by Mary Smith
“I’d love to.” He quickly moved from his table to her booth, sitting across from her.
Immediately, they began talking. Not one second of awkwardness passed between them. Jenessa felt like they were old friends. She told him about Mikayla, college life, and her dreams of being a lawyer. He told her about hockey and his future of possibly being in the PHL. Even if it didn’t work out, he’d have his college degree in business, and he thought about getting his MBA and working for a sports advertising company.
Shade paid for everything when they realized how late it was and even walked her to her car. They’d exchanged numbers and before she even made it back to her dorm, Shade had called and asked her to go out.
From that point on, they talked or saw each other every single day.
Jenessa told Tiffany she’d be working from home again, and Tiffany told her the partners weren’t too thrilled about it. Truthfully, Jenessa could not care less. She’d been thinking of leaving the firm. Again, Mikayla was right. She didn’t feel fulfilled with her job anymore. She sat at the kitchen table, laptop open and should be typing up a motion, but in truth, she’d not typed one word. Mikayla had left the pizza, and Jenessa grabbed a slice before going into the living room and sitting in the middle of the couch. Eating the cold piece of pizza reminded her of her college days when she and Shade would eat at her apartment.
When she heard the front door keypad, she figured Mikayla had decided to come back and pick up where they left off last night. To her shock, Shade opened the door. Thankfully, she didn’t have a mouth full of food when their eyes connected.
“Um...hey,” Shade spoke first and shut the door. “I thought you’d be at work.”
“I’m working from home,” she explained, hating that she looked like a wreck at the moment.
“Okay.” The tension hung in the air. “I just came to grab some clothes and things.”
His words broke her heart even more. “Sure. Right.” Quickly, she moved to the kitchen and away from him.
She couldn’t watch him remove any of his things from the house. Their house. The life they built together. He was leaving. Proving to her the marriage was really over. They’d been together for over ten years, married almost eight, and it was all ending. Holding onto the counter, she didn’t want him to see her cry. Actually, she couldn’t believe she had any tears left. She’d figured her tear ducts would have dried up by now.
Unsure of how long she’d been standing there, she eventually heard Shade coming down the stairs and into the kitchen. A thud indicated a heavy bag being dropped onto the floor. The smell of mint filled the air.
“Um, I just took clothes and personal stuff.”
She heard the crack in his voice. Still she couldn’t face him. “Okay.”
“I’m over at Jarvis’s place for now. You know, until…” He trailed off.
Until he found a new house. Until their divorce was finalized. Until he found a new girlfriend and started a new life.
“Sure. See ya,” she snapped.
“Right. Okay. See ya.”
She knew he wasn’t moving because she could still feel his eyes on her. It felt like forever before she heard him pick up the bag and leave the house again. Once the door shut, the tears fell. They didn’t last long this time because she wouldn’t allow it. She refused to be some weepy female. Even though she’d done it for the past several days, she was over it. He had begun to move on and so would she.
Even if she didn’t want to.
Shortly after Shade left, Jenessa made the decision that she wasn’t going to work at all today. It had become pointless because her brain had no ability to focus. She knew she couldn’t stay in the house for one more second. The walls were beginning to close in on her and cabin fever would shortly follow. However, she didn’t know what to do. She thought about shopping or maybe deep cleaning the house. Neither of which sounded appealing.
Then she randomly walked around the house and began opening the hall closets. In one, she saw her yoga mat and bag. Bending down, she picked it up and wondered when was the last time she’d done yoga. She went to yoga all throughout college and law school. She even did meditation classes. It wasn’t until she was eight months pregnant when she stopped her prenatal yoga classes. Even though she felt flexible, it became harder for her. Thinking about it more and more, she realized how much she missed yoga and how much she loved going.
Reaching for her phone, she searched to see if the same yoga studio she’d gone to before had any classes going on right now. It did and she quickly got ready and headed downtown to the studio.
Jenessa actually felt nervous walking into the class. She’d only been around co-workers and Shade and Mikayla since her baby died. Occasionally, she did try to go to Bears’ events, but she couldn’t tolerate it. One of the owners, Nova Long, gave birth to a daughter the exact same day Jenessa had Clay. Jenessa would never be mean or blame an innocent child for her heartache. She just couldn’t handle seeing the child thriving when hers was gone.
As the instructor started, Jenessa quickly realized, she was completely out of shape. She tried to stretch herself as far as her body would allow but couldn’t do it like she used to. Sweat formed around her forehead and her back, and it made her skin clammy. At the end of the session, the instructor did five minutes of meditation.
Taking deep breaths and centering herself, Jenessa cleared her mind. She didn’t feel at peace. However, she was able to empty her thoughts.
“Now, focus on your one true desire,” the instructor said.
Shade flashed into her mind. He had been sitting on the floor with baby toys all around. Even though she couldn’t see the baby’s face because it was facing away from her, she could hear the cooing and laughter. She never doubted Shade would have been the world’s best father.
When the session ended and Jenessa opened her eyes, she felt the tears. She rushed to wipe them away not wanting anyone to see them. All in all, she felt a little better. Rolling up her mat, she already made the decision to come back tomorrow.
“Jenessa?”
She looked over her shoulder to see Greer Hopp coming up to her. “Hi, Greer,” she greeted her.
“How have you been?”
Doing a quick once over, she felt like a slug next to Greer. Greer Hopp was the den mother of the New Hampshire Bears and wife to Edgar Hopp. She also owned and ran an extremely successful event planning company. Not to mention she was the perfect Pinterest mother and looked like she belonged on the cover of Vogue. Her beautiful brown shiny hair sat high in a ponytail. Even without makeup the woman didn’t have a blemish on her face.
“I’m okay.” She gathered the rest of her items, trying not to divulge any more information than she needed to. Unsure of what Shade had told everyone.
“Really? Because, no offense, you look like hell.”
Leave it to Greer to be honest and sweet about it at the same time.
“How about we head over to the juice bar and chat?”
She wanted to turn her down and go home. However, something, deep down, told her to go and have a drink with her. “Sure. Why not?”
Together they walked next door to the juice bar. Jenessa didn’t want to stand there in silence, so she asked about the business. Greer began to tell her about some of the events she was currently planning. Jenessa had always been impressed with Greer having her own business. She’d thought about opening her own practice many years ago, but the moment passed time and time again.
Once they had their drinks, they found a small table near the window. Greer had an expression as if she wanted to ask the big questions.
“Go ahead and ask.” She gave her permission. When Jenessa and Shade first arrived in New Hampshire, Greer and Edgar were their first friends and opened their homes to them many times when they were searching for a home. When Clay died, Greer had been the first from the Bears’ family to come to Jenessa’s side.
“How are you doing, for real?”
Jenes
sa took a deep breath and said, “Shitty.”
Greer waited for her to continue.
“Shade left.” Jenessa heard a small gasp come from across the table.
“Are you okay?” Greer took her hand, not seeming shocked by her words.
“Yes. No. I don’t know,” she answered in a rush, truly unsure how she felt.
“When did this happen?”
“Last week.”
“Why didn’t you call? I would have come over.”
Nodding, she knew she would have been there in a heartbeat. “I know, but I needed to be alone.”
“I can understand.” Greer gave her hand a soft squeeze before releasing it. “Is there anything I can do?”
Jenessa shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t even know what to do.”
“I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I’m here for anything. Even if it’s to listen.” Greer gave her a friendly smile.
“You know I only have Mikayla now. Well, that’s if she’s talking to me.” Jenessa’s eye roll was meant to be for herself not Greer.
“Shade loves you Jenessa. Could this just be temporary?”
“No.” She shook her head. “He came and got some stuff today.”
“Have you talked to him?”
Again, she shook her head. A bit embarrassed admitting to it.
“How come?” Greer’s shocked tone couldn’t be hidden. “I truly can’t believe this is what Shade wants.”
Not having an answer for her, she didn’t say anything and just stared out the window. Greer took the hint and didn’t ask any other questions. The women sat at the table, drinking their juice in silence.
Finally, Greer asked, “Would you like to be my yoga partner? We can meet up tomorrow.”
Jenessa already knew she was coming back. However, it would be nice to have a female to hang out with. “Sure, I’d like that.”
Chapter Five
Shade
“You’re such an ass.” Jarvis pushed on Shade’s shoulder.
“Don’t be mad because I can do more chin-ups than you,” Shade joked. Even though he didn’t feel like being in a fun mood, he liked beating Jarvis.
Normally there were many players in the weight room. Today, it was just Jarvis, Edgar, Jackson, and Shade. Jackson Plumley had been the Bears’ least favorite player, especially after last season. Nonetheless, he was trying to win back everyone’s trust and respect. Jarvis hated Jackson the most. Mainly because his sister, Joy, was sort-of seeing Jackson. They all knew it.
“Let’s grab some lunch, guys,” Edgar announced. “Jackson, wanna join in?”
“Sure,” he said but glanced at Jarvis. Almost as if waiting to see what he had to say. Jarvis just ignored him and grabbed a towel.
“I’ll drive,” Edgar volunteered.
“No,” they all answered in unison. Any person who knew Edgar knew never to drive with him because he was the worst driver.
“You all have been listening to Greer,” he grumbled. “Fine, I won’t drive. Shade, that leaves you to be the chauffeur.”
“Fine,” Shade said, grabbing his gym bag. “Jackson, ride with us.” He didn’t see the point of making the poor guy ride alone. Jarvis would just have to deal with it or drive himself. He didn’t say anything as they all piled into Shade’s truck. They decided on Mexican, and Shade started driving to their favorite restaurant.
The guys chatted about the upcoming season. Shade joined in the conversation, even though his mind really wasn’t in it. It had been four days since he last saw Jenessa at the house. Neither has spoken to each other. He’d picked up his phone a number of times and started to call her or send her a text, but he never followed through. What would be the point? She couldn’t even look at him at the house.
Walking into the restaurant, they found a booth out of the way of the crowded lunch rush. They didn’t need to look at a menu when the waitress came. They ordered a round of waters, a large plate of nachos, and two chicken fajita platters. When the waitress left, Edgar told Shade about Jenessa.
“She and Greer have been yoga-ing together.”
Shade turned up his nose. Not at the fact Jenessa had been going to yoga because she used to do it all the time but from the adjective he used. “That’s not a word.”
“You get my point.” He smirked. “Anyway, she’s okay but not really. At least according to Greer.”
“What do you mean?” His concern level jumped to maximum.
“She misses you, loser,” Jarvis translated for him. “And she wants you back.”
“No…she doesn’t want me back.” Shade sighed. Unsure of what else to say, the guys continued to stare at him, waiting for him to say more. “Even though I want my marriage to work more than anything, there’s nothing else I can do.”
The waitress returned with their drinks, and it gave him a moment to compose his thoughts. Knowing Jenessa wasn’t doing well broke his heart even more. If that were possible.
“I know I’m not one to add my opinion,” Jackson spoke up. “Have you thought about therapy?”
He sighed. Not out of frustration, just exhaustion. “Neither Jenessa nor I would go to a stranger, sit on a couch and discuss our feelings. Not going to happen.”
“Then what is your plan?” Edgar asked.
Shade said nothing.
“I think the big question is, do you have a plan?” Jarvis countered.
Again, words didn’t come to him. He simply sat there.
“Neither one of those are right,” Jackson’s chimed in again. “Do you want to have a plan?”
He stared at his teammate. The question was legit, and Shade’s heart screamed yes, but his head couldn’t comprehend the words. Even though he sat there quietly, he knew the answer. “I love my wife. I don’t care if it sounds emotional or whatever. I love her. We’re meant to be together.”
“Then why aren’t you fighting?” Edgar picked up a chip, dipping it into the salsa.
“Because she doesn’t want me to. She let me go,” he explained.
“You’re full of shit,” Jarvis grumbled.
Shade opened his mouth but stopped when their food arrived. As they ate Edgar changed the subject to discussing the upcoming hockey season. Shade welcomed the new topic. His mental state couldn’t handle any more talks about Jenessa and their marriage. He thought Edgar did it on purpose.
When they finished and paid, Shade drove everyone back to the arena and their respective vehicles. Once alone, he began to drive toward his home. Well, Jenessa’s home. The truck practically made its way over there without any assistance from him, or at least it seemed like it. However, he had no clue why. Before turning on the street, he drove past it and made his way to the condo.
Do you want to have a plan?
Jackson’s question bounced around in his mind, and he tried to process it. A simple question with a lot of meaning behind it. He tried many, many times to make his marriage work and nothing helped. Nothing he did or said seemed to bring Jenessa back to the light. The light of their love, their relationship, and their future. She wanted none of it.
She hadn’t even contacted him.
Strolling into the condo, he went straight for the bedroom he’d been keeping himself locked up in without actually locking the door. He dropped into the chair facing the window. The sun hung high in the clear sky. A warm September day was spread out in front of him, and he didn’t even care. This would have been a perfect day to go for a long run. Something he and Jenessa would do together, but now he sat here…
Alone.
He never thought he would be alone. They were supposed to be together forever. He lingered on the word ‘forever’. A memory came flooding back into his mind. One he hadn’t thought of in such a long time.
Shade had three obsessions. One, Jenessa. Two, hockey. And three, the one most people didn’t understand or even believe, country music. Especially from the 1990s. Anytime a teammate figured out his love for country music, they constantly made fun of h
im. It caused him to have a wide variety of nicknames throughout his years, but he didn’t care.
He had taken Jenessa to a concert in a small venue for an up-and-coming singer. It was their third official date. They had talked every single day since they met but finding time between classes, hockey, and studying, it had been hard to be together. He always craved being around her. He couldn’t explain it, but he felt pain from being away from Jenessa.
When he told her to dress ‘bar’ casual for their date, she told him not to surprise her because she hated surprises. He told her the truth and felt nervous putting the idea out there. Jenessa didn’t shy away from it. Even though country music hadn’t been her favorite type of music, she remained open to the idea.
Jenessa was only twenty and unable to legally drink. Shade never thought of himself as a big drinker, only the occasional beer now and then. He had no qualms with drinking pop with her during the concert. As long as he was with her, nothing else mattered.
When the music started, the venue was crowded and everyone was standing. Shade had put Jenessa in front of him. He held her close with her back pressed against his chest. She swayed to the music, unconsciously rubbing against him. He tried to keep his hard-on at bay, but his cock twitched more often than not.
When the show ended, they walked out hand-in-hand, and he’d suggested grabbing some food. He asked because he wanted to spend more time with her. She kindly declined with the excuse of having to study. Not wanting to force her, he agreed and took her back to her apartment.
They remained outside in his car, steaming up the windows from their passionate kissing.
“I enjoyed myself tonight,” she said.
“I enjoy myself every time we talk or are with each other.”
Jenessa rolled her eyes. “Are you thinking that line is going to get you in my bed?”
“No, because I don’t need a cheesy line to get in bed with you. I’m in love with you and when, or if, we ever go to bed together, it’s because of our love.”