by K. A. Holt
everything
I can possibly be.
But it’s like my eyes were opened
for just a little while
and now I can’t unsee the world
that Tam’s Kate saw.
I miss it.
I miss Tam.
I miss that me.
I miss it all.
TAM
I don’t love space.
I don’t even need it.
But I have it.
Big wide open fields
of space
all around me.
Just me
myself
and
I.
Even Levi wants space
from me,
Tam the Jerk.
After I ignored him for so long.
I guess he’s had enough.
So I make posters of my face,
put them up all over,
VOTE FOR TAM!
SHE’S YOUR (WO)MAN!
and I just . . .
float around,
drowning
in all of this space.
Kate
What will I do when I’m president?
Hmm.
Writing this speech is supposed to be easy.
I have the votes I need already.
At least I think I do.
Tam has no experience.
And the other kid running . . .
whatshisname,
no one even knows who he is.
All I have to do
is give a speech
just before the vote.
It should be simple,
easy,
so why am I staring at this paper
like
I’ve never written words
before?
TAM
A speech, huh?
In front of the whole school?
How hard could it be?
All I have to do
is ask them to vote for me.
Maybe I would care more
or be nervous
or whatever
except
the only part
giving me a spinning heart
is the idea
that Kate will be sitting by me
on stage,
in the next chair.
My pinkie might want to say hi
and hers definitely won’t
and ugh
who thought running for president
was a good idea
because now I sure don’t.
TAM
Out of nowhere
I hear her name over the P.A.
asking her to go see the vice principal
right now.
What could that be about?
Maybe they want her to know
she has too many posters,
a violation
of some kind of
that’s-enough-of-your-face rule.
But what if it’s an emergency?
What if something happened to her dad
or Jill?
Or there was a freak house remodel accident
and her mom has been impaled
by flooring
and is pinned to a wall?
Kate gets up from her desk,
rushes to the office,
and I wish
I wish
I could rush with her.
I want to make sure she’s okay.
It would kill me if she was hurt.
Kate
They’re calling me down to the office . . .
Am I in trouble?
What is it?
What could I possibly have done?
Did someone somehow find out
that I might want to kiss a girl?
Do they know I feel sick every day?
That all I think about is Tam?
That even when I try not to think about her,
I’m still technically thinking about her
and it’s the worst torture
ever?
Maybe the school doesn’t want me
to be president
because of my deviant pinkies.
Maybe they called Mom.
Maybe they think I’m totally broken
and this is only a school for
regular whole kids?
But when I get there,
totally out of breath,
my brain whirling and burning,
thinking that I’ve been caught,
am in trouble,
that everyone has figured me out,
I see . . .
Levi.
A sad frown on his face,
he can barely look at me.
And my entire insides turn to ice,
I have to grab the wall,
because if Levi is here
and Tam isn’t
then that means
something has happened to her,
something . . .
Kate
The vice principal starts talking,
interrupting my racing thoughts,
and
oh
come
ON.
Shut
the
front
DOOR.
THIS IS WHY I’M HERE?
Are you KIDDING me?
THAT little flea?
HE’S the one?
The creep stealing my show?
All thoughts of Tam
and pinkies
and secrets
and president
fly out of my brain
and everything is replaced
with burning
angry
flames.
Levi is the chicken head?
He’s been the fake mascot this whole time?
THAT’S why I’m here?
So he can apologize?
Oh good grief,
I just . . .
I can NOT.
TAM
His voice is squeaky
over the intercom
when they make him apologize to Kate
and blast it
to the whole school.
Oh, man, oh, man,
shortstack, no.
Levi, why?
Oh man, oh no.
As soon as the bell rings
I run down the hall,
see Kate
and before I can say
anything
she hauls back
and
SMACK
a slap
heard round the world.
Yearbook!
Becca yells,
flash flash flash.
Levi is stunned,
a pink handprint bright
on his face,
as Kate whips around,
marches off,
with a fierce ponytail swish.
Alex
Alyx
Alexx
It was just a boring day.
One of many boring days.
They’re mostly boring days.
They’re mostly boring days.
It was just a boring day.
One of many boring days.
Until.
Until.
Until.
That announcement.
The slap heard round the world.
The talk of the school.
The talk of the school.
That announcement.
The slap heard round the world.
Hold onto your seat.
Grab a snack.
Things are heating up.
Things are heating up.
Hold onto your seat.
Grab a snack.
Redwood.
Ponytail.
They’re on the attack.
Kate
I got to hide
under the Falcon head,
under its wings.
I got to be silly,
jump around,
be me-me.
And stupid Levi,
stupid, stupid Levi,
he stole that from me.
He is always himself,
always Tam’s friend,
always the king of the halls,
he knows exactly who he is.
So why would he need a mask;
why would he steal my show?
There’s no reason at all.
Except . . .
I mean . . .
unless he was in my brain,
he had no idea
his stupid chicken head
was stealing me from me.
And now Tam.
She’s doing the same thing!
Stealing my presidency,
while barely even trying.
Well, we’ll see about that.
My posters are on fire.
She can’t beat me at this,
no way
no how
it’s not even an option.
TAM
I feel like
I should say something
about Levi’s mascot thing,
even though
I didn’t know.
I have this itchiness
like it’s somehow
partly my fault.
I walk up behind her,
ready to tap her shoulder,
try to talk,
when I hear:
She doesn’t know anything
at all
about being president.
I mean,
come on.
She probably thinks
class president
can do dumb things
like tell teachers what to teach
and get soda in the cafeteria.
Everyone around her laughs
as she flips her ponytail
and my mouth goes dry.
She has no idea
what she’s doing.
I’m not worried.
Seriously.
Seriously?
I back away
before she can see me.
Fine.
That’s how we’re doing this?
Cool.
I crumple my election speech,
crushing it in my pocket.
Yeah. We’ll see who
doesn’t know
what she’s up against.
Kate
Tam sits next to me
onstage
and doesn’t say a word,
she just stares ahead,
hands in her lap.
I wonder if she’s nervous
or if it’s the same as a game.
I wonder if she’ll be cool and confident
just like when she wins a point,
makes the crowd go nuts.
That whatshisname kid,
the third candidate,
just finished his speech and
yawn
I’m gonna dust him
like a powdered donut.
I shuffle the note cards in my lap,
smile to myself
because, yeah
my speech is so good,
it’s totally on point.
I have this election won already.
But first I have to be poised,
look happy,
listen politely
as Tam takes the podium.
She winks at me
as she stands up
and of course
of course
my traitorous stomach
flip-flops twice
even as I try to ignore
the jolt
that always hits
when Tam’s eyes
lock onto mine.
Why would she wink?
Is she trying to throw me off?
Well, it won’t work.
I close my eyes.
I’m cool.
I’m collected.
I’m winning this thing,
no questions asked.
TAM
I look out over the whole gym
full of the entire school.
Then I look directly into
Kate’s eyes
as I say,
I will make sure we get sodas
for free
in the cafeteria
every day.
Everyone cheers,
a thundering crowd
and I pause as I keep my eyes
on Kate.
I say,
I will also make sure we have
no more tests
ever
on Fridays.
I hold up my hand
to stop the cheers
as I continue,
I promise free tickets to concerts
for getting straight As,
and if you get Bs
you can still come,
you just have to stand
farther from the stage.
The entire gym bursts into applause
as they chant my name.
Oh!
I shout,
quieting them down,
One more thing:
Every kid gets their own cheerleader,
who has to do what they say.
The crowd laughs and claps,
cheers and whistles,
while I fling my arms in the air,
V for Victory
and walk right past Kate.
She smooths her skirt as she stands,
and whispers fiercely to me:
You can’t do any of that.
None of those promises are real.
I shrug.
Yeah, I guess I don’t know
anything about anything.
Except . . .
I do know
what a crowd wants to hear.
Kate
That Tam,
that girl,
that
that
that
ARGH!
She isn’t playing by the rules,
she’s making ME look bad.
My speech is about
community service,
about making the school a better place,
and no one cares at all
because I haven’t mentioned sodas once
and I can’t control when tests will be given
BUT NEITHER CAN SHE.
Oh good grief,
my speech is done.
Hello?
No one even heard me.
TAM
Maybe it was mean
to make promises I can’t keep,
but the look on her face . . .
it was sort of worth it
when I waltzed past.
Her eyes shooting fire,
her cheeks burning pink,
her mouth scrunched up
and all because of me.
Except now . . .
I don’t actually feel good.
I feel tired.
I feel sad.
I don’t want to be president.
I just wanted Kate to see me.
I miss her.
Ugh.
Now I feel bad.
Kate
Seriously.
All anyone can talk about
falls into two categories:
1) How cool Levi is for being the chicken head
2) How cool Tam is going to be as president
Well here’s a third category for everyone:
3) Shut your stupid pie holes
Seriously.
TAM
I might have hit my
high five limit
which is a thing
I did not know
I had.
But every minute
of every day
every kid
wants a smack
because of my speech
and my presidential promises
which I absolutely
cannot keep.
Ugh.
Kate
If I have to hear
one
m
ore
time
about that stupid
everyone gets a cheerleader thing
that Tam said
AS A JOKE,
I am going to catch on fire
and then possibly
explode.
Kate
Can you come get me?
I text Jill.
I can’t take it anymore.
What?
Skip school?
I don’t think so.
is her reply,
and fine.
Fine.
So glad she’s BFFs with Mom now.
So glad no one is on my side.
TAM
I hate this feeling.
I hate it so much.
I only ran in the election
to get Kate’s attention.
I didn’t mean to screw it up.
I don’t want her to lose.
I definitely don’t want to win.
I’m going to take my name off the ballot.
And then
I’m going to find a rocket
and shoot myself to Mars.
I want to escape this whole mess,
get out of these halls.
Alex
Alyx
Alexx
Well this is fun.
Chaos reigns.