my own.
Trying to explain the way I feel about her in a way for her to understand I’m finding difficult. Maybe because she doesn’t want to listen to it. I highly doubt it. She needs to know how much she is loved by those around her.
Myself included. I don’t want to fight the feelings that have been trying to needle their way into my heart.
Will she be able to love me knowing I still hold a place in my heart for Jamie?
“You can’t want someone like me. I'm a plain Jane. I mean look at me, you might think I’m strong but I’m not. I’m weak.” Shaking her head, she catches her breath. I should have known she’d heard me talking to Alexis that day when I was angry. But it was all bullshit.
“Fairy girl, you're nowhere near a plain Jane. Even bruised and hurting you're still beautiful,” I say wiping tears from her cheek.
“Don’t lie to me, Chaz. Please god, don’t. Everyone in my life has lied to me and I can’t take it if you do. Because you’re the only one who has never done so,” she murmurs.
“Bethany, I’m not lying. It’s not in me to lie. I don’t like bullshit so believe me when I say what I do to you,” I say defensively.
She’s hurting right now so when she’s better, I’ll have to show her differently.
“Why?” she asks, placing a hand on my chest.
“What do you mean, why?” I ask in return.
“Why all of a sudden are you saying all these things to me?”
“I thought I explained to you already, Fairy girl, but I’ll make it clearer. I’m done fighting myself where you're involved. I want you in my life. By my side and eventually in my bed. But only when you're ready for that,” I state.
I have to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from grinning at the way her eyes all but pop out of her head at my admission.
That’s right, baby, you're starting to understand I’m not playing games.
“But . . . ”
“No buts about it, Bethany,” I say, interrupting her as I place a finger over her lips, feeling their softness. I want to kiss them, but she’s nowhere near ready for that. “You and I, we’re happening.”
“What if I didn’t want there to be a you and I?” she asks.
“Is that what you want? Don’t lie either. I’ll know because you can’t lie for shit,” I retort, unable to contain my grin because this time, she narrows her eyes.
“I do want you, but, in all honesty, you scare the shit out of me. I also don’t know when and if I’ll ever be ready,” she says.
“Fairy girl, we'll take this as slow as you need us to. You tell me when you're ready for more and I’ll oblige. Until then, we’ll get to know each other better and when you're healed, I want to hear you play more,” I declare as I lean in to press a kiss to her forehead.
For the first time, I see a real smile on her face when I pull away. “How about we get you cleaned up? After, I’ll carry you downstairs so you can hang out with everyone.” I suggest.
“I’d love that. Being cooped up in here is driving me insane,” she states.
“We can’t have that,” I say, reaching around her to grab the shampoo and pour a heaping amount into my hands. As I begin to massage the stuff in her hair, I have to bite back a groan as she moans.
“You know I could have done that right,” she murmurs as I help her rinse her hair.
“Maybe I want to. Besides, you’re hurting, Fairy girl, and need someone to take care of you,” I shrug.
“But you’re in your boxers, isn’t that uncomfortable?” she asks acknowledging the fact my dick is covered.
Smirking, I continue to rinse her hair. “Yeah, Fairy girl, I wasn’t gonna jump in here naked and scare the shit out of you,” I say.
“Oh.” I swear it’s almost as if she were disappointed in the fact I didn’t. “You know I’ve seen you naked before.”
“What? When?” I choke.
“Um, you remember the lady that lived next door to me?” she asks.
Then it dawns on me. I’d sneak over there and jump in the inground pool a lot during the summer months before I moved out of my parents’ home. Hell, I remember one-time Tanner, Lex, Hunter, and I all went skinning dipping in the lady’s pool when she wasn’t home. We were still in it when she got home and all she’d done was laugh. Told us to enjoy ourselves just don’t scare the neighborhood with our cocks swinging in the air.
She was cool as shit, even brought out several beers for us.
Clearing my throat, I give her an inquisitive look waiting for her to go on. “Go on,” I say encouragingly.
Blushing, she lowers her eyes for a moment before bringing her gaze back up. “My room faced her backyard and I always sat near that window whether I was playing music or simply staring and wishing I were outside,” she says all but telling me she’d seen everything.
I can’t help but laugh which causes her to giggle.
“Come on my little peeping Tom and let’s get you finished up,” I say jokingly.
“Hey, you can’t call me a peeping Tom when I was just minding my own business while you and the guys decided to go skinny dipping,” she giggles.
“Oh, just wait until I tell Tanner, Lex, and Hunter,” I chuckle.
“You wouldn’t,” she protests.
“Damn straight I would. I want to see the looks of shock on their faces at knowing they were being spied on. They’ll fuckin’ die at the realization we were,” I grin loving the fact I’ve gotten her mind off the situation surrounding her.
As they say, time heals all wounds and it’s only a matter of keeping mind over matter.
Chapter 11
Bethany
A week has passed since the day Chaz helped me in the shower. And during this past week, I’ve gotten to know Tombstone. I still cannot believe he’s been my dad this entire time. I’m sure I should be more than pissed with him along with my parents, but I can’t. As confusing as this all is when he explains everything I understand somewhat.
This morning when he told me they were heading back to Texas I wanted to cry. I just got him back and now he’s leaving. My emotions are so overwhelming right now. B
ut can you blame me, I’ve gone through hell more than once and now I’m trying to pick up the pieces. That’s why when Tombstone asked me if I wanted to come with him for a week or two, I said yes. I’m not ready to give up my dad just yet.
Even though it means leaving Chaz. My heart aches at the thought of not being near him, but he’s better off without me. At least until I can figure out exactly who I am again.
Maybe being away from this place, I’ll find more of myself.
Shaking my head, I take a deep breath and prepare to face Chaz. I hadn’t really spoken to him since that day in the shower. Probably due to sheer embarrassment. Or more to the point, I’m scared shitless of what’s between us. I know he feels it as much as I do but I’ve been burned once already. I’m not looking to do it again.
Which means burying my feelings and ignoring the way I feel for the man. No matter how much it hurts. He doesn’t need to put up with me while I figure my shit out. Plus, my leaving would keep Jacob away from all of us.
I don’t want to see any of the guys get in trouble but more than anything I don’t want to see Melody get caught in the crossfire.
Yeah, me leaving is for the best.
At least for now.
Wiping the tears from my eyes, I finish gathering my things from the bathroom.
“What are you doing?”
Startled at Chaz’s voice, I jumped, dropping all of the things I’d been holding. “Jesus, Chaz, you scared the crap out of me,” I say placing a hand to my heart as I face him.
My heart stops at the furrowing of his brow. I hadn’t had the chance to tell him just yet, considering I’d only made my mind up this morning.
“What are you doing, Fairy girl?” he asks again, this time closing the gap between us.
“Umm, I’m packing,” I murmur, diverting my gaze from his not wanting him to see my guilt.
“I see that, but what I don’t get is why?” he rasps.
“Because I’m going with my dad for a little while,” I say so quietly I don’t think he heard me. From the way he stiffens, though, he did hear me.
“Bethany, look at me,” he commands and my gaze snaps to his. “I thought we agreed to give you and me a go.”
“We did, but Chaz, you don’t want someone damaged like I am. I decided to go with my dad because it will be best for everyone. I need to heal and not put anyone in danger during the process,” I say.
“Don’t you think this is something you should’ve talked with me about? Wait, don't answer that. I know the answer. Seems everyone thinks they don’t need to. I’ll let you pack.”
“Chaz, wait,” I say, grabbing his arm to keep him from leaving. “I don’t want us to be like this.”
“Like what, Bethany? Like a man trying to start a relationship with a woman who he wants. Or a man who knows what he wants and knows when to back off. I’ve done both and been burned it seems, yet again. Go figure out what you want. We’ll see if I’m here when you get back,” Chaz snaps before storming away.
Stunned speechless, I merely stand there and watch as he leaves me standing there in the middle of my room.
By the time I’ve let everything else sink in, my heart is completely shattered and I know it’s my own doing. It’s time to get out of here and go home with my dad. Find out if there’s something better out there for me.
Who knows, maybe I’ll find the courage to let others hear my voice.
Yeah right, that will happen when hell freezes over.
Sighing, I bend to pick up my discarded items and finish packing my things. It’s gonna be a long ride to Palestine, Texas. No reason to delay it any further. My dad rented a truck and trailer to carry me and his bike back home.
Home.
It sounds foreign to me. Like I’ve never really had one and yet right here in this house, I feel home.
Then why leave the one place you want to be?
Shaking my head, I know why I need to leave. To protect Melody and the guys from being brought any further into my mess. If I leave, then Jacob has no reason to come near them. Because I know in my gut that if I stay, they will become a target, which is something I’ll never let happen.
I’m not ashamed to say I’m in love with Chaz and I’ve loved him since I was a girl. It’s just never been the right time. I’ll never be right for him. I mean, he’s perfect compared to me and he deserves a life of bliss and I can’t give it to him.
At least not now when I’m so broken, I don’t know if I can be put back together again.
I need this time away.
I only pray when I come back, he’ll want me still. If not, then I’ll have to live with my decision.
Taking a deep breath, I zip my bags and put them over my shoulder, leaving the notes I’d written for everyone, including Chaz, on the bed.
Time to go.
Without a backward glance, I walk out of the room I’d been staying in and head for the front door.
As I get to my dad, he puts his arms around me. “Come on, Princess, let’s get going. The quicker you heal, the sooner you’ll be back. I know it,” Tombstone says.
“I hope you’re right, Daddy,” I murmur, letting my tears soak his shirt.
“I am, Bethany. I’m betting we won’t be home a day before you have company,” he states, pulling back to help me in the cab of the truck.
I don’t respond to his statement. I’m not going to think about it nor allow myself to think of the future.
Not now. Maybe later. Until then, Chaz will have to stay where he’s always been.
In my dreams.
Chapter 12
Chaz
Why does every woman I want to be with have to keep shit from me? First Jamie kept the fact she’d had cancer from me. Now Bethany wanted to leave without talking to me first about what’s going on.
Only this time, I didn’t give a woman the chance to hurt me more. I did it myself. I’m sure if I’d taken the time to talk with her, I might have been able to keep Bethany from leaving. I get why but fuck if I want to accept it.
The woman is going to do my head in.
“What’s got your panties in a wad?” Tanner asks, throwing a dishtowel at me.
“Nothing. Where’s Melody?” I ask in return. I hadn’t seen my daughter all day and right now all I want to do is hang out with the only girl who can do no wrong in my eyes.
My daughter.
Melody is the spitting image of her mom and I love that I’ll always have a part of Jamie thanks to our daughter. Some days, it still hurts thinking of her but it’s tolerable.
When I’m in Bethany’s presence, it’s as if the pain isn’t there, only the happy memories. Now with her not here, the pain is worse because I don’t have the sense of the women near that I’ve allowed in my heart.
“Dude, did you forget she was staying at her grandma’s house this weekend?” Tanner asked furrowing his brow.
Damn, he’s right.
Once a month she spends the weekend with Alexis at her great grandma’s house. This gives them time to spend together even though they see each other throughout the rest of the month, this is the one time they spend it without me around.
Normally, we have gigs lined up but this weekend we’d canceled due to wanting to be here with Bethany, but I guess now we’ll just work in the recording studio. We have a record to finish and get ready to be uploaded on the internet. Since we’d started this our fan base has been growing constantly.
Alexis manages the social media bullshit for all of us. I don’t have time for it. Let me play music, teach the kids, and spend time with my own. None of us are in it for the fame but after the Letters From Above event we did with the Devil’s Riot MC we’ve had a lot more of a following than we already had.
“Chaz, man you okay?” Hunter asks. I hadn’t even realized he or Lex were in the room.
“I’m fine,” I say sharper than I should.
“You don’t look fine. More like pissed the fuck off and ready to rip into someone,” Lex sta
tes, leaning against the counter.
“Said I was fine,” I mutter, turning away from them and sitting at the table. I need to find a semblance of things because Lex is right and I haven’t felt this way in a long fuckin’ time.
“Yeah, whatever you say. I don’t know what crawled up your ass. But get the fuck over it. Bethany left and now it’s back to us having a guys' weekend,” Tanner announces.
“Wait a minute, Bethany left with Tombstone?” Hunter asks furrowing his brow.
“Yeah, I went to check on her and found the room empty besides these letters,” he says holding up a stack of envelopes. “There’s one addressed to each of us. Mine didn’t say much except thanks for being her friend and looking out for her.”
Hunter reaches across the counter and snatches the stack from Tanner and looks through them, finding his own, then passing the stack to Lex, who does the same but walks the rest to me.
Glancing down at the two envelopes, I see one is written to Melody and one to myself. Lifting the one to Melody, I open it, wanting to know what she’d say to my daughter.
Melody,
You are such a wonderful little girl with a beautiful spirit. Don’t let anyone take it from you. I promise I’ll be back. I love you all. You have my phone number and can call me anytime you want. I’ll always answer. Remember the night you snuck into my room because you wanted to make me feel better by singing ‘You Are My Sunshine’? Well, no matter what, you’ll always be my sunshine, and when I can, I’ll come back. But you come before anyone else. Your safety means everything to me. I know you don’t know what I mean, but I’m sure your daddy is reading this along with you. So just know I left to keep you safe from the boogeyman you said you were scared of.
Love always.
Bethany
Closing my eyes, I clench the letter in my hand. I remember that night. I’d heard Melody’s little feet and then her voice as she went into Bethany’s room. I was just about to put a stop to it until I heard Melody sing and Bethany join in. The two of them sang song after song together and it was a beautiful sight to see. I know neither of them saw me, but I’d stayed there until both my woman and daughter fell asleep snuggled together.