Left In Good Spirits

by Anne Pleydon

  Noah looks at Eddie and still raises a hand to steady him.

  “I’m sorry,” Kenny says.

  “You think?” He laughs, but then he sees the kerosene can in her hand and sucks his teeth. He signals to Eddie to take his son and go. Eddie glares at Kenny and grabs Sonny by the back of his jacket collar. “C’mon.” The two of them exit out the back door.

  “I know what you were trying to do. Well done,” Kenny says.

  “Nah.” Something releases in his shoulders. Finally, someone has turned off the fire alarm. He comes out from behind his desk to stand in front of her.

  “So, you’re going back in. It’s fuckin’ over for you,” Kenny says.

  He breaks eye contact.

  She continues, “I feel like I got snowed.”

  “Nah.” His eyes are on hers again.

  “I either did or I didn’t.”

  “It ain’t like that.”

  “I feel like I was wrong about you.”

  “You weren’t wrong about me.”

  Kenny shakes her head and shrugs. “I know you remember.”

  Noah looks like he is 14 again. He almost shrugs. Once again she can see him hardly make eye contact with her as he comes across the yard. He has lost his privileges again.

  “I made a promise to you that I shouldn’t have made. It was wrong of me.” Her voice is soft, but her eyes are unyielding now.

  “It’s alright,” he returns. His voice is soft. And Kenny feels they are both back at Merivale. He is in seclusion for attempting suicide after hearing about his sister’s death. She is telling him she was sorry she wasn’t there, he said, “It’s okay, it’s alright.” It’s as though he can’t bear it when he hears how much she cares. Like it makes him feel guilty, unworthy.

  It is only then that his gaze falls to the trail of kerosene behind her. She sets the can down.

  “It’s time to make good.” She pulls the lighter from her jacket and she flicks it on to the floor.

  Noah’s eyes widen. He instantly rushes past her toward the initial flames and then stumbles back, raising an arm over his face. Kenny knows she needs to move fast. She slips out the same back office door as Eddie and Sonny. She passes no one on the back stairs that had illegally been chained off from the back of the club. She is certain she hears other steps following. Another body is coming out of the shadows colliding with the pack. Someone is fighting with Noah’s crew.

  Once outside, Kenny darts around the corner. Many of the clubbers are already out on the street after the first alarm went off. She just makes it to the back lot when a set of explosives go off. Cody’s lessons served her well. The fire alarm is triggered again. As the flames and heat fills the salt box, it is a matter of moments until the building is enveloped in large rolling red waves and black smoke. Another explosion blows the office and parts of the roof into the air. The last of the club goers spill out on to the streets screaming because of the chaos and excitement. They push back across the street. Others who had been out back are helping each other over the fence.

  At first, Kenny feels nothing and watches, but then the heat causes her to move back for even more distance from the building. Her hands push against her ears. It sounds like the building is growling and spitting angrily at the night air and falling snow. She runs, loses her balance, and falls. There is rubble and wood and the sky is falling. She lays face down on the ground. She tries to pull herself up but feels as though her spine won’t support her. She lays still for a moment.

  How much time has passed? It’s cold and she pulls the covers tighter around her shoulders. A cough. A man is lying next to her. She reaches out and her hand searches for the cuff of Daniel’s pajamas but instead she grips thick, dark blue denim. No movement. She inches toward his face.

  “No, how?” she says, sliding next to Baird, wiping the debris from his uniform and touching his face. He looks at her now and he props himself on one elbow. She grabs his hand. He holds his side and grunts softly.

  “What are you doing here?” she cries.

  His face is cut and red. His eyes fervently searching her face. “You’re not very smart, are you?” he says. She falls into him. He hesitates for a second, and then he is on top of her pressing his mouth to hers.

  “What the fuck?” The voice is hard and forceful behind them. Baird releases Kenny. Eddie is pointing a gun at them. His hand looks like it is shaking with adrenaline. Sonny is a couple paces behind him.

  “Yeah!” the young boy adds impetuously with eyes wide.

  Baird sits up holding his side, his eyes are black with rage. Eddie’s eyes widen with recognition of his former Merivale unit staff. “Was that you fucking up my boys?”

  Then, Kenny is up on her feet. Baird pulls at her leg as if to get her behind him but she won’t budge. She stands in front of Baird, her hands out, palms up. “Eddie.”

  “Fuck that,” he says and the back of his left hand meets her jaw. She reels backward as Eddie jumps on Baird. They both throw punches that don’t land. Eddie starts to beat Baird in the head with the butt of the gun over and over. “Where’s your Code Red now?” he spits at his old staff. Baird is overcome. There is blood everywhere.

  Kenny pushes away the ringing in her ear. She scrambles to her feet and rushes forward and is immediately shoved backward by Eddie and she falls to the ground. Eddie pauses and puts the gun against Baird’s temple.

  “No!” she screams.

  “Stop!”

  Eddie turns only his head to see Noah, covered in dirt and ash. His gaze falls on the gun in Noah’s hand. The presence of the weapons strikes Kenny paralyzed. She remains on the ground. Her eyes dart between the two former Merivale boys.

  Eddie slowly rises as Baird’s body lies dormant. He turns to Noah with his hands by his side.

  “What’s this?” he asks.

  “I don’t know. But you can’t.”

  Eddie grimaces. “You’re not fucking serious.”

  “Eddie, you can’t, man. Let’s just go”

  “Go where?” Eddie challenges. Noah shakes his head slightly. He doesn’t lower his gun. He points it straight at Eddie’s chest.

  Eddie raises his arms slightly and spits, “You gonna shoot me? Over this paid rat?” He gestures at Baird’s body with his gun. Then, he points at Kenny. “Over this bitch? They torched the place! You know that? You know how much money I lost up there?”

  “I’ll get your money.”

  “You’ll get me shit! I don’t know what you got going on with this bitch but this shit got real when she fuckin’ blew up my business.”

  “It’s not your business.”

  “What now? You fucking rat. You rat. Did you ask her to do this?”

  “Fuck right off.”

  “What is this shit?”

  Noah tells Eddie, “Toss over the gun.”

  “Fuck that cop shit. This shit ends here.” Eddie’s eyes widen and then narrow into deadly slits. “You gonna shoot me?”

  “I will if I have to.”

  “Do it. If you don’t, you’re dead already.”

  Sonny runs up beside Noah and screams, “Eddie! Eddie!”

  Eddie doesn’t take his eyes off of Noah. A small sneer plays on his lips as he hears Noah’s son continue to call for him instead of his father.

  “Sonny, get away from here!” Noah barks, pushing Sonny back with his free hand. Sonny disappears sobbing once more into the darkness.

  Suddenly, Baird springs up behind Eddie throwing his full weight and force against Eddie’s back while grabbing at his arms. Eddie’s gun flies forward skidding past Noah across the parking lot. Baird has Eddie on the ground. They are grappling but the staff has the advantage being on top and pinning the former Merivale youth to the ground. Baird bashes Eddie’s face into the pavement more than once. “Argh! Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Eddie groans as he begins to fatigue.

  Kenny can tell Noah is unable to look at Baird restraining Eddie. She knows t
hat one look at his friend being overrun by a staff would set off a reaction in him that could not be stopped. Instead, Noah seems to be focusing on the gun in his hand. He looks like he is 14 again at Merivale when a staff was hurt trying to respond to a fight he was in. Kenny is saying, “Really? You risk your outings and visits for this?” And he is crying because he has disappointed her but also he doesn’t hurt girls and fuck, it’s not his fault staff run when they fight. He had explained, “But he called me a bitch. I didn’t have a fucking choice.”

  “Noah,” Kenny calls him back as she rises to her feet. Noah looks at her. She knows he can feel how frightened she is for him. That he feels this is proof that she cares about him. He looks lost. As though he belongs to no one.

  Two quick gunshots ring out. Baird is the only one of them who doesn’t startle. He maintains his grip while Eddie strains his neck to look at Kenny and Noah. All four of them stare at each other, mystified, and listening as the sound of the gunshot reverberates into the night. The sound of sirens also begins to fill the air.

  Noah’s eyes turn upward and he drops heavily to the ground. Through the haze of the billowing smoke behind him stands Sonny with Eddie’s gun. The child’s face is wet with tears.

  “Oh my god,” Eddie says, his body lurching forward toward his friend as Baird releases him.

  Kenny and Eddie rush to Noah who writhes on his side. Noah moves to roll over to see his assailant but Kenny grabs hold of his shoulder. “No.” She runs her hand behind his head, turning it over to see dark red. She wipes her hand along her thigh then tries to examine his back. She tries to control her facial expression.

  Noah’s breath is short. He winces. He tries again to turn over and look behind him, and Kenny holds his shoulder and says, “You’re going to look at me right now,” and he does. His gaze locks on hers. His eyes register fear and then, as if he reads something in her eyes, he nods once. He is still now and doesn’t look away from her face.

  Eddie sits back on the ground. His face is bleeding from the rough pavement. He stares blankly at Sonny but doesn’t call to him. Sonny drops the gun, motionless, as though waiting for admonishment or praise.

  Baird touches Kenny’s shoulder. He grabs at her coat. “It’s time to go.” His voice is stern, urgent, as though he is leaving with or without her. But, Kenny cannot tear her eyes away from Noah’s face. Noah’s neck and back stiffen and he clutches at his legs at if trying to move them.

  “Don’t fuckin’ leave me here like this,” he chokes.

  She holds on to his sleeve. “I don’t know what to do.”

  Then, Noah’s eyes affix on hers, listening intently, waiting for her next words. She is acutely aware that she has never touched him before this moment. She shakes her head and rocks slowly. He watches the tears dripping down her face. His gaze falters and he says to her, “It’s good.” His head falls back and he is gone.

  Kenny’s legs are numb beneath her. She decides to sit there with him forever. The swirling condensation from her breath is the only movement between them. Baird grabs Kenny’s hand and yanks her hard to her feet and away from the scene. She closes her eyes and surrenders. It’s all darkness and underbrush, running through fields, across tracks. Kenny is only now able to hear the staff’s laboured breathing. Baird stumbles. He cannot make it much farther. It is getting impossible when finally Baird leads them to his truck. She helps Baird into the passenger side where he groans and collapses into a heap against the door after she slams it shut.

  Kenny jumps into the driver’s seat and starts up Baird’s truck. She notices only that it smells of him. She inhales deeply and feels a pull in lower stomach. She turns onto the darkened highway at first tentative with the gas. She doesn’t know where she is going.

  Chapter 44

  “HELLO?”

  "Dr. Halpin." His voice is warm and deep and fills her.

  "Mr. Baird. How are you doing?" Her hand is moist as it grips her phone.

  "Are you ever returning to work?"

  "How?"

  "Well, there's this thing called a car and you get in it and drive to Merivale."

  "You're kidding, right?"

  "No."

  "How can I?"

  "You already asked me that."

  "What are people saying?"

  "About what?"

  "Everything!"

  "There's nothing to say."

  "Isn't there … what about the review of the video?”

  "No."

  "How can that be?"

  He sighs, audibly.

  "Oh," she returns.

  "So, we have some kids to talk about."

  "I gave notice. I thought people would know by now."

  "You'll come back."

  "No, I won't. I mean, I should, I need to, just to get my stuff. But they probably won't let me in the building."

  "Who won't?"

  "Oh."

  "So, get your stuff."

  “But, what about ... You're still working there."

  "Yes, this is where I work."

  "You know what I mean."

  "No."

  "I already have job offers."

  "You have unfinished business here."

  "I'm not coming back. That's not happening. Ever."

  "Well, it was nice working with you."

  "You are impossible. Like putting my head through a wall."

  Another loud, slow sigh from the staff.

  "I mean, I'm not gonna see you again,” Kenny says.

  "You know where to find me."

  "I mean, outside of there."

  "Get your stuff today."

  "Where will you be?"

  "Here until my shift ends."

  "You've been stalking me, right?"

  "No."

  "So, you know where I live."

  "I have to go now."

  She smiles. "Okay, so I'll see you after your shift tonight."

  Silence.

  "Mr. Baird, I'm serious."

  "You need help." And he hangs up.

  Chapter 45

  KENNY SAYS NOTHING AND makes eye contact with no one as she is buzzed through to the Rotunda. Her eyes narrow and she glances from side to side. She collects a banker’s box of her stuff that someone has left for her at School Control. She gives staff there her fob and photo ID. She spots Dr. Mull shuffling behind her and watches as he quickens his pace past her toward the Health, Admin, and Mental Health Units. She takes note of his arm in a white cast as he disappears through the doors.

  Kenny rests the box of her belongings on her hip and sees two staff escorting a youth from the wing where Dr. Mull disappeared.

  She leans over to ask the School Control staff, “What’s that about?”

  “Cody. He was with healthcare. He’ll be in discipline for awhile.”

  “For what?”

  “The fire.” The staff answering her does not lift his eyes from his newspaper.

  “He’ll come round this way?”

  “We have four coming through admissions,” the staff says, “So, they’ll take him round the long way.”

  Kenny reels around and sees Cody approach her with two staff walking close behind him.

  “Doc! Are you gonna talk to me today?” the youth asks.

  “Put in a referral.”

  “Aw, c’mon. I ask to see you all the time. I see you here creeping. And you never come talk to me”

  “And how many times have I told you to put in a referral?”

  “What’s a referral?”

  “What’s with you going to discipline?” she asks, as the youth stands in front of her. The two staff wait by his side.

  “You know how it is”

  “You didn’t set that fire.”

  “I like fire.”

  “Who’s in discipline that you want to be talking to?”

  “Aah ha ha, Doc.”

  “That’s what I thought. They’ll charge you... Do
n’t do this.” She examines his face as though trying to memorize every bit of it.

  “So, you’re leaving, right?” Cody asks, making direct eye contact. For a second, there sounds like there is a hint of gravity and warning in his voice.

  “Yes. I’m leaving.” She adjusts the box of the last of her belongings in her arms.

  “Where ya going?” he asks.

  “To adult.”

  “MACC?”

  “Yes.”

  “Whatcha want to do that for?”

  “So, I can work with you when you get sent there.”

  “Never gonna happen.”

  “I’ll miss you,” Kenny says.

  “Nah, no one remembers me.” His mood is light again. “Or what I do.”

  Her eyes narrow for a moment. “Oh, I’m sure that’s not true.”

  “Hey, promise me you’ll remember me when you’re out there. On the east coast? The west coast? Sipping margaritas.”

  “What?”

  One of the staff nudges him and says, “Let’s go.” They walk with Cody and reach the door to the yard. Cody turns back to face Kenny, trying the staff’s patience, but they say nothing to re-direct him.

  “Promise me, Doc. Promise me!” he yells across the Rotunda. His voice echoes off the walls in blatant disregard for rules. He grins with arms open wide as though he has been bursting all along to reveal the punch line to a childish riddle. She smiles despite herself at his youthful exuberance but does not answer him. The staff take him outside and he is escorted hands free across the yard. Cody covertly signals to one of the boys on his unit how long he’ll be in discipline. He exaggerates a limp and brushes something imaginary off his shoulder. She gives a slow nod. He knows she’s watching.