The Chronicles of the 8th Dimension - Limited Edition Box Set (4 Books): A Supernatural Thriller Box Set
Page 51
But I’m not—and no amount of wishful thinking is ever going to change that.
As his Guardian Angel, I’m bound by certain laws. I experience his internal anguish and his desire to pull this all back together, despite his insides recoiling. All he wants in this whole world is to make up. To feel whole again, followed closely by sweaty bursts of exertion as their naked bodies interlock.
Bringing my hands into prayer position, I tap the bottom of my chin and wait. Free will is a messy, beautiful, irritating thing. And I do have my rules, after all. No messing in the affairs of humans unless directly asked—or if their direction is leading them against their prime directive. Doesn’t mean I can’t watch and wish I could poke Rachel in the eye or make fat inexplicably grow on her hips overnight. But hey—what can I say? He deserves better. He deserves a love as pure as he is.
Instead, his insecurity clouds his judgement. The wounds of abandonment cut too deep. For as long as his soul has been incarnate in this body, I have been his Guardian. We’ve gone through many phases together and for whatever reason, I have a stronger connection to him than any other charge in my care all these years.
Perhaps it stems from when he was a young boy. Up until puberty, he and I would converse. While he couldn’t see me—and I couldn’t touch him—he could hear me. We spent many years talking about all the things you can imagine. But, almost like a child who’s outgrown the tooth fairy, one day he could no longer hear me.
It was a heartbreaking day for me, but it hasn’t changed the way I feel about him.
I’ve seen his trials and tribulations—his awkward moments and his strength as he’s grown into a man full of potent masculinity, sexual power, and inescapable intellectual prowess.
Yet time after time, he continues to fall into the same trap. He repeats this pattern as he tries to resolve his feelings for the mother who left him alone in this world. The little boy inside has yet to heal, and until he faces this fact, he will continue to self-destruct in his relationships. It is his fate—his prime directive.
“Get out—” Rachel says, pointing toward the door. Her brown eyes flash with near-murderous intent.
I sit up straighter, eyes wide and mouth agape.
Now we’re getting somewhere…
Liam’s dark eyebrows tug inward, covering his intense hazel eyes until they’re nothing more than tiny green crescents. He’s flooded with anxiety and anger as it wells up, and yet his desire to not be alone is winning the battle under the surface.
I lift my right hand, blowing an air of confidence in his direction. It’s just a little nudge. Nothing that will trigger the alarms or anything.
“You get out. This is my house, remember?” he says, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the doorframe.
He doesn’t mean it—not really. But between my nudge and his own pain, he’s too afraid to lose.
Rachel’s dark eyes narrow into slits, and she juts out her chin.
“Fine,” she spits, twisting on her heel and heading for the door.
I can’t tell whether or not she means it, but she sure looks like she does. She’s not my charge, so I can’t sense her internal battle, but if I were him, I’d take her declaration at face value and breathe a sigh of relief. She’s been nothing but difficult and harsh to him from their first month together. She has her own demons to face, and she brings out the worst in Liam. I’ve found when a human shows you who they really are, you should believe them. Actions very rarely lie.
Liam’s back stiffens, and his insides recoil. He’s fighting with his decision—battling with the desire to hold firm versus the desire to chase after her.
“Babe—wait,” Liam says, dropping his arms and rushing out behind her.
I slide off the back of the couch and slump into the seat, unable to watch. Instead, I pull my legs up and wrap my arms around them.
Gods, what I wouldn’t do to be human. I’d help him forget all about her and the stream of women just like her left in his wake. I thump my head against my knees and close my eyes.
Being a Guardian—operating outside the dimension humans can see and interact with—is a special kind of torture. At least, it is for me. Taking a deep breath, I look up, waiting for the unavoidable end.
“No—” Rachel says, spinning in front of the door. Her bleached-blond hair spirals around her in a dance of fury, and she practically growls at him. “We’re over, Liam. I’m done. I can’t keep doing this. You clearly don’t get me, and it’s obvious you never will.”
“That’s not true—” he says, reaching for her. “Rach—come on. We’re good together. Aren’t we?”
“No, Liam. We’re not. You’re off in your own little imaginary world all the time, and I can’t take it anymore,” she fires back. “All you care about is technology and whatever the hell it is you do at work.”
“My own little world? I bend over backward trying to show you—”
“And yet, you never listen to what I want. You keep doing the same things over and over, thinking it will have a different result. I don’t like being smothered, Liam. And that’s what you do. You smother me with the crappy kind of attention that only scratches at the surface, and I can’t take it,” she says, puffing up her chest.
“Smother you? By bringing you flowers? Texting you to see how you’re doing?” he asks, his chin dropping to his chest.
I feel the wheels start turning in his head as he tries to make sense of her words.
“Look, I’ve… Ah, hell, I may as well just spit it out. I’ve met someone else. This thing between us just isn’t for me. Daniel satisfies me in a way—”
“Satisfies you?” Liam gapes.
I feel his heart shatter into pieces at this revelation, and I let out a soft sigh. In the blink of an eye, I’m behind him, placing my hand on his shoulder as I offer my own strength to help him make it through these next few moments. This blow will hit him hard—it’s more validation to his greatest fear.
He’s unlovable.
His abandonment issues rise out of the depths of his despair. While he doesn’t know it, these battles will ultimately lead him to his destiny. I’ve been shown this as his Guardian. All this sorrow and loss is fueling his life’s purpose, even if he doesn’t know it yet. He’s developing something—something that marries science and technology. It will change the world.
He has to continue; he has to finish what he’s started. As hard as I try to lighten his burden, he won’t let me. Instead, he chooses to let despair wash over him, consuming all he is as he shuts out my attempts.
“Don’t come after me. Don’t call me. I’m just…”
Liam’s mouth opens to speak, but he closes it, unable to make the words come out.
“Done,” Rachel says with a final punctuation. Without another word, she walks out of the door and out of his life.
“Good riddance,” I say, lowering my eyebrows and nodding my head for effect.
It’s like watching one of those human television shows with all the drama. Scope operas?
Whatever.
Either way, I’m thrilled he’ll be able to finally move on. Maybe he’ll struggle enough to get on the right path and find the right woman. My chest clenches, and an ache erupts in my gut. As much as I want Liam to be happy, it’s also been safe having him in all the wrong relationships. It gives me something to root for—his happiness and his underdog capabilities when it comes to the opposite sex. All while never really having to resign myself to the fact it will never be me he’s having a sweaty entanglement with.
The thought sparks through my body’s energetic points like a lightning bolt, making me squirm. I’ve often wondered what that was like—what it would feel like to be so intertwined. I drop my hand from his back, unable to handle the contact even though neither of us can truly feel it.
The moment my contact has diminished, Liam turns around and punches the wall. His fist goes clear through the drywall and into the bowels beyond. I look toward the ceiling and s
hake my head. The male human is so volatile, especially around heightened emotions. It’s either fight, flight, or fuck—as foul as that word is, it’s true. Liam is no exception to this rule, but at least his heart is genuine, despite the pain clouding it.
Taking a step back, I run my fingertips over my clavicle and down the center of my chest. Our bodies—angels and humans—are not dissimilar. If we existed on the same plane you wouldn’t be able to tell us apart, and yet we cannot connect.
Some say we were once humans who ascended—but not all of us were. For as long as I’ve been cognizant, I have always been a Guardian. And here I am, wishing I had once had the opportunity to know what skin-on-skin contact feels like. The irony has not been lost on me.
Only coupled Guardians know the sensation, but they are rare. Most of us simply don’t have the same…drives. We’re not human, after all. Even those of us who once were.
Yet, here I am…an anomaly. I want to feel him—really feel him—more than all of existence, but if anyone found out...
I shudder at the thought.
Images of being sent to Purgatory—the “in-between” of all things—flash through my mind. No human or angel wants to be sent there. It’s where demons roam free and lost souls go to die as they become wraiths—ghoulish shadows of their former selves. It’s the last place a being of the light wants to be banished to.
Liam pulls his hand back from the depths of the wall, and blood is speckled across his knuckles. He doesn’t seem to mind or care, his emotions having dived deep into still waters after his outburst.
For a moment, I tune in, sensing the stillness of his thoughts and wondering what will come next. He’s in a deep, dark hole of nothing, and it worries me. He doesn’t typically bury things so fast.
Taking a deep breath through his nose, he scrunches his shoulders toward his ears, then lets them relax. His jaw clenches, unclenches, and he nods to himself. “Just any other Tuesday, Liam,” he whispers.
Reaching for the handle to the door, he flings it back, and I can’t help but worry about his next actions. Yet, as it turns out, my fears are unfounded as he simply walks outside and takes a seat on the front steps of the large wraparound porch.
The sun is setting across the expansive front yard, and he stares absently at it for a moment. The internal stillness continues, so I sit down beside him, placing my hand along the space between his shoulder blades.
A few moments pass, and he begins to flicker to life. Emotions start rolling through him in waves as he places his elbows on his knees and drops his head to his hands. Even though no one else is anywhere close to see or sense them, I feel his tears on his cheeks and the cracking of his heart as if it were all happening to me. Reaching up, I entwine my fingertips through his dark tufts of wavy hair, wishing he knew how much he’s truly loved.
To him, my touch would feel like nothing more than the breeze tousling his locks, but to me, it’s a magical energy that ignites the ends of my fingers and lights up the pleasure centers of my body and brain. I imagine what it would really feel like, and it’s both terrifying and exhilarating. Shuddering away the excitement, I pull my hand back to my chest, holding it with the other.
“What am I going to do?” I whisper to myself, exhaling slowly.
If the Guild finds out I am in love with…
I can’t bring myself to even think the final word, but I cast my gaze over his broad shoulders, wishing I could be the one to take away his burden. Not in the Guardian sense, but in every other. But it can never be anything more, and I need to get that through my stupid, sick head.
For a few minutes, we sit side-by-side. My hand rises and falls with his quiet pain, and I do my best to send loving, healing vibes his way. When his tears are spent, he wipes at his cheek and inhales sharply.
“I’m so done with this,” he says.
“Good, that’s good. Go with that, Liam. You have so much more to offer this world. You just need to find who you are first,” I whisper, wishing he could hear my words.
His gaze narrows, and he shakes his head. “Please, please God—ah, hell, why not bring everything into it—any Gods, Goddesses—Guides and Guardians—all the angels out there, too… if you can hear this, I’ll do whatever you want. Please just take this pain away,” he whispers, dropping his head to his chest. “I’m done, so done with all of this. Why can’t I just make this shit work? What am I missing? I need some damn direction.”
My heart skips a beat at his plea.
He spoke to me…
Well, okay, maybe not me directly, but according to our laws, it’s enough. I can do as I see fit to ease his suffering.
Bending into his ear, I whisper, “I wish you all the love in the world, Liam. But first, you must learn to know thyself.”
Sitting up a bit straighter, his eyes widen. Quietly, he repeats the mantra from the Oracle at Delphi.
I pull my hand back, my eyes taking in every movement, every breath he takes. He’s more receptive than I thought. Perhaps he’ll be open to more…
“You deserve everything you dream of, Liam. Your heart is so pure and beautiful. You deserve so much better than what you’ve been settling for. One day very soon, you’ll see your self-worth and let go of all of the baggage you’ve been holding onto,” I say, smiling in his direction. “You are so loved. I wish you knew how much.”
Holding very still, his eyebrows tug downward and his breath hitches.
“Who—is someone there?” he says, looking around.
My pulse races, and I scramble backward from the step. “Can you hear me?” I begin, unable to contain my surprise.
He turns his head in my direction, but his eyes search the space in front of him without landing on me. Disappointment rolls through my being, but I shake it off.
He heard me—actually heard me again. I don’t know how long this will last or when the opportunity will vanish. Racing back to his side, I bend down in front of him.
“Liam—if you can hear me—please trust yourself. Trust in your abilities to live and love. Stop searching for women who make you work for their affection. We talked about this on end when you were a boy. The women in your life should give their love to you freely the way I…”
I stop myself just shy of saying it and place my hands over my mouth.
“Who—? Where are you?” he says, his hazel eyes flashing the depths of green like I’ve never seen. “Oh my god, I must be losing my damn mind.”
I shake my head feverishly. “No—no, I’m here. Please, please just listen to me. You deserve so much more than you give yourself credit for. Your mother, she—”
Liam scrambles to a stand, groping at the sides of his head.
“My mother?” he sputters.
I stand alongside him, reaching my hands out and placing them over his. Instantly, he pulls his hands down and stares at them in surprise.
“Could you feel me?” I say, shock and excitement coiling through my insides.
“I—” he blinks rapidly, his forehead creasing at the place where his eyebrows meet his nose. “I need to go back to bed. I’m clearly delusional—”
“Liam Henry Mattson, I need you to know I’m here. You’re not going insane,” I say, clenching my teeth.
“Who are you?”
“It’s Evangeline,” I whisper, stepping closer. My heart races, threatening to burst out of my chest as I debate whether or not to say what I really want to say. “Do you…remember me?”
“Evangeline?” he repeats, his eyes widening in recognition.
“Yes—or Eva, if you want. You used to call me that,” I say, nodding excitedly. “I’m your Guardian, and I…” I bite my lip, struggling for the words to express everything I’ve ever wanted to tell him.
“I remember you,” he whispers. “But I thought… I thought I’d made you up.”
My eyes fall to the ground, and I sigh, “I was afraid of that.”
“But you’re real?” he presses.
“I am, and I’ve never
left your side,” I utter, watching him intensely.
His face brightens, his eyes roaming the space in front of him. “Where are you? Why can’t I—?” he begins.
“It’s hard to explain, but I’m not going anywhere. I don’t know how long this will last—but I will be here with you. Even if things go back to the way they were and you can’t hear me, I need you to know I’m with you. I’ve always been with you.” I reach out again, placing my right hand along his cheek.
He leans into my hand as if sensing my touch, and I can’t help but smile. “Liam, you need to know how loved you are. Don’t let this one night ruin anything.”
“How would you know that?” He snickers. “Oh, well, I guess maybe you would…”
I laugh softly, taking a deep breath to say what I need him to hear. “I know because I love you. I always have.”
Beyond the edge of the deck, I catch the glint of glowing turquoise eyes buried in the bushes. My excitement vanishes, and every fiber of my being screams at me to protect Liam at all costs.
A demon is here—probably summoned by Liam’s earlier, unfiltered request. It’s a fallen angel, after all.
And it’s just heard everything.
Chapter 2
When Prayers Go Wrong
Instantly, I take a defensive posture, my elemental sword springing to life in my hand with magically imbued ice creeping up the blade like frost climbing a window. It calms elemental forces any demon possesses—putting them in their place when necessary. It’s by no means as powerful as the element of spirit, but that’s a power only meant for crossing over our human charges after they’ve died.
Narrowing my eyes, I can’t tell which demon lingers here, but none of them mean candy and rainbows.