It's Not Your Money

by Tosha Silver

  Amazingly, he was able to receive from her, fighting tears the whole way. In the past, he would have been far too humiliated to accept. But he knew his aunt was the conduit God had picked to get him back on his feet . . . and he was grateful.

  The Pleasure of Receiving

  Here’s how it goes. You deny people the pleasure of giving when you’re closed to receiving. In fact, you might be someone who needs to learn to rein yourself in from overgiving. If so, you can say, “Okay, God, I’m about to do it again. Let me relax, sit inside myself, and open to receive.” For some people, “I deserve to receive” is the cosmic shift of many lifetimes.

  Have you felt that rush of pleasure when someone is genuinely grateful for a gift you’ve given? Even if a present isn’t to your taste, when you graciously receive it, you tell the Universe you are open. You honor the giver as a form of the Divine . . . and can always regift later.

  As you continue to practice receiving, money from the past may return in some truly astonishing ways. For example, Beth got a note from an attorney saying, “I discovered that I charged you $1,500 more than I should have. Now, a year later, I’m compelled to return it.” (Beth said she didn’t want to reinforce tired stereotypes about lawyers, but if she ever needed a miracle to prove the existence of God, this was it.)

  By opening to receive, past imbalances had room to be corrected. God had full permission to bring the money however He wanted—and indeed He did.

  THREE MORE TOOLS

  Here are three easy ways to help open to Divine Source. Because the nature of this work is so practical, you can never have enough concrete ways to bring it down to earth.

  GET A GOD BOX

  Get a box, as fancy or simple as you like, to become the Divine container for your problems, longings, and fears around money (and anything else, for that matter). Whenever a burden comes up, write it down and stick the paper in the box, fully offering it. Ask for the right actions to be shown. If you continue to be anxious, remind yourself that the topic now belongs 100 percent to God since it’s in the box. (By the way, this is perhaps the opposite of a vision board, since you’re not telling the Universe what to do, but instead are casting the burden for a holy solution.)

  This simple little box can be life-changing, as it makes offering a physical practice. Periodically, you can burn or throw out all the papers and start again. You may be surprised by how many issues have been resolved!

  SMASH COCONUTS

  The coconut can be the most unexpected and powerful tool for freeing your mind. The ritual is from India, but I’ve heard similar practices exist in the Caribbean and other spots. I like this exercise for any kind of big offering, but especially when you feel overwhelmed by something. I’ve broken so many of these over the years (and turned so many on to this practice) that I’ve jokingly wondered if there were any endorsement opportunities with Coconut Distributors of America.

  The coconut represents the attachment of the mind to a particular problem and actually, if you look closely, it really does look like a head with two dark eyes and a mouth. You can usually find them at Asian markets or health food stores. One woman living in rural Wisconsin said she was so obsessed with getting one, she was thrilled to see she could order a package of three from Amazon.

  So here’s how to use them.

  Get one with its hard, hairy shell intact. Make sure you can hear the milk sloshing inside. Sit and meditate with it, offering to God the whole burden you want to release. Then go smash the bejeesus out of it. I often say, “As I throw this, release me from my chains. Take my offering and free me from this! All belongs to You alone!”

  I like to throw it hard against a sidewalk or rock since the release as it explodes is deeply satisfying. (I know some people break these with a hammer, but to me, half the power comes from actually throwing them.) If a certain topic has tortured you forever, you may even feel immediate freedom when the coconut breaks. I remember the first time I smashed one, a weight I’d carried since childhood was shattered to bits and never returned.

  (Note: Do not save the pieces to eat. You just broke the symbolic container for your ancient, gnarly-ass problem, so throw it away!)

  I prefer to do this ritual at a beach or park, but I’ve done it in all kinds of spots. You’ll be guided. I once taught a class in L.A. where we trooped into a nearby alley for a riotous breaking ceremony. One woman got so enthusiastic that she accidentally pitched it hard over a high fence into someone’s garden. A moment later the shocked owner stumbled out, carrying the whole broken mess. Thank god she wasn’t hit! That was insane even for L.A.

  By the way, if you live somewhere where you simply can’t get one just work with what you’ve got. Some people have used a melon, an egg, or an old dish. What matters is the pure intention of offering and release.

  MAKE DEMOS OF ABUNDANCE

  Here’s the third tool. Act as if you’re prosperous, even if you don’t feel it yet. Perhaps you give somebody a big gratuity, especially if you’ve often thought in the past, I don’t tip much. Maybe I will if I’m rich one day.

  Instead, you start now.

  You begin to let God use you to give.

  Sometimes money literally has to have permission to go in one hand and out the other.

  But don’t misunderstand me. Some people rip through money compulsively to hide deep feelings of emptiness, but this isn’t about reckless spending. Instead, I’m talking about making a demonstration of abundance as a demonstration of faith.

  As you give to others, you feel: It’s easy for me to spend God’s money to help.

  Tithing is a reliable way to do this. You take 10 percent of “your” money and demonstrate This is really not mine. (Now, I might argue that none of it actually is, but you know what I mean.) When you tithe, you’re saying, Ten percent is God’s. I’ll give back wherever I’m shown.

  By the way, a tithe need not only go to what spiritually sustains you. Some people give to political, environmental, or animal groups, or to a friend in need, women’s shelters—anywhere that’s important to them. Your own heart will show. If this is hard, you can pray, “Let a miracle happen and help me give back.”

  Even if you have little or are temporarily financially restricted, this can open the conduit—if you do so without a grudge. Even a small amount of giving can open the flow.

  “Use me, God, so Your money can pass through me to those who need.”

  Someone in the course pointed out that you could tithe in ways other than money, such as volunteering. And while I don’t want to diminish the power of that, here’s what I’ve seen: Some people offer time generously but still think, Sure, I’ll volunteer, but when we get to the coins, they’re all mine. For some people, the dollars and cents themselves have to be given. Then tithing can bring the experience: I give this on behalf of Love.

  Even giving $10 while the mind protests, No, it’s mine. I’m scared! can be transformative. You start to feel that it’s safe to give. You rest in Divine Source. You open to a life where there’s enough time, money, and love.

  I once heard a minister say that when she wasn’t giving enough, God just took it anyway. She might have thought, I want to donate to the homeless fund, but then wouldn’t, to save for an emergency.

  Invariably, a crisis would indeed come, for the exact amount she’d wanted to donate. Her car battery would die, her dog would get sick, or she’d crack a filling. So she started to give when prompted, knowing that Love would take Its share regardless. It was so much easier to cooperate!

  GUILT OVER GOOD FORTUNE

  Tithing is great medicine if you tend to feel guilty for any good fortune you’re experiencing. Rather than feeling bad, you offer some straight back to Love. Then you’re actually being a helpful conduit rather than thinking, Who am I to have this? You give full permission to be Divinely and effectively used on the planet for the good.

  A Meditation for Giving Freely

  Take a moment to focus inside. Let your body settle. Feel your
mind grow quiet.

  Then imagine a waterfall of light pouring through the top of your head.

  Hold your hands open, and as that waterfall streams through you, allow it to pour out of your hands. Feel it as a natural flow of light that wants to come through you and out into the world.

  Imagine that this light then swirls back upward and in again through the crown of your head. Let it form a circular pattern as it comes from your hands and passes through the top of your head and back through your hands.

  Just imagine yourself part of this radiant waterfall of light. Know that financial abundance and prosperity are part of this—they’re not separate. The more you see yourself as a vehicle for giving and receiving, the more everything that wants to come can come, and everything that wants to go can go.

  Hold your hands wide open to receive and wide open to give. Let it be easy. Feel it as a relief. You don’t have to cling to it all. You don’t have to fear. You’re a container for giving and receiving.

  Slowly come back out. And just hold this simple image: You yourself are a waterfall of abundance, even if you don’t see it in your bank account yet. It doesn’t matter. See it coming in; see it going out. You’re part of that waterfall of light.

  FAREWELL TO THE STORY

  As you use all these tools, you may find that financial “stories” you’ve been telling yourself forever will start to dissipate. In fact, these outworn tales can be offered directly to Love. They can be written down and put into the God Box or mentally placed in a coconut and then smashed. You can even pray, “Make me ready to release this!”

  Sometimes stories such as “I’m always a victim” or “God always punishes me” have served an emotional purpose in your past, or at least have been familiar to the inner kid. But you can begin to say, It’s okay, honey, we’re no longer trapped in childhood anymore. This life now belongs to Love, and anything can happen!

  RELEASING SELF-TORTURE

  Many people blame themselves daily for certain “financial mistakes” from the past, but as you offer to the Divine, you may lose your passion for this as well. For example, you stop berating yourself for not locking your car the day it was stolen 10 years ago. Instead, you can say: “Let me forgive myself. May I trust that every loss can be replaced as I open to Your abundance!”

  As the weight of these traumatic events starts to lighten, beating yourself up can even become boring. Do I really have to go down that same pothole-filled road again? May I offer all back to Love to be shown the way!

  You can say, “Please show me how to treat myself kindly about this.” For example, let’s say you’re still blaming yourself for a bad investment. That festering ire can definitely block the good that wants to come in the present. But as you forgive yourself, you open once again to the Divine Flow, where any loss can potentially be followed by gain.

  Besides, is there a person alive who hasn’t made money errors? What a relief to say, “Okay, God, You know what occurred. But I’m handing You all regrets since You alone are my Source.”

  So don’t waste this precious life beating yourself up for the past. Just move straight to offering. You may feel Love comforting you, whispering, Now we share this burden. The right actions will be shown.

  I was thinking the other day about Jesus’s famous line “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). But what if it was also used inside ourselves? Many of us persecute ourselves for money mistakes made when we just didn’t know better!

  So a prayer could be, “May I forgive myself; I knew not what I did.” When Divine Source is invoked and the channel for abundance is opened, you never know what the Universe may bring.

  My good friend Dan had persecuted himself forever for not buying into the insane Bay Area real estate market. “I obsess about it so much,” he confessed, “I can even start hyperventilating. I could have gotten that cute cottage on Elmwood ten years ago for five hundred K. I still follow it on Zillow like a stalker, and now it’s one point five mil. What an idiot!”

  I laughed and rolled my eyes. “Don’t you remember? You had great reasons for not buying back then. Anyway, if you were meant to buy it, you would have. What if it simply wasn’t meant to be?”

  Every day, Dan sat in a firepit of self-blame with so much tsuris and regret, no other home had room to come. I suggested that since he was already bereft, he had nothing to lose by praying, “Let me forgive myself completely. I knew not what I did.”

  I was honestly shocked when Dan agreed. As he let go, for the first time in years he noticed other potential properties.

  This prayer works in tandem with Divine Selection, which says no individual person, place, or thing is your Source, only God. There’s no need to fret about the one that got away. When God is reinstalled as the storehouse of all, there’s no tragically missed opportunity. Only a move into the present, where what’s meant to be yours will always come.

  Meditation on Financial Regrets

  Go inside for a moment. Just focus on your breath. Feel your body and your mind settle and grow quiet.

  Feel this connection to this inner light, this inner Divine—however you imagine this presence. Then let it show you something that still brings up resentment from your own financial past. You may be blaming yourself for this, or you may be blaming somebody else. Just notice the very first thing that comes up, without any judgment.

  Then imagine you can take it, whatever it is, and offer it completely to that waterfall of light.

  Say, “Wash it away. Free me from the illusion that this is my Source. Let me forgive myself; let me forgive anyone else. Let me forgive whatever is needed. I no longer want to be ruled by this. Divine abundance itself is my Source. I can forgive the past. I’ve learned what I needed to learn from this, and I’m ready to release it. If there are any actions I still need to take, show me them. Prepare me to release this.”

  Then let another thing come up: another issue, person, way of blaming yourself, or something else you haven’t been able to let go of—another illusion created in your mind about not having enough. Take that issue and offer it up to that radiant waterfall. Say, “I’m ready. I don’t want to be held captive by this anymore. The Divine itself is my Source for everything. Let me forgive myself. Let me forgive the other person. If there’s any action to take, show me. Otherwise, set me free.”

  And then, as you’re ready, slowly come back out. Bring this awareness with you—this feeling that whatever those two issues are, they now belong to God. If they start to come up again, if you start to resent yourself again, if you catch yourself blaming yourself again . . . just offer them back.

  In Weeks Two and Three, we focused on the external side of saucha, clearing the home to make it a container for abundance. In Week Four, we move to the other part of saucha, clearing the internal energy. But before we do this, let’s dive a bit more into house clearing.

  CLEANING VERSUS NEAT FREAK

  One topic that often confuses people is the difference between cleaning and neatness. Offering all your belongings to Love is different from having to be tidy.

  I understand releasing stuff, it’s important. But I must tell you, I’m annoyed, ’cause I’m not actually a tidy person. I think, Tosha, maybe you’re just a neat freak convincing us all to have these super Zen spaces. Sometimes I like that, but often I prefer a mess.

  Okay, I totally hear you.

  I’ll admit, I’m a highly visual person who even gets anxious around dirty dishes. (Yep, I wash them right after dinner because waking up to them the next day can fill me with a nearly existential dread.) But that’s not the point.

  I respect that some folks are neat and others are not. What matters is purging the stuck and obstructive energy of the things you no longer love, use, or need. A friend who’s a former teacher told me that despite being orderly by nature, she couldn’t believe the mountains of old files she’d cleared during this process. That’s common.

  As you winnow, you may feel the energy
shifting around you (and within you). In Chinese medicine, it’s believed that “stagnant chi” needs to be reanimated. This happens in homes as well.

  Once you’ve cleared and cleared, how you handle what remains is totally up to you. If you want to take what’s left and make one wild pigpen of it all, well, darlin’, have at it! As long as we don’t have to live together, I support you all the way!

  BURNING MY JOURNALS

  Many years ago, in the midst of clearing my apartment, I felt guided to torch most of my journals. Yet I wondered, Am I crazy? How can I do this? I’m a writer. What if I want to write a memoir down the road?

  But here’s the truth. When I read the journals—mostly from my torturous twenties—I knew they were useless. They were volume after volume of confusion, fear, and complaints. Besides, as organized as I can be, my penmanship was (and still is) like a deranged pharmacist’s, semi-illegible even to me. Burning that pile of self-hatred was a powerful way to release a persona I could barely recall. As they smoldered in the fireplace, my heart danced as page after page surrendered to the orange flames.

  I’ve never regretted it, but I wouldn’t say that you should have to do this, too, since everyone’s different. Your own journals might be so great, you’re the next Annie Dillard or Colette. Like everything else, if you offer it to the Divine, you will be shown.

  INNER KNOWING LEADS

  Okay, now that your home is on the way to being a temple, let’s focus on your inner energy. You’ll do this primarily by removing unneeded psychic cords, which are energy ropes that bind us to pivotal people and things.

  As you enter this inner realm, continue to honor your instincts. You’re probably getting more comfortable following the spanda as you clear your home, and you can apply that skill within yourself as well.

  The more you offer, the more you’re able to “hear” within and the less you may care about one-size-fits-all rules. You start to get shown what’s needed from the inside. I encourage you to continue adjusting these practices to fit your own psyche.