by Mary Smith
“I’m homeless,” Shade said to the empty room. Technically, he wasn’t because he had money in the bank to get a place of his own without any real worry. He just didn’t want to because he would be traded soon enough. He decided he’ll give money to Jarvis for letting him stay here until he was off to his new team.
“We’re here.” Mikayla’s voice carried through the condo.
Shade hadn’t moved, nor did he know how long he’d been sitting there. He knew they were just being kind to him but food didn’t sound good at all to him.
“Hey.”
Raising his head, he saw her standing in the doorway.
“Come and eat.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Don’t do that.” Mikayla came into the room and sat next to him. “You can’t hide from this. You have to move on.”
“I’m not hiding. I don’t know how to move on from Jen,” he countered. “I have done everything for us. Everything. I don’t know how to live without her in my life. I don’t know how to breathe without her. I don’t know what to do.”
He stared at Mikayla and saw the shocked and sad expression on her face. Then he felt the hot tears on his cheeks. Turning away from her, he wiped them away. Only in private would he cry, but here he sat on the bed with his sister-in-law as the tears fell.
“Shade, I don’t want you to leave Jenessa, but it’s what you have to do for her to see the truth.”
He didn’t say anything.
“She’s different and you know it as well as I do. She has to hit rock bottom before she realizes all that she has and comes back to you.”
“And what if she doesn’t ever come back?” He buried his face in his hands.
“She will. Give her time.”
He hated that sentence more than any other. Time. That was a word with no definition. How much time? How much time before they’re back together and being happy again?
“Let’s take one minute at a time,” Mikayla suggested. “Let’s eat and then we’ll decide what’s next. Deal?”
He knew she was right. Slowly, he nodded and stood up. “Okay. Let’s eat.”
After breakfast, Shade went back to the bedroom and remained there for the rest of the day and night. He tried to sleep, tried to watch TV, tried to do anything but think of the pain he felt. Mikayla left him be, as did Jarvis. They didn’t even bother him for lunch or dinner. He just stayed away from them all, and they let him.
As the sun came up the next day, it had been over twenty-four hours since he’d talked to Jenessa. Since their first meeting, he’d never gone this long without talking to her. Even when they were long-distance from each other, they’d talked every day.
He shaved and showered in the en suite bathroom before emerging from the bedroom. He quietly made his way into the kitchen where Jarvis sat at the breakfast bar.
“She’s not here,” he told Shade, answering his unasked question. “She’s working today.”
“Is it bad to say I’m relieved?” He grabbed the orange juice container and poured himself a cup.
“Nah, even I need a break from her. She wears me out,” he confessed. “What’s your plans for today?”
He leaned against the counter. “I have no idea.”
“Come work out with us,” he suggested. “Camp is about to start. You don’t want to lose your spot.”
“I’m being traded,” Shade blurted out.
“What?” Jarvis’s jaw dropped. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“I asked Cabel the other day to trade me. My contract is up, and I can’t stay here without Jenessa,” he admitted to Jarvis.
“You’re lying, right? This is a bad joke or dream or something,” Jarvis began to ramble.
“It’s not,” Shade told him seriously. “I don’t know where I’m going, but it’s somewhere nowhere near Manchester.”
“Damn,” he breathed. “I hate to lose you, bro.”
Shade had no reply because he hated to leave. Manchester was his home. His first real home. “Let’s go workout,” he said, hoping all these feelings and emotions would leave him with each droplet of sweat.
Jarvis drove them both to the Bears’ arena. Janan and Nova, the owners of the New Hampshire Bears, the Manchester Cats, the professional baseball team, and the Concord Rams, the professional football team, had made sure there was a state-of-the-art gym for the players in the arenas that they could use anytime. The Bears’ players took full advantage of it.
When they walked in, Dag Limon, Edgar Hopp, Bas Zorn, Zerrick Justice, and Walker Lange were already there. After everyone greeted each other, Shade hit the treadmill first. He didn’t run hard, just a steady jog to get his heart rate up a bit. He couldn’t push himself because he didn’t want to hurt himself or get sick since he’d not really eaten.
After about twenty minutes, he hit the free weights until the sweat burned his eyes, and his muscles screamed for him to stop. His body almost collapsed when he put down the weights and went over to the fridge for something to drink. Edgar had been sitting on a bench, and Shade joined him, twisting the top off the bottle.
“You left her, didn’t you?” Edgar kept his question low.
“How did you know?” Shade asked shocked. He knew Mikayla and Jarvis wouldn’t tell anyone.
“It’s written all over your face,” he told him point-blank.
“The night before last,” he confessed. “She told me to leave and…I did.”
“Shit,” he breathed. “I hate to hear that, Shade. I really do. I know you wanted to work it out, but maybe this is a good thing.”
“Good? This isn’t good. This is the furthest thing from good,” he barked at his friend.
“You have every right to be pissed, but now you can move on.”
Shade had no intention of ever moving on. His love and soul belonged to Jenessa and no one else. Even when he moves to whatever city he’ll be traded to, he’d never find a love like they had.
“I’m going to wait for Jarvis outside.” Shade stood up and left the gym.
He wasn’t going to wait for Jarvis. Instead, when he stepped into the sunlight and warm air, he summoned an Uber and texted Jarvis to let him know he left.
Back at the condo, he took another shower and realized he’d need to run to the drugstore and purchase some items. He could go to the house and get them, but he couldn’t face her. Checking his phone for the hundredth time, Jenessa still hadn’t called or texted him. It was more continuing proof the marriage was over.
At the drugstore, he strolled aimlessly through the aisles, not looking at anything in particular but tossing items he needed into his basket. He could almost hear Jenessa bitching because he didn’t have a list. She always went into the store, purchased the items on the list, and checked out.
When he finished and went back to the condo, he stayed in his room watching TV until Mikayla pushed open the door without knocking.
“Get up, now.” She roughly yanked on his arm. “You’re not going to waste away in this room.”
“You’re about to pull my arm out of the socket.” He jerked away from her grasp.
“I brought food home and even if I have to shove it down your throat, you will eat it.” She glared at him.
He never could explain it, but Mikayla always had a commanding personality. Even more so than Jenessa. “You win.”
“Oh, I know I do.” She smarted off back at him and continued to stare him down until he began making his way to the door.
Once in the kitchen, Jarvis was already at the breakfast bar with several takeout containers around them. Mikayla pointed for him to sit down, and he did, and then she sat in between the guys. She placed three containers in front of him. Her glare softened when he began placing food on his plate.
They ate quietly for several minutes before Mikayla began telling them about her day. She was currently working for one of the world’s leading designers helping to create an accessory line of costume jewelry. Shade listened to her but rea
lly didn’t process the words a lot. Even though he was glad she was working on an outstanding career, his mood wouldn’t let him be happy for her.
After he ate about half of the food, he got up without saying anything and went back to the bedroom. He had the TV on, but it was purely for the white noise and nothing else. He sat in a chair that was facing the window. The sun had already set, and he just stared out at the Manchester skyline. People were moving about their happy lives and what about him? He had nothing. No real home. The love of his life was gone. And he was to be traded soon.
A knock on the door brought him back to the present.
“Come in, Mikayla,” he said not looking at the door.
“She’s much hotter than me,” Jarvis said, stepping into the room.
Turning, he saw his friend. “Sorry. I figured she was going to give me the third degree.”
“Give it time. She will, but I told her I’d talk to you first.” He came over to him and sat on the edge of the bed.
“Sorry, I ditched you. I just had to leave,” he began to explain.
“I get it. I do. Your heart is broken, and it seems like there’s nothing in this world to fix it.”
Shade glanced at his friend and then back at the window. “Something like that.”
“I know you want to be traded, but I wish you’d reconsider.”
“I can’t stay here without her,” he answered quickly. Being in Manchester would only feel like home if they were together.
“I know. I thought I’d ask.” Jarvis stood up and touched his shoulder. “You can stay here for as long as you need.”
“Thanks,” Shade said with sincerity as Jarvis headed out the room.
Looking back out the window, he wondered how long he’d be here before he was traded.
Chapter Four
Jenessa
Time seemed to speed by but as Jenessa stared at her laptop, it moved at a snail’s pace. She should have been at the office, but for the past several days, she hadn’t left the house. Slamming the laptop shut she moved from the kitchen table into the den. Wrapping herself up in the blanket that sat on the back of the sectional, she inhaled Shade’s scent.
For the millionth time in the past few days, tears silently ran down her cheeks as she laid there. She felt a hole in her soul and had since hearing the front door close when Shade left. She’d spent the weekend in bed, barely leaving it. Even when Mikayla tried to make her get up, she remained frozen under the sheets.
She thought about turning on the TV but couldn’t find the energy or care to pick up the remote. What did it matter? All there was were happy couples and perfect lives. The real world or real problems were never portrayed on TV. At least not the way they really turned out. What did she care? Her life was nothing now. He hadn’t even called or texted her.
One thought that continued to pop into her head was if he was with someone else. Was he? She never figured Shade to be a cheater, but then again, she never thought he’d leave her. Now look at her.
When the front door opened, she sat up thinking Shade came back. Then her heart sank when she saw Mikayla’s turned-up nose.
“Holy shit. You stink.”
“Go away.” Jenessa groaned, falling back down onto the sectional.
“I probably should because you’re burning my eyes, and I’ll never be able to get rid of this smell out of my clothes.” Mikayla waved her hand in front of her face. “You need to shower.”
“Leave me alone,” Jenessa ordered with a firm tone.
“Nope. I’m going to throw you into a shower, shove food down your throat, then go home and burn these clothes. So, hurry up.” She snapped her fingers at her older sister.
“Weren’t you the one who told me I’d be alone?” A surge of anger pulsed through her. “Why aren’t you gloating? Or dancing a jig?”
“Did you just ask me why I wasn’t dancing a jig?” Mikayla questioned.
“Yes. Yes, I am. You’ve treated me like shit for a long time telling me about this moment.” Jenessa jumped to her feet. “Well, here you go.” She held out her arms. Waiting for several seconds for her sister to say anything.
Mikayla stepped up to her with a sad expression. “I love you. You’re my sister. As much as I want to yell from the rooftops I’m right, I can’t do it. You and Shade are broken and the only way to fix you both is for you both to realize your worth. Your worth to yourself and to each other.”
Jenessa said nothing. There were many times when Mikayla got under her skin, but other times she became the sound of reason.
“Shade isn’t broken.” Jenessa put up her defensive walls, making sure no one saw her true weakness.
“Yes, he is. You can stop pretending you’re not. Because if you weren’t upset about his leaving then you’d be showered, makeup done, hair perfect, and in clothes that didn’t appear to have been picked out of the dumpster. Oh, and your eyes wouldn’t be puffy and bloodshot,” Mikayla called her out.
Arguing would have been pointless. Like her, Mikayla wouldn’t stop until she won. The difference, Jenessa knew when to throw in the towel.
At least, sometimes.
“Seriously, get showered. I brought food.” Mikayla’s words came out like a commander ordering his troops.
For some reason, Jenessa’s body followed Mikayla’s orders. She moved off the sectional, dropped the blanket behind her, made her way to the stairs, up to the bedroom, and into the master bath. The cool water shocked her skin, causing it to tingle. She didn’t deserve hot water. She began scrubbing away the body odor and several days’ worth of sadness and despair.
Stepping out, her skin glowed red from the harsh, rough cleaning she just gave herself. Patting herself dry she slipped into a pair of sweats and a T-shirt. No makeup. Hair still dripping wet. None of which she cared about at the moment. Going back downstairs, Mikayla had a large veggie pizza sitting in the middle of the kitchen table with two glasses of Hi-C Fruit Punch.
“Let’s eat.” She sat down.
Jenessa couldn’t lie. The smell of pizza made her mouth water and stomach growl. “I’d figured you make mac and cheese.” She heard the harshness of her tone. She hoped it would send Mikayla away, so she could go back to being alone.
“Nope. We needed serious carbs tonight. Pizza will hit the mark.” She pulled a slice off and put it on the plate in front of Jenessa.
Picking it up, she took a small bite. She had to hold back the moan because she didn’t want Mikayla to think she was right.
“Are you going back to the office? Or are you going to quit yet?” she questioned her sister, grabbing a slice for herself.
“Why would I quit my job, Kay?”
“Because you hate it and you’re using it as a crutch,” she answered the rhetorical question.
“I do not. It’s a very rewarding job,” Jenessa countered.
“No, it’s not. You keep saying that because you want to believe it. In truth, it sucks and it’s sucking your soul dry. So, when are you going to quit?”
Jenessa ignored her and went back to eating her pizza.
“Shade will need to come by and get his stuff.”
This statement made her freeze midbite. She knew it would be coming, but it still shocked her. Shade taking his stuff out of the house would finalize her fear. He’ll never come back. “Sure. Whatever.”
Mikayla rolled her eyes. “Really? You’re going to play the tough girl card?”
“I’m not playing any card,” she defensively snapped.
“Well, your bubbly attitude says differently. In case you didn’t know.” Mikayla went back to her food, still staring at her.
Jenessa put her head down, then she picked at the veggie toppings, only eating a piece here and there. Finally, she gave up. She didn’t want to be in the same room as Mikayla anymore. She got up from the table and went up to the bedroom. Slamming the door shut she hoped her sister would take the hint and leave her alone.
Curling up on her side, she reached for Shade�
��s pillow and tucked it in her arms. Again, she inhaled his scent. He never wore anything overpowering. It always smelled fresh and minty. While growing up, Jenessa always loved the scent of spearmint and when they’d first met, it was an aroma that hung in the air between them. Closing her eyes, she thought about her and Shade’s first meeting. Fate had set them up.
Jenessa grew up in Buffalo, New York and loved the city life. When it came time to apply for college, she never thought of moving too far away. In truth, she didn’t want to leave Mikayla with her parents without having any ‘back-up’ as they called it. Jenessa loved college life. She made many friends, stayed at the top of her class, and networked her ass off. She knew she needed to if she wanted to get into law school. She overloaded herself, but since she considered herself a workaholic, she knew she could handle it.
Then one night, a friend wanted to meet up for coffee at a small hole-in-the-wall diner. Jenessa always prided herself on being there for her friends. As she sat at the booth and ordered some coffee for herself, she smelled something minty. Turning to her left, she saw a handsome guy, around her age, sitting alone at the table next to her booth. She tried not to stare but continued to glance at him several more times throughout her time there.
After twenty minutes of waiting, she got on her cell phone and called her friend. When she answered, she told her that she was back with her boyfriend and everything was fine. Jenessa ended the call and had “apparently” sighed loudly, thus gaining Shade’s attention.
“Stood up?”
She shrugged. “Something like it.” She looked at him. “What about you?”
“Just a night by myself,” he answered with a smile.
Then Jenessa asked the one question which would change her life forever. “Would you like to join me?” She just blurted it out, unsure why she asked this stranger to join her.