“Shit!” Marsha said, her head swiveling between Allison and Tracy.“I didn’t mean to start trouble.”
“I know,” Allison said, finally re-focusing on the petite woman. “Could you give us a minute?”
Marsha nodded and slowly made her way past Tracy. Allison heard her whisper, “I’m sorry,” before scurrying into the hotel.
A wave of relief washed over Allison as the petite woman left. Her secret was out, and she wouldn't have to pretend any longer. Now Allison knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that her feelings for Tracy were not the kind that would lead to a long-term relationship. She hated that she'd put the wonderful woman through so much.
Allison took a cautious step forward and pried the two champagne glasses out of Tracy's clammy hands. She gently placed them on the floor out of harm's way. Tracy’s glassy eyes connected with hers.
“I’m sorry I did this to you,” Allison croaked. The temporary relief she’d felt was replaced by guilt. All of her efforts to keep from hurting Tracy had blown up in her face. Tracy now knew what a betrayal within a committed relationship felt like, and Allison had been the one to teach her that lesson. Not only that, but the secret being out meant that Tracy and Kate's relationship would be strained. Tack on the fact that Kate was hurting, too, and Allison felt like a walking virus. She'd managed to destroy so much in such a limited time.
Tracy shut her eyes and hung her head. She drew in deep breaths and made several groaning sounds. "Explain," she finally said, her voice surprisingly void of anger. "I was only gone for a few weeks. How did you and Kate get mixed up?"
Allison swallowed thickly. It was time to put an end to the incalculable mess she’d created. Thankfully for her, Tracy was surprisingly calm.
“Do you want to sit?”
Tracy shook her head. “I’m still in shock. Perhaps a walk would be better.”
Shocked that her girlfriend wanted to spend some time with her, at least to get the full story, Allison stepped aside and let her lead the way. After a few paces, she began her story. Allison detailed how she had leaned on Kate after Tracy left, and how those feelings of friendship and gratitude developed into more.
Allison was quick to mention that she and Kate had only kissed and that immediately after, nothing more had happened. She also failed to say that she and Kate had fallen in love. Allison didn't want to make things more complicated between the sisters. It was best that Tracy viewed it as a fling and nothing more.
Tracy sighed. “I knew something was off the moment I came back. Heck, even before the incident.”
Allison’s jaw dropped. “What? Nothing was wrong before the incident. We were perfectly happy. We saw each other every weekend, and we had sex every time we did.”
Tracy gave her a wry smile. "Exactly. We were weekend lovers. I know that we were both working long hours at the time, but I was always the one who tried to see you during the week. I was falling for you fast, and so I ignored a lot of signs that maybe you didn't feel the same.
"By the time I was thinking of questioning you about how you felt, the incident happened. I was so scared I was going to lose you, I put all of those worries on the back burner and recommitted to us. I told myself I was paranoid. Clingy, even.
“After this last trip, I felt another shift. You were spending a lot more time with me, but I felt like you weren’t fully present. I finally had the kind of relationship I wanted, minus the sex of course, but it didn’t feel like I thought it would, and now I know why.”
Allison shook her head. It seemed she hadn't been slick about any of it. More surprisingly, she wasn't as self-aware as she liked to think. Tracy had sensed Allison’s feelings weren't as deep way before she ever thought something was missing.
"I know I sound like a broken record, but I want to say how sorry I am. I put you through so much, and all you ever did was stand by me and care for me. And now that this horrible secret has come out, you're awfully kind to me, even though I know you're hurting."
"As I said, I'm trying to process all of this. I know the pain will hit me square in the chest the moment this conversation is over. Right now, I want answers." Tracy stopped walking and stared at the ground. "I guess I also can't be fully upset because this isn't all your fault."
Allison’s throat went dry. “Please don’t blame Kate. I was the one who encouraged this. She was caught—”
"Relax. I'm not mad at Kate. Well, not as much as I could be. Problems in our relationship contributed significantly to your cheating. She was an outside party, albeit one with poor judgment. Kate's a romantic at heart. I could see how she would go along with things if she thought what you two had was special." Tracy's blue eyes bore into Allison's. "Was it?"
Allison drew a sharp breath. “I-I’m not sure.”
“Then do us all a favor and stay away from Kate until you are. I don’t want my sister going through what I went through these last few months with you.”
Those words stung, but Allison could do nothing but nod. Tracy was right. She was at the epicenter of all this mess, and the least she could do was step aside and let everybody recover.
“I won’t complicate things further. I know this isn’t exactly what you want to hear right now, but I want to thank you for being with me through everything. I don’t know that I could have handled things without you. Then you moved here and introduced me to Kate who helped me get over a lot of my anxiety.” Allison laughed breathlessly. “Of course, things took a turn after that, but all the same, you played a tremendous role in my recovery, Tracy. I’ll never forget that.”
“You’re welcome.” Tracy stuffed her hands into the back pockets of her jeans. “I have to call the team and tell them we won’t be moving the business to Brighton after all. It’s a good thing the real estate agent was dragging his feet on getting me a better lease rate.”
“Are you going back to Boston?”
"I am. The business is based there, and I don't have a reason to hang around here anymore."
Allison’s head jerked back. “What about your family? Didn’t you say you wanted to reconnect with them?”
"I did, and I have. I'll come and visit more often, but I think I need some distance. Besides, you and Kate will both be here. I'll need some time to sort through all this before I’m comfortable being around either of you."
Allison cocked her head. “What makes you think I’m staying?”
"I heard a lot of what Marsha said and what she didn't. She, Jamie, and Kate have been a tight unit since high school. The fact that she came out to talk to you tells me you and Kate have unfinished business. I'd rather not be here while you figure it out."
With those words, Tracy returned to the hotel, leaving Allison to muddle through the thoughts that whizzed in and out of her mind. Both Tracy and Marsha thought she and Kate still might have a chance. Now that Allison was no longer with Tracy, that door was open.
The only question was if Allison was brave enough to walk through it. On the other side of that door lay either true love or rejection as she'd never known. One thing was for sure, the Allison who stood here on this summer night wasn't ready to deal with the repercussions of that.
Allison was done trying to puzzle through everything. She needed to figure herself out. The fact that she didn't sense there was anything wrong in her relationship with Tracy before the incident testified to that fact.
Allison needed to do some serious growing. Then and only then, could she try to win Kate back. Kate deserved to be with someone who could give the best of themselves, and Allison was going to do her best to make sure she was capable of that.
Now, it was time for Allison to do something she'd been running from; it was time to deal with her past and how it shaped the woman she had become. Allison was going to tear down the dysfunctional woman she was and build up an emotionally aware and competent woman in her place.
I hope Kate can forgive me, and that she wants the new me when it's all said and done.
16
“Thank God that’s over with,” Jamie said, walking into the kitchen of Patsy’s Bakery.
Kate gave her best friend a tight smile and resumed wiping down the counters. "Tough day out front?"
"The worst. I'm all for Rose Lake growing and creating a name for itself, but this new lake tour is about driving me crazy. Let's talk to Gail and let her know that it's not a smart idea to dump forty tourists on us at one time."
"She's not exactly dumping them on us. It's the scintillating scent from the pastry that draws them in. Besides, the uptick in business is amazing. We might even be able to hire part-time help. You should see this as a positive."
“I will, the moment you start handling the till,” Jamie said testily.
Kate held her hands up defensively. "Point made. You're under a lot of stress, and I need to do my best to help. I'll have a chat with Gail. She and my mom are friends." Jamie beamed. “That’s more like it. It’s crazy how quickly you go from upset to happy.”
“Life’s too short to be down. I prefer to focus on the positive, and now that you’ve taken my concerns seriously, I’m more than ready for us to head home.”
Kate's smile dropped, and she froze in place. For a little over two months she'd been living with Marsha and Jamie. That time had been both helpful and enjoyable. But a few days ago, Marsha had approached Kate and politely asked her to move out.
At first, the baker had been floored. She had received no sign that she was unwelcome at her friends' home and always did her best to stay out of their way. Kate was careful to contribute to the groceries and do her fair share of chores.
On top of the domestic bliss she thought she was living in, Marsha always included Kate in whatever activities she and her girlfriend partook in. Not once had the petite woman complained or made a comment that suggested she was displeased with the arrangement.
But, despite all that, Marsha had been resolute in asking Kate to move out.
It was good while it lasted. It’s time to return to the real world.
"Sorry, Jamie," Kate said. "I'm going to be sleeping at my place tonight."
Jamie’s eyes bulged. “What? Why?”
Kate winced. Marsha had been deathly accurate when she’d told her that Jamie would not take her leaving well. Based on the way Jamie’s eyes narrowed to slits, Marsha had also been right that her girlfriend would be on the warpath, trying to find out exactly why Kate wanted to leave.
"Staying with you guys has been amazing, and I've done a lot of healing, but I feel I’m strong enough to go home and deal with the next phase of my life. Besides, you and Marsha need time alone. I have been a third wheel for long enough."
Jamie's face softened, and the tension in the room eased. "I'm sorry if we made you feel that way. We've done our best to include you in everything. Except for the sex of course."
Kate rolled her eyes when Jamie winked. "I think I'm good not receiving that offer. Listen, it's not that big a deal. I need to face reality. I need to get used to a life where I have to stand on my own two feet."
Jamie took a deep breath and studied Kate's face. "You're sure this is what you want to do?"
“I am.”
Okay," Jamie said, her voice sad. "But I want you always to know you’re welcome to stay with us anytime."
“Thanks,” Kate said, lowering her head.
Kate lifted her heavy suitcase out of her car and struggled to drag it up the stairs at the front of her house.
On the night of Kate’s mother’s 50th birthday, Tracy had found out about her sister's relationship with her girlfriend. Surprisingly, the tech CEO had been very quick to forgive Kate and had even voiced empathy concerning her sister's experience with Allison.
Although Kate hated to admit it, a part of her had hoped Allison would come running to her, but that hadn't been the case. Allison and Tracy both skipped town within hours of each other. Having Allison leave without so much as a goodbye made Kate feel like she was going through a second loss.
The fact that Allison could leave so quickly thrust Kate into a second depression. This time she wasn't angry or hurt. She was sad. After all, Allison had become a free woman, and she still didn't want Kate. That pretty much nailed the coffin on their relationship.
Once Kate managed to wrangle her suitcase up the steps, she unlocked the door then propped it open with a foot. Kate dragged the heavy bag into her home and made a beeline for her couch. She heaved a sigh and stretched her arms over her head.
“Home sweet home,” Kate muttered to herself.
Everything looked and smelled the same, but Kate didn’t feel the contentment she remembered. Something was missing, and that something was Allison.
Kate sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "You're going to have to get over that soon," she said to herself.
A knock on the door startled Kate out of her therapy session of one. She shut her eyes and groaned. The last thing she wanted after a marathon of packing up all her stuff from Marsha and Jamie’s house, then dragging it into her home, was to get up or entertain anyone.
Kate sat up quickly when a thought hit her. Everyone knew she was staying at Jamie and Marsha’s. The only person out of that loop was Sheila, her college friend.
In the days that followed Allison's leaving, the redhead had made several not-so-subtle passes at Kate, finally declaring she'd always had feelings for her on a night when she'd had a little too much to drink.
With Marsha and Jamie's help, Kate had made it clear to Sheila she was in no place to date without going into too many details. Her college friend seemed to accept it, but maybe she'd changed her mind.
Kate rushed to the door, and her breath hitched when she found Allison standing at her doorstep.
“Al-Allison?”
The blonde smiled sheepishly. “Sorry for showing up out of nowhere. I would’ve called, but I didn’t know if you would’ve answered.”
Kate struggled to form a coherent sentence and merely stared. A flush of adrenaline tingled through her body as she thought of why Allison was here right now. Had she possibly returned for Kate?
Whoa there, desperado. Don’t get ahead of yourself.
Kate cleared her throat. “Why are you here?”
“To apologize for what I did.” Allison looked over Kate’s shoulder. “Can I come in?”
“Uh, sure,” Kate answered distractedly. Now that the initial shock was wearing off, she was able to study Allison. She looked different. Her long hair was cut into a bob, and she wore more makeup than Kate had ever seen her with. Add her natural beauty and gorgeous curves into the mix, and Allison was in a word, stunning.
Kate watched Allison’s hips sway gently in her fitted blue dress as she made her way to the couch. Her stomach clenched pleasantly as she pictured running her hands over the tempting body before her.
Either I've got it bad, or I need to get laid. Probably both.
Allison sat, leaving enough space for Kate to settle beside her, but the younger woman didn't trust herself. Kate opted for the armchair adjacent to the couch. Allison said she'd come here to apologize, but that didn't mean she wanted to renew their relationship. Kate needed to protect her heart, especially because moving into her best friend's home was no longer an option.
Allison and Kate stared awkwardly at everything but each other. After a full minute, Kate decided to get the ball rolling. She was on home turf after all, both emotionally and physically.
"You're lucky you chose today to come to see me. I've been staying at Jamie and Marsha's. You would have found an empty home if you came even a day earlier."
Allison's cheeks colored slightly. "I already knew that. Marsha told me."
“She did?”
“Yeah. She’s been pretty supportive since your mother’s birthday party. She’d message me on Facebook every once in a while to ask how I was doing. When I mentioned wanting to get in touch with you, she told me you were planning on moving home today.”
Kate's forehead creased. She didn't know how she fe
lt about that. Marsha was playing both sides, and she had engineered this meeting by kicking Kate out. Then again, Kate was happy Allison had someone to talk to. She knew better than most that Allison did not have a lot of people she could be open with.
“Oh, okay.”
“I know it’s a little weird, especially because I turned full stalker and waited out in my car until you got home. I was going to give you some time to settle down, but I was too eager.”
“It’s fine,” Kate said, unconvincingly.
“Sorry I blurred the lines, but I needed a bit of an ally. I didn’t want to do this in front of anyone else.”
Allison scooted forward in her seat. "Kate, I treated you horribly. Both you and Tracy, but I've already made amends with her. I want you to know I completely regret hurting you the way I did. I told you I loved you and said it wasn't enough. At the time, I didn't think of the repercussions of such words. In a way, I was saying what I felt for you wasn't enough, and that was a lie. It was more than enough."
Kate drew in shallow breaths as she tried to read between the lines. It felt good to hear her acknowledge that she had hurt Kate, but the baker wanted to know how Allison felt now. She wanted to know if those feelings were still there. Three months is a long time to be apart for a couple who’d been together for no more than a few weeks.
But Kate couldn't ask that. She couldn't make herself vulnerable like that again. While she still had feelings for Allison, she didn't trust her emotionally.
“Thanks for saying that.”
"Thank you for even letting me in. You would be well within your rights not to give me the time of day. I'm trying to make amends and help everyone involved move on." Allison placed her hands in her lap and stared at them. "I've been in therapy these last few months, and I've learned a lot about myself. A lot of it was eye-opening and mostly embarrassing, but I've come to accept and make peace with it all. You deserve to know why I did what I did."
"Only if you're comfortable sharing," Kate said gently. Allison's hazel eyes were full of fear, and the way she rubbed her palms over her dress told Kate she was beyond nervous.
Love Me True (Small Town Romances Book 5) Page 11