Left In Good Spirits

by Anne Pleydon

  Cody fiddles with his bandages. He looks down.

  “What happened?” Kenny asks.

  Cody shrugs.

  “You went home to your aunt and uncle in the valley, yes?”

  “Yeah.”

  “And how did that go?”

  “It was alright.”

  “But, not so alright you wanted to stay.”

  “I’m not going to stay there all day and night like a prisoner.”

  “You were on house arrest?”

  “Might as well have been.”

  “And you went where?”

  “Just to the rez.”

  “Oh.”

  Cody shakes his head and looks at the ceiling. “These fuckin’ cops. They put their hands on me. They kicked me in the stomach and in the head. No one ever sees this. Pigs. How am I resisting arrest when they’re beating me? I swear, I’ll kill them if they ever touch me again.”

  “Alright.”

  “They just treat us like we’re dirty Natives. Like we’re drunk. I wasn’t even drinking.”

  “What about the MDMA?”

  “The what?” Cody starts laughing. “Whatever, man.”

  “So, who’s on the rez?”

  “What do you mean who? Everyone. My family, my cousins.”

  “You want to live there again.”

  “Just because I visit there doesn’t mean I want to live there. But, I am going to live there when this is all over, so whatever.”

  “Probation doesn’t want you there.”

  “They can’t keep me from my home. Fuck them.”

  “I really thought you were going to make it. You seemed hopeful when you left.”

  “Yeah, I was going to get back to school and get a job. I just wanted to relax first.”

  “Hmm, of course, you want to see family and friends.”

  Cody puts his hands behind his head, then folds his arms and covers his face. His voice is muffled. “They keep doing this to me. Fuck them. Why can’t they just leave me alone?”

  Kenny doesn’t respond. She thinks Cody is usually so controlled. He must be coming off some drugs.

  Cody continues, “It’s all corrupt, you know. They say they want to help you but they’re just paid to harass you. They want to get you on something big so they can throw you away for good. And keep all of these rats in jobs. These guys owe me for their jobs. I pay them. I basically pay them.”

  “Let’s focus on you. Why would anyone think you’re suicidal?”

  Cody glares at Kenny with tears in his eyes. “Oh, I don’t know. These fuckin’ bandages?”

  “I know,” she says. “But some people cut to feel better, some cut to kill themselves.”

  “What the fuck? I don’t know.” He sounds irritated.

  “Do you want to kill yourself?” Kenny asks.

  “I don’t know.”

  “Okay, that’s fine. How many times have you tried to kill yourself before?”

  “I don’t know. Once when I was 12.”

  “What was happening when you were 12?”

  “I don’t remember.”

  “What did you do?”

  “I would get drunk and stand in front of trains. And my friends would pull me out of the way. I hung myself on a tree outside my aunt’s once and they found me.”

  “You’ve never been on suicide watch here before or been to Mental Health, except for your meds with Dr. Mull.”

  “So?”

  “So, I’m wondering what happened out there for you to have this reaction. You were only out for less than a week. It sounds like things were okay with your aunt and uncle, then you went to party with some friends and family, and that would be nice, so ...”

  “So, I drink and I start using and then, don’t go home. And I miss my appointment with my PO. And she phones me and tells me she’s breached me and they have a warrant out for me and how I should turn myself in. So, fuck it. I’ll party until they pick me up. I’d rather be dead then come back here.” Cody sniffs and needs to blow his nose. He wipes it on his shirt.

  “What was this about being a Sun god?”

  “What? I don’t know. It made sense at the time.”

  “Are you seeing or hearing things that other people can’t see?”

  “Fuck, no. I’m not insane. Is that why I’m wearing these rags? These guys just want us to undress in front of them. I swear they get off on it.”

  “You could have been put in a strongsheet.”

  “These guys are skinners. Do you think we need this many strip searches? You take two steps and hey, it’s time for a strip search, again. I’m the one who’s crazy? They take off my clothes and put me in a bag and then watch me on the camera all night. Who’s the crazy one? I swear they jerk off to this stuff. It’s sick. They’ll let anyone work here.”

  Kenny stifles a smile and as she does so, she sees that Cody smiles a bit, too. She knows she is taking a chance to let him think he is entertaining her.

  “I feel like something else is going on though. You seem really down,” she says, but he doesn’t respond.

  She continues, “You’re a really strong person. You must have been pretty upset to do that to your arms.”

  Cody shakes his head and his eyes are full with tears again.

  “Okay, this is what I’m going to do. I’m going to leave you on suicide watch. I’ll tell staff that. So, that’s checks every 15. They’ll wake you if you don’t respond, okay? And I’m going to see you tomorrow. If you have a good night, they’ll give you your clothes in the morning, at least, and then you can come see me in the Rotunda, okay?”

  “Alright.”

  Kenny and Laura get up, and Kenny calls to Lucas to shut the door.

  Chapter 19

  THE FOLLOWING MORNING, Kenny crosses the Rotunda with Laura on her heels. The psychologist sighs audibly when she sees Dr. Mull approach School Control. Dunny is the staff today and Kenny feels her blood pressure rise. Dr. Mull walks over and greets Kenny and Laura.

  “Cody’s on suicide watch,” Kenny says to the psychiatrist, without greeting.

  “Is he? I thought we discharged him.”

  “He’s back. He had a good night and I told them to let him have his clothes. He’s still on watch, so we’ll do another assessment now.”

  “What do we have him on?” Dr. Mull asks.

  “I don’t know. Something for anxiety.”

  “Is Karen here?”

  “Yeah. He doesn’t have a history of cutting or suicide attempt, does he? I haven’t been working with him. You have.”

  “He’s the First Nations kid?” Dr. Mull asks.

  Kenny frowns. “Yes.”

  “Well,” Dr. Mull responds. “We should have previous assessments on his file. I don’t recall anything right now.”

  Kenny nods. “There’s nothing on file.”

  Dr. Mull looks at this watch. “We have clinic now. You can send him over to me when you’re done.”

  Kenny watches Dr. Mull walk toward the Mental Health wing. Her smile is stiff as she looks at Laura. “Okay, then.”

  Kenny asks Dunny at School Control to bring Cody. The staff says, “Why can’t you see him in Admissions?”

  “C’mon. It’s not very therapeutic.”

  “Someone will have to escort him.”

  “I have to assess him.”

  “You’ll have to wait.”

  Kenny studies Dunny’s face and then turns to wait with Laura. They sit on the chair in the centre of the Rotunda.

  “Sorry,” she says to Laura, sensing that her irritation toward Dunny may be interpreted as anger toward her student.

  Laura pulls at her shirt. “It’s okay.”

  “God, so tired,” Kenny says to Laura as more of an explanation of why she does not feel very interactive today. Lately, everything feels like a chore and explaining everything to her student feels like a burden. She is reminded again of why she hates supervi
sing. It is so much harder to disappear into her private thoughts with a grad student around watching her every move. Kenny feels guilty about her thoughts toward Laura. She inwardly cringes at the idea of how manic she can be around people initially and then suddenly desire nothing more than to retreat and never see that individual again.

  Kenny’s spirits lift as she sees Cody being escorted across the Rotunda. He is wearing his institutionals. He walks casually. His bandages are not noticeable beneath his navy sweatshirt.

  “Laura’s with us again today,” Kenny says and Cody answers, “Yep,” as they all go into the interview room and sit down.

  Cody’s eyes rest on Kenny. His right leg bounces slightly.

  “How was your sleep?” Kenny asks.

  “Shit. They kept waking me.”

  “How does your arm feel? I’m going to take you to the Health Unit after this for Karen to look at you. And Dr. Mull probably wants to see what’s up with your meds.”

  Cody says, “Yeah, I’m out.”

  “What are you taking, anyway?”

  “Fluvox.”

  “For what?”

  “Anxiety.”

  “You have anxiety?”

  “Yeah, man,” He looks at the floor and then stretches. “You don’t want to see me without it.”

  “What would you look like without it?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, what are you like without your meds?”

  “I don’t know. I can’t relax.”

  “Do you take them in the community?”

  Cody smiles. “Nah.”

  Kenny only nods. “How are you feeling this morning?”

  “Fine.”

  “You weren’t so sure last night.”

  “Whatever. I want to go back to my unit.”

  “Are you feeling suicidal? Do you want to hurt or kill yourself?”

  “No, fuck. I’m not some animal. What the fuck?”

  “Okay, well, we might leave you on watch when you go back to my unit.”

  Cody scratches his neck. “What for?”

  “Dude, you cut yourself up pretty bad less than 24 hours ago. You looked like shit yesterday. I don’t know what’s up.”

  Cody shrugs. His face is tense and he looks tired.

  “There it is again.”

  “What?”

  “Something’s bothering you.”

  “Nah.”

  “Did something happen when you were out? Did something go down that you can’t get out of.”

  “No clue what you’re talking about.”

  “Hmm. I want to see you in therapy.”

  Cody shakes his head. “You saw my cousin when he was here, eh?”

  “You know I can’t talk about other kids.”

  “He said you were alright. But it’s not for me.”

  “I think it is.”

  “What for? I’m not crazy.”

  “I didn’t say you were crazy. But I think you have a lot going on in that head of yours that you don’t tell anyone about.”

  Cody does not respond.

  “And sometimes that stuff stresses you out so much you hurt yourself.”

  Cody smiles and looks at the ceiling again and back at the floor. “Nah, man. It was nothing.”

  “I didn’t know you did MDMA.”

  Cody shrugs.

  “Oh. Or was it meth?”

  “I don’t touch that shit.”

  “You were partying on the rez.”

  Cody just looks at her.

  Kenny sighs. “So, you’re back for how long?”

  “A couple months.”

  “I can’t believe you got that long. I thought you only had arson charges.”

  “Yeah, but at a hospital.”

  “That was you?” Kenny says.

  “Yeah.”

  “Oh, right. The bomb threat slash arson thing. That was huge.”

  “Yeah,” Cody looks at Kenny.

  “Judges do not like that shit. And the abandoned buildings. That’s your thing, fire, eh?”

  “No,” Cody says. “People think that, but it’s not.”

  “You’ve set a lot of fires, though.”

  Cody laughs. “It’s not like I go out and I’m some pyro trying to set buildings on fire.”

  “Really? Because I know kids that set fires to dumpsters and garbage cans in schools and stuff.”

  “That’s stupid.”

  “And the hospital wasn’t stupid?”

  “Yeah, that was stupid. I didn’t even do anything.”

  “But the buildings … that was something different. I mean, you’re into bombs and shit.”

  Cody’s laugh echoes off the walls of the interview room. He shakes his head and looks at his hands. “Who said that?”

  “You’re not just walking into places and flicking your lighter on some garbage.”

  “That’s kid stuff.”

  “There’s a real science to it.”

  “To what?”

  “To making a fire.”

  “I’ve been making fires since I was a kid. When you’re out on the land.”

  “I mean, there’s a science to the arson.”

  “No, there’s not.”

  “To setting a building on fire, to making bombs and having it go down like you want.”

  Cody’s eyes narrow.

  Kenny feels her heart beat quicken. “And you’re good at it.”

  Cody’s eyes affix to the wall behind Kenny.

  Kenny says, “All that stuff’s on the internet, eh? How to make bombs and stuff.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Well, how did you learn?”

  “I didn’t learn. And I’m not telling you.” He looks at Kenny again.

  “You’ve already been charged and sentenced. You can’t be made more guilty just by talking to me.”

  Cody shrugs.

  “I’m serious. I’m interested.”

  “Because you want to bomb something?”

  Kenny smiles and leans back. “Maybe. You can’t see me at home making a bomb from some internet instructions?”

  Cody says, “Oh man. I can’t see you doing nothing. You probably don’t even drink. Well, maybe wine. You probably drink wine.”

  “That’s an interesting thing to say. Do you see that about me?”

  “Oh yeah, you have money.”

  “Oh, really?”

  “Yeah, how much do you make here?”

  Kenny smiles. “How come you won’t come into therapy with me?”

  “Fuck therapy.”

  “Have you had it before?”

  “No, and if anyone ever tried to get me do it, I’d be like, ‘I’m out!’”

  “You never connected with a counsellor or staff or teacher here?”

  “Fuck that.”

  “You couldn’t trust anyone.”

  “Nope.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you don’t really care about anyone here. You’re paid to care.”

  “I don’t think you’d believe anyone cared about you whether they were paid or not.”

  “Probably not,” Cody says.

  “Well, I respect that. Don’t tell people your business if it doesn’t feel safe.”

  “I won’t.”

  “So, that means we can talk about fire and bombs and stuff, though, right?” Kenny persists.

  “Why?”

  “You’ve studied it. I’m interested. Like how many bombs have you made?”

  “Why?”

  “Are they bombs like on tv? Where the car blows up or it’s on a timer or a wire or something?”

  “Nothing’s like tv.”

  “How confident are you that you can control how big it gets?”

  “Oh, I can control it.”

  “You know exactly what you’re doing,” Kenny comments.

  “Yes.” Cody sits back in his ch
air. He finally looks comfortable.

  “Do you stick around to watch it?”

  Cody laughs again. “Yeah, I get hard from it. Like, what the fuck are these questions?”

  “You watch it. You watch the building go down.”

  Cody stares at her. “Yeah.”

  “Hmm.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means you have serious mental problems and are a risk to society.”

  Cody claps his hands together. “Yeah?”

  “People used to think that fire setting had to do with a history of sexual abuse.”

  “I’m no skinner.”

  “No, that you were abused.”

  “If anyone ever touched me I’d slash their throat.”

  “Okay.” Kenny leans forward. “So, tell me, are there easy bombs and more complicated ones? Have you worked your way up to the more complex ones and to setting fire to bigger and bigger things? What’s the biggest thing you set on fire?”

  “I set a boat on fire. It was pretty big.”

  “Hmm.”

  “Something at a construction site. They built it again, and I burned it down again.”

  “Hmm. I’m interested in this. I really am,” Kenny says. This is where the satisfaction is for her. She loves the opposition and the challenge to build rapport. She feels the energy in the room change. The psychologist knows Cody is open to speaking to her for a while longer now.

  Chapter 20

  AFTER THE SUICIDE RISK ASSESSMENT, Kenny and Laura escort Cody from Admissions to the Health Unit for Karen to check his bandages and for medication review with Dr. Mull. The psychologist and student continue on to the Mental Health Unit. Kenny wants some time to think. When she’s in session her attention is completely seized. Time and the rest of the world do not exist. But the minute it ends, intrusive thoughts pop into her mind. She remembers her conversation with Lana Clearwater and her stomach falls.

  Kenny lies to Laura, “I have a headache. So I’m just going to rest my eyes in my office for a couple minutes. Do you have any questions?”

  “I just wondered why you talked about arson for so long. It seemed pretty detailed.” They reach the Mental Health Unit and Kenny walks Laura to the student office.

  “It’s something he’s interested in. It’s obvious he takes some pride in it. This is a domain where he feels successful. I let him teach me. It gives him some sense of control. I don’t think the fire-setting is cathartic; I think it’s instrumental, possibly malicious.”