by Penny Blush
I would act normal. If he wanted sulk that was fine, but I wanted to see my cousin, Cass and the boys. I straightened my spine, set my shoulder back and went down stairs and into the shop.
“Oh, my God, Hedge!” Cassidy cried launching herself at me.
“Hey Cass,” I smiled wrapping my arms around her holding her tight.
This was the welcome home that I should have gotten. Excited to see me, holding on to me never letting me go. Not the ice blast and cold shoulder I got from Memphis.
I received crushing hugs from all the boys although Bishop’s was a little stiff.
“You promised not to hurt him,” Bishop whispered in my ear.
“I didn’t I swear,” my eyes searching his. “There is no way I could have gone to London to do what I had to if he was with me. I did it to protect him.”
“I know you did, and I get that, but you didn’t let him pick you up from the airport, that’s why he has his beard in a twist.”
“I fucked up I know I did, but I wanted to surprise him. Obviously, my plan backfired.”
“Ya think?” He gave me another stern look before his gaze softened. “I’m glad you’re back and that you made it in one piece.”
“Thank you, Bishop. It’s good to be home.”
“Hey, Kid I’m so glad you are home,” Jaxon wrapped me up in a great big hulking hug from behind and kissing me on the cheek giving me another squeeze. “We’ll talk later I’ve got to get back in there before Memphis flips his fucking lid. He’s a little pissed for some unknown reason,” he said smirking at me.
“Thanks, Jax, love ya. Your back piece looks amazing,” I called to his retreating form.
“It’s gonna be so badass when it’s done,” he replied skipping back to the tattoo room like an excited kid.
I hung around the shop catching up on what I missed while I was away. Cassidy showed me all the photos she had taken of the tattoos the boys had completed. We spent a few hours discussing what photos we would use for the website, how they would be arranged and how we could automate a slide show.
The whole time I was in the shop Memphis ignored me.
I went into the tattoo room to ask if the boys needed anything and he ignored me. It made me confused, sad and pissed off all at the same time. It made me feel unsure of myself for the first time in forever.
“Come on Hedge, I’m going to the café to get coffee’s let’s get some fresh air,” Cassidy said looping her arm through mine.
We walked to the café, placed our order, and I let Maria fuss over me. She told me I was too pale that the London winter had dulled my skin. She told me I looked tired and that I needed to rest and when I told her I was still jet-lagged she shushed me. I was glad to be home.
“I know from jetlag. This is not jetlag my dear, this is bone deep, soul weary exhaustion. You’ve been carrying too much on your pretty shoulders. You need to let someone help you carry the load for a while,” Maria said steering us towards a booth in the corner.
“That’s part of the reason I went to London to unload some of the weight. The rest is just jetlag and Memphis,” I huffed dropping onto the padded bench seat.
“What has my boy done this time?” Maria asked.
“He’s ignoring Hedge,” Cassidy said squeezing my hand. “He’s just being a little pissy because she made her own way home from the airport.”
“I was travel icky and wanted to get cleaned up before I saw him,” I whined my explanation.
“That boy has a big heart and doesn’t like it when it gets played with. The good thing is he gets over it quickly.” Maria said patting my cheek. “That boy loves you don’t forget that.”
She left Cass and I alone only returning to deliver coffee and cake, telling us to take our time, that the boys and the shop will be fine without us. We sat in silence drinking our coffee and eating cake. Maria’s white chocolate caramel cheesecake was the most amazing desert I had ever eaten. But, with everything weighing on me it settled in my stomach like lead.
“Are you okay?” Cass asked.
I looked at her with a sad smile and immediately lost it. I cried turning my face to the brick wall so that the other people in the café couldn’t see me. I felt a tap on my shoulder. I slid over in the booth as Cass wrapped an arm around me guiding my head to her shoulder and just let me cry. The jetlag hit, and I cried harder.
Cassidy my soul-sister, just held me until I was done.
“I’m so sorry Cass,” I sniffed reaching for a napkin to dry my eyes and blow my nose.
I was a red-hot mess. My eyes were red and puffy, my nose was running. My throat was tight and sore from trying to stop myself from full on howling and my makeup was ruined. Let’s face it a full on total emotional meltdown is never pretty. Maria walked past placing a glass of ice-cold water in front of me, patted Cass on the shoulder and kept bustling around her shop.
“I know part of that was jetlag but what was the rest for?” Cass asked handing me another napkin.
“I don’t know,” I laughed. “I’m just so tired. Even though this all ended a few weeks ago I guess I still haven’t dealt with everything. Then I came home and Memphis he…” I could feel the tears welling again. I took a deep breath and cleared my throat regaining my composure. “Memphis he just ignored me. I know I told him I would let him know when my plane landed but it’s not like I was on a normal flight. I didn’t land at the normal airport which meant him picking me up would have been difficult. I thought when he saw me all that would be forgiven.” I dropped my face into my hands. “There was no emotion in his voice he barely said anything to me and then just left.”
I took a deep breath, finished my glass of water and then asked the question that weighed heavy on my heart.
“Cass, did something change? While I was away did something change? Does he… does Memphis not love me anymore? Is that… is that why he wouldn’t speak with me, why he wouldn’t touch me, why he wouldn’t give me my ring back?”
“Oh Honey, no, absolutely not. Memphis loves you like nothing I have ever seen before so please stop thinking like that. I have never seen you like this, so insecure and unsure of yourself, it’s a little worrying. Do you want me to get Memphis or Jax?”
“No Cass, it’s fine,” I laughed wiping my tear smudged cheeks. “I’m sorry I freaked you out. I’m okay really, I’m just so tired and need to rest. Too much too fast, I guess.”
“Are you sure? You know you can tell me anything and I won’t tell anyone.”
“I know Cass and thank you but trust me you don’t want to know. What happened in London needs to stay in London. I think I’m just going to go upstairs and get some sleep. Being tired and not having the reunion I hoped for knocked me around a little.”
“If you’re sure?” Cassidy asked still not convinced that I was okay.
Truth be told, I didn’t even believe I was okay. I needed to get out of here and upstairs, so I could be alone for a while and try to pull myself together.
Cass and I picked up the coffee orders and took them back to the boys. I said goodbye to everyone except for Memphis and Jax who were still behind the closed-door music blaring.
I made my way upstairs and into the apartment. I walked into our bedroom, got my pyjamas out of the dresser and walked into the bathroom to change. I washed my face, brushed my teeth and walked back to the bed.
I just stood there looking down at our bed, but I couldn’t make myself pull the covers back and climb in. I no longer felt welcome, so instead I turned and walked down the hall to the guest bed room and got into bed.
A tear slid down my cheek as I fell asleep on unfamiliar sheets.
Chapter 55 Memphis
I am being an ass.
I know I am being an ass, but I couldn’t stop myself. I’m caught in a loop of being so excited that she’s home, being angry she was home and didn’t tell me and scared I was dreaming and that none of this was real.
Round and a round and a round I go, all day since the moment I
saw her. But, I kept looping back around to being angry, and it was pissing me off that I was so fucking angry.
What did I do when I saw the love of my life for the first time in two months?
I was a total dick and then walked out on her.
It didn’t even register in my brain she was naked until I was halfway down the stairs. I would have looked like an even bigger ass if I turned around and went back. So, I stomped into the shop and demanded Jax get back on the tattoo bed and put in a few more hours whether he wanted to or not.
Even when she came in to see if we wanted anything I ignored her. Only speaking to tell Jax to lay the fuck back down.
I had some major apologising to do.
One thing was for sure, we would have it out, lay everything out on the table. I didn’t care if we ended up in a screaming, knockdown, drag out fight but it would happen.
It needed to be done before we got married.
We were not starting our marriage with the events of the last eight weeks hanging over our heads. Namely the fact she left in the middle of the night and wouldn’t let me know where she had gone until it was too late. Then not letting me know she was coming home. It made me see red.
Hours later when Jax called it quits, I realised that we had gotten the complete outline finished and some of the shading. Jax had muscled up and suffered through about two-and-a-half sessions worth of work because I was in a mood.
“That’s it man, I’m done,” Jax said slapping his hand on the tattoo bed tapping out for the day.
“Pussy,” I said pushing him back on the bed.
“No, man I’m done we’ve been at it for hours and I can’t stand you scratching at me anymore.”
“We haven’t been at it that long its only….” I looked up at the clock. “Fuck, nine thirty.”
“Exactly Memph, we’ve been at it for close to ten hours and I’m done,” Jax said sliding off the bed and rolling his shoulders.
“Sorry Jax why didn’t you say something earlier?”
“Because you needed to zone. You needed something else to concentrate on before your head exploded.”
I put my machine down and got up to clean Jax’ tattoo down. I snapped off my gloves before handing him a handheld mirror. He stood in front of the full-length mirror on the back of door and check out his new art.
“Holy-fucking-shit Memphis,” Jax said a smile engulfing his face as he turned this way and that to get a better look. “This sucker is badass.”
We were standing in front of the mirror looking at the different elements of the design when Cass knocked on the door.
“Check it out,” Jax said to Cass super excited to show off his new piece.
“Oh my God, Memphis this is amazing! I mean, I think this is some of your best work. I can’t wait until it has healed so I can photograph it,” Cass said pushing Jaxon this way and that to get a better look at the tattoo.
“Having a good canvas helps,” I said as I cleaned up.
“How was the rest of your day,” Jax asked giving Cass a quick kiss. “I haven’t seen you much.”
“I had a few piercing jobs. Helped the boys with some shop stuff and then went to the café with Hedge for a while,” Cassidy said looking at me sideways trying to gage my reaction.
“Oh yeah, how was she?” Jax asked. “I didn’t get to spend a lot of time with her.”
“She was fine. I guess,” Cass said putting aftercare lotion on Jaxson back.
“What do you mean you guess?” Jax asked.
“She was Hedge but not. She just seemed so unsure of herself and she cried when we were in the café.”
“Shit, I’m going up to see her,” Jax said.
“No wait,” I grabbed him by the arm stopping him. “What do you mean she cried? Why was she unsure of herself?”
“Well, she told me you ignored her and when she asked for her engagement ring back you walked away. Then she just broke.”
“Fuck,” I scrubbed my hands up and down my face feeling the burn of the friction. “I just didn’t know what to do, what to say. I was just so happy to see her but pissed off at her over everything and scared that she would leave again. I just couldn’t handle all the things swirling in my head I just – left.”
“She thinks you won’t give her back the ring. She thinks it’s over.”
“Ah, Fuck,” I groaned.
“Memphis, what the fuck are you doing still standing here?” Jax snapped. “You better get your ass upstairs and fix this before she disappears.”
Jax hadn’t even finished speaking, and I was out of the room headed for the stairs. What the fuck was I thinking? I wasn’t, and that was the problem. I wanted to punish her, but I didn’t think with everything she had been through me punishing her could push her to leave.
Fuck, I’d only just gotten her back.
The apartment was silent when I entered, and panic swept through me. I went straight to our bedroom, but it was empty. The blinds were still open, moonlight shinning in spotlighting our empty bed.
“Fuck.”
I stood staring at our empty bed hoping if I concentrated hard enough, she would appear. This was worse than the night she left. At least then I got to hold her, kiss her, make love to her, tell her I love her. But, this time there was nothing she was just gone.
I stumbled out of our room and down the hall to go tell Jax she was gone when a small noise caught my attention. The rustling of sheets and a soft moan. I stopped at the guest bedroom door that was half way open and pushed on the door. The bottom dropped out of my stomach and my heart raced.
She hadn’t left. She was right here in the guest bedroom.
Just because she hadn’t left didn’t mean she would not leave. I had to fix things and fast. I went back into our room and turned down the bed and then returned to the guest room. I walked over to the bed pulled back the blankets and lifted her into my arms carrying her down the hall.
“What are you doing?” She mumbled.
“You weren’t in our bed,” I whispered.
“I didn’t think I would be welcome,” she muttered rolling over and snuggling down as I placed her into our bed.
“Always,” I replied, but she was already back to sleep.
I went into the bathroom and showered needing the time to get my racing heart and swirling emotions back under control. I put on a pair of loose boxers and climbed into bed. It felt so awkward like I didn’t know what to do. I just lay there staring at the ceiling. I tucked my hands behind my head and a few moments later I felt the bed beside me shift. Then Hedge’ warm body pressed against mine as she lay her head over my heart and sighed making herself comfortable.
“Welcome home Baby Girl,” I whispered wrapping my arm around her holding her tight. “I love you. Now, always and forever.”
Chapter 56 Hedge
Slowly I made my way up from the warm comforting depths of sleep to uncertain light of consciousness. I didn’t want to be awake because being awake meant dealing with everything and I didn’t want to deal. I wanted to stay right where I was. Where am I? I thought, noticing that what I was laying on was not soft mattress but a hard-male body.
I opened half an eye and saw the familiar tattoos that adorn Memphis’ chest. I thought I was dreaming last night when I felt Memphis pick me up and carry be back into our room. I must have shifted in my sleep, my body seeking his, wanting to be back where it belonged, wrapped in his arms using his heart as a pillow. I stayed where I was for a few more moments before I went to move.
“Do not even think about moving,” Memphis mumbled.
I looked up to see that his eyes were still closed. Thinking he must have been talking in his sleep, I again made to move. Memphis shifted wrapping both arms around me, pulling me until I was laying on top of him like a blanket.
I didn’t move.
I barely breathed.
If I was in a dream I didn’t want to wake.
“I said don’t move.”
I couldn't help the
smile that spread across my face. I still didn't speak my emotions were rolling through me, afraid that if I spoke I would just end up in tears. We stayed like that for as long as my bladder could stand it. When I fussed, he just held me tighter.
“Memphis let me go.”
“Never,” he replied holding me tighter.
I smiled turning my face into his neck, breathing in deep. Filling my lungs with his unique woodsy scent. A familiar warmth spread throughout me.
“Baby, you have to let me up, I need to pee,” I said nuzzling against his neck.
“Fine, but only because I love this mattress and I don't want to replace it,” he grumbled. “I’ll let you up, but you come straight back. Do not disappear on me.”
Ouch, okay so I would pay for that for a while.
I got up used the bathroom. Standing at the vanity I wanted to wash my face and brush my teeth. The feeling of being travel grimy still crept over my skin and all I wanted to do was have a shower. I turned the water on and walked back into the bedroom. I kept my head down still not wanting to look him in the eye, I didn’t want to deal with the hurt and worry I had put there. I knew I would have to pull up my big girl panties and deal with everything, but I wasn’t ready just yet. I walked around to his side of the bed and held out my hand. I could feel his eyes shift from my hand to my face and back again before his huge hand engulfed mine and he let me pull him from the bed.
I led him into the bathroom. We didn’t speak, he seemed to understand now was not the time and just followed my lead. Memphis reached out skimming his fingers up my sides taking my tank top with them, pulling it off and dropping it on the floor. His eyes widened as he looked down at my naked chest, but he didn’t move to touch me. He slipped his hands into my sleep shorts, his fingers skimming over my ass before pushing the fabric over my hips and down until they fell to the floor. I reached for his boxers, my hands following the same path as his. I reached out took his hand in mine and pulled him into the shower stall with me.
Memphis watched me as the water slid down our bodies from the twin shower heads. He did not try to move or touch me understanding that I needed to control what was happening.