A Preposterous Portfolio of Parodies: Free Selections from Spoofs of The Hobbit, Game of Thrones, Harry Potter, Star Trek and More
Page 13
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And so, the time jump set everything neatly in order, which was especially good as the Tastipize was on its last commercial break. The ship jumped back in time a full three hours, and the captain removed Mr. Waiter’s underwear and ordered him never to wear them again (which caused future problems but that’s another story). As the anomalies shut off one by one, the teens transploded to the fandom archive, where they sold the science fiction artifacts for a second set of profits. Again, the purple portal opened, but this time with a more genuine, healthy scent, like fresh-spilled grape juice on a woolen carpet.
Before its swirly gates, Nestley crushed Horrendous’s sweaty palms between his own. “Will I ever see you again?”
“Only if there’s a sequel crossover,” Horrendous said sadly. “Try not to hit puberty before I do, all right?”
“Oh, no chance of that,” he replied, voice squeaking. “Good luck with the evil wizards and magic and all.”
“And certain death,” Henry added eagerly. “Don’t forget the certain death.”
“Do we have to?” Really Wimpy whimpered.
“It keeps readers’ interest. Look around.” Henry pointed meaningfully at the boxes of fake eyeglasses and even larger empty boxes of science fiction uniforms and action figures. “We’ve got forty years of franchise to compete with if we wanna be as big as them. Bigger. Bigger than them. That’s what I meant.”
“You think you can eclipse our show?” Nestley asked, eyes widening from saucer to bowling ball size. “Do you even have a whiny teen?”
“Hundreds,” Really said.
“Want to come?” This predictably was Horrendous.
“Golly, no. Here I’m unique. And the captain keeps announcing he’s reducing the teen population, so there may be even fewer soon.”
“I thought you’re the only one—” Horrendous said.
“Well then, best of luck,” Henry said quickly. He did well enough with one person smarter than him on his team. At least the teachers were no competition. He bravely led his friends through the portal, gallantly encouraging both of them to precede him. There was no telling what was on the other side, after all: The inside of a dragon, the Ministry of Muckups putting him on trial, Professor Snort’s hanky closet. All of these at once or worse.