by Virna DePaul
But he’s too strong for me and manages to stir from beneath, pushing into me, pulling out of me with short, shallow thrusts that somehow still make me almost go blind. It’s the best cock I’ve ever had, but I know a big part of thinking that is because we’re connected in a way that goes beyond the physical.
I brace both hands against his chest as I begin to ride him faster, harder, allowing him to thrust deeper into me. It’s a battle for control as I fight to set the pace, but he’s too far gone beneath me, too far down the rabbit hole of lust and he’s not going to let me have my way with him.
He thrusts upwards one more time, before using his strong hands to flip me over onto my back. His cock slips free. At first, I think it’s an accident. But not quite.
“What are you doing?” I question, gravel in my throat.
“I want to see every part of you,” he growls as he pulls my skirt down my legs, and does the same with the remaining fabric of my panties. I sit up in bed and rip my shirt over my head, because more than anything I need him back inside me.
He wastes no time doing just that, crawls back over my body and thrusts into me in one sharp, long motion. I let out a yelp, a moan, a scream as he drives into me over and over again, his eyes locked with mine as he fucks me into insanity.
He rises to his knees then tugs on my body, pulling me closer to him, throwing each of my legs over his shoulders for deeper access. That’s when I know for certain I’ve lost control. He drives his cock into me with reckless abandon, his pelvis slapping against mine and I pray that everyone downstairs has already gone home because there’s no way they wouldn’t hear what’s going on up here.
Closer and closer, I find myself hurtling toward a chaotic climax, no longer able to control the moans that are being thrown from my throat. He gets off on being able to make me scream, and I get off on making him sweat.
Beads of sweat trickle down his flushed cheeks as he tightens his grip on my legs. He’s wearing down, but he’s not going to stop until he’s finished with me. The muscles, the grooves in his chest and abs contract as he fucks me harder, deeper.
My toes curl against his shoulders as I break, coming around his hard, thick cock. I’ve never been so loud in my life, never been so loud in bed, but I can’t help it. Can’t shut my mouth, even if my life depended on it. My entire being convulses as I ride out the waves of pleasure.
My eyes spring open when he groans. He empties himself inside of me, continuing to thrust in shorter and shorter strokes until he’s spent completely.
Once we're finally able to breathe again, Hunter speaks first. “Are you okay? I got a call from Chad that worried me. I—”
“I can’t have kids,” I say abruptly. Just like that. I figure it’s the only thing to do. Best to just say it and get it out of the way, because no matter how fabulous it feels being in Hunter’s arms, I know it can’t last, and I need to do this now. I need to make him understand that whether or not he’s bribing Chad, whether or not he’d called Amy, whether or not I care about him more than any man I’ve ever been with and wish we could have a future together, it can’t last.
“What?” He turns to me.
“It’s exactly what I said. I can’t have kids.” I wet my lips and bow my head, ashamed. “That’s why my ex broke up with me. Why he might want to fuck me, but not marry me.”
“Yeah, well, we both already know he’s a fucking asshole.”
I just shrug. It’s a battle I’ve been through a thousand times before, usually within the confines of my own head. “I don’t blame him and you shouldn’t either. I know you want kids, too.”
He shifts his attention away from me for a moment, but then his hand caresses my cheek and his mouth lands against my neck. He pushes me down on the mattress and crawls on top of me, his breath just as hot as before. But instead of giving in to his touch, I pull away and force myself to sit back up in bed.
He’s trying to distract me, which is exactly what I’ve been afraid of. He’s trying to avoid the hard conversation, and he’s using my lust for him as a weapon against me. He can’t fuck my fears out of me any more than I could ever make him stay.
“Dani, babe, it’s going to be okay,” he says, but his voice is stiff. It sounds false. It sounds desperate, like he’s trying to convince us both but can’t quite do it.
Tears threaten to pool at the corner of my eyes, but I force them away. I can’t cry in front of him, that would be showing him too much weakness. I’ll wait till he’s out the door if I’m going to cry at all. “In your mind, you’ve already left me.”
“What are you talking about?” He shakes his head gently, then tries to touch my face, but I pull away and climb to my feet on the opposite side of the bed so that the mattress separates us.
“Admit it,” I say. “You’re already out the door. There is no us.”
“Dani, our relationship is just beginning. I can’t say what’s going to happen.”
“Right.”
“You hardly know me, Dani. For all I know, you’ll leave me in a month because I'm a wuss who can't handle needles. Maybe you'll even leave me for the Hulk-lookalike at your shop,” he says, trying to make light of it. I can tell he's trying to make excuses, trying to comfort me, but there's no way to comfort me through this. It is what it is, and I need to protect myself before I fall too deep. And with Hunter, I can easily see myself falling too hard for him.
I lock eyes with him and force a gentle smile, but we both know it’s faker than a three-dollar bill. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, and when I open them, I’ve already made up my mind. “I’m not waiting for another guy to leave me.”
“I’m not trying to leave.”
“But you will. They always do,” I say.
“I'm trying to stay. I want to stay. Don't make me leave—”
“Do it now,” I tell him, but it’s not a request. It’s a demand. I open the bedroom door and gesture with one hand for him to leave. “Everyone always leaves. Doesn’t matter when, why, or how, but everyone does, so I need you to go.”
“Stop it, Dani. We don't know what the future holds for either of us.” Again, another pathetic excuse. He doesn't want to hurt me, but it will hurt far more once I'm head over heels in love with him and he decides to leave me for a woman who can give him what he wants.
“No. I won’t stop. I said leave. Now!” I push his chest and I keep pushing until he's standing before me. And then I push him toward the door, trying to get him as far away from me as possible.
“Be careful, Dani. You want to push me away? You’re getting close to getting your wish.”
“Go, Hunter. Just go. It's what I want.”
He’s about to say something, but he doesn’t. Instead he just offers me a curt nod before walking out.
I close the door behind him so he doesn’t see me break.
When I hear the front door slam, I sink to the floor with my back against the bedroom door.
I don’t feel angry. I don’t feel sad.
I just feel…empty.
21
Hunter
A week later, I’m at work standing in front of Lila’s office door. She looks up from her desk and greets me with a smile.
“Hunter! I figured you would have stopped in hours ago.”
I force a smile of my own. Everything seems forced these days, ever since Dani broke up with me. “I actually just got into the office. Otherwise you know I would have been up your ass sooner.”
“And you didn’t even bring me a cup of coffee,” she says playfully, pushing her hair behind one ear as she paces around to lean back against the modern, black desk. “Long night? Filled with booze and women?”
“Not exactly. It’s…complicated.”
“Huh.” She crosses her arms over each other. “Well, if things are complicated then I imagine things are kind of serious.”
I shrug with faux apathy, as if I don’t care. “Doesn’t really matter one way or the other.”
“It matter
s. You’re different. Something is weighing on you. And that means that it matters, whatever the hell it is.”
My phone buzzes in my pocket. I look down and see it's a call from Chad Cross.
“You going to get that?” Lila teases.
“Yeah, I probably should,” I say. I step out of Lila's office and answer the call.
“Hey Chad, what's up? Everything okay with Dani?” I ask, knowing full well that it's probably weird to ask that right out of the gate, but I can't help it.
“She's fine, but that's not why I'm calling... Listen, do you still want to sign me?”
“Of course, man,” I say. Normally, this type of conversation would make me giddy, but today, things are different.
“Great. When can I come in and sign those papers?”
We set up a time and I hang up, fighting the urge to ask about Dani some more. She asked me to stay away, I tell myself. I can't hound her brother for news. Especially since we'll be working together now.
The next morning, I’m preparing for my appointment with Chad on autopilot. I’m not excited. In fact, I’m approaching the damn signing with something akin to dread.
From the beginning, I was so certain Chad was going to sign with me, and yet now that the day is here, something feels off. Like, she should be here with him. She should be here with me.
I miss her. Every minute of every day, I’ve thought about her. Dreamed about her. Thought about picking up the phone to call her or see her, but each time, I’ve stopped myself.
Because I’m scared. Scared that I can’t be the man she needs me to be.
The man that can stick by her forever, no matter what.
When Trisha escorts Chad into my office, I can tell he feels even less excited about what’s going to happen than I do.
“Nervous?” I question as I make my way to my chair across from him.
“Nothing to be nervous about.” He shrugs and exhales sharply. “It’s not like I’m signing away my entire life or anything.”
“That’s a little dramatic.” I reach into a drawer to retrieve a fresh copy of the contract and slide it in his direction. “This is the same contract I sent your lawyer. You should have already read it over.”
He picks up the contract in his hand, his palms shaking slightly. “I have. Do you have a pen so I can sign this thing?”
I pass him a pen across the desk. Watch as Chad glances over the contract again. “I’m a little surprised you’d still sign with me after everything that happened with your sister.”
Chad glances up at me. “Yeah, well I wasn’t going to, given Dani’s miserable.”
His words cause me to stiffen but I remind myself she’d given up on me, not the other way around.
Only because she’d been scared. Unable to believe her inability to have kids wouldn’t drive me away someday. And what had I done to convince her otherwise?
Nothing.
“Dani told me she’s the one who broke up with you.” He bows his head down as he scribbles his name and date on the first of many pages, and then continues. “My sister might be a lot of things—tough being one of them—but she’s always been a selfless person.” He flips over to the next page, signs his name, and continues on. “So many times in our lives, she’s put me ahead of herself. This being one of those times.” He looks up to me, twiddles the pen between his fingers. “She knows she’s going to have to see you and be around you occasionally, and she still was hell bent on making sure I came here to sign today.”
“Your sister is an amazing woman.”
He chuckles as he signs the last page of the contract. “You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know. She has faults—everyone does. But when she loves, she loves hard and she loves forever even after a connection has been severed.” He eyes the contract one last time before sliding it my way and looking me dead in the eyes. “She’s even meeting with our dad. Not for herself. I think she’d be content to never see that man in her life again.”
The knowledge that Dani had given in and seen her father again after all he’d done to hurt her stuns me. It reminds me that as tough as she seems on the outside, she’s one of the most giving, selfless women I’ve ever met. “She’s doing it for you.”
Chad nods. “Because that’s who she is. The woman who gives so much but doesn’t believe she’s worthy enough to receive. Not loyalty. Not love. Not truly. And not forever.”
She is worthy of love. She’s worthy of forever, I think.
Only she can’t have kids, and I want a family.
You can still have a family together. You can still have kids. You can look into adoption. A surrogate. So many options. You want kids someday, but you were happy with Dani. You can have her now. You can have a future together. That’s something you never saw for yourself. Never felt for any woman before. Are you really just going to let that go?
God, I want a future with her. I don’t want to lose her.
I don’t want to give her up without a fight.
She’d shaken me with her news about being unable to have kids. I’d been too stunned and scared to say the things I should have, and then she’d pushed me away. It had been easy for me to give in to my fears. But that wasn’t who I was.
I’m Hunter fucking Kiss. I fight for what I want.
And I want Dani.
“Dani’s wrong,” I suddenly say. “She deserves all that and more.”
Chad smiles. “I know. The question is, how are you going to prove it to her?”
22
Hunter
My heart is racing, beating abnormally fast as I walk up to the tattoo shop door. I’m not a nervous person, but right now I feel like I’m the quarterback in overtime with three seconds left on the clock, and if I don’t get that ball to one of my boys waiting to catch my throw in the end zone, the other team is going to go straight to the playoffs.
I can’t fail, but I also know it’s a distinct possibility. It’s been over a week since I let Dani push me away with the news that she can’t have kids, and I know that’s been more than enough time for Dani to shore up her protective walls. I can only hope that she’s missed me as much as I’ve missed her, and that she’ll be willing to give me another shot.
I pace outside the door for a good few minutes, unable to gather the nerve to go inside. Next thing I know Dani is right in front of me, holding the door open with one hand all the while her other hand is latched to her hip. “What are you doing here, Hunter?”
I stare at her, taking in her frown and stiff posture, and thinking she’s beautiful. The most beautiful woman in the world to me. And if she’s ever going to be mine, I need to prove myself. Prove I’m not looking for easy. I’m not looking for perfect, even as I know she’s the perfect woman for me.
“I’m here to get a tattoo,” I say.
Both eyebrows rise toward her hairline. “Really? You, the man who loves his unmarked, clean-cut good looks and is afraid of needles, is here to get a tattoo?”
“That’s right.”
“Of what?”
I shrug. “Whatever you want.”
She swallows hard. “Why?”
“Because you’re already under my skin, Dani. I want you there. And I want to prove to you I’m capable of working through the pain.”
She stares at me, blinking rapidly, and I see the shimmer of her tears. Her lips tremble, before she visibly composes herself and lifts her chin. “More than one person has gotten into my chair with the intention of getting a tattoo only to get up and walk out and never come back.”
“Is that a challenge?”
“It’s just an observation.”
I nod. “It’s a challenge. One I’m accepting.”
Dani
Thirty minutes later, Hunter is sitting in my chair. I’d already shown him a template of the tattoo I came up with, and he’d barely looked at it before giving me the go ahead. As I prep my tattoo gun, I can’t help but notice how tense he is.
He’s not going to go through
with this, I tell myself. He’ll stop me before I actually ink him. Even so, I hate to see him so tense. (He obviously believes he’s going to go through with getting the tattoo and is freaking out.) To distract him, I say, “I got my first real tattoo sitting in that same chair.”
“Your first real tattoo?”
“Yeah. I was about fourteen the first time I got a tattoo, in the basement of some ex-convict who was a friend of a friend.”
He eyes my body, and I know he’s trying to recall every one of my tattoos.
“It’s long gone now,” I clarify, then set the gun down on the sterile tray. “I had it covered up as soon as I was old enough to step foot into a shop without the consent of a parent.”
He nods.
“You need to take off your shirt.”
He pulls his shirt off and I can’t help but drink in the sight of his muscular bare chest. I try to maintain a professional, unaffected expression.
After a moment of silence, he clears his throat. “So…I hear you’re trying to build a relationship with your father.”
I shrug. “I’m not doing it for me, but for Chad. If it turns out he’s trying to take advantage of either of us, I’ll show him the door and slam it for good in his ghost-ass face.”
“It’s brave of you to give him a second chance. Maybe you’re willing to extend that same graciousness to others? Because your father’s not the only one who made the mistake of walking away from you.”
I blink. Lick my lips. Try to hang on to my composure, but he’s been ripping down my protective walls since the moment he walked into the shop.
“You don’t really want a tattoo, Hunter. I think you should just admit it.”
“And then what?”
“Then we go our separate ways. You and me—we don’t work. We…”
My voice chokes up and I look away, aware of his gaze on me for several seconds before he shifts, and picks up the template I made from my tray.