Goddess of Pain

by Katie May

  “He said that you paid him and the others to kill me. Is that true?”

  Macabre satisfaction rushes through me when sweat beads on his forehead. His face drains of all color, as if he knows that the next few minutes won’t be pleasant for him.

  I’ll get my answers, even if I have to resort to unthinkable tactics. After all, I’m not human, and now that I know the truth, there’s no point in pretending.

  “I don’t…I don’t…” He spits out the sock and begins to shake his head rapidly, ugly tears racing down his cheeks.

  “Are you calling Desmond a liar?” I ask softly. When he doesn’t answer, I tentatively brush a piece of sweaty hair away from his face. Helio growls at the contact, almost as if I had rubbed Burke’s cock instead, but I ignore him. “Let’s play a game.”

  “Oh! I love games,” Sin sings from behind me. “Especially the ones that turn everyone against each other and end in a bloodbath. Is it Monopoly? Please say it’s Monopoly. I call the shoe!”

  “I’m the shoe, asshole,” Desmond quips. “You can be the dog.”

  “Em’s always the dog,” Avery adds immediately.

  Ignoring their verbal sparring, I feel my lips twitch upwards into a smile that’s made of nightmares. Nightmares and pain.

  “Let’s see how long you last until you give in,” I begin, caressing his cheek. “If you can last…say, one hour without confessing the truth, I’ll let you go. How does that sound?”

  It’s strange how quickly one can fall back into old habits. When I believed myself to be human, I was…nice. At least, I thought I was. I had numerous friends and smiled at everyone I met. People went out of their way to engage me in conversation.

  I would like to believe I’m still nice, still compassionate, but just with a skewed sense of right and wrong. Good and evil. Light and dark.

  The old me wouldn’t have tried justifying what she was about to do. She would just do it, damn the consequences. This new me hesitates briefly, wondering if there’s a better option. I don’t like inflicting pain, I never have, but this man wanted me dead.

  I need to know why.

  What if he goes after me again? What if he goes after my men or my brothers? The sooner I can solve this case, the sooner things—

  Well, they can’t really go back to normal, can they? I don’t even know what normal is anymore. The Realm of the Gods is where I belong, but my heart refuses to leave the friends and family I made here. My brothers.

  They already lost their father—our father. What would they do if they lost me as well?

  Shoving those thoughts to the side—to be unpacked at a later date—I channel my power down my arms and to my fingertips, still stroking Burke’s cheeks. And then, I unleash it.

  Before he can scream, Helio covers his mouth with his large paw. Still, his body thrashes in a desperate and futile attempt to escape the pain. The agony.

  His back arches on the wooden seat, eyes widening in anguish, but it only fuels something inside of me. Something dark and twisted and so incredibly fucked up, I don’t want to look at it too close.

  I release the hold on my power, and Burke slumps forward, snot dripping from his nose.

  Slowly, carefully, Helio removes his hand from Burke’s mouth.

  “Are you ready to talk?”

  “I don’t know anything,” he sobs. “Please let me go. I have a wife. Please.”

  I lift my hand, fully intending to give him another douse of pain, but he continues talking before my palm can connect. “She…she called me. Gave me the money. Told me I could keep half of it once I hired those specific four on the dark web. Please. I did it for my family. Please. I don’t know her name. I don’t know who she is. Please.”

  I turn towards Helio, and he gives me a subtle nod in response. So Burke isn’t lying. He’s not the mastermind behind this, just a pawn.

  “You took the money,” I reiterate slowly, “knowing that the price of it was someone’s death. My death. What type of person does that?”

  “Well, I do.” Sin moves to stand behind Burke, a wide grin on his painfully handsome face. I can’t help but note that he’s naked again. Really, really bad time for me to focus on his cock. “But then again, I’m not the one on trial.”

  Ignoring my eccentric mate, I turn towards Helio.

  “Deal with him,” I say firmly, knowing that he’ll use his powers to determine the appropriate punishment.

  His powers are different from the Goddess of Justice—his sister. Her punishments usually happen the day of…and usually by her own hand. Helio merely sets a string of events into motion. Sometimes, he’ll be the one to deliver the fatal blow. Other times, he’ll stalk from the shadows, wait until the person has been lured into a false sense of security, and then cause an accident that takes both his or her legs.

  You never know when karma is going to come back to bite you in the ass. Could be minutes from now. Could be years.

  But he’ll always come for you.

  Desmond shifts uncomfortably off to the side as Sin and Helio surround a whimpering Burke.

  I meet Avery’s gaze, and he offers me a conspiratorial wink, reading the intentions in my eyes.

  Before I can think better of it, I grab Desmond’s hand and stalk towards Avery’s room. Only when I’m inside—with the door shut and locked—do I wheel on my first lover. The first man who ever owned my heart.

  Crossing my arms over my chest, I level him with my darkest glare.

  “Desmond, I need to know,” I whisper, feeling incredibly small and vulnerable. “Do you not… Do you not love me anymore?”

  CHAPTER 15

  DESMOND

  It feels as if I’ve been sucker-punched.

  I stare into the eyes of the only woman I’ve ever loved—the woman who owns my mind, body, heart, and soul—and I feel myself begin to unravel. It’s like she holds the thread to my very genetic makeup and is lightly tugging on the string. Try as I might, I’m torn apart in the slowest, sweetest way imaginable.

  I should walk away from her, save us both the inevitable heartache, but I’m too enamored with having her near.

  She’s here.

  Trying to look past the plethora of emotions threatening to consume me, I force a cheerful smile on my face.

  “Why would you think that?” I inquire breezily.

  In answer, she places her hands on her hips and levels me with an icy glare. But, just before that, I saw a flash of vulnerability, there and gone faster than a shooting bullet.

  Because of me.

  Because of what I—the one person who’s supposed to love her irrevocably through all of time—did.

  “You’re avoiding eye contact,” she huffs. “Refusing to touch me.”

  I shouldn’t be surprised that she’s so perceptive. It’s always been an admirable trait of hers.

  But how can I tell her the truth?

  “You want eye contact?” I maintain my customary crooked smirk as I place my hands on her shoulders and lower my face to hers. Fuck, she’s so beautiful. With her golden skin and pitch-black locks, she radiates an inner light, one I want to lock in a jar and never remove from my sight. “Here’s your eye contact.”

  “Des,” she warns, her tone acerbic, almost bitter. “Just tell me the truth.”

  It’s suddenly too much for me. Unable to maintain her piercing stare, I lower my head and scratch at the back of my neck. My shaggy brown hair falls across my face, obscuring her completely from view.

  My mind drifts to one of my first meetings with Emily, back in the Realm of the Gods. I knew even then that she was the one for me.

  “DO you expect me to believe that?” the goddess huffs, her long skirts cascading around her ankles. Today, Emily has her hair brushed back into an intricate braid woven with flowers. And though it’s gorgeous, I would much rather have her hair around her shoulders, rumpled from a bout in the sheets.

  It’s only been two weeks, and I’m already borderline obsessed with this girl.


  “Twenty men. All armed,” I insist. “It only took me ten minutes to disband them all.” I can’t help but flex my biceps for added emphasis. After all, I’m not the God of Combat for nothing.

  Emily stares at my muscles intently, lips puckered as if she ate something sour, before she shrugs and turns away.

  “I’ve seen better,” she declares with feigned nonchalance.

  “Oh, really?” I hedge. When she continues walking, a sly smirk on her kissable lips, I lunge forward and yank her over my shoulder.

  “Desmond!” she squeals, laughing.

  “Do you want to take back your earlier statement?” I begin to tickle her sides relentlessly, and her gorgeous giggles fill the empty halls of the palace.

  “Nope!”

  Before I can stop myself, I lift my hand and slap it down on her ass. Hard. She freezes, and I worry my impulsive behavior has ruined the best thing to have ever happened to me. I open my mouth to apologize, to beg for forgiveness, when she smacks my own ass.

  A snort escapes me unbidden, especially when she releases a pained mewl.

  “Fuckkkkk,” she whines. “Your ass is hard.”

  “Oh is it?” Still holding her over my shoulder, I strike a pose, placing my free hand behind my head and cocking my elbow out at a ninety-degree angle.

  Of course, that’s when a fleet of Emily’s soldiers turn the corner. Her giggles increase as I continue to hold my ridiculous pose.

  “Want some of my hard ass, boys?” I jest to the men, spinning on my heel to flash them said butt.

  “You’re ridiculous!” Emily says between laughter, and I finally—reluctantly—set her back on her feet in front of me. Her hair has finally come out of that damn braid, loose tendrils framing her angelic face.

  “You know what’s ridiculous?” I ask, glancing over my shoulder to ensure the soldiers have left.

  “Your hard ass?” she questions seriously, and I smirk.

  “That I haven’t kissed you yet.”

  Her pupils dilate as her breathing turns choppy. When she tilts her face up, maintaining eye contact the entire time, my heart begins to thunder.

  Like a man possessed, I lean forward to devour her lips with my own.

  It’s our first kiss of millions.

  “DESMOND,” she asks now, irritation lacing her tone. She takes a step closer until her bare feet are on top of mine. This moment feels eerily familiar, and I have the strangest sense of déjà vu, like we’ve had this exact same argument before. “Do you still love me?”

  With a grunt, I wrench my gaze away from her and begin to pace. She watches me with unerring intensity, and I can’t help but melt under her gaze.

  Fuck, I love her.

  Which is why I’m going to break her heart.

  “You don’t remember this, it’s obvious you don’t,” I ramble, forking my fingers through my too long hair. It’s in desperate need of a trim, but I haven’t really had the time between the combat classes I taught and…of course…killing people.

  “Remember what?” she blurts, exasperated.

  “We fought.” I whirl around to face her, my stomach a tumultuous mixture of dread and despair. Will she hate me?

  Her confused expression clues me in that she really doesn’t remember our most recent argument.

  And a twisted part of me wants to keep it that way. How easy would it be to take her in my arms and kiss her senseless? Love her the way I’m so desperate to do? But it’s not fair to her, and I’ll hate myself forever.

  “In the Realm of the Gods,” I swallow down a lump the size of Texas, “you found me in a…compromising position.”

  Confusion appears in her eyes before something shatters. That’s the only word I can think to use to encapsulate the moment. Like a ball being thrown at a mirror, her entire expression shuts down, replaced by a haunting despair. A part of me dies inside when she aims that despondency at me.

  “You cheated on me?” she whispers.

  “No!” I shake my head vehemently. “It wasn’t like that.” I curl my hands into fists at the unpleasant memory rushing to the surface.

  “Then what?” she demands. “If you didn’t cheat on me, why do you feel such guilt? Why are you ignoring me?” Anguish emanates from her eyes, and I long to kiss the furrow between her brow. Her pain is my pain, it always has been.

  “I don’t know what happened.” My voice is barely audible, nothing but a brush of air. “We were talking, and then she just…kissed me.”

  I remember the shock when her cold lips touched mine. That shock was instantly replaced by panic and anger. I pushed her away, but not fast enough.

  Emily still saw the kiss.

  “You saw it,” I confess raggedly. “And you…well, you ran. And the next thing I know, we’re here.”

  Getting my memories back is both a blessing and a curse. I don’t want to remember the torment I felt when I searched the castle grounds for her, calling her name. The pain flaying me open when I recall the betrayal in her gaze.

  “Did you…” She clears her throat and turns away, almost as if it’s too painful for her to stare directly at me. “Did you kiss her back?”

  “No,” I declare adamantly. “Of course not. I’m loyal to you and only you.”

  Most of the gods and goddesses I know have had numerous relationships and affairs over the years, but not me. Never me. The thought is too surreal to even think about. I’m in love with Emily, the Goddess of Pain, and I’m determined to prove that devotion to her every damn day of my life.

  She curses abruptly, kicking out at Avery’s overflowing hamper. “Who the fuck does Athena think she is?” she seethes, red blotches appearing on her cheeks.

  “Athena?” I query, and when she whips her head to stare at me, I wish I would’ve kept my mouth shut. However, I’m determined to give her the complete and utter truth, even if that truth may destroy her. “Rebecca was the one who kissed me.”

  Her mouth opens, closes, and then opens again. She seems at a loss for words, those large eyes of hers blinking rapidly. A single tear cascades down her cheek, and I don’t hesitate to kiss it away. She trembles, almost as if she wishes to cower, but she doesn’t. My girl is too brave, too stubborn.

  “My best friend?” she whispers, voice soft. Sad. Broken. “That Rebecca?”

  It shocked me as well. I’ve known Rebecca just as long as I’ve known Emily, and I always considered her a little sister.

  At my barely perceptible nod, she releases a hushed sob. Lowering her face to her hands, she asks, “Do you have feelings for her?”

  “No!” I capture both of her wrists, forcing her to turn towards me with tear-soaked eyes. “None. I promise you, Em. None. I’m in love with you and only you.”

  “Then why are you hurting me like this?” she sobs. “Why are you pushing me away?”

  “Because it’s my fault!” I snap, releasing her and pacing the width of the room. “We fought…and then we got dropped into this new world with no memories. I should’ve been there for you! I should’ve been the one who protected and cared for you all of these years, not Avery. I forgot about you! And it’s probably what I deserve, after all. I have to wonder if Helio played a part in this. Losing you…it’s karma for what I did and the pain I caused you.”

  “Desmond—”

  “I tried to kill you!” I interrupt, my anguish bleeding through. “I tried to hurt the only person in this world I give a damn about. How can I live with that? How can you live with that? I can’t help but think that none of this would’ve happened if I had just… Fuck, I don’t know!” I scratch at my neck as pain and panic consume me.

  “Des, listen to me.” She grips my face between her small, dainty hands, and I can’t help but lean into her palm. “This is not your fault, and I don’t blame you for any of it. Rebecca kissed you. You didn’t kiss her back. You didn’t betray me. And what happened to us? That was not your fucking fault. I don’t blame you for what happened last night either. You didn’t remember me—”<
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  “But…” I cut in, helpless. “But I should’ve. Helio must’ve had some inkling of what you meant to us—what you mean to us. Same with Avery.”

  “I. Don’t. Blame. You.” She pushes up onto her tiptoes. “Do you still love me?”

  “More than anything,” I whisper.

  “Our time here…it changed us,” she admits shakily. “And I think in some ways, that change has been good. I grew closer to Avery—” When I make a noise of protest, she hurries on, “That’s a good thing, Des. I’ve always loved him, but now, our relationship is bathed in friendship. Before, it was lust and respect, but it’s something other now, something even more beautiful. I refuse to believe that only bad things have come out of this. We found each other, all of us, and we’ll get through this. I don’t blame you for what you tried to do to me, and I sure as fuck don’t blame you for what that traitorous bitch did.” For a brief moment, anger and hatred darkens her face, making her almost unrecognizable.

  The need to assuage my guilt dissipates with a new need—proving my love to my goddess.

  This time when I smile, it’s not tainted by sadness or guilt. It’s wicked and sensual, and her answering one causes goosebumps to ripple on my flesh.

  “On a scale of one to murder, how pissed do you think Avery will be if we…?” I nod towards his rumpled bed sheets.

  “If we what?” She grins mischievously as she slowly backs up. “Have a pillow fight?”

  “As long as we’re naked,” I jest.

  Emily surprises the shit out of me when she quickly tugs down her pants and panties and then whips her shirt and bra over her head. My breath hitches as I stare at her delectable, perfect body. Even with the return of my memories, it’s like I’m seeing her for the first time.

  Her breasts are easily a handful, the nipples beaded nubs that I yearn to put in my mouth. When she skips forward, they bounce enticingly, causing my cock to become rock hard. I’ve always been a boobs man.

  “Well?” She lifts a brow and cocks her hips to the side.

  “Well what?” I try to lift my head to meet her eyes, I honestly do, but I can’t pull my gaze away from her heaving chest.