Sure there were a few subtle touches, but Kate hadn't seen Allison smile at Tracy the way she smiled at her, with her dimples fully formed. While she'd seen Allison laugh, she hadn't seen her eyes light up as they did the moment they arrived at the top of Zany's Point.
Kate’s heartbeat doubled as she relived that moment. She couldn’t even remember what type of houses were at the bottom of the hill. Allison had mentioned something about them having a Spanish influence, but Kate didn’t register more than that. She had been too busy drinking in Allison’s beaming face, before glowing in the physical embrace the older woman gave her, almost toppling them over.
Kate's feelings were so deep that when Allison got up to take a phone call from Tracy, pain sliced through her chest. All of this madness led Kate to believe that there was no way she was in this on her own. Before she could stop herself, Kate opened her eyes and asked the question that had been burning at the tip of her tongue for weeks now.
“Are you happy?”
Allison laughed lightly. “Where did that come from?”
"It's as good a question as any."
“It’s also pretty loaded. What’s going on?”
Kate shrugged. “Nothing. I was just wondering.”
Allison put her sketchpad down then turned to face Kate, folding her legs beneath her. "I guess it depends on what you mean by happy. Before the incident, I think I was in parts. At least with Tracy, I was."
“And now?” Kate asked.
Sweat broke out over her back as Allison bit her bottom lip, cocking her head from side to side. Kate's sanity and emotional well-being hinged on this answer. Either Allison was perfectly content and there was no hope for the two of them, or there was room in her heart for more.
While Kate loved her sister, she knew what she and Allison could potentially have was greater. The last thing she wanted to do was tear apart a family that was only starting to come together in a way it never had, but she felt she owed it to herself and to Allison to see if they could have a one-of-a-kind love.
“I am happy,” Allison said, “but I’m starting to think I’m maybe not as happy as I could be.”
Hope welled within Kate’s chest. “I can relate to that. I’ve got a great business, friends, and loving family, but I know there’s another level.”
"Isn't it the most maddening thing?" Allison said, scooting closer. "I mean, anyone looking at my life from the outside would expect me to be perfectly content. If they heard what I said they'd think I was ungrateful. I know I should put my head down and count my blessings, but that's hard to do when there's this nagging feeling that something is missing."
“I know what’s missing for me. I don’t have anyone to share my life with. You have Tracy. Is what you two have enough?”
Allison’s eyes widened. “Why would you ask that?”
"I-I'm curious."
Allison looked down for a brief moment. "I care for your sister. She's an amazing person. Who would pick up their life and move for someone they'd only dated for six months?"
Kate wanted so very badly to say that she would. Anyone who had a girlfriend as amazing as Allison would. Kate was sorely tempted to bring up Tracy's track record of flings, but she bit her tongue. If she were going to have a shot with Allison, she wouldn't do it by assassinating her sister's character.
“What Tracy did was nice. But before that, were you happy?”
"You know what, I was, but things feel a little different now. I don't know if it's the fact that we've been apart or if I've changed since the incident." Allison was silent for thirty seconds. "My feelings for Tracy are as strong as ever, but it's almost like I'm finding it hard to access them."
Kate pursed her lips to keep from breaking out into a full face grin. Her hunch had been right. What Allison and Tracy had was about to fizzle out. If she played her cards right, then she could have a shot with the woman who had captured her heart.
“It could be a result of what you went through. Trauma has a way of affecting our everyday lives. Or it could be something else.” Kate held Allison’s eyes and spoke evenly. “Either way, you deserve to be all the way happy, with whoever and whatever does that for you.”
“Wow.” Allison shook her head. “You took that a lot better than I thought you might. I know we’re friends, but Tracy is your sister.”
“She is, and I want you both to be happy. If that isn’t together, then so be it.”
"Whoa, there. I'm a long way off from wanting to leave Tracy. I care a lot about her, and we've been through a lot together. That binds a couple like you wouldn't believe. Tracy was there for me in the darkest time in my life. You don't forget that kind of thing. I'm going through a bit of a weird phase right now, but I have no intention of leaving Tracy, I really, really, like her."
Allison's cheeks colored as she made the admission, and Kate had to fight to offer up a smile and words of encouragement. "That sounds like a reasonable plan to me."
“How’s the sketching coming?” Allison asked, inching closer.
“I, uh, haven’t done any.”
"What? But you've been sitting here this whole time."
“Yep. Enjoying the view. I’m afraid teenage Kate wasn’t bored enough to come out and sketch today.”
Allison pouted. "I was looking forward to seeing your art."
“Now I know what to get you for your birthday.” Kate winked.
“You’d better think of another gift. I don’t want something from you that you created when you were bored. I want something full of heart and meaning.”
“Isn’t it the thought that counts?”
Allison rolled her eyes. "That's what lazy gift givers tell themselves. I know you, Kate. You can do so much better."
"You'll have to wait and see. How's your sketching coming?"
“Pretty great actually. This part of town is a little treasure trove. I’ve already got so many ideas swimming in my mind. Thanks for bringing me here.”
“You’re welcome. Anytime you want to come here, let me know.”
"Maybe next time you'll draw something for me."
Kate hummed. “Maybe. I’m starving. Are you ready to go eat?”
A couple of hours later, Allison and Kate strolled along the quiet street of the cozy Mediterranean restaurant they ate at. They had both been greatly rewarded for stepping out of their comfort zone and were determined to return at a later date.
"Ugh, I overate," Kate groaned.
“So did I, but it’s worth every ache,” Allison said. “I’ve never heard much about Mediterranean food, but now I’m thinking of taking a trip out there to eat even more authentic cuisine.”
“I’d like to join you on that trip. There’s nothing like seeing a master at work.”
Over the next ten minutes, Kate and Allison strolled in silence. Their shoulders occasionally brushed, but neither woman said anything about it. Kate had never been around anyone she felt comfortable being utterly silent with for such an extended period.
Just another sign that we would be magic together.
“Why aren’t you dating?” Allison asked.
Kate stopped in her tracks. “Excuse me?”
Allison giggled. "Sorry. That was random."
“The wording wasn’t great either. That’s exactly what my mother asks me.”
"I love your mom. She's direct but still kind."
“Yeah,” Kate said, picking up the pace. “She’s the best. The only problem is she thinks both Tracy and I need to settle down and have kids asap.”
“I take it you don’t have plans to do that any time soon?”
“Oh, I’d love to, but I won’t settle for less. I’ve been in relationships that were great and some that were not so great. I’ve even been with someone who wanted to marry me, but deep down inside I knew it wasn’t right.”
“It’s that knowing there’s better out there thing, isn’t it?”
“It is.”
Kate settled onto a bench she spotted nearby, and h
er heart fluttered when Allison sat close to her.
“Have you ever come close to finding it?” Allison asked.
There was something about the way the sun shone that day. It cast an effervescent light over Allison, making her hazel eyes look gold and her blonde hair like a halo around her face. In a word, she looked radiant.
Kate’s eyes dropped to Allison’s full, pink lips, then drifted up to her eyes. There was an intensity in Allison’s gaze, and something behind it gave Kate the confidence to scoot a little closer and rest her hand behind Allison on the park bench.
“I think I might have found it,” Kate whispered.
Then for the first time, she reached out and touched Allison without any good excuse at hand. This wasn't about comforting the older woman or punctuating a point. Kate reached out and brushed her hand down Allison's arm because she couldn't go another second without touching her.
Allison's breath hitched and goosebumps formed on her skin. Kate let her hand drift up Allison's body, before cupping the back of her neck. She leaned forward, letting her gaze drift between Allison's mouth and eyes.
The fact that Allison didn’t withdraw was a great sign. Kate paused and gave her ample opportunity to change her mind. The next time she looked up, Allison’s eyes were on her mouth.
Kate's stomach clenched in anticipation. This was going to happen. She was going to kiss the woman she was falling for.
"What are we doing?" Allison asked softly when Kate's lips were an inch from hers. Kate paused and allowed the kiss to hover there. Allison inched closer, and Kate surged forward.
Allison's mouth was as soft as she had imagined, but what she wasn't prepared for was the skill with which Allison kissed her. Allison quickly took over the embrace. Her lips nibbled Kate's open, then she slid her tongue over them, between them, before finally darting into Kate's mouth to drive her senseless.
Kate groaned and pulled Allison closer. A ball of heat gathered in her core, and goosebumps broke over her skin as Allison’s hands wrapped around her shoulders, playing in the hair at the nape of Kate’s neck. She fought for breath as the kiss intensified. Their knees pressed against each other, and Kate wanted nothing more than for Allison to straddle her so they could have full contact, but the logical part of her understood that she and Allison would regret moving so fast if things didn’t pan out.
Kate felt her desire leak into her underwear, and her nipples hardened. She withdrew hastily and held Allison at arm's length. Her chest heaved as she tried to catch her breath.
"We've got to stop. Otherwise, we'll end up doing something we'll both regret."
Allison's cheeks colored, and Kate was pleased to see her breath was shaky. There was a worried look in her eyes as she stared at Kate's mouth once more. That look alone broke her resolve. If Allison wanted to act first and think later, then she could play that game.
"You're right," Allison said, scooting to the other side of the bench the moment Kate leaned forward. "This was a mistake."
Those words slapped her in the face. Ice flowed in her veins as she sensed waves of anger radiating off Allison, who wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. Allison cursed under her breath, and Kate's heart sank.
Allison had never once used profanity in Kate's presence. Allison didn't only regret what they had done; she hated that they'd done it. That put things into perspective for Kate, shattering the hope she'd held on to.
Allison’s body may have been ready to explore what they had, but her heart still lay firmly in Tracy’s grip.
9
Allison rolled her eyes when her stomach grumbled for what must have been the hundredth time within the last twelve hours. After the electrifying kiss she had shared with Kate, and the punch in the gut she got right after when she realized she had betrayed Tracy’s trust, she had lost her appetite.
Allison's stomach flip-flopped as the memory of Kate's tongue gliding against hers sent her heart racing. That kiss had been better than anything she had ever experienced. It was so intoxicating that she almost went in for another.
How could I be so stupid as to think I could play with fire and not get burned?
Allison rolled onto her side and clutched a pillow to her chest. She felt guilty. Not only because of how she had betrayed her girlfriend but because she'd hurt Kate.
The moment Allison said the kiss was a mistake Kate's energy changed. Where she would make eye contact, she looked anywhere but at Allison. Where conversation would flow effortlessly, Kate answered with choppy sentences. Allison may have been conflicted about her feelings, but it was clear that Kate was not, and now she'd gone and injured a person who had opened up her home and heart to her.
Allison clenched her fist and groaned. “You just had to act first and think later didn’t you?” she chastised herself.
Allison had feelings for Kate. That was undeniable, but she also had feelings for Tracy. Their phone call the night before had twisted the knife that was already in Allison’s chest. For some reason, Tracy was super attentive last night. She listened to Allison's revelations about how she wanted to make a change in her career with rapt attention. Tracy was very encouraging and gave thoughtful suggestions, never pushing Allison in one direction.
Just my luck. The moment I start to have doubts about Tracy, she ups her game and leaves me in a tight spot.
Allison knew she shouldn't even entertain feelings for two women, but that was the hand she'd been dealt. Or rather, the trap she'd allowed herself to fall into. Now she needed to find a way out of it.
A knock on the door made Allison gasp. She scrambled into a sitting position and bit her bottom lip. While she wanted to clear the air, she honestly didn’t know what to say.
Allison wasn't about to end her relationship with Tracy. Not after their conversation the previous day reminded her of what they had. But she also didn't want to lie to Kate and dismiss the genuine feelings she had for the younger woman.
“Allison,” Kate called softly. “Can we talk?”
Allison squeezed her eyes shut. Even now, her traitorous heart beat faster at the idea of having Kate near. Not speaking to her for so many hours, let alone being able to see her, had driven Alison crazy yesterday. For some reason, the time apart they'd spent over the last few hours had only served to fuel her feelings.
Allison cursed under her breath. She was torn in two different directions and it was affecting so many. Tracy didn't know about her betrayal, and Allison would have to keep it a secret. Not because of her guilt, but because she did not want to ruin a sibling relationship. She knew what Kate and Tracy had was fragile, and she didn't want to complicate matters further.
"Please," Kate continued. "I think it's important we talk about this sooner rather than later. I-I've got something to say to you."
That piqued Allison's interest. Kate's voice held no anger or bitterness. It seemed like she wanted to get back to normal as badly as Allison. Well, a new normal. What they had been doing wouldn't work anymore.
Allison squared her shoulders. “Come in.”
Kate walked in and awkwardly stood at the foot of the bed. In the past, she'd jump onto the bed and chat. Now there was all this tension, and neither one knew how to put an end to it.
“Hey,” Allison said.
“Hey.” Kate rubbed her hands. “Look, what happened yesterday was unexpected, but we need to talk about it."
"I know. I didn't know what to say."
"I get it. We're friends who crossed a line we should never have. Especially because you're dating my sister."
Allison winced. “It sounds horrible when you put it like that. “
“Because it is. What we did was wrong. I know that now.” Kate pursed her lips. “But I don’t regret it. Not for one second.”
Allison drew in a sharp breath as Kate's intense blue gaze canted to her. "But you said it was wrong."
"It was, because it happened in the wrong context, but the intention behind it was pure. I don't know why you let me kiss yo
u, but I did it because I have feelings for you, Allison. I want something real with you, but not like this. Not behind my sister's back or in the shadows."
Allison's heartbeat leaped into her throat, and for the first time in a long time, she found herself speechless. Gorgeous, wonderful Kate was falling for her, and she wanted to do things the right way.
Allison's shoulders drooped. This was too much. Kate was her usual sweet, thoughtful self, and it made Allison feel even more crappy. If only she'd reined in her attraction from day one, none of this would've happened. Now she'd gone and looped Kate into her mess.
“Please don’t say that,” Allison whispered.
"I have to." Kate's voice was steady and calm. "I want you, Allison, but I want you to want me, too. I want you to feel good about every kiss or touch we share. I hated how angry and disappointed you were yesterday. I never want to see that look on your face again. Which is why from this day onward I want to do my best to keep some distance between us."
Allison's head snapped up, and ice crept over her heart. "What are you saying? Is our friendship over?"
Kate held her hands up defensively. "No, no, no. I would never do that to you."
Allison exhaled loudly. It was one thing to fight against her feelings for Kate. It was another to get rid of the first person she felt she could completely be open with.
The fact was that Allison didn't have friends. Sure, she had coworkers and family, but she wasn't particularly close to any of them. That was one of the reasons she'd clung to Tracy after the incident. There wasn't anyone else.
When she came to Rose Lake, she had gravitated to Kate. Not because she didn't have anyone else, but because they had an immediate connection. Kate encouraged Allison and made her feel supported as no one else had. Those feelings had turned romantic, but at their root lay a genuine friendship.
“I know it’s selfish to ask you to be friends with me after what happened, but I honestly don’t know what I’d do if we stopped talking.”
Love Me True (Small Town Romances Book 5) Page 6