Will of a Tiger

by Iris Yang

  “Easier? Like hell.” Meng Hu smacked the back of Chen Bin’s head. “You mean easier to be injured or killed?” He regarded his boyish face. His mouth stretched into a wide grin as he pinched Chen Bin’s plump cheek. “You don’t need more medals. Grow up and be a man first before you think about being a father.”

  Everyone laughed.

  Everyone except Birch.

  All the references to fatherhood reminded him of Mary and her comment about having half a dozen “Little Tigers” with him. He glanced around for the hundredth time since the start of the party. The large room was lit by brilliant crystal chandeliers and packed with his and his father’s former colleagues and associates.

  His gaze swept the crowd, searching. Mary wasn’t there. She hadn’t shown up. They might never see each other again, and he wanted to say goodbye to the only woman he’d ever loved and still could not forget. His right hand went to his left pinky and twisted the ring. He still carried it with him. What was I thinking? That she would change her mind when she sees it? A surge of disappointment tore through him.

  Pushing aside unpleasant thoughts, Birch forced a hint of a smile to match those of the others. He raised a glass to his lips to dilute the bitterness. The fragrance jogged his memory to the fruity wine brewed in the village. An idea came to him, and he blurted out, “Hey, why don’t you visit me in Yunnan, all of you?”

  He scanned the crowd around him, his dark eyes shining with an eagerness he could hardly hide. This time his lips stretched into a genuine smile. Lifting the glass, he added, “I’ll show you a piece of heaven on earth.”

  Soon after the party, the family left for the Village of Peach Blossoms.

  The air smelled of bittersweet magnolia as they stepped through the curved archway. Above them two yellow warblers fluttered past, playing tag in the golden leaves and the clusters of white flowers.

  Birch turned to take one last look at the house where they’d lived for ten years. With the olive green model airplane from Danny in one hand and the cane in the other, he felt a wave of nostalgia wash over him.

  His mother had decorated the interior, choosing colors and fabrics that were subtle and elegant. Everything remained the same as she’d left it. Throughout the house, fine paintings and artifacts of flowers adorned the walls. Peony represented wealth and glory. Lotus symbolized purity for the flower rose untainted by mud. And blooming in the midst of winter, the plum blossom embodied perseverance and hope.

  His mother had loved flora. That was why they’d named him Bai Hua—White Birch, and his sister Bai Chuju—White Daisy. She’d also suggested Jasmine’s name—Bai Moli.

  Birch felt a lump form in his throat at the thought of Daisy and Jasmine. A vivid picture of another time came to his mind—his sister and cousin sitting side by side in front of their grand piano. They’d enjoyed playing together. The cheerful music and their laughter echoed in his mind, but the girls were no longer there.

  He longed to hear his mother’s cheerful talk, Daisy’s blithe giggle, Jasmine’s soft voice, and Danny’s hearty laugh. He missed them all.

  As he reflected, Xiao Mei stepped closer to one of the stone lions. Prowling at the side of the gate, the animals had guarded the house for decades. She put the luggage down and circled her arms around the statue. Her eyes were closed. Her cheek touched the lion’s nose.

  A sudden stab of pain struck Birch as he watched. Daisy used to rub the lion’s nose whenever she walked past. He could still hear her say, “Good boy, keep us safe.”

  The lion hadn’t kept her safe. And neither had he.

  He turned and limped toward the car before Xiao Mei let go of the statue, before she could see the mist in his eyes.

  Ahead of him, his father walked with leaden steps. His shoulders slightly drooped and his hands balled into fists at his sides. Yet he pushed onward without a backward glance.

  It dawned on Birch that he’d never seen his father shed tears. Not when he heard about Uncle’s and Auntie’s deaths. Not when he held Mom’s body. Not when he received the tragic news of Daisy and Jasmine.

  Was his father born strong? Or had lifelong discipline enabled him to maintain a stoic appearance? Filled with admiration, Birch straightened his spine and pressed onward.

  Chapter 31

  The small village was a thousand miles from Chungking. They flew first to Kunming, capital of Yunnan Province.

  Xiao Mei had never flown, for flying was a privilege for rich people. She was afraid of heights and very anxious. Yet she said nothing. Riveted to her seat, she clutched her hands and pressed her left thumb into the small scar on the back of her right hand.

  Sitting next to her, Birch sensed her nervousness. He was compelled to reach over and comfort her. They’d known each other for more than ten years, and he cared about her. He knew she must be frightened. The young woman seldom displayed her emotions. He’d noticed that pressing the scar seemed to be her way to suppress anxiety or fear.

  They were so close that their elbows touched. The scent of jasmine pinned to her milky blue sweater teased his nostrils. Even so, his fingers tightened around the model airplane in his lap to keep them from reaching out to her. He was worried about sending the wrong message or giving false hope. He couldn’t offer something he didn’t have. The incident several months earlier in his bedroom was still fresh in his mind, not to mention embarrassing, although no one had ever mentioned it.

  “Xiao Mei, take a deep breath,” he urged. He allowed a teasing note to enter his voice. “Relax and enjoy the scenery. Not every day you’ll see something like this.”

  His calmness and concern put her a little more at ease. Closing her eyes, she leaned back and drew a cleansing breath. When she opened them again, the plane was already in the air. One look out of the window and her eyes brightened.

  Xiao Mei was born and raised in Nanking. She’d traveled only once in her life, when she fled the killing field of Nanking to the war-time capital, Chungking. But that was a journey of survival. She’d not had the opportunity to enjoy the scenery.

  It was a crisp autumn afternoon with a few white clouds floating in the blue sky. Far below, different crops turned the earth into a multicolored patchwork—green, gold, red, and purple. Over the verdant highlands, lakes shone like cerulean jewels. The elevated view obscured the ugly remains of war—charred buildings, blackened ground, and scarred forests. For the rest of the trip, Xiao Mei pressed her forehead against the window and fastened her gaze to the scene outside.

  Before landing, she turned to Birch. The sun was setting. The last rays burned the sky a fiery orange, casting a glorious glow on her face. She was brimming with joy as she said, “Now I understand why you love to fly.”

  He nodded. Appreciating the beauty of nature had been his way to balance the ugliness of war and to combat the stress of being a fighter pilot. “Danny used to say he wouldn’t trade his job for anything in the world. He loved it.” He fingered the olive green airplane. A wistful look came over his face. “He said he’d be a pilot in his next life. And I agree with him.”

  “In my next life,” she blurted out, eyes shining, “I’d love to be a pilot, too.”

  Her bold comment took Birch by surprise. “A couple of hours ago I was afraid you were going to pass out. Now you want to be a pilot?” He grinned. Her high spirits amused him. For the first time, he caught a glimpse of a hidden side of this quiet girl.

  Their gaze came together, and her eyes were so dark that the irises were indistinguishable from the pupils. As she stared at him, he could see her longing, and his breathing suddenly became uneven. Hastily he broke the connection.

  Chapter 32

  From Kunming they took an overnight train to Anning. Wang Linzi and a couple of young villagers were waiting for them at the train station with half a dozen hired donkeys. The path they took up the mountain was so narrow and steep that it wasn’t passable even for oxen-carts. Donkeys or bamboo-pole sedan chairs were the only means of transportation. Given their heavy
luggage containing hundreds of books, donkeys were a more practical choice. The ride was bumpy but uneventful, except for Xiao Mei’s occasional exclamations of fright or delight. Hours later they arrived in the Village of Peach Blossoms.

  Only two people had survived the massacre by Japanese troops, who were furious that the villagers wouldn’t give up Danny Hardy. Ding Xiang, a teenage girl, had been set free by a remorseful translator after the Japanese soldiers gang-raped her. She was the one who told Birch what had happened to Jasmine and the villagers. The entire experience was so painful that General Bai helped her find a factory job in Chungking, far from where the traumatic events had happened. She was very grateful for her new life, but in the last four years, she’d met up with the general and Birch only once and apologized for not staying in touch. She had tried everything to forget about the unspeakable past. They understood and left her alone as she wished.

  The other survivor, Wang Linzi, had been an eighteen-year-old boy at the time of the massacre. He was one of the herbalist’s grandsons. His younger brother had helped to rescue Danny. Linzi was away from the village when the killing occurred. His grandfather had sent him down the mountain to tell General Bai and Birch about the Japanese invasion of the town.

  General Bai and Birch had recruited people from the nearby communities to clean up the village, farm the fields, and renovate the houses. By the time they arrived in the village, more than half of it was occupied again.

  The remote area lacked modern conveniences. No electricity. No telephone. Not even tap water. Xiao Mei had to learn to fetch water from a well in the yard. She had to gather and chop branches to fuel the wood stove. Her job was hard, and living conditions were austere. Yet she had no complaints. She stayed in Jasmine’s room. Birch chose the one Danny had used; it was in the middle of the house. General Bai took Daisy’s room.

  The first two nights were miserable for Birch. The familiar place evoked a flood of memories and emotions. Being so close, yet a lifetime away from his loved ones, took a toll on him. Staying in the same room where Danny had lived, and lying in the same bed his brother had used, he had worse nightmares than before. His screams caused Xiao Mei to cringe and weep in the dark. His cries woke his father, who wondered if he’d made the right decision to move here.

  On the third day, Birch left early in the morning without telling anyone where he was going. He didn’t even know. He wanted to go to Dead Man’s Pass where Daisy had died, but he didn’t think he could make it that far. So he focused on getting to a cave where Danny and the two girls had lived. It had taken him and Daisy several hours to get there. This time it seemed to take forever. Hiking up a rugged mountain was very different from walking on the smooth and level ground where he’d exercised.

  The leaves had changed color. Different shades of green and yellow painted the dense forest. A last batch of wildflowers dotted the edge of the woods. Tree branches stretched over the trail, offering dappled shade, breaking the sunlight into dozens of golden beams. As far as he could see, the uneven path continued upward.

  Birch considered turning back. Instead, he pushed onward. The cave was like a magnet, luring him forward.

  He rolled his sleeves back to the elbows. His white shirt turned soggy from perspiration, dried in the cool mountain breeze, and soon dampened again. From time to time he wiped a clammy palm on his pants to get a better grip on his cane. Every step became a test of will.

  All the while, Birch appreciated what Danny had done four years earlier—the Flying Tiger had had to hop on one leg up the mountainside. Even with his help, and Daisy’s support, the task had been more than challenging. Birch thrust his right hand into his pants pocket, touching the small medicine bottle left by his brother.

  Not far from the cave, his prosthetic leg started to give him trouble. It had been hours. He was exhausted. His thigh cramped while he was stepping over two rocks. His leg gave up power, and he stepped into an irregular gap between the rocks. The cane failed to catch him. Birch fell, landing hard on the surface. Pain raced up his leg.

  He cursed his luck. Half sitting and half lying on the rock, he folded his arms around the cramped thigh and hugged it to his chest, trying to suppress the pain. Blood leaked through his pant leg where the amputated stump met the socket, and a large piece of skin on his left elbow was scraped.

  But the pain was only a small part of his dismay. An athlete all his life, Birch felt defeated by his inadequacy. Hiking and rock climbing were once his preferred pastime. Now he was hindered by his injuries.

  A small cluster of forget-me-nots bloomed an arm’s length away, reminding him of Danny and Jasmine. He turned his head, keeping his eyes averted, and expelled his frustration in a gust of breath.

  Legs stretched before him, Birch remained motionless until his heartbeat calmed and the sweat stopped pouring from his face. He pushed himself to full height and gathered his waning energy. Shutting his mind to the pain in his leg, he pressed onward, despite the protests of every bone, joint, and muscle.

  His shirt was so wet with perspiration that when he tried to dust himself off, he left streaks of mud wherever he touched. Xiao Mei kept his clothes clean and starched. He wondered what she would think when she saw him.

  By midafternoon Birch finally reached the bottom of the cave. A steep cliff, about one hundred feet, stood in front of him. A natural rock staircase led straight up. Last time he was here, he hadn’t thought twice before he climbed. Even Daisy had done it with just a few cries. But there was no way for him to get up now. He sank onto the first step of the stair to catch his breath.

  He longed to see the hideout where Danny and the girls had lived. Four years earlier, he’d met the Flying Tiger for the first time when he came here to pick him up. Danny wouldn’t leave without Jasmine, the woman he loved. Birch had to coax the Flying Tiger, and they left in a hurry. Birch remembered the pictures Jasmine had drawn on the rock wall, even though he’d glanced at them only briefly. The scenes were so striking and familiar.

  Two hawks drifted high above him in the vivid blue sky. Birch looked enviously at the birds. He wished he could soar as they did. Danny was up there. Jack stood next to him. And the two young women looked at them in admiration. Now he was so close, barely a whisper away, yet a world apart. He couldn’t reach the spot where he yearned to be.

  A soft wind rustled the birch woods, sending golden leaves whirling around him. The lush hillside was awe-inspiring under warm sunlight. Facing the gorgeous scenery, Birch also thought of Mary. His ex-girlfriend had never been outdoorsy. She preferred museums, concerts, and movies. However, when he told her about the cave, she’d been intrigued. “Promise to take me there, Birch. I’d love to see it. I’ll borrow my cousin’s camera. Those pictures will have historical significance.”

  He’d been thrilled that Mary had agreed to hike up the mountain with him. She was different from most young women; she was his equal. Now he was here, but Mary and her camera were nowhere to be found. Only the ring on his left pinky reminded him of her.

  Through the trees, the glowing sun slanted little by little toward the horizon. Birch just sat there, thinking, dreaming, and smoking cigarettes one after another.

  Finally he stabbed the cigarette out on the sole of his boot, stood up, and faced the bluff. Raising his long arms, he searched the rocky step above to find a good grip. This is what Danny had done four years ago. As he groped for the cracks with his fingers, he wondered if these were the same spots his brother had touched. Taking a deep breath, and using the strength of his arms and left leg, he jumped. He was successful, landing on the first step.

  The second one was much harder. The foothold was higher and smaller. Danny had failed when he tried. Now Birch understood why. Landing precisely on the small surface was impossible. Danny had been lucky to have people like the herbalist and the teenage boy to catch him when he fell. Falling now without anyone to help him would be dreadful. It could do more damage to his already battered body. And even if he miraculously ma
de it, there was no way he could reach the top. I’ll be back, he declared.

  Climbing the cliff became his goal. He vowed he would exercise more vigorously and grow stronger. He promised himself that he would make it to the top. Not just to the cave, I’ll reach Dead Man’s Pass as well. I swear!

  Chapter 33

  When Birch didn’t return home in the afternoon, General Bai asked Linzi and several young villagers to search for him. He guessed that his son had gone to the mountain. But he had no idea how far. It wasn’t a good sign that the young man hadn’t shown up for lunch. Had he fallen? Was he hurt?

  The father was worried. Birch was tough, but he wasn’t in good enough shape to climb the mountain. Again, General Bai questioned his decision to come to Yunnan. The screams he’d heard in the last two nights had already made him wonder. This place was close to their loved ones. Too close. There were so many sad memories. How would Birch cope with them?

  “Don’t worry, General,” said Linzi. In a peasant’s smock and straw shoes, he was short but sturdy. “We’ll find Bai Hua Ge. He’s probably too tired to walk.” Like all the young villagers, he’d been calling Birch Bai Hua Ge—Big Brother Birch. He pointed to the bamboo-pole sedan chair which the villagers had used to carry Danny four years earlier. “We’ll bring him home in no time.”

  As they were leaving, Xiao Mei dashed out of the house. “Wait for me,” she called as she waved her arms, her long braids bouncing in front of her chest. A purple-and-black patchwork bag dangled from her right hand. “Water and food. It’s getting late. Shao Ye hasn’t had anything to eat the entire day.”

  “Good idea,” General Bai said as he nodded in appreciation. Then he asked, “Where are you going?”

  “I’m going with them.”

  “No need. It isn’t easy to hike up the mountain. Give them the bag.” General Bai was in his late fifties and wasn’t in good health. Even though it was a warm day, he wore a brown corduroy jacket. He didn’t think he could keep up with the villagers. Xiao Mei was young, but she wasn’t an outdoorsy girl.