A Purrfect Gnomeful (The Mysteries of Max Book 24)

by Nic Saint

  “Yeah, I guess sheep don’t need spray paint,” Scarlett agreed. “Well, bag it and hand it over to your son, I suppose? So he can lift the prints?”

  “Yeah, I guess,” said Vesta. She was reluctant to involve Alec. She really wanted to prove her mettle with this, the neighborhood watch’s very first investigation. If every time she was stumped she’d go running to the cops, what was the point?

  Scarlett threw down a plastic bag that Marcie must have handed her, and Vesta bagged the can and glanced around for more clues. When she didn’t find any, she scaled the wall again, with Scarlett’s help, and finally made it back to Marcie and Ted’s backyard in one piece.

  “So what now?” asked Scarlett.

  “I’ll think of something,” said Vesta.

  Scarlett smiled. “Yeah, I believe you will.”

  32

  It had been a long day for Chase, and when he finally arrived home, all the could think about was to drop down on the couch with a can of Coke Zero and take a load off.

  Dan Goory still cooling his heels in prison wasn’t the kind of situation he enjoyed. He liked Dan. As a person and as a highly capable editor. And for Odelia’s boss to be accused of a double homicide was less than ideal.

  He’d talked to Heather’s folks again, but they’d admitted to having no idea why she would suddenly head on down to Hampton Cove. She’d certainly not clued them into her plans. All she’d said was that she was soon coming into a great deal of money, and she might even be able to buy herself a house and her parents a new car.

  It all pointed to the same story Jacqueline Goossens had told Odelia: that Heather had somehow found herself in the possession of this fabled Romeo and Juliet movie, and wanted to sell it for a big chunk of change. But if she thought Dan was going to be able to pay her what she felt Gnomeo was worth, she would have been in for an unpleasant surprise.

  Dan was not a rich man, and would never have been able to pay through the nose for the movie.

  Which only served to tighten the noose around the editor’s neck: an avid collector of all things Maria Power, he might have seen an opportunity to add the movie to his collection without paying a single cent: by killing the seller.

  The story of Dan getting a call about his car being vandalized was a thin one, in Chase’s estimation: he could very well have broken off his own windshield wipers and simply have stepped out of the office to bring the car around so he could dispose of Heather’s body before Odelia arrived.

  His plans had been thwarted by Odelia’s early arrival, and the whole thing had gone south for the newspaper owner.

  Only question was: where had he hidden the movie? They’d searched his office and his house, and so far it hadn’t turned up.

  Dan, of course, was steadfast in his denial. Heather had never said anything about a movie. In fact he’d never actually met her face to face. And as far as the murder of Jack Warner was concerned, he may have harbored a powerful antipathy toward the man, but he would never stoop to murder. He’d even denied these new charges Jacqueline Goossens had leveled against him. Said he’d never said anything to anyone about coming into the possession of an object that would spell the end of Jack Warner’s fan club.

  Chase took a sip from his Coke when his attention was arrested by a strange sight: next to him on the couch a mouse was napping, a smile on the tiny creature’s face, its paws clasped together in nappy heaven, and lying in the center of Max’s favorite pillow.

  Chase gulped, gently put down the can of Coke, and rubbed his eyes.

  But when he opened them again the mouse was still there, its whiskers vibrating gently, and producing what could only be described as soft snoring sounds!

  Odelia came walking down the stairs. “I’ve got the power of attorney right here,” she announced, then caught sight of her boyfriend and smiled. “Hey, you,” she said, leaning in for a kiss and a hug.

  He gave her a perfunctory kiss and an equally perfunctory hug, his eyes still riveted on the mouse.

  “Are you seeing what I’m seeing?” he asked.

  “Oh, that’s Elsa,” said Odelia, as if it was the most natural thing in the world to have a mouse napping in the family room. “Max and Dooley met her over at Maria Power’s place. She’s promised to help us get rid of Hector and Helga.”

  He swallowed. “Hector and Helga being…”

  “The mice family in our basement,” said Odelia. She waved the piece of paper. “All Elsa needed was this power of attorney, absolving her of all responsibility in case something goes wrong with the eviction.”

  Chase stared at his girlfriend. “What could possibly go wrong?” he asked, his voice a little hoarse. “When one mouse decides to evict another mouse?”

  “Yeah, it’s a brave new world, isn’t it?” asked Odelia with a grin.

  He nodded automatically, then shook his head. “Sometimes I feel as if I’ve landed on a different planet.”

  “I’ll bet there’s plenty of other people that talk to their cats,” said Odelia as she took a seat next to Chase on the couch. “Only we haven’t met them yet.”

  “Maybe you could start a Facebook group,” he suggested, only half in jest. “Or even a WhatsApp group.”

  “Wouldn’t that be something?” said Odelia, directing a dreamy look at the ceiling. “If all the people who can talk to their cats got together, just imagine what we could do.”

  “I’m not sure I want to imagine,” Chase murmured. The mouse stirred, and he scooted a little further away from the critter. “I think it’s waking up,” he said.

  “Max!” Odelia bellowed. “Can you tell Elsa I’ve got the paperwork ready?!”

  Max came trotting up, in through the pet flap, and looking decidedly antsy, Chase thought.

  The big orange cat meowed something, and Odelia meowed right back. For a moment, they ‘talked’ back and forth like that, until finally Max gently shook the mouse. The tiny creature woke up, yawned and stretched. Odelia handed it the piece of paper, she scanned it quickly and finally nodded. Actually nodded!

  There was more meowing after that, but Chase felt he’d had all the animal interaction he could stand for one evening, so he got up from the couch and decided to pay a visit to his future father-in-law next door.

  Tex was seated on his porch, staring into the distance with a strange look on his face. When Chase came walking up, he started. “Oh, hey, Chase,” he said.

  “Hey, Dad,” said Chase, and Tex grimaced. Tex still wasn’t used to Chase calling him Dad. “So how are things with the gnomes?”

  “Oh, don’t ask,” said Tex with a frown. “I made a damn fool of myself by accusing Ted of being a thief. Turns out there’s actual professional gnome thieves on the prowl. We almost caught them at it, but they managed to skedaddle.”

  “Gnome thieves, huh? I didn’t even know that was a thing.”

  “Yeah, looks like.”

  Chase joined Tex on the porch swing and for a moment neither man spoke.

  “So do you want me to look into this theft?” asked Chase finally. It would be a nice change from the double homicide he was investigating.

  “No, that’s all right,” said Tex. “Ted doesn’t want to involve the police. So he’s asked Vesta instead.”

  Chase scoffed a little. “Vesta? I didn’t know she was a detective.”

  “Her and Scarlett both. They’re starting a neighborhood watch, and they’re very eager to make their mark.”

  Chase groaned. “Oh, dear.”

  “Say that again.” Tex smiled and clapped his son-in-law on the knee. “You can still back out, son. It’s not too late.”

  “Not a chance in hell, Dad. I’m in this for the long haul.”

  Tex gave him a sideways glance. “Yeah, I think you are. More power to you. It’s not easy negotiating the family ties in this particular family.”

  “I think I can handle it. I just saw Odelia negotiate with a mouse, so I have a feeling I’m just about ready for anything.”

  The doct
or laughed. “A mouse?”

  “Yeah, apparently Max has recruited a mouse to evict the other mice that have taken over our basement. But first Odelia had to sign a document absolving it of all responsibility in case anything goes wrong with the eviction.” He shook his head. “I swear sometimes I feel like Alice in Wonderland.”

  “You’ll get used to it. In fact I think you’re handling yourself amazingly well. I remember when Marge told me about the cat thing. I thought she was pulling my leg, until I saw Vesta scolding a cat about something. It took me a long time to get over my initial shock.”

  “Vesta is an acquired taste,” Chase agreed.

  They both stared out across the backyard, where Tex’s gnomes were once again dotting the landscape and spreading their particular brand of apple-cheeked delight.

  Suddenly, from behind a bush near the back of the yard, Vesta popped up, immediately followed by Scarlett. Moments later, they sank out of sight again.

  Tex heaved a deep sigh. “Like I said, you can still back out now, son.”

  Chase swallowed, then said, “Nope.”

  Tex patted him on the shoulder. “Brave man.”

  33

  I really wanted to be there when Elsa went toe to toe with Hector and Helga, but she’d insisted it was best if she dealt with them singlepawedly and without feline interference, so after setting out some more snacks so she could keep her strength up ahead of the epic battle of the mice, all cats left the house.

  It probably was for the best, for it had become clear to me that things might just turn ugly, and I simply hate bloodshed of any kind. Perhaps a little strange for a pet detective but there you have it. I get squeamish at the sight of blood, and Elsa looked as if she was ready to get into a real tussle with her headstrong fellow mice.

  As it happens Vesta and Scarlett had asked us to join them on a very important mission, so everything worked out fine. By the time we returned from the mission, the house would finally be mouse-free, apart from Elsa, and I was looking forward to that.

  “What do you want us to do?” asked Harriet as we got into Gran’s car.

  “We’re going to catch these gnome thieves once and for all,” said Gran. “And since you guys can outrun the rest of us, I want you to jump them when you get the chance, and make them think twice about making fools out of the gnome owners of this town.”

  “You only have to ask,” said Harriet, as she sheathed and unsheathed her claws with relish. Even though she balks at going mano a mano with a family of mice, Harriet has no trouble drawing blood when it comes to the more burglarious element of society.

  The four of us were all ensconced on the backseat of Gran’s red Peugeot, while she took the wheel, with Scarlett handling navigation duties. Even though the car was outfitted with GPS, Gran preferred to do things the old-fashioned way.

  “So just to bring you guys up to speed,” said Gran, and Scarlett giggled. Gran frowned at her friend. “What?”

  “I’m sorry,” said Scarlett. “I’m still not used to you talking to your cats like that. It sounds so funny!”

  “Well, maybe I’ll teach you,” said Gran.

  “Oh, would you?” asked Scarlett excitedly.

  “I was kidding. Talking to cats is one of those things you have to be born with. And now are you going to let me finish or what?”

  Scarlett rolled her eyes. “You don’t have to be nasty about it. I was just saying—”

  “I know what you were saying, and I’m saying you can’t always get what you want. I can talk to cats and you can’t and you’re just going to have to live with that.”

  Scarlett turned in her seat. “You know what? If you’re going to be like this, I don’t even want to go on a stakeout with you. Goodbye.” And with these words, she unbuckled her seatbelt and opened the car door to get out.

  “Oh, don’t be like that, Scarlett,” said Gran. “I was just kidding.”

  “I don’t think you were.”

  “All right, I wasn’t. Now are you going to make a big deal out of it?”

  Scarlett pursed her lips. “I might.”

  “Well, don’t. We’re in this together, you and me. And we gotta see this through. So what do you say? Truce?”

  Scarlett continued fuming for a moment, but then shrugged and said, “Truce,” and closed the door again. “You can be such a jerk sometimes, you know that, Vesta?”

  “Yeah, I know. But so can you.”

  Scarlett laughed an incredulous laugh. “Are you calling me a jerk?”

  “You just called me a jerk!”

  “That’s because you are one.”

  “So are you!”

  Scarlett narrowed her eyes, and I waited with bated breath about her next move. Her nails were pretty long and sharp, I saw, and if she used them on Gran she could do some real damage.

  But then, much to my surprise, she actually threw her head back and roared with laughter! And even more to my surprise, so did Gran!

  “What a pretty pair we are!” said Scarlett, wiping away a tear.

  “Two jerks!” said Gran.

  “Maybe that’s what we should call ourselves. The Two Jerks Neighborhood Watch.”

  Gran laughed again. “Somehow I doubt whether the other members would appreciate that.”

  “What other members?” asked Harriet.

  Gran turned to us with a twinkle in her eye. “Wait and see,” she said. “You’ll be pleasantly surprised.”

  When, at the next stop, Father Reilly joined us, and so did Shanille, surprise was indeed written all over Harriet’s features, but whether it was a pleasant one was hard to say. Somehow her first words told me it wasn’t.

  “I should have known you’d stick your nose where it doesn’t belong,” she growled.

  Shanille tilted her chin prissily, and said, “If you’d be able to solve these mysteries all by yourselves, your human would never have called in the help of a specialist.”

  “Who are you calling a specialist!”

  “In one word? Me, myself and I.”

  “That’s three words,” Dooley happily announced.

  “Oh, shut up, Dooley,” said Harriet and Shanille in unison.

  “This is going to be so great,” Brutus muttered, and we shared a look of commiseration.

  Father Reilly had squeezed himself into the backseat, and so five cats were forced to occupy whatever space was left, which wasn’t much, I can tell you!

  And the end wasn’t even in sight, as Gran had one more stop to make: right in front of the General Store, where Wilbur Vickery stood waiting.

  He peered into the vehicle and grunted, “You couldn’t have picked a bigger car? Hello, Francis.”

  “Wilbur,” said Father Reilly with a nod.

  Wilbur filed into the car, relegating the cat contingent to the footwell, and if we thought we’d come to the end of our troubles, of course Kingman chose that moment to jump right on top of his human’s lap and give us a little wave.

  “All right down there, fellas?” he asked, and had the gall to laugh!

  “I don’t like this neighborhood watch, Max,” said Dooley, and I think he spoke for all of us at that point.

  Luckily we didn’t have far to drive, and soon the car pulled to a stop and we all got out.

  “So what’s the plan?” asked Father Reilly, frowning at the house across the road.

  “Isn’t that Vince Damsel’s place?” asked Wilbur.

  “Yes, but what I meant was, what are we doing here?”

  “Let me fill you in,” said Gran, taking charge of the proceedings like a natural-born neighborhood watch leader. “Vince Damsel is the owner of one of the biggest collections of garden gnomes in town. And so far he’s been able to keep the thieves at bay. But I got a hunch his troubles are about to start.”

  “What makes you think that?” asked Father Reilly.

  “Well, all the other gnome collectors have been hit already. So Vince is the last holdout, and one of the fattest targets yet.”

&nbs
p; “So we think,” Scarlett continued, “that sooner or later Vince’s gnomes are going to prove a target that’s too attractive to resist.”

  “Sooner or later?” said Wilbur, plucking at his beard. “You mean we gotta camp out here night after night hoping these rascals will turn up?”

  “It does seem a little haphazard if you ask me, Vesta,” said Father Reilly.

  “No one asked you, Francis,” Vesta snapped. “You said you wanted to be a part of the watch, and now you are. So shut up and do as you’re told for a change, will you?”

  “Gran is in her element, isn’t she?” Dooley said.

  “She is,” I said. “This neighborhood watch business brings out the best in her.” Or the worst, depending how you looked at it.

  “Look, we’re all here because we want the same thing,” Scarlett said now, trying to smooth Father Reilly’s ruffled feathers. “We all want to live in a safe and pleasant neighborhood. Right?”

  “I guess,” said Father Reilly, who didn’t look happy.

  “So let’s make sure we catch those thieves and put them behind bars, all right?”

  Father Reilly muttered something I couldn’t quite catch. It sounded a lot like, ‘Vincit qui se vincit.’

  “And what do you want us to do?” asked Shanille now.

  But Gran, for obvious reasons, couldn’t exactly talk to us in front of her fellow watch members. So instead she pointed in the direction of Vince Damsel’s house.

  I got the message loud and clear. While the neighborhood watch’s human contingent took up its vigil on this side of the street, us cats were expected to move closer to the scene, and actually guard the gnomes at close range.

  So we did as Gran implied, and crossed the street at a trot. And soon we were in Vince’s front yard, and had all selected a couple of gnomes for close protection detail.

  Now I knew what Kevin Costner must have felt like in that movie The Bodyguard. Though of course Whitney Houston was much lovelier than any of the foul gnomes that glared at me in the light of a lone streetlamp.

  I sighed. It was going to be a long night.