by Virna DePaul
I’m angry, but I’m also sad. And hurt.
Just when I started falling for him, his true colors showed through. I’m pissed at myself for letting him in at all. I’m pissed that part of me had started to believe we could be something special. I’m pissed I was such a fool.
Around noon the next day, I arrive at Chad’s. That morning, I’d taken a long ride to clear my head after talking to Hunter, and doubt had started to creep in.
To tell the truth, doubt had been creeping in soon after Hunter had hung up on me.
Hunter had sounded surprised and insulted and angry on the phone.
But it had suddenly dawned on me that he’d also sounded hurt.
Granted, he could have been acting, but the hurt had been so subtle. Not a flagrant bid for attention but more like something he couldn’t hide no matter how hard he was trying to hide it.
For some reason, the thought of hurting Hunter emotionally made me feel sicker than I had when I’d witnessed his pain when I’d pierced his nipple. The strength of my reaction had me looking at things on a purely rational rather than emotional level.
A part of me still believes he’d called Amy, but bribing Chad? Why would Hunter go through the trouble? If there was ever a man who showed his cards and taunted the world to accept him as he was, it was Hunter. Plus, Chad idolizes Hunter. Hunter knows this, so why would he feel it necessary to have to bribe Chad into liking him? And Hunter had spoken the truth on the phone—he had too much to lose by doing something so unethical and stupid. He has more honor than that.
Once I reach the door of Chad’s apartment, I try to push the door open, but it’s locked. He almost never locks his door—it’s a bad habit of his I’ve been trying to break for years, but it looks like he’s finally learning his lesson. I knock on the door three times in a row before he pulls the door open, wearing nothing but a pair of sweatpants with hair that looks like he just rolled out of bed.
“Did you really just get out of bed?”
“Yeah,” he groans and wipes his eyes with his fists. “Studying for finals is killing me.”
“I’m not going to be here for long,” I insist as I push past him.
He closes the door behind me and spins to face me with his arms crossed over each other. “What’s up?” he questions, letting out an obnoxious yawn.
“I need to know the truth.”
“The truth about what?” He steps into the kitchen and grabs an empty glass from the cupboard to fill it up with water. “The truth about whether or not I’m going to sign?” He shrugs as he takes a long gulp of water. “I really haven’t decided yet.”
I step to the other side of the counter and fold my palms against the edge of the granite surface. “That’s not what I’m talking about.”
He finishes off the glass of water and sits the cup in the empty sink. “I’m really tired and I’m exhausted, so maybe instead of waiting for me to guess what you’re talking about, you just tell me?”
I have no problem with that. “I’m talking about the phone and the tickets.”
“What about them?” He sighs and scratches at the back of his ear. But he also can’t look me in the eye anymore.
“Who gave them to you?”
“Dani, I told you. I don’t know.”
“Show me the package.”
“I threw it away.” His teeth bite into his lower lip. “I don’t understand why it’s such a big deal, anyway.”
“It’s a big deal because if Hunter is sending you shit to bribe you into signing with him, it’s unethical and it’s illegal, and I’m going to have to put my foot down and tell you that you are absolutely not signing with him.”
He locks his eyes with mine. “That’s not your choice to make.”
“Maybe not, but all my life I’ve watched out for you. I’m not going to just stop now.”
Chad swipes his hands over his face. “Dani, please just let this go.”
“That’s not going to happen.”
“Then leave.” He turns his back to me and paces down the short hall to his bedroom. The door slams shut seconds later.
I immediately march down the hall and throw open the door to find Chad lying in bed, his hands folded behind his head.
“Why are you being so defensive?” I question, hand against my hip. “Do you think I like fighting with you?”
“I think you like being in control.” He pushes himself up and swings his legs to the floor until he’s sitting, his hands between his knees. “And I really think you need to let this go.”
“Fine,” I scowl and rip my phone from my jeans. “I’m just going to go ahead and call the ethics committee right now.” I pretend to dial the number and press the phone against my ear, all the while my eyes are battling with his, just waiting for him to break and tell me the truth. “Yes, hello,” I feign talking to someone on the other end of the phone. “Can I—”
“Fine, you fucking win.” Chad jumps out of bed, rips the phone out of my hand and proceeds to hang up a call that was never actually happening. “You want to know the truth?” He towers over me, frustration and anger apparent in his voice. “I’ll tell you the truth, but you’re not going to like it. Hunter isn’t bribing me. But in a way, Dad is.”
It was the last thing I expected him to say. The last person I expected him to mention. And it hits me in the face like a ton of bricks. “D—dad—?”
“That’s right. Dad has been sending me stuff for a few weeks now.”
I swallow past the sudden lump in my throat, trying to process what he’s just said. I’m a ticking time bomb, and I can tell from the expression on his face he knows it. Tears well up in the corner of my eyes, and all I can do is shake my head gently.
“I’m sorry, Dani. I should have told you sooner.”
“Should’ve, would’ve, could’ve, right?”
“You’re pissed, I get that—”
“Damn right, I’m fucking pissed,” I explode. “Not only did you make me think something horrible about Hunter, but you’ve hidden the fact that our piece of shit father has been reaching out to you.”
“He’s our dad, Dani,” he says softly. “I can’t just turn him away.”
“Can’t turn him away? That’s bullshit. Just say the truth for once, and the truth is that you couldn’t turn away the free shit.”
“That’s not it.”
“Then what is it?” I scream. “When has that man ever been there for us? Never. And now he’s probably heard that you’re about to make something out of yourself and he wants to come back. How fucking convenient?”
“Or maybe he’s reaching out because he’s sorry? Because he wants a relationship with us?”
“No.” I shake my head with a furious chuckle. “That man doesn’t care about anyone but himself. He didn’t care about Mom, and he sure as hell didn’t care about either of us.”
“Maybe it’s different now!” He throws his hands up in the air. “Maybe he’s changed.”
“The only reason you think that is because you didn’t do what I had to do. I had to take care of you because he wouldn’t.”
He purses his lips. “Right. And that’s something you have no problem throwing in my face any time it’s convenient.”
“What?” I whisper. “Chad, no. I don’t—I never meant…”
My breath hitches and I fight desperately to regain control.
I’ve always hated fighting with him. With anyone, really. Despite my tough girl exterior, when it comes to things that matter, things that are truly important, I hate conflict. Which makes me feel weak. Which makes me pissed at Chad and myself and just want to run away.
I back away from him. “I have to go.”
“Don’t,” he pleads. “Let’s just talk this out.”
“I can’t be here right now. I can’t be around you right now. I love you, Chad. But I just need to get out of here.”
Swiftly, I exit his bedroom and run out his front door.
Chad follows me as far as the f
ront door, and then he just stands in the doorway watching me leave the same way I watched our father walk away all those years ago.
The difference is I’ll be back. Even though I’m angry, hurt, and disappointed, I love my brother. He can always count on me to come back.
Too bad I don’t inspire the same kind of feelings in others.
I’m not even thinking about my father when I have the thought. I’m thinking of Hunter. I want to see him so bad. Part of me wants to run to him. But that’s bullshit. Because while he hasn’t been bribing Chad with gifts, I can’t forget about Amy’s visit. I can’t trust Hunter.
I can’t trust anyone.
19
Hunter
I’m sitting in my office, staring off into space, stewing and angry as hell at Dani even as I’m forcing myself not to call her. Not to go see her.
No matter what I say or do, she’s going to believe whatever the hell she wants to believe, and I refuse to defend myself any longer.
A minute later, I slam my fist on my desk.
Fuck that.
I’m not letting things end this way between us. Not after the way I held her in my arms the last time we were together.
I’m just about to buzz Trisha to tell her I’m headed out when my cell rings. I frown when Chad’s name comes up on Caller ID. “This is Hunter,” I answer. “What’s up?”
“Have you seen Dani?”
“No,” I say shortly. “Not since yesterday.”
“Fuck,” Chad breathes, and I immediately stiffen.
“What’s going on, Chad?”
“I—I fucked up, Hunter.”
“How?” I transfer the phone to my other hand as I rise to my feet to stare out the floor-to-ceiling windows.
“I’ve been receiving gifts, and—”
“Ah right. A new phone and some Lakers tickets. Dani thinks they were from me.”
“Fuck, I almost wish it had been you giving me the gifts. When I told her who… Fuck! The look on her face. It was like I’d stabbed her or something.”
Concern prickled my neck. “Who sent them?”
“The gifts came from our father.”
“Are you shitting me?” I think back to what Chad had told me at the barbeque, how their father was never around. “Don’t you think it’s more than a little convenient that he’s popping back into your life right as you’re potentially about to sign with an agent?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. Of course that’s what Dani said too. Right before she ran out of my house. She hasn’t answered her phone since. I’ve tried her apartment. I’ve tried the shop. I can’t get hold of her.”
“I’m sure she’s fine. She probably just needed to get away to think.”
“Time to build another wall around herself you mean. This time, against me. Dad. You. She’s gathering her defenses, and you need to help me get through to her, Hunter.”
I sigh. “Look, Chad. You’re giving me too much credit.”
“You’re not giving yourself enough credit. Because Dani’s falling head over heels for you.”
Wait, what? What's he talking about?
Chad continues. “I fucked up, and she’s going to try to protect herself from all of us. Shut down emotionally. I’ve seen her do it before. The question is, are you going to let her do it again?”
So many thoughts, so little time to process them all. Chad just told me his sister is falling for me. If it's true—or even if it might be true—I need to find her.
I need to tell her I feel the same way.
After getting off the phone with Chad, I rushed out of my office and got into my car as fast as I could. Something inside me needed to get to Dani as fast as possible so I weaved dangerously in and out of traffic, hoping to beat the evening rush.
I pull into the gravel lot behind the tattoo shop, notice her bike on the premises, and race up the steps to her apartment. I don’t think about asking for permission to go inside. I just go for it, push open the door and everything seems to change in an instant.
She’s standing there in the living area, her eyes shifting to mine. So do his.
Her ex-boyfriend.
I ball my hand into a fist, rage rushing through my veins.
“Hunter? What are you doing here?” Dani stands and approaches me, but my eyes are glued on her ex, who says, “We’re trying to have a talk, man.”
His lips press together, as if he’s angry or sad. I don’t know which. I don’t fucking care either.
“Yeah, well that talk is over. You need to walk out that door and go back to wherever the hell you came from.”
“I don’t want to fight with you,” he says, much more reserved than the first time I met him. Perhaps he’s afraid I’ll knock him on his ass again. I’m certainly in the mood.
I take a measured step toward him. He shrinks away slightly, but before I can take another step, Dani’s hand presses against my chest, holding me back. “Stop it,” she scolds me. “Both of you stop it.”
“Leave. Now,” I say.
Taylor looks at Dani, who just crosses her arms over her chest. When he gets no help from her, he leaves, holding the box he was carrying. He slams the door shut behind him, forcing a glass portrait on the wall to rock against the wall.
When he’s gone, Dani shakes her head. “What are you doing here, Hunter? You can’t just—”
I walk toward her, and she backs up until her back meets the wall. I tower over her, staring down into her eyes. “Why the hell was he here?”
“None of your business.”
“Oh, it's my business alright. Everything about you is my business, Dani,” I say, putting my hands on either side of her head. “Because I care about you, dammit. And I don't want that punkass hurting you again—”
She throws herself at me, landing her lips against mine. It’s unexpected, but it’s more than welcome. I throw my arms around her, and lift her slightly in the air until her legs are wrapped around my hips. I drive her backwards until she lands against the wall, kissing her with everything I am.
20
Dani
Anything to get him to shut up. Anything to make me shut up too. There were so many things on the edge of my tongue and I had to stop them from being spit out. I had to shut myself up and this was the easiest way I knew how to do that. It’s the only way I know how. It gives me more time to think about what I want to do—what I need to do.
Hunter pulls away and immediately lowers his mouth to my neck. Pinning me against the wall with his weight, he’s able to free one hand to tangle in my hair as he nibbles my ear.
My fingers dig into the fabric of his shirt, craving the muscular flesh underneath. But the way he pulls my hair screams more than words, it screams that he’s just as frustrated as I am right now, and I can’t blame him.
I shudder against his touch and push him back enough so that he drops me to my feet. I throw a palm against his chest, pushing him all the way back against the opposite wall. He lands with a thud, and I must admit I love being in control like this, especially at a time like this when my mind is going haywire with uncomfortable truths that neither of us are ready to say out loud just yet.
I reach for the top of his slacks and rip his shirt out from underneath before making quick work of his belt, sliding it through the loops and tossing it to the floor. Before he’s able to process what’s going on, his pants are around his ankles with his underwear and I’m stroking his long shaft with soft hands.
He shudders, throws his head back against the wall as I wrap my palm around his hot, throbbing hardness, leaking wetness from the tip. He reaches down to unbutton his shirt, then rips it down his shoulders so that he’s wearing nothing but a t-shirt and I’m still fully dressed. It’s quite the role reversal, but neither of us seem to mind.
I stroke him a few more times before pulling on his cock, gesturing for him to move. I move backwards, guiding him toward the bedroom. Once inside, I pull him to the edge of the bed as I take a seat. And just when he thinks h
e’s about to get something more—my mouth wrapped around his cock, perhaps, I tug on him hard enough to pull him down onto the bed, and force him onto his back.
His hands trail to my hips as I climb on top of him, my skirt draped on either side of his body as my hands slide underneath his white tee. I want to tease him until he’s screaming, until he’s telling me exactly what he wants. I buck my hips against his hardness, my thin panties rubbing across his flesh creating an unbearable tension.
His fingers tangle around my underwear, and he rips at them but they don’t give way.
“Fuck,” he cries out and shifts his hips upward, trying to steal more friction. “Take those off.”
“Why?” I question, my voice breathy and cracking.
“You know exactly why?”
“Yeah?” I tease and bow over him so that I bore into his eyes with mine. They’re feral and ready, wanting, needing, craving. There’s an animal inside of him. There’s an animal inside me too. An animal who wants nothing more than to run, but right now, I can’t. I need this last fix, because just maybe it’ll change my mind. Maybe it’ll change his too.
I push my hands upward underneath his shirt, forcing it to bunch at his shoulders. He reaches behind him and tugs his shirt off in one go.
I just about lose all my senses, just about lose any control I have over him, staring down at his impossibly muscular chest and abs with the most beautiful ridges I’ve ever seen. I buck harder against his cock, until it’s too much for him.
He rips at my panties once more and succeeds in tearing them at one side, just enough so that he can push the remnants of them to one side, and the next time I buck against him, my bare vulnerable cunt caresses against his silky yet steel cock.
He finagles one hand between the two of us and strokes at his cock, lines it up against my opening, and with one upward shift of his hips, he guides his way in.
I let him have all of me, sinking down onto his shaft as slowly as I can until he’s balls deep inside me. Just when he’s about to begin thrusting, I sink down on him further still, using the weight of my body to hold him in place.