The Broken Marriage (New Hampshire Bears Book 14)

by Mary Smith

  “I don’t want to bother him, but could you tell him I’ll wait by the truck.” She gave him a small smile.

  “I’ll tell him right away.” He grinned again.

  She thanked him and made her way back up the hall and out the door, without being seen. Shade’s truck was easy to spot. The players’ cars in the parking lot were always the newest vehicle. Shade had a 2004 Chevy Silverado. She dropped the tailgate and hopped down on it to sit. Remembering numerous discussions between them about upgrading the truck but he said there was nothing wrong with it. Meaning he won’t get another one until the wheels fell off.

  She sat there for several minutes doing nothing more than swinging her legs. She didn’t know how much time passed, but it couldn’t have been much since Shade came rushing out to her.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, almost out of breath when he reached her.

  “Did you come straight from the shower?” Water was dripping onto his face from his drenched hair. His shirt stuck to his chest and arms.

  “Sort of. Edgar told me you were waiting for me.”

  His actions of getting to her so quickly made her heart beat a little faster. “I didn’t want to bother you.”

  “You don’t, and you know you can bother me anytime and anywhere,” he spoke softly as if he didn’t know how she would respond to his words.

  “I just wanted to ask if you would like to have dinner with me.” Nervousness came over her. Although she shouldn’t be with Shade.

  “When? Where?”

  Hearing the excitement in his voice made her calm. “If you’re available tonight, we can eat at the house,” she suggested.

  “I can’t wait.” Again, he kept the same elated tone.

  “Okay. I’ll see you at six?” She hopped off from the tailgate.

  “Great. Yes. Sure.” He hurried out his words.

  “I’ll see you then.” She gave him a small smile before leaving to move toward her car. She tried to not look back but was unable to resist. Just as she thought, he was staring at her.

  When she reached her car, the nervousness quickly turned to panic. She couldn’t cook and didn’t know what to order. Then she wondered what she should wear, or what to do with her hair. Every tiny detail spun her deeper into this panic. Something she never ever did. Pulling out her phone, she called Mikayla.

  “What’s up, sis?”

  “Can you meet me at the sub shop? I need your help.” She couldn’t be sure she even breathed in between words.

  “What’s wrong?” Mikayla questioned.

  “I just left Shade at the arena and asked him to dinner.”

  “I’ll be there in ten minutes.” She squealed and ended the call.

  Jenessa ordered food for them both and waited patiently in a booth for Mikayla. She said ten minutes, but it was closer to thirty when she strolled into the place.

  “First, I’m starving.” She slid into the booth. “Second, tell me everything.”

  They unwrapped their subs as Jenessa began to tell her about yoga class, her breakdown and breakthrough with Greer, talking to Edgar, and asking Shade to dinner.

  “You can’t even imagine my happiness level at this moment.” Mikayla beamed.

  “I’m a wreck.” She glanced down at her untouched sub.

  “Why?” Her bright smile turned into a frown.

  “Oh, jeesh let me see.” She rolled her eyes. “I just asked my husband, who left me and filed for divorce, to come have dinner with me. I can’t cook, so I guess we’ll have peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I have no idea what to wear. Should it be casual? Sexy? Something in-between? Should I just blurt out how I’m feeling? Or should I apologize first? Will he run in the other direction? Will he forgive me? Should he forgive me?” She had to stop and breathe. All the questions, concerns, and feelings continued to spin around her like a tornado.

  “Okay, that’s a lot to process in twenty seconds.” She appeared to be winded as well.

  “Well…” Jenessa shrugged unable to say anything else because it was a lot for her.

  “Let’s start from the beginning,” Mikayla said. “Yes, you and Shade are on a bit of a…hiatus, which I personally believe is a temporary situation. Secondly, everyone knows you’re a horrifically, horrible cook. Especially Shade because the poor guy has eaten your food for years. I’m still not sure how he’s never had food poisoning.”

  Jenessa crossed her arms and glared at her. “You’re being a bit dramatic.”

  “Trust me. I’m not,” she countered. “Thirdly, wear something you’re comfortable in. You don’t need to be fancy with Shade. He doesn’t do fancy.”

  She couldn’t argue with her there. Shade would always be a jeans and a T-shirt kind of guy.

  “Lastly, neither of you have ever had trouble talking to each other. Just say what you want to him. He’ll never run away from you.”

  As much as she wanted that to be true, she couldn’t be sure now. So much had happened between them. A lot of hurt, sadness, and much of it would never be forgiven. No matter what Mikayla said.

  “Just talk.”

  Two words everyone kept telling her to do, and now she had to do it.

  Jenessa sat at the edge of either screaming, crying, or pulling out her hair. Possibly all three at the same time. Why did she think she could cook? Right now, she was trying to figure out why the noodles are clumped into one big brick. The sauce, which should be bright red, now looked black and smelled worse than it looked.

  The doorbell rang, which caused Jenessa to throw everything down onto the counter and run to the door. Opening it, Shade stood on the other side. He wore a pair of dark jeans and a light blue polo with his leather jacket. The same jacket she bought him for their first Christmas many, many years ago.

  “Hi,” he greeted her with a turned-up nose. “Are you cooking?”

  Before she could answer, the smoke alarm went off. “Dammit,” she yelled.

  Together they both rushed to the kitchen. Smoke rolled out of the oven as Shade opened it. Grabbing a towel, he jerked out the completely black bricks of what should have been garlic bread. She had forgotten she had put them in the oven.

  “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” she yelled at the smoke detector as she used another towel to fan the smoke.

  Shade dumped everything into the sink and opened the window, helping to air it out.

  “Jen, this is burnt,” he commented while moving the pan off the burner and turning it off.

  “Fuck!” She threw the towel across the room, and the smoke alarm finally stopped screeching.

  “It’s okay,” he said calmly.

  “I was trying to make something nice,” she grumbled. “I’m just the worst cook.”

  “You’re still learning.” He smiled.

  His words, like always, seemed to bring a calm to her. He never would say how awful she truly was as a cook. Only encouraged her.

  “I can get us something from Grub Hub,” he suggested.

  “Yeah. Sounds good.”

  He tapped on his phone, and she poured each of them a glass of water and carried them into the den. She knew they needed some fresher air as the kitchen still had smoke lingering in the air.

  Once she settled into the sectional, her nerves began to take over when he walked in. Shrugging off his jacket, he laid it on the other end of the sectional and came over to her. When she handed him the glass, her hands lightly shook.

  “Thanks.” He took a small sip and set the glass on the table.

  Taking a big gulp from her glass, she then placed it next to his. Remembering Mikayla’s words, she knew this was Shade, and she didn’t have to be nervous around him.

  “How was practice?” she asked, keeping her tone even.

  “Not bad.”

  “Season seems to be going great.”

  “Yes. We are looking up. Glad we’re not at the bottom.”

  They had been through the Bears being in last place and fighting to be recognized. Now they were in the top ten of the
league.

  For several seconds, they just sat awkwardly next to each other in silence.

  “How have you been?” he asked in a soft tone.

  As she opened her mouth to automatically say fine, she stopped. She was far from fine.

  “How have you been?” She returned his question with the same question.

  He sighed. “Honestly, I don’t know.”

  “Same here.”

  Again, silence filled the room. She could hear every hum and creak in the whole house. However, Greer, Mikayla, and even Edgar’s voices were yelling in her head to talk.

  “I can’t explain how I’m doing because it’s hard to put everything into words,” she started.

  “You can try,” he urged with a hopeful expression.

  She stared into his sad brown eyes. She craved to know everything and anything he felt. The burn of tears quickly crept up. For so long, she’d pushed him away. She owed him this. Of course, when she opened her mouth to say something, the doorbell rang.

  “I’ll get it.” He stood and left the room.

  Her shoulders sagged. She’d been so tense with nervousness and every other emotion in the book, she wondered how much more her body could take. When he walked back in with a large pizza box and then opened it her heart sank.

  “Shade, you didn’t have to get pepperoni pizza. I know you hate it.”

  He had told her the story about him eating out of a dumpster, and since then he very, very rarely ate pizza, especially pepperoni.

  “I know you like it.” He placed a piece on a paper plate, handing it to her.

  Even during all of this, he still put her feelings before his. With her stomach in knots, she couldn’t eat. Putting the plate down she turned her body toward him.

  “I don’t know where to begin,” she said.

  Keeping himself facing forward, he placed his elbows on his knees. “Starting from the beginning is always good.”

  Taking a deep breath, she knew he was right. “I have done a lot of things wrong in my life. Number one is being a bitch to you. I can’t explain all the pain I felt. I could never process it, and I’m not sure I’m doing it very well right now.

  She stared at Shade’s profile, trying to gauge his reaction. There was none.

  “I pushed you away because I can’t find any happiness in me. I can’t remember how to laugh, or smile, or…even love.” She paused, watching Shade drop his head.

  “I don’t think you’ll ever forgive me. For three years, I’ve caused you pain. All because of my pain. You know me well enough to know I don’t deal well with my emotions. It’s why we made such a great team because you always knew how to keep me level.”

  Shade’s head remained down.

  “We make a great team because…” She swallowed the growing lump in her throat. She had to say it. She couldn’t take it any longer. “We’re soul mates. We always love each other. I’m not sure you’ll ever forgive me or give me a second chance, but I hope so.”

  Tears streamed down her face, but Shade gave no reaction.

  “Mikayla told me she heard you crying, and it breaks my heart you couldn’t rely on me.” She told me the truth. “We should have been healing together. Instead, I put a wall up to close you out.”

  He sat up and looked at her. His eyes were wet. “You didn’t think I could be emotional over our son’s death?”

  “I’ve never seen you cry.” As soon as the words left, she knew they sounded ridiculous.

  “Jen, I may not cry at the end of a romance movie, but you know I’m not ice cold.” His tone clearly stated how hurt he’d been by her statement, but the pain was in his eyes.

  “I apologize.” Now, she hung her head. “This isn’t going the way I thought.”

  “How do you want it to go?” he questioned.

  Lifting her head, their eyes connected. This would be her one chance to tell him. Tell him what she craved. “I hope you will forgive me and give me a second chance.”

  They remained locked in their positions until Shade made a move.

  “I’m going to head out.” He rose from the sectional.

  “What?” Jenessa gasped as she followed him all the way to the front door.

  Then he stopped and faced her.

  “Give me some time.”

  His words tore at her. She knew it wouldn’t happen overnight or instantaneously but never imagined he would leave.

  “Okay.” She didn’t know where the sob came from, but it did.

  Suddenly, his large arms wrapped around her pulling her close. Clinging to his chest and shirt, she cried. Once she calmed herself a bit, she felt his lips on her temple.

  “I have a road game tomorrow. When I come back, we’ll talk more. I promise.” He kissed her cheek this time before releasing her and walking out the door.

  Jenessa wiped her face and went back into the den. There, she saw his leather coat sitting on the other end of the sectional. Slipping her arms into it, she held it close to herself and inhaled Shade’s scent. He still never wore anything powerful. Always soft and minty. Laying on the cushions, she continued to cry until she closed her eyes.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Shade

  The plane ride back from the road game had been exhausting for Shade in more ways than one. His focus should have been on the game they lost and for it not to happen again. Instead, his mind was only focused on one thing. Or in this case person.

  Jenessa.

  Her words from yesterday should have made him elated. However, it scared him. The second chance they both wanted was in his grasp, but suddenly fear came over him heavier than the happiness. Could his heart take any more pain?

  “You’ve been staring out that window as if you’re trying to solve the universe’s problems,” Edgar startled him.

  “Something like it.” He turned to his seatmate.

  “Jenessa?”

  “Yeah.” He sighed. “We talked. Well, she talked. I listened.”

  “And? Are you back together?” he asked with a nosy, happy tone.

  “No.”

  “What? Why?” he asked, completely surprised by his answer.

  “I can’t explain it.”

  “Sure you can,” Edgar pushed. “It might even help you.”

  “It’ll only sound stupid if I say it out loud,” Shade said.

  “Try me.”

  He thought of a hundred ways to say what he felt, but there was only one real way.

  “I’m afraid I won’t be able to handle any more heartache.” He managed to keep his words low, not wanting the others on the plane to hear him. Although most of them were asleep.

  “I understand. There’s nothing more painful than having the one you love the most cause said pain. To this day, I’m not sure how you went this long without losing your mind.”

  Shade listened intently to his words.

  “My mother always said God only gives you what you can handle.”

  This statement made him furrow his brow. “When did you become religious?”

  “I said my mother would say it. But it’s true. You need to try because you’ll regret it if you don’t. That’ll cause you more harm. If you go back and feel the same pain, then leave and hold your head up knowing you did the best you could.”

  Shade couldn’t even attempt to argue with him. He was right. Yes, she might push him away again. Yes, the divorce might go through. However, he did want to try.

  And he would.

  When the alarm went off in the morning, Shade did not want to get out of his bed and go into practice. Tossing and turning throughout the night caused him not to get any rest.

  Once he got to the arena, he felt a bit more awake. Only thanks to a breakfast sandwich and some orange juice. Changing and getting onto the ice, he forced himself to stay focused on Hamilton and the coaching staff. Somehow he managed to do just that all the way through practice.

  As they made their way off the ice, Cat waited for him at the end of the tunnel. Shade groan
ed and rolled his eyes when he saw her standing there. This was the last person he wanted to deal with right now.

  “Hi, Shade.” She waved her fingers at him.

  “Cat,” he said her name with a deadpan tone.

  “Oh.” She pouted her lips. “Is someone tired?”

  “What do you need, Cat?” He began to grow irate from her fake baby voice.

  She opened her mouth but stopped when Edgar stepped up to Shade.

  “Hey, Cat. How are you?” he asked in an overly cheerful voice.

  “I’m good.” She smiled. “I was just about to prep Shade for some new promos.”

  “Great, I’ll come along,” Edgar suggested.

  “Oh, there’s no need.” Cat waved her hand. “It’s only for Shade.”

  “I’m sure Kian won’t mind my tagging along. I need to brush up on my acting skills.” He chuckled.

  “It’s just for Shade.” Her cheeks grew red.

  “Why?” Shade finally asked after watching their interactions.

  “Yea, why?” Edgar added.

  Cat stammered a bit and was unable to complete any words.

  “Is it because you want to get Shade alone?” Edgar called her out.

  Suddenly, her whole appearance changed. “I don’t think it’s any of your business.”

  “It’s my business.” Shade grew angry at her demeanor. “Leave me alone, Cat. I don’t want you around me anymore.”

  Cat’s mouth dropped. Before anything else could be said Edgar tugged on his practice jersey, and together they turned and left her.

  “You need to go to Cabel about her,” Edgar told him when they were in the locker room.

  “I am.”

  They changed, and Shade headed to the condo. He knew they had a game tonight, and he should rest, but he had a promise to keep. Once he got into his jogging clothes, he called Jenessa.

  “Hello,” she answered on the second ring.

  “Want to go for a jog?” He omitted any greeting.

  “Same place?” She didn’t seem fazed by his omission.