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Redwood and Ponytail

Page 18

by K. A. Holt


  Up is down and down is up.

  Can anything else happen?

  Any more wildness in store?

  What will tomorrow bring?

  I’m almost afraid to know.

  I’m almost afraid to know.

  I’m almost afraid to know.

  Kate

  The first one was easy

  yank

  rip

  trash.

  I never even stopped walking,

  smooth,

  chin high,

  hiding in plain sight.

  I yanked another,

  I ripped another,

  filled the trash in every hall.

  Tam’s posters crumpled,

  her grins,

  her blah-blah VOTE FOR MEs

  shredded in the bins

  looking up at me

  and it was like I was watching

  a brand-new Kate

  take over my arms

  like I couldn’t believe

  this girl

  was doing this terrible thing

  so easily

  and with a smile.

  I was on my way out the door

  before I heard,

  Douglass? What in the world?

  Now I’m in the principal’s office

  and let’s just say . . . it’s not great.

  Kate

  I don’t get in trouble.

  That’s not a thing I do.

  So watching the principal’s mouth

  turn into a deep, long line

  while she paces back and forth

  makes my brain

  sting in a way

  it has never stung before.

  You gave such a nice speech!

  This doesn’t make sense!

  Her hands go to her hips

  as she says words like:

  Irresponsible.

  She says,

  Really disappointing.

  She says,

  I thought you were

  one of our leaders,

  She says,

  one of our best kids.

  She says,

  But now . . .

  She says,

  You’re off the ballot.

  She says,

  That’s for sure.

  She says,

  And you’re replacing the posters.

  She says,

  That’s also for sure.

  And the words hang

  in the air

  thick

  clinging

  to my stinging brain,

  Your mom is on the way,

  she says,

  her final words,

  the worst of them all,

  as I sit here

  hands on my face.

  TAM

  I should be mad.

  I want to be mad

  as the principal explains

  Kate has been sent home.

  (What!)

  She will be making me

  all new posters

  before election day.

  (What!)

  And Kate

  is off the ballot,

  having proven

  she is not a good candidate

  for student council.

  (What! WHAT!)

  And she will have detention

  for quite some time

  to learn about respect

  and blah blah blah.

  I should be mad.

  I want to be mad.

  But I know I pushed her,

  I know it was my fault.

  I know I ruined this for her

  by being a huge jerk.

  I take a deep breath

  and tell the principal

  I don’t care about the posters,

  I quit the election,

  whatshisname can win,

  I just want all of this to be over.

  Kate

  Mom isn’t talking,

  which is weird because

  Mom always talks,

  especially when she’s mad.

  But right now she’s super quiet

  as the car hums its way home.

  It’s lucky,

  she says finally

  the MisDirection tickets

  are nonrefundable.

  She looks at me.

  Hard.

  You’re lucky

  the show is tomorrow.

  You’re lucky

  I’m too busy

  to try to sell them online.

  I look down at my lap.

  I bought those to help you.

  But no.

  You don’t want to be captain.

  I don’t know, Katherine . . .

  What has gotten into you?

  What is your problem?

  I almost start to laugh because,

  my problem?

  I already TOLD HER

  and she didn’t LISTEN to me.

  My problem is so much more

  than concert tickets

  I could SCREAM.

  TAM

  Maybe I should say I’m sorry

  to Kate

  for the election,

  for everything.

  Though she was mean, too,

  saying those things,

  tearing up my posters.

  I just . . .

  if she feels as confused

  as I do

  then maybe we can start over.

  Kate

  Can I come in?

  Jill’s at my door.

  A quiet knock.

  Sure.

  Ready for the concert?

  The big party?

  I guess.

  People will be getting here soon.

  Might want to get dressed.

  Okay.

  Kate?

  Yeah?

  You all right?

  It’s my birthday.

  I’m great.

  I’m totally fine.

  Really?

  Yes!

  She comes to my bed,

  grabs me in a hug,

  whispers,

  You know I’ll always love you,

  no matter who you love.

  I know,

  I whisper back,

  I love you, too.

  And my heart caves in a little bit.

  Will I ever be able to love me, too?

  TAM

  The front door opens.

  Oh.

  It’s you.

  I don’t know what to say,

  I’m not even sure why I’m here

  except,

  You tore down all my posters.

  My arms cross,

  hugging my chest.

  I thought you hated posters.

  I roll my eyes.

  Yes. You’re hilarious.

  Kate sighs deep

  and long

  like it comes from her toes.

  She looks at the floor

  then says,

  You can’t actually do

  any of that,

  you know.

  Any of what?

  The things in your speech.

  I know.

  Then why did you say it?

  To make me look dumb?

  I shrug.

  I wanted to show you . . .

  I don’t know.

  Mostly I just wanted you to

  see me.

  I see you every day.

  Your face.

  Those posters.

  I laugh.

  My posters?

  You’re the one who’s

  everywhere.

  Anyway.

  I’m sorry.

  Why are YOU sorry?

  I’m the one who threw a fit.

  I acted like a baby.

  I gave you the election.

  I don’t want the election.

  I quit.

  What?!

  Then what DO you want?

  I want . . .

  There’s a lot of noise,

  then,
r />   squealing,

  running,

  chaos

  as the squad appears

  behind Kate

  on the stairs.

  Wha—

  MisDirection.

  My birthday.

  MDOMG, how could I forget?

  She just looks at me,

  her eyes red,

  mouth turned down.

  I don’t know.

  How could you?

  Kate

  In the doorway

  she looks smaller

  than she ever has before.

  Hunched over,

  hands in her pockets,

  and I’m not sure what she wants.

  Except . . .

  she always knows what she wants.

  That’s a Tam thing.

  A Tam specialty.

  So surely she’s here for a reason,

  surely she wants something.

  She just looks at me, though,

  like she’s trying to remember who I am,

  like she’s trying to recognize my face,

  like I’m a stranger

  in some strange land.

  TAM

  Why am I here again?

  That’s the question of the night.

  How did I end up at her house

  when she clearly hates me,

  is clearly busy

  with this birthday party

  and as always

  I’m extra,

  in the way,

  not part of the group,

  ugh,

  okay, Tam.

  Time to go for real.

  Forever.

  Time to get away.

  TAM

  The floors are finished.

  I blurt,

  feet frozen

  for some reason,

  not leaving

  for some reason.

  Yes.

  Don’t they look great?

  I . . . guess?

  The girls are all so loud,

  shouting for Kate

  to come upstairs.

  I should probably . . .

  Yes.

  Go up there.

  It’s your big day.

  Sorry I interrupted.

  Unless . . .

  Unless . . .

  You probably hate me now.

  Her chin sticks out,

  her bottom lip

  in the smallest of pouts.

  Her face points to the floor,

  but her eyes lift,

  looking at me,

  seeing me,

  until my heart flips

  and flops

  and flips

  again

  and hate is not the word

  I’d ever use for her.

  Hate you?

  Over some stupid posters?

  I have a lot more reasons to hate you

  than just that.

  Her eyes flare wide,

  her chin quivers.

  Hey.

  Hey.

  I was just kidding.

  I could never hate you, Kate.

  Why would you think that?

  Well,

  uh,

  Her eyes again.

  I can’t stop looking at them.

  Deep, dark,

  black mysteries

  as she

  glances behind her,

  says,

  Want to come in?

  She’s staring at the floor now,

  instead of me,

  her words rushed,

  her cheeks pink.

  Sure,

  my mouth says,

  before my brain can catch up.

  For a minute.

  But then I have to go.

  Why would I say yes?

  Her mom is in there.

  And the whole squad.

  This is a terrible idea.

  But when she looks up,

  her face is hopeful,

  her eyes so wide,

  if I said no right now,

  I might actually curl up

  and die.

  Kate

  She’s here,

  and I have so much to say,

  but the whole squad

  sits in my room

  chattering,

  looking at Tam

  out of the sides of their eyes

  like

  she might burst into flames

  and there’s just no way

  to actually talk

  or say anything

  so I don’t.

  TAM

  The squad’s MisDirection shirts,

  glittering at me

  make me realize immediately

  this was a bad idea.

  I was never meant to be here,

  not for the party,

  or the concert,

  or even in Kate’s life.

  Everything about me is too different.

  Too not perfect.

  I will never fit

  no matter how hard Kate tries.

  Kate

  Presents!

  Becca yells,

  as the squad surrounds me.

  The last thing I see

  before the blindfold goes on

  is Tam in the corner

  looking completely lost.

  TAM

  Okay.

  It’s time to leave.

  This isn’t the Kate

  who was at the front door.

  Her eyes fooled me

  for just a minute

  but now I see the truth.

  The yo-yo friend is

  back again

  the old Kate

  everyone else knows so well.

  Kate

  Sharp light

  underlines

  the bottom of the blindfold

  as Becca giggles

  and the other girls do, too.

  I yank off the blindfold

  as soon as Becca yells

  Okay, open!

  and the first thing I see is Tam,

  making her way to the door,

  but she’s stopped,

  trapped,

  by a life-size cutout of Ben,

  the brooding one.

  Becca squeals,

  the others do, too:

  We know you like the moody type!

  and

  You finally have a boyfriend now!

  They all laugh, and

  Tam starts to laugh, too,

  but it’s different,

  harsh and loud.

  She swipes at tears,

  casting her glance around.

  Looking at us,

  at the MisDirection poster,

  at giant Ben,

  at me.

  Her nose is running,

  but she doesn’t seem to care.

  My Redwood,

  so angry.

  TAM

  I can’t be here anymore.

  I want out.

  I need out.

  She’s clearly made her choice:

  The squad.

  MisDirection.

  Boyfriends.

  That’s it.

  I make it to the door, but

  the cutout of Ben taunts me,

  haunts me,

  his pretty face

  so concerned.

  I flick him in the forehead,

  and my mouth starts talking

  before I realize it.

  TAM

  These boys

  make themselves

  look

  [flick]

  like

  [flick]

  girls

  [flick]

  so the girls

  [flick]

  will

  [flick]

  like

  them.

  [flick]

  Can’t you see that?

  Isn’t that weird?

  There is a dent in Ben’s

  perfect

  forehead

  now.

 
But if you’re a girl

  [flick]

  who likes girls

  [flick]

  then the same girls

  [flick]

  who like boys who look like girls

  [flick]

  think you’re the weird one.

  [flick]

  Is that what you’re afraid of, Kate?

  That you’re the weird one, Kate?

  I walk over to her.

  Stand so close to her.

  I can feel the bursts of her

  breath

 

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