British Black Sheep: A Hero Club Novel

by Lauren Smith

  “Ah. You must be Julia’s writer.” The man looked at the notebook she’d been carrying around all day.

  “I am.”

  “What do you think of the place? Be honest now.”

  “It’s lovely. It’s not just a fancy country house, and it’s not a museum. It’s a home. That’s the part I want readers to know. Julia, Byron, and their family breathe life into the history of this place. They continue its graceful traditions not out of duty but out of a desire to carry on what is worth loving about this place.”

  The man puffed on his cigar again. “You sound very wise for one so young.”

  “Sometimes I don’t feel young,” she admitted. She was only twenty-nine, but in many ways, she felt ancient. She’d been married, divorced, and lost her parents. It had aged her in a way.

  “Only the young feel young and they’re too young to realize the value in it.”

  “That’s true,” Brie agreed. “Are you staying tomorrow with the family?”

  “A few more days should do it,” the man said. “I never want to miss Christmas at Merryvale. There’s no place like it in the world.”

  “It is magical,” she agreed. “Well, it was nice to meet you.” She shook his hand.

  “Same to you, my dear.” The man puffed on his cigar as he headed toward the stairs.

  When Brie reached her room, she remembered Ainsley was still downstairs. She dropped her notebook on her bed and glanced at her unpacked suitcase. It was one more thing to do before she left this place.

  “You forgot your little companion.” Morgan announced from her doorway, holding Ainsley.

  “Thank you. I was just coming to get her.” She accepted the puppy from his arms and a laugh escaped her as she saw up close how truly atrocious Morgan’s sweater was. It was an ugly pastel illustration of a bulbous-nosed Santa.

  “Go ahead and laugh.” Morgan said. “But, I won.”

  “Tell me you bought that at a joke store.” She laughed again.

  “Hardly.” He glanced down at the ugly thing. “I bought it at a retail store. The sweater wasn’t a joke. At least, not to the shop that sold it.” He watched her put Ainsley in the kennel.

  “So, you leave tomorrow?” Morgan asked.

  “Yes. Back to work, I’m afraid. You?” She folded her arms over her chest.

  “Tomorrow as well, but not until the evening.” Morgan stepped closer, partly closing the door behind him. “Brie, would you consider staying?”

  “Staying?” She eyed him in concern. “I can’t, Morgan.”

  “Please.” He reached out and clasped her hands in his.

  “Oh Morgan, I’m sorry but I didn’t mean to make you think that I was…” She wasn’t sure how to tell him she wasn’t interested in him, at least not like this. His lips curved into a rueful smile.

  “What? Oh, no. Not for me, for Alec. I know you two have a connection.”

  “What?” A lump formed in her throat. If he knew…what if he told Julia?

  “Oh, come now. You’d have to be blind not to see it. There’s chemistry between you two.” Morgan’s smile was gentle and it gave her some small measure of relief.

  “You’re not upset? I sort of had the impression your mom wanted you and me to get together.”

  Morgan’s eyes twinkled with mischief. “She’s a matchmaker, all right. But she knows I won’t settle down. Alec though, he’s different. With the right person, he can learn to be himself again.”

  Brie shivered. “I wish I was that person, but I’m not ready to be in a relationship again.”

  “Are you still in love with your ex?” Morgan asked.

  “No, that’s not what I meant.” Brie sighed and pulled her hands free of his. “I don’t trust myself. I want to believe in love, to believe it’s real, but I don’t trust myself not to make the same mistake again.” She looked up at the glass chandelier.

  “What does love mean to you?” Morgan asked her.

  “I don’t know…” She stared at him, wishing she could explain it. “I guess that’s my problem isn’t it? I don’t know it well enough to see it in another person.”

  “You know, Alec was my grandfather’s favorite. Don’t get me wrong, Walter loved me, but there was something about Alec that truly made them bond. I’ve wondered about that, what makes two souls connect, makes them inseparable? It’s like on some level you realize being apart from them leaves you feeling cold and alone in a bone deep way. Alec must feel like that whenever he thinks of our grandfather. It’s how I feel about my parents. That’s why I come home every holiday. I’d rather risk the pain than never know the joy of loving and being loved.” Morgan slid his hands into his pockets, a sheepish grin on his face.

  “The thing is, for the few days you were here, we saw the old Alec. The person he was before Walter died. You were good for him. Maybe he was good for you too?”

  “Maybe,” Brie conceded. “But we’re talking about the real world here. Sometimes it really is just too complicated.”

  Morgan thought about that, then nodded. “I’m sorry that it didn’t work out.”

  Brie smiled sadly. “Me too.”

  Morgan leaned in and pressed a faint kiss to her cheek before he left. Brie stared at Ainsley, now sleeping in her carrier. Brie knew she needed to pack but she came to the sad realization that she couldn’t bring anything reminiscent of Alec back with her, it would simply be too much.

  It was close to midnight. Alec left his bedroom and wandered down the hall. He couldn’t sleep. His mind kept going over everything that happened these last few days. He was torn, but he shouldn’t be. His life was back in London.

  He paused at the door of his grandfather’s study. The light was still on. He pushed the door open and stepped inside, only to stop dead in his tracks. There was someone sitting at his grandfather’s desk, smoking a cigar and clutching a glass of scotch.

  “Grandfather?” Alec’s voice was faint. He gazed at the form of his very real, very present grandfather.

  Walter smiled. “Been a long time, hasn’t it, my boy?”

  “I… but…you…” Alec stammered.

  “Yes.” Walter chuckled. “That doesn’t mean I’ve reached the end.”

  “What do you mean?” Alec couldn’t stop staring. This was a dream. It had to be. But it felt so heartbreakingly real, right down to the smell of the cigars.

  “Do you remember when I used to tell you about that female astronomer from the nineteenth century?”

  Alec nodded. “Yes, Lysandra Russell.”

  “And do you remember what she used to say?” Walter asked.

  Throat tight, Alec spoke. “We are all, each of us, made of stardust.”

  “That’s right. Everything on this earth, every atom, every molecule was at one time a part of a cosmic cloud of dust that came from a dying star. When that cosmic dust swirled tight under pressure, new planets and new stars were formed. Nothing that dies ever stays dead, Alec. We are all stardust.”

  “This has to be a dream,” Alec muttered. “But I’ve dreamt about you before and it’s never felt like this.”

  “It’s because you’re here,” Walter said. “You’ve been running away from home a long time. I couldn’t find you, not until you came back.”

  “I came home a few years ago for the holidays.” Alec argued.

  Walter’s eyes were heavy. “You came to Merryvale, but you left your heart in London, locked away from all those who love you. This time it’s different. You’re different.”

  “How?” Alec asked. But he already knew the answer. “Brie…”

  “Now you’re starting to see, my boy.” His grandfather pushed his chair back and stood.

  “Grandfather…” Alec spoke again, fearing the dream wouldn’t last. All dreams had to end, didn’t they?

  “Yes?”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t come home sooner, but I was afraid.”

  “It’s all right to be afraid. What matters is what you do in the face of it.” Walter came over a
nd placed a hand on Alec’s shoulder for a moment before he walked past him toward the door. Alec spun to say something, but no one was there. The light in the room faded from gold to moonlit shadows.

  Alec shivered and realized he must have been sleepwalking. He inhaled deeply. Walter’s cigar smoke still filled the air. Alec rubbed his arms and walked back to his room, more confused than ever. What did it mean? What was he meant to do? And was he brave enough once he knew the answer?

  14

  Goodbyes were never easy for Brie. She wiped away tears as she hugged Byron and Julia. Morgan, Simon, Bridget, and Brendan were all there as well. Alec, however, was noticeably absent. Morgan had said something about him being caught up in work in his room. She doubted that was entirely true, but perhaps it was for the best. She wasn’t sure she could face him. It would hurt too much to say goodbye to him for a second time.

  “I’m so glad you don’t mind me leaving Ainsley here. She seems so happy with the other dogs.” Brie watched the puppy running around Morgan’s legs, yipping in delight as Yogi trundled after her, enjoying the game of chase.

  “Of course,” Byron said. “Merryvale can never have too many dogs. Are you sure you won’t reconsider?”

  “I wish I could. But she would be unhappy in my tiny apartment.”

  “Well, you can come visit her when the book is published. I will insist upon that,” Julia said, even though she’d already spent the last hour during breakfast reminding Brie that she could visit as often as she wished. As they hugged, Julia continued, “You’re part of our family now.”

  Brie wished that were true. It would be an honor to be part of their family.

  “Thank you so much for opening your home to me.” Brie’s throat tightened as she struggled to keep a smile in place.

  Julia hugged her again. “Of course, my dear. There are so many things I want to thank you for, but now isn’t the time. I don’t want you to miss your flight.”

  Brie got into the SUV that would take her to Manchester and cast one last look out the windows at a place that had come to feel like home in so short a time. It wasn’t just the ancient stones and trees, or the sloping snowy hills, or that the place looked like it belonged in a fairy tale. It was the people within the house’s walls that had stolen her heart. Byron with his quiet confidence. Julia with her open heart. Morgan and his good-natured charm.

  But above all else, she would miss Alec. She would miss the way he touched her, the way he kissed her as though he had all the time in the world yet couldn’t get enough of her. She would miss how they talked late into the night and how it felt to simply be while she was near him. But she also feared what it would be like to stay, to try again to chase after what she thought she had with Preston.

  Why was she so afraid? Brie wished she knew the answer. Looking into the darkest parts of her soul, at her own fears and failings, was something no one liked to do. She’d avoided it for a long time.

  But as she boarded the plane in Manchester that day, she finally faced the truth: she was afraid. Afraid to find love. Afraid it would be real and even more afraid she would screw it up somehow. Perhaps meeting Alec had been the universe telling her that she could still have a chance, maybe not with him but with someone else.

  By the time Brie landed in New York twelve hours later, she found herself outside baggage claim with nothing to do but wait for the parade of luggage to begin.

  She pulled up some social media apps on her phone and searched for Preston. She gasped when she found him. He was hugging a lovely woman and holding the hand of a child who looked to be about two years old.

  The pain she expected didn’t come, only a poignant bittersweet ache. He had what she wanted. He’d managed to find it after their shared life had crumbled down around them. It gave her hope, like a field of early blooming wildflowers, defiant against the cold late winter winds.

  She pulled up her contacts and found Preston’s number and after moment’s hesitation, dialed it. It was possible he’d changed his number, but she wanted to try. It rang only once before he answered.

  “Brie?” He sounded surprised, but not upset.

  “Hey Preston,” she said softly. “I probably shouldn’t have called you, but I need to talk for a minute. Is that okay?”

  “Hey, of course,” Preston said. He sounded different. More engaged, more…something she couldn’t quite define.

  “I saw that you remarried. You have a son?”

  “Yeah, I do.” Preston’s warm chuckle brought back happy memories. “His name is Jake. My wife is Izzy.”

  “Congratulations.” Brie meant it. She’d never wished him ill, and she knew he hadn’t wished her ill either.

  “So, what did you want to talk about?”

  Brie summoned her courage and hoped this wasn’t a mistake. “Well…how did you do it? I mean, fall in love again? How did you know it was real this time?”

  God, she must sound crazy and pathetic. There was a long pause, but he didn’t end the call. He drew in a deep breath and then spoke.

  “It didn’t happen overnight, I can tell you that.” He hesitated. “You know…I kept tabs on you after the first year,” Preston said quietly. “I thought I should walk away clean, but we were friends. I worried about you.”

  That stunned her. Preston had cared after all that? She swallowed thickly.

  “But I was worried you hated me, and I didn’t want to make things worse. I’m sorry. Looking back, I think we could have done each other a lot of good if we’d just talked more. It would have saved us a lot of time.”

  “Maybe you’re right. I’m sorry too.”

  “So, you’re wondering what changed since then?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Well, for the first year after we got divorced, I buried myself in work. You know how I was. Then I realized I was getting by fine from day to day, but looking back on that year? I hadn’t lived at all. I realized that life wasn’t working out any better than our marriage. It was just another holding pattern.”

  Brie could relate to that.

  “Then I was getting coffee one morning and I saw this woman in a shop, reading a fat book by some old Russian guy and I couldn’t help but laugh. She reminded me of you,” Preston said this fondly.

  “Anyway, she sees me clearly laughing at her and calls me out on it, which also reminded me of you. I apologized and introduced myself. I told her why I was laughing and rather than be offended she laughed as well, like she got it, like she got me. Turns out she’s a professor of English lit at the University of Columbia.”

  “Wow…” Brie could never imagine Preston settling down with another bookworm, but she was glad.

  “So, we went out for coffee, then dinner, then movies. We took it slow. I was gun shy about getting married again, but one morning I woke up and realized that if I had to go a day without her in my life it would hurt like hell. I couldn’t stand to think about it. I proposed to her then and there, with no ring or anything. I’m still surprised she said yes.” Preston laughed again. “We got married and then Jake came along. He’s barely two. I left my job after we got married. Now I run a small regional bank as a CFO. Great benefits, excellent daycare, and simple nine to five work hours. Haven’t worked a day of overtime all year. I never imagined I would want any of that four years ago, but it’s all that matters now. Funny how life is, isn’t it?”

  “It really is.” Brie thought back to the moment she’d first seen Alec, and how he turned out so different, so much more complex and wonderful than she ever could have dreamed.

  “So, how about you? Is everything okay with you?”

  “I’m okay, really. I’ve got an amazing job as a ghostwriter.” She mentioned a few of her better-known books.

  “Believe it or not, we have a few of those on the shelves here at the house. I’ll have to tell Izzy. She would love to know a famous author.” Brie heard only genuine sincerity in his voice. “Brie, why did you really call? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m really glad yo
u did, but why?”

  Preston had been so open and honest with her that she didn’t want to close up on him now.

  “I met someone. He was a lot like you. Funny how that is.” She drew in a deep breath. “I felt things for him, but I was afraid that given what happened with us it would happen all over again. I…I think I made another mistake.”

  “That’s good it, isn’t it?” Preston answered softly. “Life is about making mistakes. Not all mistakes are the end of the road. Sometimes they keep us on the right path. Call it failing forward. Don’t give up. I think you and I were practicing. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I don’t regret one minute of being married to you, Brie.” His voice softened. “You deserve to be happy and to have a life you’ve always dreamed of. Just let go of your fear and give it another chance. And even if turns out to be a mistake, try again. Fail forward.”

  Brie’s throat tightened and, for moment, she couldn’t make a sound. Finally, she managed to suck in a breath. “Thank you, Preston. That means more than you know.”

  “Hey, I mean it,” Preston insisted. “If you ever need me, call me. Izzy would love to meet you.”

  “That might be fun. I’ll think about it.” Brie promised and she meant it. For some reason the thought of meeting Preston’s wife didn’t sound as painful as she might’ve imagined.

  “Well, it’s almost dinner so I’ve got some mac & cheese to make for my little man. It’s bachelor night for Jake and me. Izzy’s at a work thing.” He laughed.

  “Sounds like fun.” Brie smiled. “Take care, Preston.”

  “You too, Brie.”

  Brie ended the call and stared at the phone, her breath coming more deeply now. Tears blurred her eyes, but she felt free. It was as though she’d been trapped in a dark cave her whole life and was only now glimpsing the bright beautiful world around her. Even the rushing chaos at the Newark airport and the march of unclaimed luggage around the carousel seemed beautiful.

  Was this what it was like to face one’s fears and learn you were strong enough to keep going forward? If it was, she could do it. Maybe love would truly find her this time.