Last Night in Nuuk
Page 4
Yes
No
7. If yes to question five, do you love your friends?
Maybe
No
8. Do you want to hurt them?
Yes
No
9. Do you have any emotions?
Yes
No
10. Did you feel anything when you broke my trust?
Maybe
No
11. Did you achieve something when you hurt me?
Yes
Maybe
12. Did you achieve what you wanted to when you ruined my life?
Yes
No
13. Do you have any regrets?
Yes
No
14. Do you think I’ll forgive you?
No
15. Are you a heartless bitch?
Yes
Thank you in advance,
Inuk
5 June
Are people happy?
Are people scared?
Are people satisfied?
Are people like me?
Are people scarred?
Are people small?
Are people curious?
Are people horny?
Are people high?
Are people serious?
Are people dead?
Are people alive?
People don’t care.
THIS IS IT. PARADISE.
High Jesus, sitting at God’s right hand.
Dear Fia
Do you remember when I first discovered that you had started drinking and smoking? Do you remember how sad I was when I found out? I often wonder whether your bad friends influenced you or whether this was something you decided on your own. I often wonder whether you promised to quit so I wouldn’t be disappointed or whether you just said it to comfort me. I’ve always wanted to deliver you from evil. I think we need to talk about the last time we saw each other. After you and Peter split and you moved in with Arnaq, in the space of a few weeks I could tell that you had changed a lot. I actually thought I knew you but I was very shocked when I saw you and Sara kiss. I accept that Arnaq has influenced you, I just need to know whether she is to blame for any of this. Because if she has affected you in some way, I need to stop her. I need to tell you about Arnaq. You can’t trust her. She doesn’t keep her promises. Although she may seem extremely charming on the outside, she’s rotten inside. She’ll happily smash someone else into thousands of pieces to get what she wants. She looks like an angel, but she’s the devil personified. Trouble is, you can’t see her fucking horns.
Arnaq in one word: evil.
I’ll prove it if you don’t believe me. Not so very long ago, she lied about me, simply in order to get what she wanted. Do you remember the night the three of us went to a party in Kujallerpaat Street? After you went home, Arnaq called me in the early hours and told me that she couldn’t sleep. She asked me whether she could party with us after the bars close, and I said sure. But as soon as she walked in the door, I could sense that something horrible was going to happen. In that early morning, I discovered what Arnaq was actually like. I had always thought that I could trust her and I told her something I’d experienced at work. You must have read about this guy, Miki Løvstrøm, from the Inatsisartut. He’s an elected representative. Everybody is talking about him on Facebook, but don’t believe it. I told her that although he had a wife and children, he had once tried to hook up with me, and she promised never ever to speak about it to anybody. Of course, you understand how important it was that this piece of information didn’t get out. And now that people suspect Miki is in the closet and lies about it, everyone’s going mad. Greenland isn’t a good place to be openly gay right now. Soon Miki will try to save himself by denying it through the media. You know how much power the Inatsisartut has. They don’t make mistakes. This means that I’ll be fired although I had nothing to do with it. Arnaq told my secret to a lot of people at the afterparty. I honestly hoped that people would keep it quiet but I was naïve. Miki will deny everything until people stop talking. I’m just waiting to be fired and there’s nothing I can do about it. I have no idea why Miki came on to me. I don’t know what to do, I have no experience with this sort of thing. I haven’t done anything. And because Arnaq is a fucking gossip queen, everyone has heard about it now. Her malicious story has spread and I’m left holding the bag. What I want you to know is this: Arnaq was fully aware of the possible consequences of her actions, and she betrayed me. She wants me to be the sinner. Now she’s got me where she wants me and you’re her next prey. All of this proves that queers are evil. They have some sort of mental illness and although they act like normal people, you can’t ever let them out of your sight. They should get treatment. They’re dangerous. They can’t be trusted, and you have to be on your guard. You’re not into women, I know that. You’re okay. You’re not evil. Arnaq has just dragged you down with her. You’re so much better than that. I’m asking you to drop Arnaq and never go back. I don’t want to lose you.
Inuk
12 June
Front page in sermitsiaq.ag:
MIKI LØVSTRØM: THIS IS SLANDER.
Knew this was coming.
Liar
Dear Inuk
I remember when I started drinking and smoking. I remember that it made you so unhappy. Although the difference in our ages isn’t big, our lives were different in those days. When I started drinking and smoking, I wasn’t influenced by bad friends, it was just something I did. It’s part of being in your teens, isn’t it? When I promised to stop I said it to comfort you. You were a child at the time and you didn’t see it as I did, which you must understand. I’m sorry that I never tried to explain this to you.
I’ve heard the rumours about Miki Løvstrøm. You can’t avoid them. I’m very upset that Arnaq has treated you like that. It hurts me to know that it hurts you. I know all about how Arnaq behaves but I’m surprised that she would behave like that towards a good friend. But this you must understand: I never had a close relationship with Arnaq while I lived at her place. I only crashed with her and we went on a few nights out together. We had fun but I noticed she had issues from the beginning and I’ve kept my distance. Now that she’s betrayed you, it just confirms that her problems rule her life. I’m sorry that you’re going through this. Inuk, I want to say sorry for the last night we saw each other. You shouldn’t have discovered it the way you did. But you have to understand one thing: Arnaq hasn’t done me any harm. She didn’t drag me along. I wasn’t under her influence. My and Sara’s kiss didn’t have anything to do with Arnaq. It’s nobody’s fault; I kissed Sara because I wanted to. Sorry, but believe me when I say that kissing Sara was my decision. A few weeks later, I fell in love. My love for her is still growing, and now I know that I’m gay. Inuk, I’m gay. You’ve always delivered me from evil but love isn’t evil. I’m not evil. I sense your pain. I can understand your anger. But queers aren’t to blame for all that’s evil. Be angry at me, if you need to, but don’t let your anger destroy you. I’m here if you need me. You’ll understand one day, and I’m looking forward to that. I hope you’ll open up. You can tell me anything and I’ll stand by you. I’ll never ever shatter the confidence you have in me, and you must never forget that. Whatever has happened, whatever will happen, please know that I’m here. I won’t leave you. I’m not evil. I love you. My dear brother, I love you very much.
Fia
13 June
HOMOPHOBIC CLAUSTROPHOBE
FUCKING QUEERS ARE SICK!
FUCKING QUEERS ARE CONTAGIOUS!
FUCKING QUEERS ARE FUCKING GREENLANDERS!
FUCKING QUEERS ARE SUBHUMAN!
FUCKING QUEERS MUST DIE!
Claustrophobic Homophobe
Dear Fia
Do you remember when you didn’t believe me when I said I was sick? I threw up right afterwards. Do you remember when you didn’t believe me when I hurt myself? I turned black and blue right afterwards. Do you remember when you didn’t belie
ve me when I told you I missed you? I began to weep right afterwards. Do you remember when I told you to be careful and you didn’t want to listen to me? You got into trouble right afterwards. Do you remember when I begged you not to leave me, and you did? You began to miss me right afterwards. You’re wrong even if you’re older than me. I’ll always forgive you. I’ll always love you because you’re my sister. But you must believe me now. You must believe me. You’re wrong. You’re on an island that will never change. You’re on an island with no way out. You’re on an island from which you can’t escape. You’re on the completely wrong island. Your way of thinking is wrong. When you escape from the island, you’ll realise that you were in the wrong place. When you escape from the island, you’ll have no problem in choosing the right way to live. I want you to come now. I want you to believe me. Come now. Believe me. You’ll regret it if you stay.
Inuk
Dear Inuk
I remember that you always forgave me when I made mistakes. I’m sorry. In those days, I wasn’t aware of my mistakes. What I know now is that I haven’t made a mistake. It’s not a mistake to love. Forgive me. I’m waiting here for you, I’ll always wait for you. I’ve already said it: I’ll always be by your side.
With love,
Fia
20 June
The island has run out of oxygen. The island is swollen. The island is rotten. The island has taken my beloved from me. The island is a Greenlander. It’s the fault of the Greenlander.
One who doesn’t want to be a Greenlander
My dearest Inuk
I’ve filled these out:
Do you think I’ll forgive you No
Are you a heartless bitch? Yes
Forgive me.
Arnaq
21 June
To be a Greenlander is explained in the following way:
You’re a Greenlander when you were born and raised in Greenland.
You’re a Greenlander when you help develop your country.
You’re a Greenlander when you speak the language.
You’re a Greenlander when you take an interest in its culture.
You’re a Greenlander when you respect your ancestors.
You’re a Greenlander when you love your country.
You’re a Greenlander when you’re proud of your nationality.
You’re a Greenlander when you feel Greenlandic.
What it really means to be a Greenlander:
You’re a Greenlander when you’re an alcoholic.
You’re a Greenlander when you beat your partner.
You’re a Greenlander when you abuse children.
You’re a Greenlander when you were neglected as a child.
You’re a Greenlander when you feel self-pity.
You’re a Greenlander when you suffer from self-loathing.
You’re a Greenlander when you’re full of anger.
You’re a Greenlander when you’re a liar.
You’re a Greenlander when you’re full of yourself.
You’re a Greenlander when you’re stupid.
You’re a Greenlander when you’re evil.
You’re a Greenlander when you’re queer.
Our nation, you who are ancient: go to the mountain and never come back.
Stop being so fucking pompous.
And take your rotten children with you.
Greenlander by force
23 June
Front page in sermitsiaq.ag:
MIKI LØVSTRØM: THE MEDIA IS PERSECUTING AN INNOCENT MAN.
Silent
28 June
Greenland is not my home. I feel sorry for the Greenlanders. I’m ashamed of being a Greenlander. But I’m a Greenlander. I can’t laugh with the Danes. I don’t find them funny. I can’t keep up a conversation with the Danes. I find it boring. I can’t act like the Danes. I’m unable to imitate them. I can’t share Danish values. I don’t respect them. I’ll never look like the Danes. I can’t become blond or fair-skinned. I can’t be a Dane among Danes. I’m not a Dane. I can’t live in Denmark. Denmark is not my country.
Where is home?
If home isn’t in Greenland, if home isn’t here, where is my home?
Lost
Dear Arnaq
I received your reply. I don’t think you’re a bitch. Sorry for writing such harsh words; but you must understand the consequences of your actions. Do you remember what we promised each other? We promised that nothing could break apart our close friendship. We promised that it would always be the two of us. Our friendship was so strong that I opened up to you, and only you. You smashed what you said was unbreakable. Arnaq: I know your history. I know you’re struggling with problems in your life. I know who you are. I know that my parents weren’t alcoholics even though they grew up under Danish rule. I know that my parents weren’t neglected as children. I know that I wasn’t neglected the way you were. What you’ve experienced is awful; I’m aware of that. Your struggle is tough; I can well understand. But let me tell you this: you’re responsible for your own actions. Believe me when I say I’ve been to hell and back, but I don’t blame others when the fault is mine. I’m responsible for my own actions. Please understand me when I ask you to act like a grown-up. You’re not a child. What I’m trying to say is this: when you failed your exam, you blamed it on the teacher. When you were fired from work, you said that our boss was incompetent. When you were caught with a man who was in a monogamous relationship, you said that it was purely his fault. When you became an alcoholic, you said it was in your DNA. When you had to explain your anger, you said that your dad had abused you. When you could no longer handle your life, you declared that your parents didn’t love you. And you betrayed your friend’s trust, using your personal problems as an excuse; you just can’t cope with life. Stop feeling so sorry for yourself because there’s no reason that you should be pitied. Enough of this postcolonial shit. It’s your own fault if you regret your actions after betraying my confidence. It’s your own fault that you’re sad because you ruined our friendship. It’s your own fault that after abusing my love, you’re on your own. Karma is a bitch. But you’re not to blame for the bad things in my life. I’m to blame for my own problems. It’s my fault that I trusted you and told you my secret. It’s my own fault that I sold my soul to the devil. If I were you, I’d keep my eyes open. Evil pops up when you least expect it. You know, what goes around comes around.
Inuk
30 June
Front page in sermitsiaq.ag
JOURNALIST FIRED AFTER BEING ACCUSED OF FABRICATING LØVSTRØM STORY.
Jobless
My dearest Inuk
I understood every single word. I understand you. I’m sorry. What can I do? Have I ruined everything?
Arnaq
4 July
I hate that Greenlanders talk shit about each other all the time.
I hate that Greenlanders talk shit to each other all the time.
I hate that Greenlanders are so angry at each other.
I hate that Greenlanders are so full of anger.
Anger is simmering on that island.
I’m angry that Arnaq’s anger makes me angry.
I’m angry that Arnaq’s anger has ruined our friendship.
I’m angry at Arnaq’s anger.
I’m angry at Arnaq.
This is the island where the crazy live.
I’m frustrated at Fia’s ignorance.
I’m frustrated at Fia’s decision.
I’m frustrated at Fia’s sexual orientation.
I’m frustrated that Fia isn’t angry.
Anger is mounting on that island.
It makes me crazy that I’m from Greenland.
It makes me crazy that I look like a Greenlander.
It makes me crazy that I’m not a Dane.
It makes me crazy that I’m a Greenlander.
The island of anger.
Angry people make me angry. The simmering anger makes me angry.
The mounting anger makes
me angry.
Anger makes me angry.
I’m angry at my anger.
I’m angry at myself.
I don’t want to be angry any more. Not angry
Dear Arnaq
I forgive you. I don’t hate you. Move on with your life. Take care.
Inuk
10 July
Actually, I want to see my friends. Actually, I would like to be with my family. Actually, I would like to go home to my big sister. But I can’t go home because I’ve already escaped. I can never go back to my country. And I’m heartbroken; I’ve set a trap for myself. I’m terribly homesick but don’t know what sort of home I’m longing for. Where am I? I’m not at home. Where am I heading? I don’t have a home to go home to. Where’s home to me? I don’t have a home.
Today is the day. The day when I can’t take it any more. The day where I’ve lost. Life has caught up with me. Life has beaten me. Today is the day. The day when I reach the end of the road. The day of my death. The day when I come home. Life has killed me.
Dead
My dearest Fia
Do you remember when I frightened you from inside the cupboard as you walked in? Do you remember when you locked me in the cupboard and said that it was my own fault? I remember that you felt guilty when I began to cry. I remember that you were upset because I was upset. You said: it’s your own fault! You were right. It was my own fault. But because you blamed yourself, I blamed you because you were the stronger one. When you said sorry, I didn’t say sorry. Don’t get me wrong: it was my own fault that I was locked in the cupboard. It was my own decision to frighten you. I’ve always blamed you when I’ve done something bad, and that’s because you’re older than me. I’ve always blamed you for my own mistakes, and that’s because you’re stronger than me. My dear sister: I’m so sorry. I’ve become an adult. I understand now that the Greenlanders are not to blame because I escaped from Greenland. I understand now that Arnaq isn’t responsible for my sorrow. I understand now that you, my dear sister, are not to blame for my mistakes. I understand now that I’m responsible for myself. Please listen to what I have to say about my last letter: