It's Not Your Money

by Tosha Silver

Offering deftly moves the consciousness from “This terrible thing happened. Please hide it!” to, “I give this to You. May the right actions be shown.” You feel the difference.

  You can offer a mistake fully and say, “Okay, God, You know what occurred. You’re the provider of all. I’m handing You every single fear about this error. May all happen for the Highest according to Your Will.”

  And yes, you’re right. You can never, ever go wrong with forgiving yourself . . . or anyone else for that matter.

  WHEN NOTHING’S HAPPENING

  Perhaps at the end of this week some of you might say, Well, I’m using the tools and hearing these amazing stories, but nothing much is happening for me yet. What am I doing wrong?

  Nothing. Just relax and continue the steps.

  If you feel the need to do more, go deeper into offering. Find another corner of your house to clear. Maybe do another cording meditation. Continue to repeat the Full Abundance Change Me Prayer and say, “It’s easy for me to receive.” Make a demonstration or two of abundance, set up a God Box, or break a coconut.

  Some people are so attached to the idea that they’re doing something wrong that they feel this no matter what. They gaze around, thinking, “Oh, man, everyone else has got this right. Why can’t I?”

  Just bless and release all that.

  A part of the Law of Divine Selection is Divine timing. It means that all delays are beneficial, whether we see it or not. As you relax into opening, things will come together at the right time with surprising ease because it’s all on God’s clock.

  Each of you will move through this process at your own rate because you’re on a unique and sacred road mapped by the intelligence of your own soul. For some of you, these first weeks may have brought the relief of a quieter mind and a cleaner home. But beyond that, you may not know.

  But then—and I’ve seen this again and again—suddenly, two or three months later, wham. A massive shift can come from seemingly nowhere . . . because you’re ready. You bloom in your own time. So stay focused in right this moment. You’re building a container for abundance.

  For today, just these two questions are enough: What are you guided to clean out? And what are you releasing?

  In Week Five, as you continue to do the steps and cut cords, we’re going to address a critical, often-neglected piece of the abundance story: your inner child. We’ll connect deeply with it because it’s often the source of many, many financial fears.

  HEARING THE CHILD

  Claude was grateful he had a materially generous family growing up. But what he really wanted was somebody—anybody—to look him in the eye and say, “Tell me what happened today; I’d love to know how you feel. I’ve got all the time in the world for you.” It had never happened as a kid, and as he grew older, he found it hard to believe it ever would.

  Eventually, he saw that he could either stay mad about the situation, which many people do (they’re 40 and incensed about events from age 3), or he himself could start to give that kid what it needed. To his surprise, Claude discovered that his inner child was thrilled to receive love and attention!

  In the end, you’re the one. You’re the savior. No matter who you are, your own inner little one is waiting for you.

  Like Claude, I, too, often felt I wasn’t heard when I was little. I’ve learned to say to that shy and lonely girl, Tell me everything. I’ll listen for as long as you want. I’m not leaving, and I’m not in a hurry. Those are still her favorite words in the world: I’ll listen as long as you want. Take your time!

  In our caffeinated world of multitasking madness, how many people will sincerely say that to you? “Take as long as you need. I’ll give you my rapt attention.” Even partners who love each other often try to catch up quickly while doing 14 other things.

  Giving someone your complete presence is an astonishing gift. And what a treat to give that to your own inner kid. Sometimes mine has wanted me to write down every single thing she says, as if I’m taking dictation. I’ve found this much more critical to our relationship than buying her stuff.

  I do love beautiful objects, but when someone has a shopping compulsion (or any other obsession, for that matter), usually a deeper hunger lurks underneath. It won’t be solved by spanking or berating yourself. By communing with that kid, you’ll eventually become her greatest ally.

  Meditation for Communing

  First, shake out your hands and fingers. Shake out your legs. Shake out your energy. Let go of anything from the day, then bring the energy back inside.

  Focus on your breath and feel your body settle. Allow yourself to relax on the earth. Feel your mind quiet.

  Imagine a force of love in your heart. You may see a deity, a goddess, or just the light, but feel it inside as your own Great Self. Even when you forget, its love remains. It’s always there.

  Then, invite that young child into your heart. Notice its age. It may be 3, it may be 6, or 10. Or even older.

  Allow it to enter. Let it know that you’re going to do a little meditation so it can start to feel heard and seen. You really want to give it your full attention.

  For some of you, it may feel like a feral kitten who’s been in a closet for a long time and is very reticent. For others, it’ll just jump out there and you’ll see it right away. It may be shy, or it may be playful and boisterous.

  Just feel that you’re its sacred caretaker and what a great honor to finally give it the time and attention it craves.

  It’ll tell you now, or convey somehow, what it wants from you in this moment. It may want to crawl into your lap and cuddle. It may want to talk, or it may just want to sit there and look at you. It’ll let you know.

  Let it tell you: Is it scared of anything right now? What’s going on? Give it room to tell you, without any judgment or condescension. You’re just listening. Maybe you’re holding it. Let it tell you its fears.

  And feel that you’re allowing a wise, clear part of yourself to comfort and reassure this kid. You’re letting it know especially that all finances are now offered to the Divine; you’re learning a different way to be. You’re letting it know that you’ll be taking care of it from this point on, listening, comforting.

  And all needs will be met.

  Take a few moments and just be in that. If you need to say more—it may be distrustful or not so sure about you—reassure it that from now on, in communion with the Divine, you’ll be present. Let it know that whatever it feels right now is fine.

  It may even show a grudge from childhood or something more recent. It may even be mad at you for vanishing all these years! See if there’s something it resents. Hear it out and let it know all feelings are fine, but a different time is arriving, where its needs will finally be met. You may have to apologize for being “gone” for so long!

  Whatever comes up, reassure it that you’ve turned a new corner and are committed. But it can take as long as it needs to trust you. There’s no hurry. And let it know especially that all finances will now be in the hands of your wise Self, so it won’t have to fret about them.

  Make one promise to it that you’ll keep: whatever it wants, small or big.

  And then, when you’re ready, slowly come back out. Take a couple moments to write down what happened.

  BEFRIENDING THAT CHILD

  For some people, life can feel like a daily tantrum, all coming from that poor neglected young one. This affects not only money, but every part of life. When you look inside, you’ll often see that the one who’s enraged, lonely, or hopeless isn’t even the adult part of you. It’s that abandoned one inside crying for love. How things change when you begin to care for it!

  My inner kid often feels like a martyr about money, just as my mom did. How can I best address this?

  First, the cord to the mother needs to be removed so that her emotional pattern isn’t re-created. Then the connection to that martyred child can be healed and strengthened. You can reassure it that it deserves to have needs and you’ll help it say no. E
very martyr needs to learn healthy boundaries.

  You learn over time to stop identifying as that persecuted little kid who’s alternating between helplessness and fury, and you become the loving adult caring for it. With practice, you really can become its compassionate guardian.

  This guardianship unfolds organically like a flower, and after a while you’ll be amazed by how your emotions shift. The child will begin to feel heard, and eventually it won’t constantly squall for attention. Even if you find that after years of neglect, your inner kid has given up and sits in a state of numb abandonment, don’t worry. No situation is hopeless. The Divine can work with anything!

  The idea of the inner kid is nothing new; many therapists and healing modalities have addressed it for decades, going back to Carl Jung and John Bradshaw. But it’s one thing to intellectually know I have this little one inside who wants attention and entirely another to fully commit to caring for it.

  Many people treat that young one with impatient annoyance: Why don’t you just grow up? What’s wrong with you? Get it together! Often, they’ll parrot how they were spoken to growing up. But there’s another way: treat it with patience and love.

  This is a learnable skill, especially with Divine help. If the child isn’t getting the love from you that it’s crying for, no amount of outer attention or coddling will ever do. Even the greatest partner or best friend can only supplement what you give inside. The first line of defense for that tender, waiting child is you.

  And it isn’t about repressing it, stifling it, or telling it to buck up and stop being a baby.

  It’s about inner kindness and compassion.

  THE KID IS A SHOPAHOLIC!

  As you become an ally to this young one, you’ll recognize how it acts out when it’s scared or lonely. Overspending can be one of many ways.

  A part of me constantly wants to buy clothes and accessories, yet if I never bought another such thing ever again, I’d still have plenty. It’s out of control! How do I rein it in?

  Your inner child is running the show by buying all these clothes and accessories just to soothe herself. Instead, when she starts clamoring, you can say, Yes, we’ll buy a bit, but I want to start to give you time and attention as well. She’ll eventually stop trying to fill the void in the old way.

  Rather than spank or punish her, it’s powerful to talk with her and negotiate. A loving parent probably wouldn’t tell a five-year-old, “Hey, go run in that store and just buy the whole joint! Meet ya at the register.” Instead, they might say, “Find one or two things you really love.” Most kids actually thrive from a caring boundary.

  If she’s been neglected forever, she might say, Why can’t I have it all? I’m sure not getting any love or care from you, so gimme a hundred things instead! Helping her feel safe and heard makes all the difference.

  I’m spending more than I’m taking in, and it’s not sustainable. I’m desperate to change from a fear-based child to a mature adult in my approach to finances.

  I feel a huge sense of deprivation whenever I think of not getting what I want. If I successfully don’t spend for a while, it just sets me up for a spending binge. And then I go into a terror about not being able to change my behavior.

  I’m so tired of having this issue and oscillating between intense shame and panic.

  How do I stop beating myself up for all the terrible financial habits I’ve indulged in?

  It’s actually common for the kid to have made disastrous financial decisions. It happens a lot! The first step is forgiveness. It’s so powerful to say, Listen, I want to forgive you for the past since you’re really just a child. You were scared. How could you have known better? But from now on, God and I will be handling the money! If you find it’s impossible to stop blaming her, you can also pray for the ability.

  That’s the beauty of Divine Source. Losses can be followed by gains when you know that God is the origin and owner of all. You can stop beating the kid about money lost 20 years ago. Instead, you can think, All right, what’s done is done. Now, I’m finally learning how to care for the child and offer all finances to God for resolution.

  CARING FOR THE LITTLE ONE

  For some people, just the idea of beginning to take tender care of the kid is formidable. A Change Me prayer can help: “Dear God, show me the first step to loving it. Make me ready!”

  Olga admitted that she felt total revulsion for the task. She was infuriated that she had to learn to take care of that soft, vulnerable side. Why couldn’t someone else come along and do it instead?

  But the outside mirrors what’s within. Until she was willing to reclaim and care for this abandoned part, no one else could. I suggested that rather than blame herself for being mad, she get the anger out physically by exercising or breaking something. For Olga, this was the first step to a loving inner connection.

  Actually, one of the greatest surprises can be how inner tenderness and love for the child can be a consummate doorway to the Divine. Many people would say, “I don’t have a connection to God, I’ve felt abandoned and bereft forever.” And I’d answer, “Don’t worry about that right now. Just focus on that kid and take care of it!”

  And then the damnedest miracle would occur.

  They’d soon recognize that the unconditional love and forgiveness they poured to that neglected kid was actually coming direct from the inner Lord. The child was a fast and powerful path to union.

  YOUR INNER DOG

  If, for whatever reason, you can’t relate to the idea of the inner child, you might want to try this tool instead.

  When you were talking about taking care of the kid, I realized just how much resistance I have to inner-child work. . . . What I just started doing instead is working with my inner animal, or what I’ve come to refer to as the Stray Dog of My Heart.

  I found myself, very clearly, with this stray who just showed up needing food, water, and a comfy bed by the fire. I saw how easily and lovingly I wanted to provide these things. He needed to be praised for his loyalty and bravery, for protecting me, protecting the house. He needed a job to do, to know what his boundaries are, and to know that he’s safe and loved and belongs. I tell him what a good boy he is and that he’s not abandoned anymore.

  Thank you, inner dog! Thank you for protecting me!

  Maybe it’s no funny accident that dog is the anagram for God. For some people, connecting to an inner animal of any kind comes more freely than connecting to the child. (Or it’s an initial step before the kid comes forward.) Especially if you have a history of being brutal with yourself, imagining a pet within that you love and care for can create a massive shift. People will often freely give unconditional acceptance to an animal that they’d never normally give themselves.

  Years ago, Maurice was a marathon runner who abused himself mercilessly whenever he got injured. He was truly incapable of taking a break to let his injuries heal. But as an animal lover, this idea of the inner pet really hit deeply. He knew he’d never beat his own beloved corgi for getting sick, but instead coddle him till he recovered. He saw that his own inner puppy deserved the same.

  BRINGING DOWN THE WALL

  When contacted, some inner kids will run to you right away, excited to play, commune, and be noticed. But just as many will be rightfully furious for all the years of being hurt or ignored. In such cases, a patient period of reconciliation has to occur.

  Some have felt abandoned for so long, they can’t even be found right away. They may be hiding in a corner or locked in a closet. They won’t necessarily want a snuggle immediately.

  So here’s the secret. If the kid is angry or suspicious, it needs to feel that way. Derek’s inner kid was so hurt and disappointed, he wouldn’t even look at him during the first attempts at contact. Eventually, Derek wrote him a letter of apology for all he’d suffered. A couple weeks later, in a meditation, the kid begrudgingly came and sat in a nearby chair, but still wouldn’t talk or touch. Over time, when the boy realized Derek was sincere, he moved cl
oser, and eventually a real friendship unfolded.

  You begin wherever you are.

  And everyone starts somewhere.

  A SOURCE OF GRATITUDE

  As you learn to focus on the child, you’ll see it has an innate awareness of appreciation. You know how some kids will say thank you about seven times when you do the smallest thing? You can give them some random rock off the ground, and they’re thrilled to pieces.

  It may even be intensely thankful to be reconnected to you. Marina had a vivid meditation of opening a locked door and releasing her malnourished, abandoned kid from years of imprisonment. At first, when she hobbled into the light, the girl was so disoriented she could barely speak. She was also spitting mad at Marina for having left her there for so long!

  But Marina devotedly returned to her, promising that she could take as long as she needed to heal. One day in meditation, she finally saw the girl crawl happily into her lap for a hug. Marina whispered, I’ll take care of you forever, my sweet princess. You’ll never be abandoned again.

  THE INNER CAVALRY

  Some people—women in particular—are still waiting for that lover, partner, or friend to save them both emotionally and financially. But often that longing is actually the kid’s. The most generous partner in the world could ride up on that legendary white stallion and if your own inner caretaking hasn’t begun, you still won’t feel safe. Initially, it’s always an inside job with that kid. For everyone.

  When it’s crying, Save me, save me! you learn to reply, Oh yes, honey, I will. I’m finally going to be a wonderful parent for you. When you, the adult, regain your dignity and no longer move through the world like a starving orphan, others become eager to give to you too. Generosity on the inside brings it on the outside.

  You can say, “Let me begin to care for this tender one. Open me, dear Lord, even if I feel resistant at first. Abundance arrives as I care for her more and more.”