by Kat Addams
If I had time to myself and time with Maisy, I’d feel a little more balanced, and I could slow down and make rational decisions. Instead, I made dumb ones, like setting up someone to fail at a test. Betty hadn’t failed at anything. If I was honest with myself, I’d tried to make her lose the game. If she had failed, I would have been able to move on like normal with life—not risking anything. But she’d passed, and, well, that was new and scary territory for me.
But I loved Betty, and Maisy loved Betty. Which meant I had a lot of ass-kissing to do.
The next night, I worked my last gig at The Steamy Clam. I apologized for leaving in such a rush, but I had to do it for myself and Maisy. I also consulted with Jay, who agreed to let me go a little earlier on some nights when he or Aiden would take over the bar for me. They were both childless but accommodating when it came to Maisy. I didn’t know why I’d kept her a secret in the first place. It seemed that everyone wanted to help me out.
“It takes a village,” I remembered Betty saying.
And my village had been here in Outer Forks the entire time. I’d only wanted to be a badass and pretend I could do it all on my own—with my dad’s help, of course. But my poor dad was getting older and feeling the strain too. And I hadn’t been fair to him. Even though he’d give me the shirt off his back, I needed to get my shit together. I couldn’t lean on him forever.
“So, you’re only just going to talk to her? No buying her apology jewelry or getting on your knees, begging, or surprising her with a trip to Hawaii? You think it will work if you just speak with her?” my dad asked.
“Yep,” I lied. “Betty isn’t the type of person who cares about all of that fluff and stuff. She needs up-front honesty. Answers. She needs answers.” I ran my hand through my messy hair. I’d already begun shaking.
“What is this? Are we getting a dog?” Maisy ran into the kitchen, a collar and leash in hand.
When I’d told my dad that I wouldn’t be buying apology jewelry, I hadn’t exactly lied. I’d bought apology sex toys. The leash and collar were for me.
Maisy swung the heavy chain leash above her head in a helicopter move while jumping up and down, shouting out dog names, “Fido! Fifi! Ralph!”
My dad eyed me up and down as I plucked the leash from my daughter’s fingers.
“Nope. It’s for … someone at work. Sorry, honey. Gift for a new puppy.” I rolled the chain up in my hands and stuffed it in my jacket.
“Big dog. Almost human-sized.” My dad grinned, leaning in to whisper, “What the heck kind of kinky shit are young people into these days?”
“Ahh … uh …” I cleared my throat and clapped him on the back. “You should get out more. That’s all I’m saying. And now that I quit my side hustle, you’ll have time. Because this little peanut will be with me.”
I picked Maisy up and twirled her around the kitchen. She threw her arms around me and held on tight.
Already, I felt like a weight had lifted off of me.
When I told Maisy that I’d soon be spending more time at home, she lit up like it was Christmastime.
“Can we do something with Miss Betty again too?” she asked.
“Working on it.” I kissed her forehead.
And I had been working on it. I’d racked my brain, talked to DTF, and even looked up Aunt May’s number and given her a call. Everyone had told me the same thing. Just freaking talk to Betty. Why I had been delaying it, I didn’t know. Wait. That was bullshit. I knew. I was scared. And who the hell wouldn’t be scared of Queen B? She’d threatened to turn my boss into an alligator handbag. She had a dungeon full of torture devices. She looked like a goddess rising out of the pits of hell when she became riled up, and I loved her for it. Everything about her, I loved it. Her.
I patted Maisy’s thank-you card in my back pocket for backup. Either the leash or the card would have to work. Maybe both. I’d still not decided what I was going to do first. All I knew was that I needed to be a big boy and use my words. I’d tell her I loved her, and she would likely bite my head off and save the rest of me for breakfast.
I checked the time on my phone a dozen times before I left. I had no clue what time she would be home, but I would wait on her anyway. I’d sit in her driveway all damn night if I had to.
What if she pulls up with another man in her car?
What if she runs me over when she sees me?
My mind began to race. I knew I was only trying to talk myself out of heading over to her place. But if there was one thing Betty respected, it was quaffle balls. And I was going to show her I had the biggest damn quaffle balls she’d ever seen even if I had to fake it.
Thirteen
Betty
I hadn’t slept in the days following my breakup. Just when things had been coming together and I had opened my dumbass heart up, Terrance had pulled some stupid shit. Like I was some type of horse and he was a carrot on a stick. Like he’d thought he could throw me into bullshit and watch me fight my way out. I wanted to send him through a round of spankings he’d never forget. But Maisy, poor Maisy, I guessed I’d never see her again.
The following days after his fuckup, Rox had agreed that we wouldn’t park our taco truck near Scarlett Herb. I needed to cool down, and running into Terrance while he worked wasn’t going to get me there.
I’d told DTF the entire story the day after it happened.
“A fucking game, Rox. That grown-ass man was playing games,” I growled, setting my spatula down hard on the counter. Bits of beef splattered against the stove, my hands, the window.
“You’re giving him too much credit. He’s still a man.” Nikki rolled her eyes. “Weston does dumb shit all the time.”
“Jay has made several dumb mistakes too. But then again, I have too. We all do.” Rox shrugged, wiping up the mess I’d made.
“You’re not going to want to hear this,” Layla said.
I snapped my eyes to hers.
“But”—her voice shook—“unpopular opinion … I think it was endearing. He loves his daughter so much that he did whatever it took to protect her. I mean, maybe he went about it in the dumbest possible way. Yes, he could have talked to you about his concerns instead of doing the test. But, again, we are talking about a man here. Their brains don’t function like ours.” She loosened her apron strings and groaned, rubbing at her lower back and avoiding my evil eye.
“I think you two should talk. He can explain himself, and you can explain how he made you feel. Kiss. Make up. That’s what you’re supposed to do in a relationship,” Rox said.
“But he hasn’t called or anything. I’ve not heard a word from him. Besides, who said we were in a relationship? We never had that talk either.” I threw a dishrag over my shoulder and opened the window.
The lunch line was already forming.
“Just don’t write him and Maisy off yet. Let everything settle down. You wanted him to trust you and to feel like you were good enough for him without tests or bullshit. He wanted to make sure you wouldn’t flee him and his daughter, like his ex had. Both of y’all weren’t communicating. Instead, you were keeping everything to yourselves and inventing obstacles. Didn’t you take him through an obstacle when you brought him to your aunt May’s? If you’d both just talked, no one would have needed obstacles, and everything would have been fine. And I’m guessing you never told him you were in love with him because if you had, I doubt he would have done all that crap. If you two would communicate …” Layla’s voice hit a high pitch that I’d never heard before. She also made sense, and that was new for her too.
I cut my eyes to Rox’s, wondering if she’d told everyone I’d fallen in love with Terrance. Rox shook her head.
I paused, taking our first order before jumping back at Layla. “How do you know I’m in love with him?”
“Because we can all see it in your face. Just like our faces that have transformed this year. Rox, me, even Layla—though she won’t admit it either—you … we’re all glowing. It’s not these damn
rocks doing it. It’s these damn men.” Nikki dragged her fingertips across the row of crystals hanging from the ceiling.
“And”—Rox sighed—“none of us have really known healthy relationships. We’re all trying. This year has been a learning experience. You’re learning, just as we are. And I bet the men are too.”
I took a deep breath and continued working in silence. I thought about how Terrance must have felt when his mom had left him and how he must have felt when Maisy’s mom had left them both. There was no excuse for a grown man to do dumb shit. But fear could make someone do crazy things. And if a stupid test was all his peanut brain could come up with for me, then I guessed it could have been worse. He could have outright lied to my face about something or tested me with another woman.
But still, I had my boundaries, and I wouldn’t be the first to say shit. Same with the damn love thing. I would let men come to me. If I meant enough to someone, they’d let me know. I wasn’t about to chase a man. Queen B bowed to no one.
After a particularly hellish day in the taco truck, I was looking forward to nothing more than crawling into my bed tonight.
We’d parked at the corporate park today for a change in scene, and dealing with old businessmen was the least favorite part of my job. You’d think those rich, old farts would tip well, but most didn’t. They were too busy on their phones to even offer up a thank-you. But we were still avoiding anywhere near Scarlett Herb, and the university was out for fall break. So, the corporate park had our business, and we had theirs.
I’d stuffed so many tacos today for grumpy executives that I was in no mood to deal with any more shit. So, when I pulled the rumbling taco truck into my driveway and saw Terrance leaning against his truck, the fleeting thought of ramming into him flashed briefly through my mind.
Rox must have sensed it because she reached out and touched my shoulder. “Good luck. Let me know how it goes. And, hey, don’t forget. We fuck up too. We as in us women. You know it. I know it. Keep an open mind. Don’t shut down again. I like this new Betty. Keep the attitude though. Just don’t go bitter. Love you.” She leaned in, kissing my cheek before hopping out of the truck. She gave Terrance a little wave and ran off to her house next door.
I took my time in climbing out of my truck, partly because I had no idea what I was going to say to him and partly because I was trying to cool down and listen to Rox’s advice for once.
I slammed the truck door.
Nope. That’s not starting off right.
I paused, taking a deep breath and closing my eyes.
New Betty. New Betty. New Betty. Don’t be bitter. Keep the attitude. I fuck up too.
“You okay?” Terrance popped up behind me, causing me to jump and shout for mercy. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you.” His pale face turned a shade lighter, almost glowing in the dark. He wrung his hands.
The poor man was terrified—as damn well he should be.
Nice Betty. Sweet Betty. Little ball of fur? Be a kind Betty and purr, purr, purr.
“I’m okay.” I gritted my teeth, holding back the verbal assault I wanted to give him, but I knew if I opened my mouth, I’d probably end up crying.
“Can you talk? Do you have a minute? I’m sorry I didn’t text you first. I was afraid you’d say no. So, I guess I’ve given you no choice. Fuck. That sounds terrible, saying it out loud. Shit.” He rubbed his palms over his face and stared at the sky.
It was a full moon tonight. I wondered if Nikki would warn against having a serious conversation under this celestial juju.
“It’s fine. We all screw up,” I muttered, folding my arms across my chest and waiting on his move.
“I mean, I wanted to see you. I needed to see you. Of course, you have a choice. You can go inside, if you’d like. I’ll leave. But I hope you hear me out.”
“No. You’re here now. Say your piece. I’ll say mine. Let’s hear it. It must have been important for you to skip out on your gig tonight.”
“There aren’t any more gigs at The Steamy Clam. I quit. Reevaluating my time and priorities.” He stepped slightly closer to me, looking scared that I might open my jaw wide and devour him. I might.
“No more Tito?” I asked, taken aback. I’d expected an apology, not a life change.
“No more Tito. Guess you’ll have to find another male dancer’s drawers to stuff money down.” He grinned.
I had to curl my fists to keep my fingers from reaching up and sliding over those lips of his.
“Or I could do better things with my money,” I said, not missing a beat.
“That would be a smart decision. I could learn from you. Sometimes, I don’t make smart decisions.” His voice trembled.
I almost felt sorry for him. Almost.
“You don’t say.” I pursed my lips, mentally picturing myself putting on my big-girl panties, and let him speak.
“Betty, I’m sorry. I fucked up. Somewhere in my pea brain, I thought that if I put you through that dumb test, you could handle us. You wouldn’t leave like Jane. You’d stay for Maisy and me. I set you up. I admit it. You passed with flying colors, if it makes a difference.” He unfolded a piece of paper and handed it to me.
I took it, and the chalky writing in yellow crayon smudged my fingertips. Unless Terrance’s juvenile ass liked to color, this was from Maisy. I opened the card, read the thank-you, and bit my tongue at the quaffle balls. My heart fell into the pit of my stomach. That little girl was much smarter than her daddy. It wasn’t only her who needed the guidance of a woman in her life. It was also Terrance.
“She misses you. I miss you. I’m an idiot. But I learn. I don’t make the same mistake twice. Which brings me to something else I need to tell you.”
I braced myself. My nostrils flared, my spine straightened, and I threw my shoulders back. He was going to tell me Jane was back. Or he was leaving. Or he had someone else. Or whatever the worst thing my brain could come up with because that was how it worked. That was how it always worked. And that was why there was no gentle, sweet Betty who bowed down and became vulnerable.
“Here goes.” He wobbled, putting his hand out and steadying himself against my taco truck. “I knew I loved you that day at Central Station when I told you. It wasn’t just me talking shit in the heat of the moment. That was the truth. I love you, Betty,” he blurted, taking a deep, heaving breath. He straightened himself up to his full height and stared down at me. “You are all woman, and believe it or not, I can handle you. I want to be that man who can handle you. I want you as mine. All mine.”
I turned, pinning my back against the truck. I needed to steady myself, too, preparing for my comfortable chaos, ready to attack. Not to hear those three words, ripe with enough fuel to burn us both up.
“That was hard for me to say. Jeez. I don’t know why. It just was. I’ve been meaning to tell you for forever, but I was just a chickenshit. I didn’t want to freak you out and scare you away. Have you ever told anyone that? That you loved them?” he asked, catching his breath.
“No.” I shook my head. “I’m also a chickenshit, I guess.”
He nodded his head and turned his attention back up to the moon, avoiding my gaze when he asked me his next question, “Has anyone ever told you that?”
“No.” My heart pounded in my chest. “Not like this.”
“Well, here I am, telling you. I love you, Betty. You don’t have to say anything back. I just want you to know that. I know love makes people do stupid things. I’m not excusing myself for setting you up on that damn test. But maybe I’m trying to soften the blow. It won’t happen again. I can’t promise that I won’t be a dumbass again. But I can promise that you’ll get open communication with me and that you can trust me.”
New Betty. New Betty. New Betty.
Fuck it. I could follow in the footsteps of my mama, cycling through men. Or I could choose to live a bitter life until I became old and senile like my aunt May. Or maybe, just maybe, I could grow some Betty balls and give this r
elationship thing a try.
“Terrance,” I breathed out, “I love you too. I mean, I think it’s love. Pretty sure it is. But I don’t know how to love a man. I’ve never seen a healthy relationship. The way I was raised has made me cautious of men. Or not to trust them at least. I never let myself get close.” I blocked out ferocious Betty and let myself say whatever came to mind. “But with you … you’re different. You’re making me feel these things. I’m not sure how I feel about that either. I don’t like to feel things that could get me hurt.”
“What things?” He stepped into me, reaching for both of my hands.
“A bubbling in my soul. It rises and flutters around in there. My chest tightens, and I catch my breath when I think of you. I want to be with you—always. Growing old and experiencing life. All I do is think of you, all day and every damn day. You’re stuck in my brain, dancing around in there with your Tito drawers and making me constantly hot and ready. Like a damn pizza.” I shocked myself with my sudden poetic inspiration.
Rox would be proud. I wanted to file whatever ick feelings I’d just put out into the world in my memory bank for her next poetry book.
“Are you comparing yourself to a pizza? Because you know that’s the way to my heart, right? Pizza.” He pulled me in for a hug, rubbing my shoulders.
“No, I didn’t know that. And see?” I buried myself in the nape of his neck, mumbling and too afraid to look into his eyes when I said what was coming next, “It’s little things like that, that I want to know. I want to know everything. I want to see everything and do everything—with you. But not only you, Terrance. I want to with Maisy too. And, Lord have mercy, I’m just going to say this shit. I want to have your babies. I want to make a chocolate-and-vanilla swirl. That’s batshit crazy, isn’t it? I’d do anything for you. Anything. And that scares the shit out of me.”
“Betty?” He pulled back.
I couldn’t meet his gaze. No way could I look him in the eyes after admitting whatever my dumbass biological clock had made me say. This new Betty was unpredictable, reckless, dangerous, and dumb.