Cocky

by Sean Ashcroft

  He doubted anyone would miss seeing his face in their Twitter feeds on a semi-regular basis. Although, judging by the attention Eliot’s photos of the two of them were getting, maybe he was wrong about that.

  Eliot was a more charismatic person than Danny by a long way, though. He’d probably gotten a lot of attention before all this. Besides, attention was the last thing Danny wanted.

  “Here’s to thirty,” Eliot raised his glass. “You don’t look a day over twenty-nine.”

  Danny snorted, touched his glass to Eliot’s, and then sipped his wine. “Yeah, yeah. Make fun of the old guy.”

  “You’re really not that old,” Eliot said, taking a sip from his own glass.

  Danny looked down at his lap. “I feel it sometimes. The whole groaning like I’m ninety when I stand up thing kinda doesn’t help.”

  “You’ll heal,” Eliot said. “Once you’re done with the season.”

  Humming, Danny grabbed a slice of pizza and started eating. He’d never be the same as he was when he was younger, but then again, neither would anyone else. That was life.

  Eliot was right. Once he’d had his surgery, he’d have time to heal up. The pain would be a whole lot more manageable, and with enough time and physical therapy, he’d feel a lot better. Danny was just feeling sorry for himself right now.

  “I feel washed-up,” he said, without really meaning to. The thing was, he knew Eliot would say something comforting, and he wanted that.

  He wanted to take as much comfort as Eliot was willing to offer, since he was the only person in Danny’s life who seemed willing to offer it at all.

  As expected, Eliot scooted closer on the couch, resting his knee against Danny’s thigh, a silent gesture of support. “You’re not washed up. You’re coming to the end of one phase of your life, but that means you get to start a new one. Do you know what you wanna do?”

  Danny shrugged. “Coach, maybe. Kids, I mean. Not adults. Mostly, I’d like to slow down. I feel like I haven’t had a break since I was in middle school.”

  “Well, there you go,” Eliot said. “You’ve earned the chance to slow down, and when you’re ready, you can work on the next big thing.”

  Sitting back, Danny basked in the comfort of that remark. Eliot was right. His life was a long way from over, it was just changing.

  “How do you always know exactly what to say?” Danny asked.

  “It’s kinda my job.” Eliot leaned forward to grab another slice of pizza. “But I’m not saying anything special, here. You’re more than your hockey career.”

  Danny swallowed. That was the thing, wasn’t it? He didn’t really believe that. Hockey was all he’d ever had, all he’d ever been good at, the only reason people had ever even liked him.

  Except Eliot. Eliot’s friendship wasn’t based on what Danny did for a living.

  It wasn’t even based on Eliot getting paid. If it was just about getting paid, he would have come over, taken a selfie, and left.

  He wouldn’t still be here if he was only interested in the money. Danny knew that.

  He couldn’t exactly figure out why Eliot wanted to be his friend, but he also didn’t care. It was nice to have someone on his side for once, someone who liked him as a person.

  A comfortable silence fell as the two of them kept eating, Danny getting out his phone to turn the stereo on for some background noise. This was a huge improvement on what he’d been expecting his birthday would be like.

  “Thank you,” he said eventually, as he poured himself a second glass of wine. “For coming over, I mean. I thought I was gonna be alone today. And I know birthdays are just another day, but…”

  “This one was a milestone,” Eliot said. “I thought about dragging you out somewhere for it, but you don’t strike me as the type who’d enjoy that.”

  Danny raised an eyebrow. “Where would you have dragged me?”

  Eliot shrugged. “I had a brief thought about taking you boy-watching at a gay bar. Since I’m guessing you never really got to go.”

  “Ooh, you dodged a bullet there. I can’t dance to save my life,” Danny said. He appreciated the thought, though, and Eliot was right—he’d missed out on his clubbing days. Not that he would have been all that into it in the first place, but still.

  “That’s a surprise. You’re very graceful on your skates. I bet you’re not as bad as you think.”

  Eliot didn’t need to know that he wasn’t even a little bit graceful on his skates, not compared to other people. He was just good at forcing himself to go in the right direction. He couldn’t even turn properly.

  “Well, luckily, we’ll never find out,” Danny said.

  The moment he said it, the song changed. Eliot’s eyes lit up, and he sprang off the couch, holding his hands out to Danny.

  “Slow dance,” he said, wiggling his fingers. “Come on, it’s your birthday and you don’t get offers from someone as cute as me every day,” he joked.

  Danny wet his lips. He knew that he couldn’t dance to save his life, but that wasn’t really what Eliot was asking him to do.

  With only a split-second to decide before Eliot rescinded the offer, Danny heaved himself off the couch and stepped around the coffee table to face Eliot. He couldn’t let Eliot help him up, that would have been too much of a hit to his already bruised ego.

  “Okay,” he said nervously. “But if I break your foot, remember you asked for this.”

  “You won’t break my foot,” Eliot assured him, stepping close and putting both hands on Danny’s waist.

  For lack of any other idea what to do, Danny copied him and decided to let Eliot take the lead. He’d invited him to dance with the full knowledge that Danny didn’t really know how. It was on him to make the effort.

  Eliot grinned at him briefly, then leaned forward to rest his head on Danny’s shoulder and started swaying them side to side, forcing Danny to step back or sideways every so often.

  Once he got the hang of it, learned to anticipate Eliot’s moves, it was kind of nice.

  He could feel the heat of Eliot’s body seeping into his own, and the movement was gentle enough that his knee wasn’t bothering him. Danny’s shoulders relaxed, the tension he’d been carrying in his stomach melting away after a few moments.

  He tried not to think about Eliot naked or in the shower again. This was embarrassing enough without getting a hard-on in the middle of it.

  Eliot chuckled. “There we go. Admit it, you’re having fun.”

  “I am,” Danny said. “But only because no one’s watching.”

  “Someone’s always watching you, aren’t they?” Eliot said, as though he’d just realized.

  Danny never really thought of himself as a celebrity—he’d gotten used to increasing levels of fame the way a frog gets used to boiling water as long as you heat it slowly. It hadn’t happened overnight. Looking back, though, there was a time when no one had known his name.

  Now, he had to hire a fake boyfriend because everyone did.

  Most people didn’t live like that. Eliot didn’t live like that, but he’d agreed to so he could help Danny out.

  Danny wouldn’t have done the same for five hundred dollars a month.

  “Yeah, they are,” Danny admitted. “It’s hard.”

  Eliot made a soft, sympathetic noise that hit Danny square in the chest. When he shuffled a little closer, gripped him a little tighter, Danny didn’t even try to stop it. Instead, he wrapped his arms around Eliot, splaying his palms wide across his back.

  Danny had given as little thought as possible to what was going on between them, but this was good. This was something he wanted, and while he still didn’t want to examine his reasons for that, he also didn’t want Eliot to move away. Not at the end of the song, not for a good, long while after.

  “You’re not as bad at this as you think you are,” Eliot murmured, rubbing his cheek against Danny’s shoulder.

  “You think?” Danny asked. They were really only swaying side-to-side, but even he
had to admit that it felt nice.

  Eliot hummed, looking up at him. Not just looking—staring into Danny’s eyes as though if he looked hard enough, he’d be able to see his soul.

  Danny wasn’t entirely sure he couldn’t.

  He also wasn’t entirely sure who moved first, but he knew a moment later that someone had, that Eliot was closer than he had been, that their lips were suddenly an inch apart and he wanted to close the gap between them.

  Eliot beat him to it, sealing their mouths together with a surge forward. His glasses pressed into Danny’s cheek again, like they had last time.

  This wasn’t like last time, though. Last time had been for show, in front of hundreds of people.

  This was just for them. It was softer at first, more hesitant, Eliot’s lips exploring Danny’s own, feeling the shape of them, pressing closer and closer as the kiss deepened.

  Danny’s mouth fell open, and he could taste red wine on Eliot’s tongue, but they hadn’t been drinking enough to be doing this. Eliot had only managed half a glass so far.

  He wasn’t kissing Danny because he was drunk. He was kissing Danny because, for whatever reason, he wanted to.

  Danny’s heart swelled in his chest, and he moved a hand up to cup the back of Eliot’s skull, his fingers tangling in the other man’s hair. He didn’t want Eliot to go anywhere. Right now, he wanted to do exactly this, for as long as Eliot would let him.

  Of course, the moment he thought that, it was all over. Eliot broke the kiss and stumbled back, his glasses askew and his hair a mess, his cheeks flushed a dark red.

  They both stared at each other for a few agonizing moments.

  The horror written all over Eliot’s face broke Danny’s heart. Whatever he wanted in this moment, while he was lonely and vulnerable… he couldn’t have it. They couldn’t do this.

  Eliot didn’t actually want him. He’d just been caught up in the moment.

  Danny didn’t even know if he really wanted Eliot. He just wanted someone. Anyone. Someone to take all the loneliness and the pain away for a little while.

  It wasn’t fair to expect Eliot to do that.

  “I have to go,” Eliot said, grabbing his ever-present shoulder bag from the floor.

  Danny opened his mouth to tell him to stop, wait, they could talk about this, he didn’t have to leave… but none of the words would come out. All he could do was stare after him, watching him hurry down the hall and disappear.

  He stood there as the front door slammed shut, as the sound of Eliot starting his car broke the otherwise perfect silence of the night.

  Finally, he sat back down on the couch, still reeling from the shock of the last few minutes.

  How the hell was he going to fix this?

  Chapter Thirteen

  Even as he tried to make himself work on the article he’d agreed to do for Ben, Eliot couldn’t stop thinking about how stupid he’d been the night before. What the hell had he been thinking?

  Danny was paying him specifically so he wouldn’t have to deal with any of the messy crap that came with an actual romantic relationship. Now he’d gone and screwed it up.

  Not only had he screwed up, but then he’d run away without even pausing to apologize. He knew better than that, but panic had set in. He’d needed to get away before Danny rejected him, which was the obvious next step.

  Eliot shifted uncomfortably in his chair, a knot of anxiety sitting heavily in his stomach. He’d taken out his phone to apologize, to explain himself—maybe even to come clean about his confusing, awkward feelings that he knew Danny didn’t want to be on the receiving end of. To promise that if Danny gave him another chance, it would never be a problem again.

  He wasn’t even thinking about the money anymore. He was thinking about how he’d betrayed Danny’s trust, about how he’d probably never see him again.

  The thought of never seeing him again hurt. Danny had come to mean a lot to him, wriggled his way into Eliot’s heart while he’d had his guard down.

  Eliot jumped when his phone vibrated. He grabbed it immediately, unlocking it to check who’d sent him a new message.

  When he saw it was from Danny, he thought he might actually burst with relief. They were still on speaking terms. That was much better than Eliot had imagined.

  I know it’s short notice, but I have a charity thing tomorrow night and I’m hoping you’re still cool with coming with me, the text read.

  Eliot responded, of course, just send me the details, at lightning speed.

  Awesome, Danny sent, I’ll send you contact details for a guy who’ll fit you for a suit, but you’ll have to go today. Meet at my house tomorrow, around 7.

  I can do that, Eliot said, even knowing that he had a deadline looming. The deadline was important, his career was important, but so was this.

  The next thing Danny sent through was an address and instructions to mention his name and have the bill sent to him.

  Eliot responded with a quick text to confirm that he understood, and then set his phone down with a sigh of relief. Not only were they still speaking, but Danny was behaving as though it was business as usual. He was going to let Eliot forget the whole thing.

  Honestly, that was the best outcome Eliot could have hoped for. All he wanted was to pretend it had never happened, and to go on enjoying Danny’s company in whatever form he could get it.

  Looking back, he could hardly believe he was anything less than thrilled to be sent on the assignment that had started all of this. He’d expected to hate Danny, wanted to see him as nothing more than a dumb jock with no redeeming features, but he’d been wrong. He’d been incredibly wrong.

  Eliot realized now that his prejudice had been ridiculous. Danny was a complex, endearing man, and he was so grateful to have met him.

  Losing him completely would have hurt. Whatever happened, Eliot wasn’t going to screw up this second chance. Danny’s friendship had taught him so much already, and he knew there was more to come. All he had to do was avoid letting his messy, confused feelings spill out everywhere.

  That sounded simpler in theory than it would be in practice, but Eliot was determined to get it right this time.

  An email from Ben looking for a quick status update and a look at what he had so far interrupted his thought process.

  Eliot had gone from feeling as though he didn’t really have friends at all to having two older, gorgeous men wanting his attention in the space of just a few weeks. Now that he didn’t feel as though he had to be afraid of Ben, he could see him for the kind, good-hearted man he was.

  He was also a man who could do good things for Eliot’s career, if Eliot listened to him and took his advice. Ben had taken a risk on him by giving him the interview with Danny, and he owed it to him to do his best. Not only that, but he owed it to himself.

  He’d moved out here to launch his career, and he was finally starting to get somewhere.

  As long as he could keep everything balanced—his obligations to Danny and his unfortunately persistent crush, his regular work, and the extra stuff Ben was giving him—things were looking up.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Oh, wow.” Danny’s mouth fell open the moment he opened the door to Eliot. The first time he’d seen him, he’d thought Eliot was pretty—but all dressed up, he was stunning. The way he dressed most days made him look a little younger, though Danny had gotten used to seeing past that and seeing an intelligent adult behind the oversized glasses and eclectic combination of clothes he wore, which Danny assumed were in fashion.

  Now, he looked all grown up. Confident, masculine, and more put-together than Danny ever had any hope of being. He could see now why they put Eliot in charge of writing about men’s grooming. Most days, he wasn’t even trying. Today, he wouldn’t have been out of place on the cover of Cocky himself.

  Eliot grinned at him, obviously happy with Danny’s response.

  That was good. Danny had been terrified that Eliot would be mad at him, and that the whole evening wo
uld be uncomfortable. It looked like Eliot was happy to just pretend the other night hadn’t happened.

  Danny had mixed feelings about that. On the one hand, he’d been taken by surprise and freaked out a little bit.

  On the other hand, no one had ever kissed him like that before. He’d never felt so earnestly wanted, and that was a shock, too, but he was still trying to decide whether or not it was a bad shock.

  Eliot’s sudden transformation from frazzled reporter to cover-model beautiful wasn’t helping at all.

  Not that he hadn’t been cute before. Not that what he looked like was the single most important thing. Danny liked Eliot for a thousand other reasons, but…

  Well, he was kind of a visual man.

  “Uh, I should probably invite you in, huh?” Danny said, stepping back from the door. Eliot followed him inside, as he always did.

  “I’m glad you approve,” he said, looking Danny up and down. “You clean up nice, too.”

  “Thanks.” Danny shifted his weight between his feet. “I feel like an idiot.”

  “You look very handsome,” Eliot said, his tone sincere. “It’s a big change from sweatpants, which is what I normally see you in.”

  Danny chuckled. “Yeah, I guess. We should, uh…” he waved at the door, still unsure how he and Eliot fit together right now.

  “Go?” Eliot suggested.

  “Yeah. I mean, unless you don’t want to…”

  Eliot raised an eyebrow. “You asked me to, and I’m here. I sense that you don’t want to, but I also think that maybe you have to.”

  Danny swallowed. How could Eliot see right through him so consistently?

  He supposed that was why Eliot was a reporter and he rammed into people on skates for a living.

  “I hate these things,” Danny said. “But there are a lot of important people going who really like to be able to reach out and touch the players. Thing is… they all talk about stuff I don’t understand or care about. I don’t know if being bored or feeling stupid is worse.”

  Eliot gave him a soft, sympathetic look, and then offered Danny his arm. “That’s why you’re bringing me. I’m very good at pretending I care.”